Warning: Like I stated before, I wrote this story to cheer myself up after reading one too many angst-filled, tear-jerker Sailor Moon stories. This is not Masterpiece Theater; it is an incredibly silly story, more along the lines of a Mad Magazine spoof than anything else. Enjoy. ------ Haruka smiled as she relaxed behind the wheel of her car. The race had gone well; not as well as she may have hoped, but still well enough for her to qualify. As they were pulling slowly into the driveway, she looked down at Hotaru in the passenger seat, pleased to have her daughter with her at the race. She could remember how her daughter's eyes lit up when she bought her the saltwater taffy after the race. It was moments like that that made all the trials, all the sacrifices, worthwhile. She turned back to the window of her expensive sports car just in time to see something fly into the windshield, cracking the glass and splattering on impact. Slamming the brakes, she ran out of the car, transformation wand in hand, to see... A dead frog lying on her windshield. "Huh Huh... That was cool." she heard someone say. "He he, yeah, kick ass!" another voice joined in. Haruka's hands slowly began to ball up into fists as Hotaru exited the passenger side of the car. She watched as her Haruka-papa stalked toward the backyard where the conversation was taking place. "Come on, Butthead, it's my turn!" "Shut up, fart knocker!" "You two!" Haruka shouted angrily, "Who the hell are you and what are you two doing in my back yard?" she asked. While she wasn't good in all her subjects back when she was at school, she excelled at English. "Uh... I'm Butthead, and he's Bevis." the one with the braces said, "We're like, Americans or something. We were playing 'frog baseball,' and..." "Frog baseball?" Haruka asked, her face turning red with anger. "You two bastards ruined my windshield, to say nothing of the danger to me and my daughter you two... Hey, you." she asked the blond who was currently picking his nose with one hand while holding something behind his back with the other, "What do you have behind your back?" "Uh, he he, Butthead did it!" Bevis blurted out. "What? No way butt-burglar..." Butthead was cut off by Michiru running out of the house, "Uh... hey baby." he said suggestively to her. "My Stradivarius." Michiru said anxiously, "Has anyone seen my Stradivarius?" she asked. "Huh Huh, she said straddle." Butthead laughed. "She likes to straddle various guys." "Yeah, he he. Straddle me!" Suddenly, Haruka got a sinking feeling. She went over to Bevis and grabbed his arm from behind his back just as Setsuna was coming out of the house to help Michiru look. Sure enough, he was holding onto what was left of her love's violin. "My... My Stradivarius..." Michiru said in a low tone on voice. "Uh... We couldn't find a bat." Butthead explained. "Yeah, he he. Sorry about that, he he." Suddenly, The world-famous violinist's face began to turn even redder than Haruka's as she pulled her transformation wand out, her veins bulging out of her forehead and neck. "Neptune Planet Power, Make... humph..." Setsuna covered her roommate's mouth just in time, whispering something in her ear. "Whoa, check it out." Butthead said, pointing at Setsuna who was still whispering in Michiru's ear, "They're like, making out." "Yeah, yeah!" Bevis said excitedly. Before he or his fellow gaijin could say anything more, a small, angry young girl with dark hair came over. "That was my Michiru-mama's violin!" she said angrily. "Why would you do such a thing?" "Uh... Cause the thing we were using as a bat before was broken." Butthead answered. "What were you using as a bat before?" Haruka asked, struggling to keep herself from killing the two idiots in front of her. Before either of the morons in question could answer, Setsuna allowed a gasp to escape her lips as she saw something lying behind a rose bush. "Setsuna?" Haruka asked, "What is it?" "Uh... Beavis did it." Butthead said, pointing at his blond partner in crime. "No way, ass-wipe!" Bevis yelled as Setsuna bent down to pick the object up, "It was you!" The backyard suddenly became deathly quiet as Setsuna picked up a smashed Formula-1 trophy. The first, in fact, that the Senshi of the Wind had ever won. Setsuna looked over to see a very pissed-off Haruka holding onto her transformation wand. "Uranus Planet Power, Make... umph..." Haruka was cut off as Setsuna quickly covered her mouth with her hand. "Um, tell you what boys," Setsuna said to the two foreign exchange students in front of her, "Haruka, Michiru and I have to go inside for a minute or two. Hotaru," she said, giving her adopted daughter a pleading look, "Please keep these two bastards... er... boys occupied until we return. And don't touch anything!" she added, before dragging her fellow Senshi inside. The fifteen-year old Senshi of Death turned and scowled at the two jerks in front of her. "What in the hell's the matter with you two?" she asked, "I..." "Uh, huh huh, she looks like Daria." Butthead said as he pointed at Hotaru. "He he, yeah. Diarrhea, cha cha cha, diarrhea, cha cha cha..." ---Meanwhile, Inside the House--- "What do you mean, 'I don't have any students named Beavis and Butthead'?" Haruka yelled angrily into the phone. "Uuuh... Uuuh... I don't know what you're talking about, uuuh... In fact, this isn't even Highland High, uuuh... Uuuh... This is a dentist's office. Uuuh, now go away." -Click- Haruka turned to the other women in the room with a look in her eyes that scared them both. "After I kill those two," she began, "I'm gonna kill Ami for suggesting we take in American foreign exchange students, and Usagi for backing her up." "Haruka, you can't do that!" Michiru said. Setsuna nodded her head. "Michi-chan's right, Ruka. We..." "I'm going to kill those two retards!" the aqua-haired Senshi of the Sea screamed. "You can have our ex-friends Usagi and Ami though." ---Out In The Backyard--- "Urgh... Look, if I let you have some of my candy, will you two shut up and... Hey!" she yelled as Bevis tore the bag of taffy away from her. "Whoa, candy!" Bevis shouted as he started grabbing handfuls of the candy, stuffing it into his eager mouth as he did so. ------ "Okay, Setsuna, fine!" Haruka grumbled, "We promise not to kill them, okay?" "And we know Ami and Usagi are not responsible for this happening." Michiru put in. "Good." Setsuna said with a relieved sigh, " Now let's..." she was cut off as their daughter ran into the house, a look of fear on her face. "Hotaru honey, what's wrong?" "A... A youma! In the backyard!" Faster than thought, the figures of Sailors Neptune, Uranus, Saturn and Pluto were in the backyard. In front of them, Butthead was standing around laughing as the "youma," with a 'Megadeth' shirt pulled over his head and his arms sticking up in the air was walking back and forth, saltwater taffy smeared across his lips. "What in the hell's going on back here?" Sailor Uranus yelled. "Are you threatening me?" the youma asked. "I am the Great Cornholio! I need Teepee for my bunghole..."
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