I-I felt so better... so better, after speaking with Tomoyo-chan. Hell, I was such a smiley that I almost forgot about my confusing dreams with Syaoran-kun... Everything would be alright if I held on to what I have with him, like she told me to. Not hold on, I told myself. Believe. Yeah, that's it. Believe. Though, at the moment, it wouldn't be enough to get me through this every-last-inch-of-sidewalk-invading crowd! Then, the song again. It hit me back, with full force. My urge to hear it told me that Tomoyo's band was practicing the song when not more than half an hour again I stepped inside the club and interrupted them. Hehe. Maybe if I make my way back there, they'd still be at it, with Tomoyo being such a perfectionist and all... Lets go then. Just a minute, just a minute... I'm forgetting to tell you about yet another vision... - Are you saying that perhaps the Dream Card was around there??? Well, many things trigger my imagination and send it running 400 kilometers per hours, yet rarely do I actually have stuff like -scenes!- playing in my head, vividly, like the premonitions Mitsuki-sensei talked about always having. Anyway, on my way back to the club, I saw a lightning blue butterfly glide past me... - Good kami-sama!!! You actually DID see Yume!!! I suppose I did, Kero. Yume's butterfly form is hard to miss, much more with that color and the way its wings seem to melt with the very air they sear on her flight. Lightning blue... reminds me of a certain someone's eyes... - Errr... Can we please stick to the topic and not to your crushes on pop music idols, Sakura??? I AM being serious, Kero! I did think of that reminder while I walked back, and that's when it struck me- those eyes fluttered as if waving goodbye and turned to the other way, walking away. I knew who it was- it was Tomoyo-chan. - You had a vision about Tomoyo? I'm telling you that's how it was, right?! I- I only shook my head as if stirring off the surface of my mind's inner lake such image. That is when I realized that Yume had actually landed a few seconds before that on my shoulder, and as soon as she knew I was aware of her presence she didn't think twice on escaping. So, I ran after her. And, by some twist of Fate, it stopped right at the top of the tall neon sign that announces Tomoyo's club. I had to figure a way to get it down, since after ten seconds it didn't seem to have the intention of coming down or flying off somewhere else. It was more like it was watching me... or us... - Was there someone else?? Who??? Yuto. Tomoyo's front guitarist. He was outside having a cigarette break. I arrived there almost out of breath, but at how he was puffing away I could've died in a matter of minutes. Only after he heard me cough about three times did he turn around and take note of my presence. Inside the club, a sultry yet languid song was sounding, and Tomoyo's voice was as if to heighten -errr, deepen- the emotion. "Tell me, please, since when did I start loving you..." Curious- both Yuto and I were listening oblivious to everything else. I looked in the direction of the club and smiled, as I usually do when Tomoyo graces the atmosphere with her beautifying tones. - Do you know that song belongs to a Mexican rock star?,- he started saying out of nothing - The lyrics are directly delivered, though soft, like the bossa nova arrangements it has. I happen to have the CD, and though actually it's a good album, I would've never thought of offering it for play with the band. He took a whiff off his half-smoked cigarette, and added: - But I did play the track while I was giving her a ride home one day... she suddenly went silent and listened. "... Since when did I start loving you?..." - Her eyes, her entire body was bent on listening to the song as if a memory had been resurrected. I realized back then that I could never have a chance at her. I didn't know how to feel, act on, about this confession- I've never considered myself a friend to him, much less have we exchanged before two or three greetings. My feet shifted my weight back and forth, my head was now looking at him rather than the club or Yume. - The weird part is that not until this afternoon did I remember that. If I thought it a bit more carefully back then, I would've known she loves someone else, and not Tsuwabuki, not me or anyone you can think of!! " Tell me, please, since when did this begin to hurt..." He threw his cigarette rather harshly, hating it/himself. His usually gray, cold eyes wore an angry, desperate expression. - Kami-sama!! If I've only known that earlier I would've tried something, anything!!, to help her... or at least make this hurt less than it does!!! It's no wonder she's so calm about leaving to New York that... Even if in that same second the lightning blue butterfly that Yume disguises of would've flown right up to rest between my hands I probably wouldn't have noticed because of the shock and disbelief I was -STILL- in. "... Since when did this begin to hurt?..." - Oh yeah,- like if the sun set down on me- she's leaving... Yuto seemed to my relief too caught up in his plight to notice me. His until now tightened lips opened as to say something, but that's when Yume flew suddenly past our faces, and disappeared amid the flickering of the street lights coming to life. I stared at the dusk-showing sky blankly, with a pale color to my self that hasn't disappeared since. I must go back home. That is why I left Yuto with a half finished sentence out of his mouth and came here. His words, those last ones, still ring in my ear, and I don't know the hell why?!... - ... the song's name is "Love's A Bitch"... I tell you, Kero-chan, I don't know the hell why she didn't tell me! I don't know the hell why Yuto and his confession shook me off balance!! I don't know the hell why that and the other song ring in my ears!!! She curled a bit more and cried off her frustration. I, as the very powerful Guardian of The Book, only left by her side the soft drink bottle and petted her short if somewhat fuzzy auburn hair to ease her. Only ease her. (... I'm not living...) ------------------ parenthesis : Another Kind Of Magic - You are sure that this is what you want to do, aren't you? Huh? I dunno... There are many things I want- to do, for starters. While we wait, lets light another cigarette. Under this stormy sky. (... I'm just killing time... ) ------------------ parenthesis 2 : Love's A Bitch- last rehearsal - Wait, wait there, Fukuy-san... Can we soften a bit more the percussion sample?-, I asked while putting the microphone to rest on its stand. The thirst that was stabbing in my throat made me pick up from my duffel bag a 2 liter water bottle I never forget to take with me. My music teacher, after all, was right telling me that a singer's choice for a drink should be water, because it refreshes not just the body. - I'll see what I can do-, I heard Fukuy-san scream from the back of the synthesizers he played. And out came a bunch of "kitchen work", like we call what he does, in many tones, in different tempos. Tsuwabuki, as usual, was the first to hurry to where I was standing and spurt out his list of observations- your voice on this part, the accoustic guitar on the musical bridge, that maybe it's not a good idea to soften the percussion sample... -... that in fact it's total madness to learn two new songs before tomorrow night! Daidouji-san, I think we should stick with our original program... it's hard not only on us these changes, but on you as well... Hell, maybe that's the reason why Yuto slipped out during this song... I took an extra sip before considering a decent reply to the ever nervous Tsuwabuki-kun. There. - Yuto-kun already knows this song. He said clearly he was going out on a cigarette break, remember? Tsuwabuki's dirty blond hair shook trying to think of something. He was genuinely worried about having to rehearse extra hours and change the program. - I must confess I'm quite nervous about this performance, not just because it's my last here in Tokyo... It's also the last I may have with you guys, the last I'll have in front of the audience that has been kind to us, the last that I step in the stage of this club to which I'll be grateful... He probably heard the sudden down my tone took. - Gomen ne, Tomoyo; I forgot what this concert not only means to us, but to you. It may be difficult, but we'll pull this off together,- he grinned even making his eyes gain a cute childlike glimmer- Should I go and tell Yuto to get his ass in here? Giggles. Whenever she does that, it's always accompanied by a hand slightly raised to her lips, perhaps restraining herself from a full loud laughter. - Tell him whatever is necessary to bring him here, Tsuwabuki-san. One minute. Two minutes. And so on to five minutes. The only thing crossing the main entrance of the bar is an angry, frustrated Tsuwabuki. - Tsuwa- - He won’t come in unless you go by yourself to beg him!!-, he spitted out as he crushed an unused cigarette in his hand. - Were you again chastising him over smoking, Tsuwabuki-san? Abruptly, as it had started, the blonde ones anger dissipated. He knew it wasn’t his duty to tell her what really happened, so he nodded and dragged his feet to the nearest barstool. - I’ll be right back- I said as my own feet guided me to the exit door. One raindrop. As soon as I was outside I was hit by one. He was glaring at me. No sooner I had made my way through the door. Two raindrops. - Would you mind telling me what’s going on now? Clouds were getting darker. Like his grayish eyes. - Is it about another fight between your folks? You know you can always count on us, Yuto-san! I gave my best sympathetic smile. Clouds were getting darker. Like his grayish eyes. Three raindrops. You don’t know actually what’s going on. At least what’s going on with me. Huh? He was glaring at me. No sooner I’ve spoken my heart deep concern for him. But allow me to tell you something… I DO know what’s going on with YOU! Huh?? I’m afraid I’m not following you. The clouds are as darker as I could ever recall. Four tiny raindrops make their way to rest on my head. A cigarette. A lighter. A click and a puff. A thread of smoke almost as dark as the skies pressing creepily. Your departure reason was here. SHE was HERE! One, two… three… four, five… I try to keep count if just to keep myself in check. - I’m really really not following, Yuto-san… I can’t pull out that smile he praises usually. Suddenly he’s the one grinning. A bit of a mixed expression. Like the mixed tones of darkness above us. - You sure DO know of who am I talking about… and… and, I understand, finally. Finally, why… why you can’t nor could ever love any of the guys… or me. Clack. My jaw. Silence. Overwhelming. My vocal chords. Puff away this sadness. Tobacco can roll out tranquility for awhile, I just for a short while. Nevertheless, enough to make myself do you this service… Daidouji Tomoyo found that the raindrops had stopped battering the top of her skull. He, the most dearest of her bandmates, was right with her, close, and shielding her with his height from the pouring. - Don’t leave off like a frightened child. Tell her, tell her. If just for the sake of the question that haunts you. And after that, leave, but leave if your worst fears come true. - Wha- what if she says yes? What if that happened? Yuto understood. Fear had taken her. He allowed her to lean her head against his chest. Now he was getting soaked both from above and upfront. She, a princess of maturity, had transformed into a child in his ensuing comprehensive embrace. Love’s a bitch… ------------------------------ It makes you help to your own death even your rivals. Syaoran was heading to his room. It was god awful late, and he had things to do tomorrow. What if it could still work? What if? Yet I’m not a man who loses himself in “what ifs”. I had a cat for whom I cared as a child despite my mother’s recommendations not to take in a pet of any kind. I went after my cousin MeiLing’s bird even if Wei-san warned me of the incoming rain. I left my beloved Hong Kong for the first time, my friends, my family, for new ones, for a new city, for the recovery of the family legacy. The Clow cards. It was more than Destiny or mere luck that made me not just do, but accept these things. Duty. A sense of duty. He stopped briefly at MeiLing’s door. She could never seem to shut it completely. Until a few days ago he’d be annoyed at her strategies to always keep an eye on him, guard him, be ready to step out just in case… Since when? Since when we were children, I guess. I smile back at you and you step a bit behind the door. I’m surprised you’re still up. Wanna tell me what’s going on? - I hadn’t told Sakura yet. I guess I’m still nervous… - Or perhaps you’re having second thoughts, aren’t you? Sometimes, sometimes the melody of me dreams with your cheeriness… I blushed. But not because of your reply. Sometimes, sometimes out of the blue I dream that I fall with you… The shimmering blue appears out of the darkness of my room. I sense it, and leave MeiLing without an answer… Not that she needed one. … Which exactly was what I’d say... A park. King Penguin Park. A set of swings. My lovely cherry-haired girl swinging softly, almost with grace… And it’s the grace with which she does it that freezes me. I recall perfectly, with a precision that makes me sadden a bit, the many times we’ve been to that park, to the set of swings. I’ve never ever pushed her in that steady flow. Gods!, it’s even musical, tasteful. At that pace she could reach all she’s ever wanted… … without me. Sometimes, sometimes the melody of me dreams with your cheeriness, Like in those nights in which my hand only finds excuses to write… I have it now sinking into me, so clear, so clear it hurts yet dissipating all doubts. Pushing her is none other than the angel o’ silent grace herself. A good friend to me, and the best of friends to her. What I want to say, love, Is that I’ve been so happy by your side… It’s the truth. The simple truth. I extend my hand in front of me. I wait. - Thank you, gods. Thank you, Sakura. My hand is lit with a lightning blue glow. Must be as well the real color of truth. - I’m in perfect knowledge of my destiny. Thank you, Yume. The butterfly in his hand fluttered in its place a bit, nodding back.
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