Commander Ikari and Rei were sitting at the small NERV cafeteria, sharing a modest dinner. They met like this a few times a week. This was not a widely known habit, since neither Ikari or Rei were very sociable and few people paid any attention to what they did on their own time. Dr. Akagi knew, though, and had discretely pointed out that maybe the commander was spending an inappropriate amount of time on the girl. After all, rumours were already buzzing around, and the two of them being seen together after working hours would hardly help matters. But none of them had anyone else. Rei was raised at NERV. Her closest relatives were floating in a tank of LCL in the depths of the Geofront. And the commander was...well, he was the commander. To Rei he was a father of sorts, even more so than he was to his own son, the Third Child. A cold and distanced father, maybe, but then Rei was a cold and distanced daughter. They shared a silent friendship, and neither of them could have cared less about what was being whispered in the corridors about them. Tonight, Ikari could see Rei had something on her mind. Having known the introvert girl long enough, he could read the discrete signs in her behaviour. She was shuffling her food around on her plate, and she spoke very little, even less than usual. Her thoughts were busy elsewhere. But he wouldn't ask her about it. If there was something she wanted to say, she would do so in time. In another couple of minutes Rei placed her sticks neatly side by side on the plate, thus officially ending her meal. Then she looked up at the commander, who met her eyes. None of them found the prolonged eye contact uncomfortable or embarrassing. "Commander," she said. She never addressed him as anything else. "how do you know when you're in love?" Ah. The issue with boys. Ikari nodded inwardly. Of course, it was just to be expected. She was growing up. Her hormones should be running rampart. He smiled a little, and his thoughts wandered to when he had himself met the one and only love of his life. "It will be the strangest feeling you will ever have felt." he said, after thinking a few seconds. His voice softened as his eyes looked back through the years. "You feel very nervous whenever she is around, yet you feel that you need to be near her all the time. When she isn't around, everything seems empty and meaningless. You find yourself smiling a silly smile when you think about her. And there's this...hole," he held a hand against his chest, "in your heart, that can only be filled by holding her close." He then silenced, images of the past dancing through his mind. Had any of his subordinates heard this tirade, they would not have recognised the commander. He was generally held for a sullen bastard. But there was one subject that Ikari would talk about with passion, and that subject was love. After all, that was, in the end, why he became the commander of NERV. Rei nodded, barely visible, and lowered her eyes. Ikari, sensing that this was not the end of the matter, decided to ask the big question. "Are you in love, Rei?" Hesitantly, an answer came. "I think so." "Who?" There was a pause, then: "Pilot Souryu." Ikari blinked. He usually prided himself with being impossible to surprise, but this came pretty damn close. This is going to affect the scenario. he thought. Then : At least she can't get pregnant. "Is it wrong?" There was the slightest hint of desperation in the girl's voice. "I know it's not normal..." The commander quickly gathered himself, realizing that what Rei needed right now was approval more than anything else. "No, no. It's not wrong. It's just...not usual." Pausing, Ikari looked at his young protégé. She had never seemed nervous before, but now she did. "Does Asuka know?" Rei slowly looked up. Her lips moved, but no words came. Then, finally, she said: "I don't know..." --- Asuka woke up with a surprised gasp. Sitting up, she shoot a quick look at her bedside clock. She had to be up in two hours. With a sigh she fell back into bed. That dream again. Only, this time it hadn't been so upsetting. In fact, it had felt...welcome. Too tired to think about what this meant, Asuka fell asleep once more. --- In a small apartment a few blocks away, Rei too was woken by a dream. For a few confused moments she stared at the ceiling, trying to remember what it had all been about. She had been pulled under the water, but for some reason she hadn't tried to get up. She had felt strangely...detached. She hadn't cared about drowning. She could also remember blue eyes, looking at her. Hypnotizing her. Feeling lonely for the first time in her life, Rei curled up in bed and tried to go back to sleep. --- Thursday afternoon. Rei was walking down an empty school corridor. Most other students had either gone home or were attending afternoon classes. Rei had no more classes today, but there were synch tests after school, and that was an hour away. So now she walked aimlessly through the corridors, hoping to maybe run into those blue eyes that haunted her dreams. They had still not exchanged a single word, and Souryu had seemed to be consciously avoiding her all day. Rei's mind wasn't used to handling all the emotions now associated with the other girl. She felt ignored, and it made her sad. It also made her nervous in a way she couldn't quite define, as if at any time she'd wake up and find it all just a dream. She had to talk to Souryu. Maybe call her today after the tests. Tell her how she felt. Or maybe she should wait, maybe ask the commander for some advice. Or she could write it down, leave a note in Souryu's locker. Or... Lost in her thoughts, Rei failed to see the figure standing in the doorway to an empty classroom, until a slender hand suddenly reached out, grabbed her by the shirt and pulled her inside. Her surprised yelp was quickly silenced by a mouth covering hers. The door slid shut, and was locked from the inside. --- That Friday passed in mostly the same fashion as the last one, only this time it didn't surprise either of them nearly as much. --- It was Monday once again. Now more than a week had passed. Still no words had been spoken. Asuka hadn't relaxed for a second during the weekend. Her concentration had quickly deteriorated. Although she couldn't remember any of her dreams clearly, she was pretty sure about their contents. She had also found herself being unable to think about anything but Ayanami's blood red eyes, that strange blue hair, her pale skin... And now Ayanami wasn't at school. What Asuka felt at this wasn't really disappointment. It wasn't really irritation either. It did upset her greatly, though. It wasn't what she expected. It wasn't what she wanted. It wasn't what she needed. It was lunchtime. Asuka was sitting in a corner by herself in the school yard, feeling edgy. Maybe Ayanami would show up after lunch. At least she had to be there for the tests at NERV. Ayanami never missed out on the synch tests. Well, not often, anyway. "Hey, Asuka," a cheerful voice exclaimed, "so here's where you're hiding!" Hikari was making her way towards Asuka. She was carrying a small bento. Asuka greeted her with an absentminded nod as the class rep seated herself next to her. After settling down, Hikari went on. "Say, why did you sneak of by yourself?" "I just..." Asuka pulled a hand through her hair. "I just felt like being alone for a while. But it's alright now." "Asuka." Hikari's voice suddenly turned serious. "Is something wrong? You know you can talk to me." Not you too. "What?" Asuka tried to smile, but somehow failed halfway. "Why would anything be wrong?" "I'm your friend, Asuka." Hikari leaned a little closer. "I've noticed how you've been acting lately." "C'mon! 'I've noticed how you've been acting...'You sound like Misato. It's nothing, really." "It's nothing? You've been completely out of focus for a week! You don't pay attention to things, like you're in a world of your own! You disappear without saying a word! And the way you acted during biology last week! And don't tell me it's that time of the month, I know you too well. You're acting weird." Hikari paused. "And you don't talk to me anymore..." Asuka looked up, and saw the pain in her friend's eyes. "Hikari, I..." I what? "...I can't explain, not right now, but..." "What? What is it you can't explain?" Asuka took a deep breath, and thought for a few seconds before she spoke. "Look, I know you're concerned, alright? And I appreciate that. But...this is very personal. And I'm fine! Really. I'm not being abused, or doing drugs or anything like that. I'm fine. And...and I'll tell you about it sometime, okay? Just not right now." There was silence between them for a while, then Hikari reached out and took Asuka's hand in hers. "You sure?" "Yeah." "I'm here if you want to talk about it." "I know. I know." --- Ayanami hadn't been at the synch test. Asuka sat watching the giant form of Unit 02, feeling like she had been cheated of something. Shinji was already in the shower. Commander Ikari stood some way off talking to Dr. Akagi. He hadn't said a word about Ayanami's whereabouts, which meant he probably already knew why she wasn't present. After all, he was the only one who cared to keep track of the unpredictable albino girl. Well, until recently the only one. Asuka got to her feet, and walked over, placing herself at a respectable distance from the commander and the doctor. As he finished, and Dr. Akagi left, Asuka approached him. "Excuse me, commander?" "Pilot Souryu." He turned around, as if expecting her. "What can I do for you?" Asuka hesitated, suddenly nervous under the man's cool gaze. Discrete. Be discrete. "Where was Ayanami today? I sort of missed the competition." "She's not feeling well. I relieved her of her duties for today. She is at her residence." "Oh." Pause. "Okay...thank you, commander." Just as Asuka turned to leave, the commander said, as if pointing out a fact: "She might appreciate a visitor." --- Asuka sat in the living room sofa, zapping aimlessly between TV channels. She actually had homework to do, but she couldn't concentrate on it. She hadn't seen Ayanami at all today. Shinji was fixing up dinner, but Asuka didn't feel very hungry. Food wasn't what she wanted right now. With an sigh she turned off the TV and threw the remote down on the sofa next to her. Then she sat, staring into the blank screen, trying to reach some sort of conclusion. I know what I need. Ten seconds later she was in her room, trying to find an address book and a street map. --- Her apartment was a tiny thing, barely more than a bedroom and a closet. Rei had spent the entire day there. She wasn't sick, or tired, an otherwise valid excuse to skip school. It had just taken longer than she thought to gather up the courage she needed. This morning she had made up her mind to get to school at lunch, so she could talk to Souryu during the break. She would use the time until then to come up with what to say. Then, all of a sudden, it was twelve o'clock and Rei wasn't a bit more prepared than at eight. So she had waited a few more hours, intent on catching Souryu after today's synch test. Then she had got nervous, and called up the commander, telling him she was unfit to participate in any tests today. He had reminded her to not forget about her duties, but had otherwise not made a big issue of it. Now she was planning on calling Souryu. Any minute now. She just needed a little more time first. Or...maybe the phone wasn't suitable. Maybe they should have this conversation face to face. Tomorrow. After school. There was a knock at the door. Surprised, Rei got up from the bed where she had been lying. She never had any visitors, besides occasionally commander Ikari, and that once when the Third Child had been over. It was probably the commander, come to check on her. But it might be her. The door slid open. Rei's heart skipped a beat. It is. --- Twenty minutes later. None of them had said anything. They were both in Rei's bed, the sheets ruffled. Their breath had returned to normal, and they now lay close, staring into each other's eyes. Asuka was at peace, the day's nervousness and frustration swept away. Those red eyes were locked with hers once more, noticing her every motion, paying attention to nothing else. I can't get enough of those eyes. Rei's heart was fluttering in her chest. Once again those blue eyes had hypnotized her. Once again that touch had chased away all conscious thought. I must tell her. Asuka cupped Rei's face in her hands, leaning closer. As a pair of lips brushed against hers, Rei whispered: "I love you..." Asuka pulled back, her eyes wide and her mouth slightly open. Love? This wasn't what she had imagined, that Friday afternoon an eternity ago. Was this right? No, not love. It couldn't possibly... Didn't the poor girl know the difference between sex and love? Love wasn't what she wanted. Just...attention. Recognition. That's what she had been searching for. That was what she had found. This wasn't love. This was just... Tears were slowly forming in those red eyes, tears of relief from finally having confessed, tears from the confusion she still felt inside. "I love you." Rei whispered again. Asuka stared into her eyes. She's crying. Wondergirl's crying. For me. ...complete and utter attention. A need she couldn't explain. Something she couldn't live without. And finally, it dawned on Asuka exactly what it all meant. Exactly what she had seen in those red eyes that Friday in the locker room. "Rei." The girl blinked through her tears, looking lost and confused. Asuka gently placed finger on top of her lips. "Hush." She needed no words.
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