She'll Never Be Mine
Reality isn’t the way you wish things to be, nor the way they appear
to be, but the way they actually are.
- Robert J. Ringer
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I rocked my head back and fourth slightly, allowing it to flow to the
music as I laid on my bed. This was my only escape from the tourcher.
The pain that she inflicted upon me. Why did she have to be so
wonderful and perfect in every way? Why did she have to be so
beautiful, inside and out? Why did I have to be in love with her?
I suddenly heard the quick, sharp sound of the doorbell. I took off
the head phones, groggily got off my bed, and scrambled to the door.
When I opened it, I nearly fainted.
There she was. Standing there. Smiling at me. My angel. The sun
outlined her features, making her seem to glow. She was wearing her
school uniform, hair was plain. She looked like a goddess. The true
goddess that she really was. Nothing was more perfect. Nothing.
"Hello Hikari." Her angelic voice nearly sent me over the edge. She
was so calm and cool. So wonderful in every way.
"H-hello Sora." I stuttered.
"Is Taichi here? We’re studying." I frowned. Taichi. My obstacle. It
was obvious he liked her too. The way her looked at her, invited her
over for every reason his small brain could think of, had a picture of
her hanging in his room, everything! Yes, everything. And do you know
what? I was scared that she was falling for him too.
"Taichi? Yes. He’s in his room." I told her, pointing upstairs.
‘Thank you Hikari." She told me, giving me a heart warming smile and
then rushing off to his room. I stood there, paralyzed. Paralyzed with
fear and dread. It was so obvious now. Sora wasn’t a lesbian. She was
straight. She loved Taichi. She loved him. Not me. She would never
love me. I’m just his younger, insignificant sister. I could never
compare it him. Never. I could never bask in the warmth of her smile,
her touch, her kisses, her embrace. I was destined to watch from the
side lines, while they shared their first kiss, got married, had their
first child. And I was supposed to act happy for them. Like I wasn’t
jealous. Like I didn’t want the only person in the world that mattered
to me.
Yet, didn’t I deserve it? Didn’t I deserve Sora? I had grades. I got
them for my parents. I had popularity. That was for my brother, so he
wouldn’t be teased about his stupid sister. I kept at war with Takeru.
For my brother too. He still didn’t like Yamato, and so I was keeping
war with the Ishidas. I had guys hanging all over me. That was so I
could convince them to go out with my friends. See, it may sound
stupid, but it actually does work if I give them a pretty smile and
say pretty please. But that’s not the point. Everything I had ever
done was for other people. I wanted something for me. Or someone. Yet,
I couldn’t. She was so far out of reach. And in my brothers.
Oh, the irony. I’m supposed to fall in love with Takeru, get married
to him, and live happily ever after, right? Sorry, not in my fairy
tale. Mine was so much different. But it was mine. Mine. And yet, it
would still be only a fairy tale. It would never be mine. Yet, it
would be my brothers. ‘His sister is in love with his girlfriend.’
Sounds stupid. And it is.
Oh Sora Takenouchi! Why can’t you see?! I love you! I’ve loved you
ever since the entire Digiworld thing! Every time I see you my heart
skips a beat. Do you know how physically painful to have you heart
stop beating is?! I do! But it’d for you! I’d give anything in the
world for your happiness! Even if it meant sacrificing my own. Please,
just realize we were meant to be. I’m begging you.
But begging won’t do, will it? It depends what’s in her heart. Me or
Taichi. Oh god! She’ll never be mine! Never!
With that, I slid down the wall, breaking into tears of mental pain.
‘Never.’
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