Why Not Me?
Notes: This is a Tomoyo/Sakura fic.. It kinda switches from third to
first person sometimes so bear with me.. ^^;;
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"Tomoyo-chan," I softly said as I tried to wake Tomoyo. "Tomoyo wake
up, your having a bad dream." I shook her slightly as I lay next to
her. Tomoyo slowly opened her eyes and smiled as she saw me looking
down at her.
"Sakura-chan," Tomoyo whispered softly.
"Are you okay? You were having a bad dream and you were crying and
talking in your sleep." I looked at her with concern and brushed my
fingers over her cheeks wiping away her tears. "I was worried about
you."
"I.." Tomoyo stopped briefly remembering her dream. A dream where she
was pleading with Sakura not understanding why she would choose Li-kun
over her. "You shouldn't worry so much about me Sakura-chan," Tomoyo
tried to reassure her friend.
"But I do Tomoyo. Your my best friend and I love you," I took Tomoyo's
hand in my own.
Those three words broke Tomoyo's heart. She thought Sakura didn't mean
it in the way she wanted so she tried to ignore it. "What was I saying
in my sleep?" she questioned.
"You just kept saying, 'Why not me?' over and over again. And you were
crying so hard, I couldn't let you stay like that."
"I didn't even know I was doing that. I'm sorry I woke you up," Tomoyo
said softly.
"I don't mind, I wasn't asleep anyways," I confessed.
"Why not?" Tomoyo asked confused. She was sure Sakura had fallen asleep
before her.
I was thankful that the room was dark or Tomoyo would have seen me
blush. "I... was watching you sleep." Tomoyo felt her cheeks burning
and was quite unsure of what to say. "What were you dreaming about?" I
asked after a moment of awkward silence.
"It's not important Sakura-chan," Tomoyo said after a moment deciding
she couldn't possibly tell her friend that in her dream, she was
pleading for Sakura to love her.
I took hold of Tomoyo's hand underneath the blankets. "It is important
Tomoyo. I want to know what caused you to be so upset."
"I can't Sakura, I just can't tell you," Tomoyo said almost frustrated.
"At least tell me why you can't tell me," I said.
"Because, it would only hurt you and upset you."
"Tomoyo, please...I promise, it'll be okay if you tell me," I was now
really curious.
"I don't want you to hate me," Tomoyo said sadly.
"Nothing could ever be that bad." I tried to reassure her. "I love you,
your my best friend."
"That's exactly it Sakura-chan," Tomoyo felt herself starting to cry
already.
"I don't get it."
"I'm in love with you Sakura-chan. And I know you have..him. And I'm
sorry, please don't hate me," Tomoyo begged.
_________
From that night I felt a distance growing between me and Tomoyo. She
kept pushing me towards Li-kun telling me she only wanted my happiness.
I tried my best to make her happy but when I looked in her eyes I saw
so much hurt. When I looked at her I felt as if a piece of me was dying
because I was helpless to give Tomoyo what she needed.
Li and I did get closer. I believe for a time I did love him but it was
never as I loved her. Even if I was unaware of my feelings for her at
the time. After some time I noticed Tomoyo had stopped calling me, and
waiting for me after school.
I tried talking to Li about my fears of loosing my best friend over
that night. When I cried he would hold me but he never made the pain
any easier. Even Touya couldn't help me with this. Yukito-san was the
only one who seemed to help me at all. It took his words for me to
realize what was going on with Tomoyo-chan.
"If you let it go on like this Sakura-chan," Yukito took my hand in
his. "Don't you know why she's pushing you away? Why your so hurt by
it?"
I sat there almost numb and shook my head confused. "Isn't the only
reason for Tomoyo to push me away because she doesn't love me anymore?"
I asked saddened by the thought.
Yukito gave me a reassuring look and I noticed a small smile playing on
his lips. When I gave him a questioning look I couldn't help but to be
annoyed by his soft laugh. "You really don't get it do you?" he asked
not even giving me a chance to answer. "I guess I'll start from the
beginning so get comfortable while I explain something called love to
you."
I wasn't sure what he was talking about, but Yukito-san was always wise
so I did as he said. Without speaking I just nodded to him and he
continued. "This is something I've discussed with Touya before. We
realized there was a special bond between you and Tomoyo many years
ago. One that is more than that of just friendship or even that of
siblings. Much like the connection between your brother and I." Yukito
paused briefly to make sure I was fully grasping what he was saying. I
tried to understand him, I really did but it didn't seem to work. I had
no clue what he was trying to say.
Yukito noticed my confusion and decided to take another approach. "When
did you two start to grow apart?"
"A few months ago. It was the last time I spent the night with her."
That much I was sure of.
"And what happened that night? What caused you two to grow apart?"
I felt myself blushing as I recalled watching Tomoyo sleeping. She
looked just like an angel in the dim moon light. "She was having a bad
dream. Crying and talking in her sleep so I woke her up. When I did she
tried refusing to talk about it but eventually..she told me.." I
trailed off remembering her words. She loves me. My Tomoyo-chan, my
number one person is in love with me. At least she was. If she still
were why would she be pushing me away?
Yukito must have noticed the change in my expression and he hugged me
gently. "What did she tell you Sakura?"
"She told me that she's in love with me." I said as tears welled up in
my eyes.
"So what's the problem?" he asked confused.
"What's the problem? I have a boyfriend." Sakura said frustrated with
her situation.
"You know that's not the real problem. Tell me what's really going on
Sakura-chan."
"I'm scared," I confessed as I started crying harder.
"Call her," he simply said.
"I can't. It's pretty clear she doesn't want me around."
"That's where your wrong Sakura. She wants you around more than
anything in this world. You just have to realize why she's really
pushing you away."
"Well what's her reason behind pushing away someone who loves her?"
"Because like you, she doesn't know just how much you love her." Yukito
reached over and hugged me softly before standing up to leave. "Being
in love is a confusing thing," he said as he walked out the door.
"In love?" I gulped, my body frozen. Was Yukito suggesting I was in
love with Tomoyo as well? I mean, sure I feel more for her than anyone
else but she was my best friend. Wasn't I supposed to feel like this
for her? "Hoe..."
__________
I think I've been sitting in front of the phone for an hour. I just
pick it up and start to dial her number but as soon as I hear her
answer it I slam it back down on the receiver. Taking a deep breath I
decide that the best thing to do in this situation is to talk to her in
person. Just as I'm about to head out the door my phone rings.
"Kinomoto residence," I answer.
"Hey Sakura-chan, it's Tomoyo." I hear her say. My heart starts beating
so fast I find it hard to breathe.
"H..Hi..Tomoyo-chan.." I manage to stutter.
"Did you just call me a while ago?" she asks me so innocently.
"No I haven't called you. Why?" I ask feeling bad for lying. How could
I tell her that I'm scared to talk to her though?
"Well someone called and hung up and so I was wondering if it was you."
I sit almost unable to talk. Listening to her voice was having a
strange effect on me and I wanted to see her so bad at that moment.
"Can I come over Tomoyo-chan?" I ask her suddenly.
"Nani?" She asks laughing a little and I feel myself melting. "You know
your always welcome here Sakura-chan."
"It's nice to hear you laugh again Tomoyo-chan." I said without
thinking and blushed a little afterwards. "I'll be over there in a
little bit okay?"
"Hai," I hear her say softly. I know she's probably blushing just as
much as I am. She always blushes at any compliment I give her. Even if
it's just how nice her shoes are.
"Ja matta ne," I say hanging up the phone. I rush to my room to put on
some better clothes and tell Kero-chan where I'm going. Not five
minutes after I got off the phone with Tomoyo I was out the door and on
my way there.
For some reason I was really nervous to see her. I felt like the rest
of my life was going to be decided in this meeting with her yet I just
knew that something good was going to happen. As I finally approached
her house I took a deep breath before ringing the doorbell.
One of her maids answered the door and let me in. I saw Tomoyo coming
down the stairs from her room and I felt my heart skip a beat or two.
Yukito was right about me being in love with her I realize.
"Hey.." I say feeling shy around her for the first time in my life. She
just smiles and takes my hand in her own and leads me to her room. I
can feel myself smiling like an idiot as I look down at my hand in hers
but I don't seem to care. I had no clue where the day would take us,
but I really didn't care anymore. I didn't care about the things that
bound me to Syaoran or anything else that would stand in my way of
being with Tomoyo anymore.
When we got to her room she let go of my hand and I felt my heart start
to beat at a normal pace once again. She looked down at the floor and
softly apologized for holding my hand. "I know it's probably the last
thing you want now that you know how I feel. I didn't think about it.
Gomen." Tomoyo said.
I shook my head and walked closer to her and took her hand back in
mine. I moved my other hand under her chin and lifted her face up so
she was looking in my eyes. "Don't ever apologize for anything. You
never have to be sorry for anything with me Tomoyo-chan."
"I'm glad your still my friend Sakura." she said weakly and I saw tears
starting to form in her eyes.
"I'm sorry it hurts you so much Tomoyo. But..That's why I came here
today.." I say feeling shy again. I sat down on her bed and motioned
for her to sit down as well.
"I don't get it," she said.
"Ever since that last night we spent together I've felt a distance
growing between us."
"I figured you didn't want me around," Tomoyo confessed to me.
I took hold of her hand and continued to speak. "I thought you didn't
want me around because it hurt you to see me. But I realized you must
have felt that I didn't want you around."
"You know I'll always want you around me Sakura-chan. Even if it does
hurt sometimes."
"I'll never let you hurt again, I promise." My voice is shaky and I'm
scared out of my mind now. Was I about to confess my love to Tomoyo? It
was like I didn't even have control over anything anymore. My heart
completely took over.
"I..don't think that's possible Sakura-chan." Tomoyo's voice was sad
and tears were coming from her eyes. I raised my hand to her cheek and
wiped them away softly.
"Yes it is," I whispered. "I love you Tomoyo-chan and.." I stopped to
take a deep breath hoping to find my confidence. "I want to spend
everyday of the rest of my life with you as my number one person. I'm
in love with you Tomoyo."
She looked at me almost not believing what I was telling her. I
couldn't help but smile at how sweet she looked. Slowly I bent forward
and kissed her softly on the lips. "No more tears Tomoyo-chan. From now
on I promise I'll make you happy."
She started crying harder and I felt her wrap her arms around me. I
pulled her close to me and held her tightly as she cried tears of joy.
"I love you Sakura-chan," she managed to say as her tears subsided. I
probably held her for hours that day. But from then on, we never grew
apart again and we finally got our happy ending..
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