Tomoyo's Mother
Sakura and Tomoyo were sitting together in Tomoyo's garden, chatting
about the dance that was coming up in a week. In particular, they were
talking about Sakura going to the dance.
"I think this design looks nice," said Tomoyo, holding up a sketch.
Sakura took the sketch, and looked over it closely. Although the dress
was attractive, in shades of light blue and a tight skirt, she blushed at
the thought of wearing it. The neckline plunged in the drawing to
display Sakura's (the models in all of Tomoyo's drawings were Sakura)
cleavage and a diamond cutout at the waist displayed her navel. "This is
too daring," she whispered, a fiery blush lighting her cheeks. Now that
the girls were sixteen Sakura had hoped that she wouldn't be turning red
so often, but so far that hadn't been the case.
Tomoyo looked up in dreamy contemplation. "But Sakura-chan would look so
cute in that outfit!"
Sakura looked at it again, her blush still going strong. She knew that
Tomoyo would probably make this dress sooner or later, and that she'd
have to model it for her friend (not that she really minded), but there
was no way she was going to wear this in front of her classmates. "No
dice."
Tomoyo shrugged. "Ah, well. Let's see..."
Her mother coming out into the garden cut off her sentence. "Tomoyo,
darling! Come give your mother a hug before she leaves!" She smiled at
the two girls, huddled over the drawings. "Good afternoon, Sakura-chan."
Sakura waved, glad for a chance to let her blush fade. "Good afternoon,
Daidouji-san. You're going on a trip?"
Tomoyo's mother straightened from a hug with her daughter. "Yes, I've
got some business meetings in Los Angeles that I simply have to attend.
I'm sorry, Tomoyo," she finished, the last comment to her daughter.
Tomoyo nodded. "I understand, Mama."
Her mother smiled. "Good. Walk me to the car, dear. Sakura, I promise
to give her back in a moment."
Sakura laughed lightly. "Sure, sure." She was hoping that with Tomoyo
gone she could find a design that was both flattering and not as daring.
---
As Tomoyo walked to the front door with her mother, she spent a few
moments studying her mother's features, taking a mental picture of her to
hold close as she was gone. She started as she realized her mother had
said something. "What? I'm sorry, mama, but I wasn't paying attention."
"I said, have you told her yet?"
Tomoyo didn't even try to pretend that she didn't know what her mother
was talking about. "No, I haven't."
"Why not?"
"You know," she said. At her mother's raised eyebrow, she continued.
"Mama, as far as I can tell, she's straight. What if she's scared of me?
What if she doesn't feel the same way? What if, what if she's sorry for me?"
Her mother knelt on the steps, looking up at her daughter, marveling as
the slender beauty that she had grown into. "I've known Sakura for a
long time now, darling, and I don't think that she could ever hate you.
She may be straight, yes, but somehow I think it's more of a blind spot
for her than a dislike." She gave her daughter a kiss on the forehead as
she stood up. "I think, my dear, that you should risk it, that you
should tell her. Love is a precious thing, and worth any risk. Even the
risk of failure." With those words, she stepped into the car, a raised
hand preventing her chauffeur from shutting the door. "Nadeshiko taught
me that. Anyway, wish me luck, darling."
Tomoyo smiled. It was a ritual of theirs; the last things they said to
each other as her mother went on a business trip. "Good luck, Mama. I
love you."
Her mother smiled. "I love you too. See you soon." With that, the door
shut, the chauffeur retreated to her driver's seat, and the limousine
drove off down the driveway. Tomoyo waited until the car had turned the
corner out of the gate, when she could not see it any more, and only then
turned to return to her friend.
---
Sakura returned home that evening, tired. Tomoyo and she had decided on
a dress, and for some reason Tomoyo had decided to get obsessed and start
working on it right away. "I've got it laid out, actually," she said,
"and with a few measurements I can start working on it tonight."
Sakura had looked puzzled as she automatically followed Tomoyo to her
workroom. "Tonight? I thought we'd go see a movie together, with
Syaoran and a few others." Sakura wouldn't normally invite Tomoyo along
on a date with her boyfriend, but this was more of a group thing than a
date thing.
Tomoyo had stopped for a moment, and Sakura had almost thought that she
had lost her balance on the step before they were moving forward again.
"No, no, I think I'll just put some work into it now, while I'm feeling
inspired. Tell you what, later tonight I'll give you a call, and maybe
we can try a fitting tonight, okay?"
Sakura had agreed, and then had put up with an extensive measuring
session. She always was surprised at Tomoyo's insistence on re-measuring
her, but Tomoyo was often a perfectionist about these things, and Sakura
was going through a bit of a growth spurt after all.
The movie had been fun, if a little disappointing. Chiharu, Rika, and
herself had all wanted to see "Shakespeare in Love", but the guys had
voted to see "The Mummy Returns". It had been fun all right, but she
spent part of the movie wishing Tomoyo had come along. It was probably
because her vote would have forced the boys into watching Shakespeare.
"Oh, well," she sighed. Maybe next time.
---
Entering her home, she was surprised to find her father, her brother
Touya, and her brother's friend Yukito clustered around the TV set.
"What's going on?"
"Shush, monster," hissed her brother. "An airplane's crashed in the
pacific."
Sakura bit down the reflexive response to her brother's nickname for her,
as she understood the second half of his sentence. She quickly sat
herself by the TV, and listened.
The anchorman was reporting that a plane had had an engine explode over
the pacific, and then when it turned to return to Tokyo one of the wings
had apparently violently separated from the body, sending the airplane to
crash into the ocean, and then sink. A rescue effort was underway,
thanks to a joint Japan Defense Force/US Navy exercise nearby, but hopes
were not high.
The anchorman continued as the clock hit 6:00. "And again, the top story
tonight is the crash and sinking of Japan Air Lines flight 523 out of
Tokyo to Los Angeles."
Sakura felt her insides go cold. Did Tomoyo already know about this?
Was Tomoyo's mother on that plane? She leapt up, ran to the phone, and
dialed.
*Ring*
*Ring*
*Ring*
*Ring*
>Click<
"Tomoyo, is that you?"
"Hi, and thanks for calling," said a recorded voice. "We can't come to
the phone right now, but please leave your name and number, and we'll get
back to you once we're ready to." The answering machine went beep, and
Sakura softly swore into it before hanging up. She then dialed her
friend's cell phone.
It rang twelve times before it was picked up. "Mama?" Tomoyo's voice
said hopefully. She sounded like she'd been crying.
"Tomoyo, you heard?"
A sniffle, and then silence. "yes" The quiet of the word struck Sakura
like a physical blow, her friend's sorrow reaching through the phone to
envelop her.
"I'm so sorry. I'll - I'll come over right now." She didn't even listen
for a response, but hung up, jumping over the couch to reach for her
coat. "Dad, Tomoyo's mom was on that plane," Sakura took a moment to
slip into her roller skates with long-practiced moves, "I've got to go."
Her father gave her a solemn nod, understanding Sakura's concern for her
friend. "Give us a call if you need anything."
But by the time he had finished saying it, she had already gone, the door
hanging open. He walked over and shut it for her.
---
As she skated through the town, Sakura felt an overwhelming sense of
urgency, and a strange sense of disconnection. Her best friend's mother
had just died, her world had turned upside down, but everyone she passed
was acting as if everything was perfectly normal. She wanted to scream
at them, to tell them what had happened, to force them to see that the
world was ending, but she couldn't because it wasn't. It was only ending
for Tomoyo.
She concentrated on seeing just how fast she could skate.
When she arrived at the house she quickly entered her id code into the
keypad by the front gate. It seemed to take forever for the gate to
unlatch, even though she knew it was probably only a few seconds. But a
second of being alone at a time like this was something that Sakura would
give anything to spare Tomoyo.
She slammed the gate shut behind her and rocketed up the drive, stumbling
on the steps but still getting to the door as it was opened by one of the
house staff, who was looking sorrowful as well. As Sakura flung off the
roller skates, she was told that Tomoyo was in the media room. Sakura
breathed quick thanks and ran up the stairs.
The media room had originally been a small personal movie theater when
the house had been new, but Tomoyo had made it into her own. She had
cleared away a few rows of seats and replaced them with a comfortable
couch, a small fridge for snacks, and also added video and TV projectors
in addition to the original film projector. Exploding into the room,
Sakura saw Tomoyo curled into a ball on the floor in front of the screen,
her mother's death projected in images five feet high, above her.
"Tomoyo!"
The ball that was Tomoyo twitched, and Sakura ran down to join her
friend, jumping over the almost-finished dress that Tomoyo had still been
working on when the news came in. She picked up her friend and wrapped
her arms around her, pressing her own tear-streaked face to hers. "Oh,
Tomoyo, I'm so sorry!"
Tomoyo gave out a wail of sorrow and hugged her back, great sobs that
almost seemed to force their way out of the normally restrained and
elegant girl. The crying went on for a long time, sometimes louder,
sometimes softer, but they slowly died down and stopped.
Sakura tried to turn off the TV at one point, but Tomoyo stopped her.
"If they find, if they find any survivors... I need to know." Sakura bit
her lip, but agreed. Tomoyo did let her call the kitchen, which sent up
sandwiches and soup. The sandwiches were roast beef and Swiss cheese,
Tomoyo's favorite, and they were nicely filling as the thick warm soup
calmed the girls.
An hour after that they were still watching, wrapped up in one enormous
blanket on the couch. As the news went to other matters, Tomoyo
hesitantly reached out, and muted the sound.
"What is it?" Sakura asked quietly.
"I talked with my mother when she left. I'm glad... I'm glad I did. But
there's something she wanted... something she wanted me to do." Tomoyo's
voice was still very soft, but Sakura hoped it sounded a little better.
Sakura nodded at her friend. "I'll help, if I can. If you'll let me."
Tomoyo smiled softly at Sakura. "I don't know how much you'll want to.
I don't want you to, well, not because you're sorry for me. Understand?"
Sakura couldn't think of anything she wouldn't help Tomoyo with, but she
could see this was very important to her. "Yes, I understand."
Tomoyo was silent for a few moments after that, and Sakura had almost
decided that her friend had fallen asleep when she continued. "My mother
knew a secret, you see. She knew who I - who I love."
Sakura's eyes grew wide at the words. Tomoyo in love was such good news
that it almost pushed her mother's death into the background for a
moment. "That's great!"
Tomoyo gave Sakura a sad smile. "This is hard enough as it is, Sakura.
Could you just let me speak?" In response to the other girl's nod, she
continued. "I've been in love, but I've been afraid to reveal it. I
don't want," her voice trailed off, and she tried again. "I don't want
to drive anyone away. It was safer to keep it to myself."
Sakura nodded, not understanding what her friend meant but wanting to
show she was listening without interrupting her friend's train of
thought.
"But Mama wanted me to confess my love. She said that love was too
special not to risk everything to have it. And now that she's dead, now
that I no longer have her, I've got to take that risk, both for her
memory and for myself."
Sakura nodded, leaning forward in her eagerness to learn whom Tomoyo's
love was.
"I love you, Sakura."
"And I love you, Tomoyo, but who are you in," Sakura's mouth stopped as
if someone had stuffed a sock in it. Every muscle of her body was frozen
as she looked at her friend, remembered what they had thought about.
Tomoyo had always said it, 'I love you, Sakura', 'Nothing's the best for
my Sakura', 'I can't miss a chance to tape my cute Sakura'.
Tomoyo had told her, time and again, who it was Tomoyo loved, and for all
Sakura thought she was a good friend, she had never actually LISTENED to
Tomoyo.
And so it had taken Tomoyo's mother's death to force Sakura to listen.
Sakura noticed that her jaw was flapping up and down, which was a good
sign. If she could just get control of the rest of her mouth, she might
be able to say something. As soon as she knew what to say, that is.
Tomoyo gave a sad smile. "I thought so." She sagged, her dry eyes
refusing to cry any more, even for this.
"NO!"
For a moment, Sakura wondered who had said it. Then she realized she
had. "No, Tomoyo. You're wrong." She leaned forward, and gave Tomoyo a
hug, pressing her cheek to her friend's.
"Sakura?"
"I love you too, Tomoyo. I don't know if I love you the way you love me.
I never ever thought of you that way, of anyone."
"I don't want pity, Sakura." Tomoyo's voice resounded with sorrow.
"This isn't pity, Tomoyo. I promise you that it isn't. I don't know
what else it may be, but it isn't pity."
Tomoyo finally smiled, a real smile, if a small one. "If - if you say
so."
"I do. I don't know if I can love you that way, Tomoyo-chan. But I do
love you, and I'm willing to try. Maybe I will. Maybe I won't. Maybe
you'll decide to chase after Rika instead."
Tomoyo gave a little laugh that Sakura thought she would treasure for the
rest of her life. "I don't think so. She's already taken."
Sakura gave Tomoyo a laugh back. "But I'll stay with you no matter what.
Because I do love you." And then, not really knowing what she was doing,
she gave her friend a kiss. Not a passionate one, no, but not a friendly
one either. It wasn't as hard as she thought it might be. And it was
kinda nice, too.
When the kiss was over, Tomoyo was asleep. Sakura turned off the
television, curled up with her friend, and held a vigil over her until
the morning, where they fell asleep together.
---
The funeral was a somber occasion. Several of the people who did not
know Daidouji Sonomi very well frowned at seeing the two young women
holding hands and kissing, but Daidouji Sonomi's real friends knew that
love was the best way to celebrate the life that had been lost, and
smiled.
Not that Tomoyo cared what they thought. She was sad, very sad, with the
loss of her mother, and would be for months to come. But she would
survive this sorrow, because she had someone to share it with. Whether
she and Sakura ended up as lovers, or 'only' sisters, she had someone to
share her sorrows, and her joys.
Her mother had read to her once a story by an American writer, and one
quote resurfaced in her mind as she looked at one family member so
recently lost, and then at the one just now acquired.
"Shared pain is divided, but shared joy is multiplied."
THE END
Author's Notes (2001-09-14):
Yes, this is in reaction to the attack and devastation of the World Trade
Center and the Pentagon, as well as the selfless heroism of the people
who were able to force their plane into the ground in Pennsylvania.
I hadn't originally planned on writing anything based on this tragedy.
But two days afterwards the story popped into my head, in one piece, and
I spent the next hour or two afterwards pouring it into my PDA. Now that
I've written it, I'm now feeling the sorrow and the hurt and the anger
much better.
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