Side by Side
((A/N: *sigh* don't ask me why oh why I chose a corny title as such. Please no flames,
this is my first serious yuri and I rushed through it a bit. Simply because I wanted to finish
it before karate class! Hoeee! PLEASE REVIEW! arigato!))
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Things just don’t work out.
Not things ‘like that’.
I was different. You aren’t ‘that kind’ of girl.
Not at all. You are happy, perky, innocent, carefree.
Almost totally normal except for that one little factor: You are a card captor.
A card captor.
We were, are two sides of the same coin.
I’m artistic, quiet, calm.
You’re athletic, joyous, easily excited.
I’m normal.
You’re magical.
You were always WERE magical. Even before kero-chan and the clow cards, you always
cast some sort of horribly sweet spell over me just by walking beside me.
And I know my eyes would reflect all the love I held for you...but you, you would never
notice.
What do I expected you to do? It’s not normal. Not normal at all. Simply put: I am
abnormal. And, in other’s eyes, possibly disgusting.
Is it disgusting to love and care for you so much that I would give my very life and soul for
you? Is it THAT much of a sin!?
I don’t know....I just don’t KNOW!
But every time...every time I’m around you, I just get that FEELING. That fluttering in my
stomach...that hot feeling in my cheeks as a red color floods my face. Yup. That’s how it
was.
Sick and unusual punishment.
You wouldn’t know how it would be, Sakura. You’re innocent. You’ve got magic, a
whole life ahead of you. You’re not on the outside looking in at something...someONE
you can’t have. Heck, you could have any guy you wished, because you’re so pretty. So
very beautiful, inside and out and anyone would be a fool to pass up a chance to be your
‘one and only.’
and me, of course I wouldn’t have a chance. You care for me, yes...but not like THAT.
You’re too, too...oh, what’s the word!? Innocent, I guess. Too innocent to care for me like
I care for you. You wouldn’t understand.
So I can’t tell you, my love. I can’t tell you and probably, will never tell you. I’ll just keep
growing closer to you as your camera-crazy best friend and we’ll grow up and we’ll go to
the mall and I’ll make you cute dresses and videotape you and we’ll laugh at funny movies
and cry at sad ones and gripe about boys and you’ll become the card mistress and all that
time, all that time...you’ll never know.
You’ll never know that I love you. You just won’t ever, ever know. Because I’m too
chicken...and I know, if I tell you, that would mean losing you, forever.
So, you see...I sit here in the park, and the breeze plays with my hair. I have sobbed myself
into a mess of silvery hair and puffy eyelids. And I still, even in the setting dark, can’t
forget about you.
Even in the middle of the park and the shadow of night is looming ahead, cold and
unforgiving, I can’t forget about you.
I can’t forget about you and you’re bright smile and copper-woven hair and your emerald
green eyes that I adore so much. Those eyes that I know I will never be able to stare into
with all the love in my heart reflecting in my eyes. Never.
And it hurts.
It hurts so much. I just want some form of refuge...I just want to hide, and for a day...oh,
just for one short, short day I want to not feel anything. And maybe, just maybe I’ll be
able to survive this constant barrage of torture as day-after-day...I see you.
And I see those stupid boys gawking at your beauty as if you’re some, some THING and
I’m outraged...but sad. I don’t want to ‘gawk’ at you, that’s downright disrespectful and
truly disgusting. But I can’t help to stare, wide-eyed at your amazing soul and spirit and
beauty that I know I will never have.
I guess that’s some subtle form of gawking, but I can’t help myself. I just can’t.
I can’t help but admire you.
I can’t help but adore you.
I can’t help but be in love with you.
I can’t help but love you.
Simple as that. I love you, Sakura Kinamoto, but you, you don’t love me back and never
will.
And.
Never.
Will.
That’s the truth. The very very truth.
Nothing compares to you: no one compares to you.
My ‘wealth’? My ‘artistic skills’? They mean nothing. I would gladly throw them away in
a heartbeat if I could just hear that you love me back.
But I know that would never happen. NEVER....so I seek refuge in those things hoping
that maybe I can forget about you.
How can one forget an angel of amazing beauty and even more amazing spirit?
No one. It’s impossible: so my refuge always crumbles around me.
Recently it’s getting harder and harder to accept the fact that I love you and you don’t love
me. I can barely keep myself from breaking down into sobs whenever I’m around you.
And, being your ever-lovely and kind self, you notice.
And it breaks my heart even more.
"Tomoyo?"
I freeze. My tears turn to ice.
The voice of an angel. A sad, sad angel. I slowly look up...and the face of an angel hovers
over me. You takes a seat beside me on the cold park bench.
You always have to be so damn caring and sweet. And, my heart shatters into a few more
pieces amongst the hundreds it’s already shattered into.
"Tomoyo, what’s wrong?"
My tongue feels like lead. Dead weight, and I cannot speak.
And you wait, ever-vigilant, ever patient.
"Nothing."
Again, my feelings are slammed behind a door: and I lock myself up once again.
You gently, lovingly wipe away my tears. I wonder what wonderful thing I have done to
deserve your presence in my life.
"No one cries for no reason, Tomoyo-chan. Tell me, what’s wrong?"
Again, I can’t speak. TOMOYO-CHAN! You called me...wait, you call everyone with a
‘chan’ at the end. It’s part of your lovely, loving nature. I look down at the pavement.
I can’t hide.
I can’t. I can’t anymore. I’m slowly dwindling away and if I hide much longer...I’m going
to explode.
But I still hide.
damn it if I explode. I’d rather explode then loose you. Stupid, isn’t it? But, still...
You sit back and start fidgeting with your skirt hem. You sigh and look at me, and your
eyes are worried.
"Tomoyo, you’ve been distant, and quiet. If something’s bothering you I want to know."
You choke back a sob. I look at you, startled. "I miss my Tomoyo-chan."
Then you fling yourself at me, and hold me close. You cry, and I feel your tears on my
own cheek, and they burn like fire. But I can’t pull away, because I want to be here for
you.
"Sakura...Sakura-chan." I whisper, trying to find the words.
You sit back and wipes at your face. "Tomoyo-chan?"
"Please don’t be mad at me." I plead. "Gomen, I have a confession to make."
I can’t sit back and see you like this. God, how could I have been so selfish? I was
thinking about me all this time, without a second thought. You may not love me like I love
you, but you care for me: I’m your best friend, and I’m proud to wear that title...and best
friends tell each other everything.
"Go on." You say, wiping your tears on your shirt. I slowly reach out my hand and put it
over yours.
"Sakura...for the longest time..." I sigh and take a deep breath. I feel a knot in my
throat...but force myself to speak through it. "For the longest time...I...I love you."
There.
I said it.
Those life-changing words that will forever and always determine our fate.
I flinch involuntarily as you sit, stock-still, the cold wind sweeping your hair to the side,
your eyes shining in the dull moonlight.
Suddenly you fling yourself at me and hold me tight. At first I'm shocked and struggle
away. "iie! Sakura! You misunderstand!" I yell. You must have misunderstood. You’re not
‘like that’.
You sit up and wipe tears away from your eyes. This time, happy tears. "Gomen! I don’t,
Tomoyo-chan! I don’t!" You say, grinning and crying at the same time.
Suddenly, the impossible has happened.
I was hiding all this time...and...and...you love me. You love me back!
I’ve been denying what’s in my heart.
And I’ve been denying what’s in your heart.
And I've been denying everything when perfect happiness for both of us was right in front
of me!
And destiny is here, and I know. I know we love each other, no matter what.
So, once again, you and I hug each other. Finally, united in a chain of love forever.
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So here we are, in a calm spell of mutual silence. You and I, forever. No matter what.
We’ll love each other: forever.
The hours have gone by and still, here we are. It grows colder, but we share a jacket. We
share each other’s warmth.
We share the flame of love, and it will never go out.
Suddenly, you lean away from me. You look sadly into my eyes.
I immediately think you’re going back.
But you aren’t.
"Tomoyo...I meant every word I said...but..."
You trail off...then choke a bit, and continue. "But...I’m not ready...for this."
You plead with your eyes. You plead with me...to understand.
And yes, I do understand.
"It’s OK, Sakura-chan. I will always love you, and I will always be here for you, as your
best friend." I say, smiling through my tears.
Tears of joy.
You have tears of joy in your eyes, too. Precious diamonds that I would never, ever trade
for anything else.
"Thank you, Tomoyo."
A gentle, feather-light kiss on my cheek. A moment I’ll never forget.
And we walked home, side-by-side...
side-by-side in understanding.
in life.
in destiny.
in love.
We were home, side-by-side in love.
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