Crooked
I guess it really started one sleepover when we were in the last year of
middle school. That's when I finally figured out why Tomoyo acted so
strange.
*********
"Well, I got to thinking yesterday about boys." I started. I could
almost see her little smile, even though we were in bed in the dark.
"Boy's in general, or a particular boy."
"Boy's in general. I've gone out with more boys than I can remember
since Shoaoran went back to Hong Kong. And as far as I know you haven't
gone out with any. And I wondered why. Then I remembered when girls
used to ask me if my brother had a girlfriend. And of course he didn't.
He had Yukito. So I finally put two and two together. You're like my
brother, aren't you. Except you are a girl who likes girls instead of
a boy who likes boys." I waited for her to deny it, but she was silent.
I wished I could see her face, but it was much too dark. "Many times
you've told me that I am your special girlfriend, but I didn't really
know what you meant till now. You don't really want anyone but me do
you?" I was proud of myself; it may have taken me a long time, but at
least I did finally figure it out. But Tomoyo was still silent. "Well?
Do you deny it?
"No. I don't deny it. Please don't hate me!" Oh no! She sounded like
she was crying! I must have really messed up. Darn it! I'm really bad
at this sort of thing. But after a moments hesitation I grabbed her and
hugged her really tight against me. I kissed her on her wet cheek and
talked to her.
"I don't hate you. I love you. Very very much. Even more than my
brother. Maybe even more than my dad." It was true I realized. I did
love her that much. "Please don't cry!" But she clung to me and kept
on crying. I didn't understand why she was crying but I was afraid to
ask, so I just held her and kissed her a few more times and waited. And
eventually I fell asleep.
The next morning she acted like nothing had happened. And I was afraid
to say anything about it for fear she would start crying again. So I
just acted like nothing had happened too. But I thought about it a lot.
I did love Tomoyo a lot all right, thinking about all the time I spent
with her. I would see her in home room and at lunch and then meet up
with her every day after school and if Dad was gone on a dig, I would
generally go over to her house for dinner and homework at least. And
then nearly every Saturday night I would sleep over at her house and
Sunday's if I didn't have a date, we would spend the day together. I
never get tired of being with her. And I thought this was great and it
would go on forever.
But then when I got in high school I met Masaki, and he was SO special.
I was crazy about him. I was sure that this wasn't just a little girls
crush like it had been with Yuki, and Shoaoran. This was the real
thing.
Suddenly I wanted to spend ALL my time just with Masaki. I had lunch
with him and his boyfriends, and met him after school, so he could walk
me home, and went out with him every Saturday night and most Sunday's.
And I didn't see Tomoyo much at all. And I didn't miss her. The
thought did cross my mind once in a while that I should really spend
more time with her, but it seemed like it always came down to a choice
between her and Masaki. And she lost out every time.
This went on for most of that first year of high school, and then
suddenly Masaki told me that we were through. He had someone he liked
better than me. I was heartbroken. I hardly ate, I messed up at
school, and in short, I really didn't want to live. If it wasn't for
Tomoyo, I don't know what I would have done. She insisted I go places
and do things with her instead of just moping around my house. And in a
couple of weeks I felt better.
That's when I got to thinking about what I had done to Tomoyo while I
was crazy for Masaki. She loved me and only me. I was everything to
her. And I had effectively dumped her for some stupid boy! Who didn't
love me at all. I really felt like kicking myself. I thought I loved
Tomoyo, but it seemed my love for her couldn't stand up against my
attraction to boys. There had to be something I could do.
So the next day I went over to visit my brother and Yukito at their
house. And I told them what my problem was and asked for advice. And
found out that the same thing would no doubt happen again. And one of
these times I would wind up marrying the boy and in effect dump Tomoyo
forever. And there wasn't anything I could do about it because I was
attracted to boys. And and not girls like Tomoyo. "Can't I change who
I'm attracted to?" I asked.
"No, I'm afraid not." Yukito said gently. "That's not something people
can change. I'm afraid you are stuck being attracted to boys. And
Tomoyo is stuck being attracted to other girls."
"Attracted to the monster, you mean. Poor Tomoyo!" my brother just had
to add. But I was so frustrated I didn't even yell at him. It seemed
an unsolvable problem, but I just couldn't let it go.
Then later that night I got an idea. It didn't matter if normal people
can't change who they are attracted to. Normal people can't sprout
wings and fly either; but I can! So why can't I change who I am
attracted to? I have a lot of magic power. Why don't I use it to save
Tomoyo from being left all alone. I do love her. So what is wrong with
feeling attracted to her? Of course the thought of kissing another girl
on the lips was kind of icky, but so what. I didn't have to actually
kiss her, just not run off with some boy, that's all. The important
thing was that I wouldn't be attracted to boys. Boys were a rotten
bunch anyway. I could certainly live without them!
So I got up and turned on the light. I had some pictures of both Masaki
and Tomoyo from when we went to the water park with my brother and Yuki.
I found one that showed both of them side by side. Just as I suspected,
the sight of Masaki in his bathing suit still gave me a flutter in my
stomach. He had to be the best looking boy in my school. So this may
just work. I summoned my magic circle and then concentrated all my
attention on Masaki and Tomoyo. By concentrating the way Shoaoran's
mother had taught me, I could feel my attraction to the handsome boy.
So I grabbed it with my mind and shifted it over to the picture of
Tomoyo. It didn't seem to do anything the first time but I kept my
circle strong and kept trying different ways to transfer my feeling of
attraction away from the boy and onto Tomoyo. And then I suddenly felt
it! A really neat fluttery feeling inside when I looked at Tomoyo. And
when I looked at Masaki; nothing! I was SO relieved. And SO tired.
As I laid down to sleep I had an unpleasant thought, *what if this
reversal doesn't last?* Well if it didn't, I would just try again.
Until I got it right.
The next morning came really quick, and it seemed extra hard to get up
and get moving. Not surprisingly I barely made it to school on time.
Tomoyo had given up waiting for me at the school gate and was nearly to
the building when I caught up with her.. "Hi Tomoyo!" I called out as I
skated up behind her. She stopped and turned and smiled at me as usual,
but this morning she looked different. More beautiful than I had ever
seen her look. I smiled back at her and felt good inside. It was still
working! I was happy that I had managed to do what I had attempted, but
I also felt happy that this beautiful girl was my very special
girlfriend. And she was crazy about me. How neat! And I had never
appreciated this for the miracle that it was.
I couldn't seem to take my eyes off her at lunch. It made me feel good
inside just to look at her. And then when we were riding in her car
over to her house after school, I moved in close to her and then I
wanted to put my arm around her. But I felt shy. So I reminded myself
that she really was crazy about me and she would really like to have my
arm around her, and then I just did it! She stopped right in the middle
of what she was saying and just kept looking straight ahead. "Does that
bother you?" I asked as I quickly pulled my arm back.
"No!" she squeaked. Then she looked at me with her eyes open really
wide. "It doesn't bother me at all. It was nice, really." She
finished.
"Okay." I replied, relieved, and I put my arm back around her and
pulled her close. It felt really good to have her up against me. Even
if it did feel kind of hot where she was touching me. She went back to
telling me about her writing assignment but she still sounded a little
strange.
Then when we got undressed for our bath, I found myself fascinated with
her body. She really had a wonderful figure, a lot nicer than mine. I
guess I was staring because I had got her attention. "Sakura? Is
something wrong?"
"No. Not a thing. Everything is just fine." I finished with a happy
smile.
"Well, then why are you looking at me like that?" *Good question* I
thought. Well, no reason not to tell her the truth.
"I just noticed how beautiful you are. You really do have a wonderful
figure." I said with feeling.
"Oh." was all Tomoyo said.
Then when we were soaking in the hot tub I moved over till I was almost
touching her. I really wanted to take her in my arms but I was still
shy. *Well this attraction thing is certainly working anyway. Now
maybe I should use my Magic to get over this shyness. Well at least no
boy is going to get between us now.* My thoughts made me chuckle and
Tomoyo nervously asked why I had laughed. That's when it came to me.
*Should I tell her what I did? Or not?* It didn't take long to decide.
I really didn't want to lie to her about anything.
"I was feeling really guilty about how I had ignored you when I was
going out with Masaki. And so I talked to my brother and Yuki about why
it had happened. And they said it was just the attraction between girls
and boys. Or at least, girls like me and boys. It's really really
powerful. And then I asked them if there was anyway I could avoid it
happening again. And they said there wasn't. That in time I would fall
in love with a boy and leave you again." I noticed when I said this
that she nodded and lost her little smile for a moment. "Anyway I
decided I would NOT accept this. Normal people may be slaves to the way
they are born but I had Magic. And I was going to do something about
this problem. So I used my Magic to change who I was attracted to." At
this point Tomoyo took a sudden sharp breath and looked really shocked.
"Are you alright?" I asked her as I put my hands on her shoulders.
"You changed who you are attracted to...?" she practically whispered.
"Yes. I did. I am no longer attracted to boys. That's what I was
laughing about. No boy is going to get between us now." She was still
looking stunned as I continued with a big smile. "Because now I am
attracted to you just like you are attracted to me." As she continued
to stare at me, I notice just how nice her lips looked. Kissing them
wouldn't be icky at all. In fact it might be really nice. I was
feeling really proud of myself now and brave I guess, because I moved in
and kissed her right on her mouth. And I was right. It did feel nice.
But she only let me kiss her for just a moment before she pulled back
and protested.
"Sakura! No! You can't do this to yourself!"
"I already did it and I like it just fine." With this I kissed her
again. This time she kissed me a little longer before she pulled back.
"No! Sakura. You were normal. Why did you make yourself like me?"
"Because I love you, silly. And I don't ever want anyone taking me away
from you. Now I can be satisfied with just you. I don't need a
boyfriend. So we can be together, always. Don't you want to be
together with me?"
"Of course I want to be together with you, but-"
"And do you like kissing me?" I asked.
"Oh yes... Kissing you is heavenly. I never thought I would ever have
the chance to know what it felt like..." That sounded good to me, so I
kissed her again. After a while we separated and she spoke again.
"Sakura?"
"Yes?" I replied. She shook her head as if to clear it before speaking
again.
"This isn't right. I can't let you sacrifice your future for me. I
would die of guilt!"
"What sacrifice?" I asked. "I'm giving up boys that's all. And they're
a bunch of jerks anyway."
"But if you stay with me you will never have any children!"
"Well as of right now, I don't really want any children. And when I do,
if I do, I'll figure out something. Maybe I can use my magic to get you
pregnant." I finished with a smile. Her face looked sort of dreamy for
a bit after that. And I was getting too hot so I stood up and suggested
we get dressed. But when Tomoyo stood up I got another idea. I just
moved in and put my arms around her and held her against myself. She
didn't resist a bit, she just put her arms around me and laid her head
on my shoulder. *This is neat!* I decided. It was even more fun
necking with Tomoyo than it had been with Masaki. Of course I had never
hugged Masaki naked either.
"What about your father?" She said as she pulled her head back and
looked at me again. "Won't he be upset?"
"He didn't get upset when he found out about my brother and Yukito. I
don't see why I should be any different."
"Then there is society. Japanese society doesn't accept girls like us
very well. People will give us all sorts of trouble."
"Anything we can't handle as long as we stick together?" When she
hesitated I went on. "After all, you are rich and I am a powerful Mage.
How could anyone possibly cause us any trouble we couldn't handle?"
This made her smile, which I was really glad to see.
"Well, okay. You do have a point there." At this point I kissed her
yet again. This was becoming a habit. And it was one I liked. It was
hard to believe I had ever thought kissing a girl was icky. Tomoyo was
kissing back now which made the kisses even better. And they were
longer too. But then when we parted I noticed Tomoyo's mom was watching
us from the door. *Oh shoot, busted!* I thought to myself. I let go of
Tomoyo, took a deep breath, and spoke. "Hello Mrs. Daidoji." Not
surprisingly Tomoyo turned around really fast. But then I was relieved
to notice that Tomoyo's mom didn't seem angry; in fact she smiled before
she spoke.
"Hello Girls. I just wanted you to know that I was home and would like
you to join me for dinner, if that would be okay?"
"Sure, Mom. We'll be down as soon as we get dressed." Tomoyo answered.
When the door closed behind Mrs. Daidoji, I sat down on the edge of the
tub and sighed. "Don't worry Sakura, I don't think my mom will give you
any problem about us kissing. In fact, I expect she is happy about it."
"Oh really?" I replied.
"Yes. She has known for some time that I'm in love with you. And she
was really sad for me because of the hopelessness of it. What with you
being straight and all."
"Straight?"
"Girls who like boys are called straight."
"Oh, Okay. So how do we explain my suddenly turning crooked?" I wasn't
pleased when she burst out laughing. "Okay! What's the word?" I
growled.
"It's lesbian."
"Okay, so how do we explain my suddenly turning lesbian?"
"I don't know. Let’s just hope she doesn't ask."
At dinner Tomoyo's mom had lost her smile. But she didn't seem angry
either. Then after dinner she excused herself and told me that she
wanted to speak to Tomoyo for a few minutes. So I went up to Tomoyo's
room to do my homework..
I tried to work on it while I waited, but I couldn't concentrate.
Finally after what seemed like a really long time Tomoyo opened the door
and joined me. I was worried to see she had lost her smile. "So what
did she talk to you about?"
"Well she asked how long we had been kissing, and I told her that we
just started tonight. Then she said that I needed to understand that
your affection wasn't real. It was just due to your being dumped by
that boy. And as soon as you got over it you would drop me again and
get another boyfriend." She sat down next to me and looked at me for a
moment before continuing. "Is there any chance that your feelings for
me aren't due to your magic but just a result of being dumped?"
"No!" I shook my head to emphasize my answer. "I love you and I am no
longer attracted to boys. Not even a little bit."
"But what if the magic wears off?" She asked in a small voice.
"Then I will just do it again. I remember how I did it so it won't take
but a couple of minutes to renew the spell."
"You promise?" She still sounded worried so I kissed her for a bit
before I answered.
"Yes. I promise." I said as I held out my pinkie. She gave me a smile
and locked pinkie's with me as I swore I would always see to it that I
remained attracted to her. After that she seemed to relax, and we
kissed some more.
"Another thing my mom said was that I should take advantage of you and
make some beautiful memories before you come to your senses." Then she
giggled.
"So what does that mean?"
"I think she was hinting that I should seduce you while I have the
chance." She finished with a smile and another little giggle. *Wow!* I
laughed to myself, *that sure didn't sound like someone's mom talking!*
"Okay" I grinned, "so since we have your mom's permission, go ahead and
seduce me."
So she did...
And the Magic never did wear off...
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