No Words (part 1 of 3)

a Neon Genesis Evangelion fanfiction by Landgren

Two swimsuit-clad figures sped through the water, one in red, one in 
white. They were side by side, heaving themselves forward with great, 
powerful strokes. People at the poolside were cheering them on, not 
that either of them noticed. All the other swimmers were left far 
behind. This was a race of two.

The finish line was coming up. Somewhere inside, the red figure seemed 
to find one more ounce of strength, and slowly, slowly started to pass 
her white counterpart. Then the edge was there, and she reached it 
with one precious meter to her advantage.

Both girls clung to the edge of the pool, panting, catching their 
breath while waiting for the others to come in. The winner turned to 
face the defeated.

"You're getting slow, Ayanami." she said, through gasps of air, 
pulling away her goggles and cap. Underneath were a pair of blue eyes 
and long, silky, red hair, adorning a slim face that shone of pride 
and not a small amount of gloating, lips curved in a patronizing 
smile. Asuka Souryu Langley, designated Second Child by the Marduk 
institute, pilot of Unit 02. The object of desire of almost all the 
boys at school. Not that she would date any of them, mind you. That 
would be below her dignity.

Her opponent removed her goggles and blinked, staring at the results 
displayed on a screen above the pool. Her eyes were red, her skin 
almost white enough to blend with her swimsuit. There was no hint of 
emotions in her face, save the slightly parted lips. Rei Ayanami, 
First Child, pilot of Unit 00. Also class freak, albino and withdrawn 
on the verge of autistic. Cute, maybe, but regularly avoided by almost 
everyone.

She looked back at Asuka. 

"Yes. A little." With that, she heaved herself out of the water. Asuka 
made a grimace and looked the other way. To her left, Hikari Horaki 
was floating lazily, eyes closed, taking deep breaths.

"Damn doll, I can't stand her." Asuka said. Hikari opened one eye and 
glanced at her.

"Rei?" 

"Yeah."

Her friend flipped over and stood up, then shook her head.

"I can't believe you're still angry at her for last Thursday. Aren't 
you being a bit childish?"

"It's not about that!" Asuka snapped. Well, maybe it was. Just a 
little. Last Thursday had been rather humiliating. "I just can't stand 
her, that's all. She's always so damn patronizing. Acts like she's the 
only person in the world." Asuka snorted and looked over her shoulder 
at the object of her displeasure. "Just look at her. She wouldn't even 
be an Eva pilot if the commander wasn't hot on her. I bet she has a 
lot of 'personal training' at his place."

"Asuka!" Hikari exclaimed. "That's gross. What's the poor girl done to 
you anyway? It's not like she's ever had a chance to insult you or 
anything. I mean, she's rarely said more than five words at once to 
you."

Asuka frowned, but said nothing. She was watching Ayanami. She was 
standing some distance away from the other girls, staring out through 
the poolside windows. Her cap was removed, and her hair, cut just 
below the jaw, hid all features save for the thin line of her mouth. 
Her hair was coloured light blue, a colour that certain rumours 
claimed to be her natural. It was still just a rumour, since none of 
the girls in the class had bothered to get close enough to confirm it. 
Asuka's frown deepened.

"Fuckin' doll." she muttered. 

--- 

Last Thursday was actually what it was all about. Asuka had always 
been more or less irritated by Ayanami' strange behaviour. The girl 
rarely spoke, but when she did she always said exactly what was on her 
mind. This tended to kill any and all attempts of conversation made in 
her presence. She wasn't particularly good in school, except for 
gymnastics, and the teachers found her just as strange as her 
classmates did. She didn't have many friends, probably none at all in 
school, and the only person she talked to in anything but single 
sentences was the commander. And she never, ever showed as much as a 
single emotion at anything. 

Hikari's opinion was that this was a sort of self-preservation, a way 
for Ayanami to shield herself from a harsh reality. An attitude that 
made her an outcast, while at the same time making her able to cope 
with it. Hikari was sure that Ayanami had had a very tragic childhood, 
and that this was the only way she knew to defend herself.

Since last Thursday though, Asuka knew better.

--- 

It had been a stupid mistake on Asuka's side. Not that she would ever 
admit it. They had had swimming on PE again. Asuka had made a running 
dive into the pool, without bothering to check if anyone was there. 
Ayanami had been, and Asuka had hit her as she went in. Pretty bad, 
too. It was pure luck the First Child didn't break any bones. Asuka 
had gotten away with a sore wrist. 

After they had dragged the half-drowned girl out of the water, the 
teacher was furious. Asuka couldn't remember half of what the woman 
said, but knew she didn't want to hear it ever again. It had been 
shocking to se the normally calm PE teacher so mad. Then she had made 
Asuka apologize to Ayanami. 

But as she stood there, blushing enough to match her hair, still 
scared out of her mind from being chewed out by the teacher, 
stuttering out an apology to Ayanami who had just finished coughing up 
a few gallons of water, the albino just stared at her. She wasn't 
frightened by her near-death experience, she wasn't moved by the 
concern everyone suddenly showed her, she wasn't glad to have Asuka 
apologize or spiteful to see the queen of school being put down in 
front of her. She just looked at Asuka with that blank face of hers, 
and nodded. And twenty minutes later she was back in the pool and 
swimming like nothing had happened.

She really didn't care. It wasn't an act she put on, she honestly did 
not care. Realizing this, Asuka finally understood what it was she 
couldn't stand about the blue-haired girl. And realization only made 
it more obvious and even more irritating.

Ayanami didn't care about her. Sure, there were many persons people 
didn't care about, but she was Asuka Souryu Langley. Top notch Eva 
pilot. A collage graduate at age 14. Beautiful, brave and strong. 
There were boys who would kill to get a date with her. And girls who 
would kill to be her.

And Rei Ayanami didn't care. The lowest of the low in the school 
hierarchy. With a snowball's chance in hell of finding a date for the 
school ball. Lacking any life outside Eva. Outdone by Asuka in every 
way, even at the only thing she was any good at, piloting. And she 
didn't care. When Asuka taunted her for her poor results, she didn't 
even shrug. When Asuka beat her rate in every synch test, again and 
again, she didn't get frustrated. Asuka couldn't get in her face. To 
Ayanami, Asuka was as important as some no-name off the street.

And that was unacceptable. Asuka wasn't just anyone. She wasn't 
someone to ignore. Everyone, everyone, paid attention to her. Who was 
Ayanami to think she could be an exception?

--- 

Thursday, one week after the incident with Ayanami. Asuka was sitting 
in her room, twiddling with a piece of paper in her hands. It was a 
math test. They had gotten their results back after lunch. She had 
received a full mark. Ayanami had failed, the only one in the class to 
do so. To rub it in, Asuka had asked her if she wanted to trade. Then 
Ayanami had just watched her with that dead look of hers and said that 
the teacher wouldn't allow it. 

With a snarl Asuka tore her test in two and tossed it in the paper 
bin. Somewhere inside, a decision that had been growing for the last 
couple of weeks was finally made.

"Misato!" she called out. After a few moments her guardian poked her 
head through the door.

"Yeah?"

"I won't be home for dinner tomorrow. Me and Hikari are going to the 
movies after the synch test."

"Oh. Okay." Misato nodded hesitantly. "I was planning on inviting the 
Ritsuko over, anyway, and I guess you'll survive without spending the 
evening having to listen to us chat about old times, eh?"

Asuka gave an amused chuckle.

"Very much so, yes."

"Thought so. Oh, and dinner's ready in a few minutes."

"You or Shinji cooking?"

Misato gave her a dumbfounded look.

"Shinji, of course." she said, as if there was no other possibility.

"Right. I'll be there in a second."

Misato nodded, then closed the door and left. When she was well beyond 
hearing, Asuka grabbed the phone and hit the quick-dial button to 
Hikari. A few signals went through, then a familiar voice answered.

"Hello?"

"Hi, it's me."

"Oh, hi, Asuka. What's up?"

"I need to ask you a favour."

Hikari paused a moment, obviously surprised by the quick approach.

"What?"

"Well..." Asuka took a deep breath. "You're still going to that party 
tomorrow, right? At Touji's place?"

"...yeah." Hikari lowered her voice. "I wanted to talk to you about 
that. See, I've convinced dad that I'm going to the movies with you. 
He'd go berserk if he knew..."

"Good. Great. Now, if anyone asks, I need you to say that I was with 
you the entire evening."

There was another surprised pause at the other end.

"Why wouldn't I? As I said, dad would be..."

"I don't mean just your dad, I mean anyone. If anyone asks, I was with 
you. At the movies. Watching Cleopatra. Okay?"

"...sure, but why?" Hikari didn't sound very sure.

"Just do this for me, okay?"

"...okay."

"Great. I gotta go, dinner's calling. Bye."

"...bye."

Asuka hung up and sighed. She glanced at the torn rests of her test. 

In the novel Frankenstein, the monster says, on the subject of 
affection, 'If I can't be loved, I will be feared'. Asuka didn't know 
about the love, but the fear part was just too tempting.

--- 

Friday afternoon. Asuka was standing in a dark corridor outside the 
NERV bath, watching Ayanami through the small, high-set windows. The 
girl was swimming laps on her own, back and forth, back and forth. 
Ayanami always stayed late after synch tests. This had given rise to 
all sorts of rumours, most of them involving the commander, but as far 
as Asuka could tell Ikari had just exchanged a few words with the 
albino after the test and then left with the others. Since then, 
nothing exceptional had happened, and Asuka was starting to get quite 
irritated from waiting. She had been standing out there, more or less 
hiding, for just under an hour.

The day had passed rather uneventful. Classes had been nothing out of 
the ordinary. Hikari had asked her once what she was up to, but had 
then dropped the subject. After all, she needed Asuka as an alibi too, 
and probably didn't want to bug her friend when she asked to have the 
favour returned. Asuka had told her that she might drop by the party 
later. As if. After classes there had been a synch test, and the 
Children had sat around inside their entry plugs for an hour and a 
half. Boring, but necessary. Then Misato and Shinji had left, with Dr. 
Akagi, leaving Asuka behind. She had told them she was going to meet 
Hikari outside the Geofront, and then walk to the cinema. It wasn't 
completely unlikely, since the Geofront was more central than Misato's 
apartment. 

Then she had snuck away and waited for Ayanami to finish her solitary 
swim. 

Asuka had half-hoped to catch her doing something improper, but that 
scenario started to seem more and more unlikely as time wore on. It 
didn't matter, though. There were more than one way to skin a cat. 
Certain things would catch anyone's attention, no matter how introvert 
that person was. Certain things were impossible to ignore.

As Ayanami finally got out of the pool and headed for the locker room, 
Asuka smiled, a sadistic, determined smile. There were no surveillance 
cameras in the locker room. She had checked. 

The smile faded, leaving only a merciless look in her eyes. Then she 
swiftly left her place in the corridor, heading for the locker room.

Try to ignore me now, doll... 

--- 

Asuka entered Misato's apartment, looking quite different from when 
she left it that morning. The usual determination in her posture was 
gone. Her feet were mostly guiding themselves in a slow, unfocused 
walk. Her schoolbag hung limply from her left hand. Her eyes were 
staring at a point located roughly five feet in front of her. Asuka's 
mind was far too busy with other things to be bothered to carry her 
body with grace.

All in all, things had not really gone as planned. 

"Hi, Asuka!"

"Huh?" Asuka blinked, and looked around to find her guardian sitting 
in the living room with a beer, watching some concerto taking place on 
TV. "Eh, hi, Misato."

"Ritsuko went home just a few minutes ago. There's some cheese cake 
left if you want it. Oh, and was the movie good?"

Asuka stared at her guardian for a few seconds.

"Kind of weird ending..." she answered absentmindedly. Then she made 
her way to her room, missing out on anything else Misato had to say. 
Closing the door behind her, she sat down on the bed, and continued 
staring in front of her.

Inside her mind, things were in a frenzy. Things had not gone as 
planned at all. Up until the moment she entered that locker room, the 
worst-case scenario had been that Ayanami would prove totally 
impervious to anything Asuka might do to her. Now she didn't know what 
the worst-case scenario looked like, because she couldn't make up her 
mind about whether or not it had just happened.

Her original intent had just been to shock the other girl. Make her 
scared, or angry. Make her cry, maybe. Force a reaction out of her. 
Make her realize that Asuka could affect her unimportant little life 
whether she wanted it or not. That there was no such thing as not 
having an opinion about Asuka Souryu Langley. That Asuka Souryu 
Langley's actions had an impact on everyone.

Asuka hadn't realized that 'everyone' included herself.

She studied her own hands in the street light shining in through the 
window. Slender, beautiful hands. Hands that had never performed any 
heavy work. They looked so innocent. Yet...

What have I done? 

No. She shook her head. She knew exactly what she had done. She just 
wasn't very sure about what had happened. It was all so complicated. 

At first, Ayanami had frozen up. As if she had gone into shock. This 
had only served to strengthen Asuka's resolve, and she had pushed on. 
Desperate for any kind of reaction, she had been unwilling to stop. 
Then, as there suddenly was a response, it was not at all what she had 
been expecting, and Asuka found herself unable to stop. Something must 
have snapped inside her. She couldn't remember consciously taking the 
decision to take it all the way, to actually go through with it, yet 
she had.

Why did I do it? 

But she knew the answer to that question too. To instil fear into the 
heart of the only one who didn't care about her. To have Ayanami show 
proper reverence. To make Ayanami look at her with hate, or anger, or 
terror. Just anything besides that emotionless face she always wore.

Asuka had known that there was a chance that she wouldn't get away 
with it afterwards. It was a crime. Ayanami might report her to the 
commander. It wouldn't have mattered. It would have been a reaction.

But she wasn't going to be reported. For the look on Ayanami face had 
not been fear or hate. It had been nothing short of complete and utter 
attention. It was a look Asuka had never seen before, and now she 
couldn't get it out of her mind. She needed to see that look again. 
She needed it badly.

Onwards to Part 2


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