All I Want for Christmas is You

a Card Captor Sakura fanfiction by Amazoness Quartet

Her name was Sakura Kinomoto. Sweet, lovable, and very energetic,
Christmas was one of her favorite times of the year. Her emerald
green eyes sparkled as all sorts of Christmas decorations caught her
their notice. "Sugoi! Tomoyo-chan, look!" The Twin Bells shop was
putting up a cute little Christmas tree right outside, decorated
festively with all sorts of beautiful decorations, lights flashing on
and off in spectacular patterns. Sakura giggled happily. She had gone
out shopping with her best friend to get a few last minute Christmas
gifts. 

Tomoyo smiled cheerfully as she watched her genki best friend. Her
hand was on her ever trusty camcorder, capturing every second of
enthusiastic Sakura on videotape. Sakura was trussed up in an outfit
Santa Claus would have envied. Tomoyo had finished it just that
morning and was eager to see the Cardmistress in it. Despite her
initial embarrassment, Sakura didn’t even seem to notice the garment
was there anymore, walking around with her usual flourish. The little
white ball at the end of the red cap on her head bobbed back and
forth as she walked. Her feet were covered with little red shoes,
also with little white balls. Long white stockings kept Sakura’s legs
warm. Those ran up into a small red skirt that was trimmed with
white. Her red coat was held closed against the cold with green lace.
In both gloved hands, Sakura held shopping bags filled with her
latest gifts. Tomoyo sighed to herself. "The tree looks very nice,
Sakura-chan, but it’s not nearly as cute or as festive as you are."

Sakura blushed at the remark, sweatdropping at Tomoyo’s usual
bluntness about such things. She didn’t think she’d ever understand
why she said those kinds of things, but she had come to accept it.
She should see it coming by now, she told herself, but she always got
caught by surprise. Tomoyo was dressed all in green, with a beautiful
green bow in her hair. She said that she was dressed as ‘Sakura-
chan’s helper’. It looked pretty on her regardless, Tomoyo’s snow
white skin almost seeming to be an addition to the costume. Sakura
went back to looking at the tree, her fingers brushing through some
of the tinsel. "It’s so pretty! I hope Onii-chan and dad get the
Christmas tree up before I get back. I hope it’s big with lots of
lights and decorations." She balled her fists up in anticipation,
already seeing the tree in her mind. 

Giggling softly, Tomoyo led Sakura inside the shop, walking
carefully backwards so that she could get Sakura’s entrance. "Sakura-
chan enters the store, ready for more holiday gift giving. Like a
kawaii Santa Claus, she comes bearing gifts." She barely noticed the
running commentary she was providing, lost up in the sheer perfection
that was Sakura. The holiday season could be one of the most
depressing times of the year, but right now that hardly seemed to
matter. It was as if she was too busy partaking of Sakura to allow
any other thoughts into her head. 

Blushing again, Sakura went back to the task at hand, glancing
around the store for anything someone might like. "Let’s see... I
already have Onii-chan’s present. He’s getting that sweater. And I
got Yukito-san that basket of food you pointed out. Naoko-chan got
the book of scary stories." Sakura paused for a moment to shudder.
That book sure had a spooky ghost on the cover of it. And Sakura
hated ghosts. Especially after Touya spent his youth telling her
scary stories about them. "And Chiharu-chan has those ribbons for her
hair. Rika-chan got that cute broach. Father has the scarf I made."
Biting her lip, her mind went through the possibilities. What else
did she need for Christmas? Her eyes caught on something near the
back of the shop, drawing her towards it. "Kawaii!" It was a cute
angel doll, it’s wings folded beautifully behind it, it’s white silk
shining in the store light. It held a small candle in its hands, its
eyes closed as if in prayer. Her mind raced. Yes, she knew exactly
what she would get it for. A giggle escaped her lips as she picked it
up. "Wai! I have just enough for it. And it’s the last thing I need.
I’m going to get it for Syaoran-kun." 

Tomoyo’s sweet voice reached out to Sakura from behind Tomoyo’s
camcorder. Her smile was genuine, but Tomoyo couldn’t tell if she was
hiding behind the camcorder or not, using it to distance herself from
the situation. She wasn’t part of this. She was an observer. So there
was no reason to be sad about Sakura picking out a nice gift for the
boy she would one day marry. When she spoke, it was with all honesty.
"I’m sure that Li-kun will be thrilled to get such a lovely present
from Sakura-chan. Though being with Sakura-chan would be present
enough for anyone."

Smiling brightly, Sakura headed to the counter to make her
purchase. "Tomoyo-chan, arigato! I really hope so. It’s the last of
my money. I want it to be something special." 

"It is special. An angel from an angel." Tomoyo sighed happily, a
light blush on her cheeks as she continued recording Sakura. The
brunette sweatdropped again, waving off the idea, but Tomoyo just
went around to get another angle of her angel.

"I’m not an angel, Tomoyo-chan. I just want to make this a good
Christmas for everyone," the Cardmistress explained, accepting the
bag with the angel inside from the shop owner before turning back to
her eccentric best friend. She was happy to have found it. It was
absolutely perfect. She couldn’t wait to wrap it up. Yes, this
Christmas would be perfect indeed.

"You’re an angel to me, Sakura-chan. Floating down gingerly from
the sky, filling up the lives of all you meet with love, capturing
their hearts with your beauty and cute personality, making everyday
feel special. Sakura-chan’s my Christmas angel." Another smile
crossed her lips as she continued filming, following the embarrassed
Sakura out of the store. Everyone knew, most of all Tomoyo, that an
embarrassed Sakura was a very cute Sakura. 

"Thank you very much, Tomoyo-chan," Sakura got out, smiling despite
her blush. She knew that Tomoyo was a very wise person and took what
she said to heart. Tomoyo always seemed to be looking out for her and
she appreciated that. Even if some of what she said was strange,
Sakura knew that the dark haired girl meant it. That was part of why
it was so embarrassing to hear, actually. Because she knew that
Tomoyo was always being honest about it. She was always very happy to
hear it regardless. It made her feel warm inside, like when you would
sit right in front of a fire or it would wash over you or when you
had a nice cup of hot chocolate that swirled and heated you up
inside. It was much the same being with Tomoyo. 

When they had finally reached Sakura’s house, they found that
everyone else seemed to be out for the moment. Sakura grinned as she
lugged in her bags. That meant no big brothers to get in the way of
her Christmas wrapping. A nearly forgotten thought struck her
suddenly and she turned back to Tomoyo. "Oh, wait right there, Tomoyo-
chan! I need to go get your Christmas present." She motioned towards
the living room and began for the stairs. She was happy to note that
the Christmas tree was up and that it was beautiful. Underneath, she
could see some of the presents already. Spotting Tomoyo’s present to
her that Tomoyo had given her before they had left this morning,
Sakura grinned and rushed up the stairs. She couldn’t wait to give
Tomoyo her present. 

Tomoyo waited patiently, sitting in front of the large Christmas
tree. She knew her mother had already purchased the largest Christmas
tree imaginable. They had spent the night before decorating it. She
had been happy to spend the time with her mother, worrying about
nothing other than a large tree. They had stayed up long after the
tree was finished, Tomoyo’s head on her mother’s lap. Her mother
would gently play with her hair while they both stared at the glow
from the Christmas tree, all the other lights in the house off. They
had talked late into the night, her mother telling her all sorts of
stories, most having to do with her sweet cousin, Nadeshiko. She had
finally fallen asleep, curled up and with her head still on her
mother’s lap. Looking at the Christmas tree brought back all of those
memories, diffused with other thoughts of Sakura and her family
around it, enjoying the holiday together. Still deep in thought,
Tomoyo pulled up her cell phone to call her bodyguards to pick her
up. Her mother was a very protective woman and wanted to make sure
that she was safe. Tomoyo didn’t really mind and the bodyguards were
all very nice, even if they all hid that under a mask of
professionalism. 

Finally finished and with some tape still stuck to her now
gloveless hands, Sakura hurried down the stairs. She found Tomoyo on
her knees in front of the Christmas tree, the lights shining onto her
pale skin making it look like she was changing color herself in front
of Sakura. Sakura shook her head and approached the dark haired girl.
"Here it is. I had to wrap it really quickly, so I’m sorry if it’s a
little messy." She hung her head apologetically as she held it out as
an offering to her best friend. 

"I’d rather have Sakura-chan wrap it than any store," Tomoyo said
happily as she stood up, taking the slightly rushed package. The
paper was crinkled and the tape was all over the wrapping paper,
which was a cream color with cute teddy bears holding hearts all over
it. Tomoyo hugged it to her chest, thrilled to receive a gift from
the girl she loved. 

"Are you still having that Christmas party tonight, Tomoyo-chan?"
Sakura asked curiously, brushing some stray locks of hair from her
eyes.

Watching Sakura carefully, Tomoyo nodded. Something was bothering
the brunette, she could tell. "Yes, it’s still tonight. I’ve already
passed out all the invitations at school. I’m going to make a cake
for it myself after I get home. Mother has to be at some business
party, but she promised that we’ll spend all of Christmas day
together. The house is decorated very prettily. I can’t wait for you
to see it, Sakura-chan. Sense mother owns a toy company, she made
sure that the house was perfect for Christmas." Tomoyo’s smile came
easily, though a warning at the back of her mind made her cautious. 

Sakura’s shoulder’s slumped visibly. There was obvious
disappointment in her voice. "Gomen nasai, Tomoyo-chan. I don’t think
I can come to your party. My family was all going out to dinner
tonight." She had completely forgot that the two events would be
happening at the same time. To her surprise, Tomoyo’s smile never
faded, though her eyes closed.

"That’s all right, Sakura-chan. Family is more important than a
Christmas party. Please have fun at dinner. I promise I’ll save some
of the cake for you and Kero-chan." Tomoyo was the mask of
unconcerned sweetness to her friend, but inside she was heartbroken.
What was a Christmas party without Sakura? The biggest thrill would
be to see her best friend there, to enjoy Christmas Eve with her. And
if her mother was already gone, what was she to do? They were the two
most important people to her, yet she would be spending Christmas Eve
without them. But she still had a party that she was responsible for.
An idea struck her and the heartache dulled slightly, though it
refused to disappear. Images of Sakura in her cute Christmas outfit
and gift giving and Christmas carols with her lingered in her mind
like the events from something that now would not be. "I’ll videotape
the party for you so you won’t have to miss it. I’ll give it to you
as soon as I can."

"Great idea, Tomoyo-chan! I can’t wait to see it. I’ll be able to
pretend that I actually went." Sakura smiled at the idea, still
unaware of the heartache behind her friend’s smile. It seemed like a
wonderful idea. What better way to handle both events? A car out
front pulled her from her thoughts.

"It must be my bodyguards. I have to go home now and get ready for
the party. Sakura-chan, thank you so much for the present. Whatever
it is, I will cherish it always," Tomoyo said sweetly. ‘Just like
I’ll always cherish you,’ she added to herself. 

The two friends walked towards the door, Sakura following a little
behind Tomoyo. "I hope the party goes well, Tomoyo-chan. I bet it’ll
be lots of fun." Sakura grinned as they reached the door. "You’ll
have to tell me how it all went later."

Smiling back, Tomoyo wasn’t so sure herself, but she hid her
concern. After all, it wouldn’t be the same without Sakura. But she
could still record it for her and try to make it a nice party for
everyone. It should be a nice way to spend Christmas Eve. The special
cake she was planning to make wouldn’t be for Sakura, but she could
still keep her in her thoughts while she baked it and got everything
ready. Yes, even if Sakura and her mother couldn’t be there, she
could throw a nice Christmas party for her friends and record it for
the two absent women. "I will, Sakura-chan. I’ll wrap up the video
and bring it by tomorrow afternoon when most of the Christmas
festivities are out of the way. And you’ll have to tell me how your
Christmas goes. I’m sure it will be lovely." 

"Tomoyo-chan, arigato," Sakura said happily as she stood in the
doorway. She was very excited about the coming Christmas. She had
presents to wrap and she had to get changed before dinner. Not that
Tomoyo’s costume for her wasn’t cute, but it would look a little
strange at a restaurant. The brunette was nearly giddy with
excitement. Christmas Eve was always a time of great anticipation for
her. 

Pausing for just a moment as she considered it, Tomoyo leaned
forward and planted a small, delicate kiss on Sakura’s pink lips. Her
own petal soft lips remained there for a brief second, thrilling in
the delightful feel of the sweet kiss. It was over in an instant, but
it felt like it had lasted much longer. The dark haired girl smiled
brightly, her eyes closing as she tilted her head to the side.
"Sakura-chan looks cute under the mistletoe," she stated simply
before turning towards the waiting limousine. Her bodyguards watched
impassively as she walked back towards the vehicle. She was nearly
glowing as she walked, entranced by the wonderfully soft kiss she had
managed to give Sakura. She licked her lips while her back was still
to the brunette, savoring the flavor of Sakura’s strawberry flavored
lip balm. Her smile grew as she reached the door that one of the
bodyguards was holding open. She loved the holidays. "Merry
Christmas, Sakura-chan!"

------------------------------------------------------------

Sakura was still in the doorway sometime later, her cheeks a bright
scarlet and her hands held tightly against her chest. Tomoyo had been
gone for several minutes already. But the kiss from the other girl
still lingered in her mind like a lazy butterfly moving slowly
through a meadow. Looking straight up, she saw the mistletoe hanging
above the threshold. Her brother had placed it up the week before.
She frowned, balling her fists as she got ready to blame her brother
as he often did. But for what? She really didn’t feel like it anyway.
She just felt... strange. It had been awkward, getting kissed by
Tomoyo under the mistletoe. But she found the idea returning again
and again in her mind like a light bulb that wouldn’t stay off. It
had been... pleasant. Warm. And very soft. Almost fragile. It took
her a moment to notice that she was breathless. A small laugh escaped
her, sounding tiny and distorted in the empty house. Such a silly
thing. No wonder people kept mistletoe around. For odd occasions like
that. She decided that it was a good thing, whatever it was. A nice
little holiday ritual. She found herself almost disappointed that
Christmas would be over soon and that she wouldn’t have a chance to
do that again. Maybe Tomoyo would kiss her again the next day when
she came by. Or maybe she could kiss her. Under the mistletoe. With
snow outside and Christmas music in the background. It almost sounded
romantic. Sakura tried to force away her blush.  

The thought still replaying in her mind’s eye, Sakura made her way
back to her room upstairs. She had to hurry up and call Syaoran
before her father and brother got home. She wanted to wish him a
merry Christmas while she still had the chance on Christmas Eve. She
had already sent out his present the week before and she wanted to
know what he thought of it. "Hanyaa..." Life was good. Even if her
boyfriend lived so far away, she was still lucky to have him. And she
had a wonderful friend to help her through everything back home. And
soon enough she would be off for Christmas dinner with her family. 

A low, desolate howl carried to Sakura over the wind. It was both
intensely close and extremely distant at the same time. But the
desperate hopelessness to it made the brunette shiver terribly, her
skin prickling into goosebumps. She told herself that it must have
merely been the wind, that it was nothing more. But there had been
something remotely human in the despair she had heard. It sent a
chill through her that she couldn’t shake. 

Trying to ignore the eerie feeling that she was getting, Sakura
made her way over to the fireplace to warm herself. She was felt as
if she had waiting out in the snow for hours without the warm
protection of Tomoyo’s costume. Kneeling down in front of the fire,
she basked in the warm glow, its cheery heat spreading across her
cheeks, almost painfully at first. But despite the warmth it gave
off, Sakura couldn’t get warm enough. It never seemed to dispel the
cold that hung about her. Rubbing her hands together, Sakura knelt
closer. The flames flickered and faded. The howl returned, closer
this time, as if it were right over her shoulder. Any warmth the
flames had been giving off to Sakura dissipated quickly, her heart
pounding nervously in her chest. The cold winter outside seemed no
match for the frigid shroud that was gripping at her like thousands
of frozen hands. As the brunette stared uneasily into the flames, the
flames began to stare back at her, taking shape. A feminine figure
began to appear, long hair flickering as the flames danced lazily
about the fireplace. Screaming, Sakura fell backwards, kicking away
from the fire. Without a glance back, she ran up stairs. Her fingers
fumbled around her doorknob as they shook, the sound growing louder
and closer. She barely got the door open as the sound reached the
stairs, slipping in and slamming the door closed behind her.
Backpedaling in her frightened state, Sakura fell back on her bed,
staring at her door. 

If there was one thing that really frightened the magical girl, it
was ghosts. Everything else was tangible, something that she could
eventually overcome with support from Tomoyo or help from Syaoran or
Yue. Ghosts were just... They were scary. They always had been to
her. Touya had told her many ghost stories as a child and now she was
simply terrified of the very idea. She usually found herself gripping
onto Tomoyo when Naoko would start a scary story or when they were
walking through some dark shadows. But now she was all alone in her
room, the sound growing ever closer. Her shaking hands reached out
for the pink cell phone Tomoyo had given her so long ago, punching in
familiar numbers in a desperate attempt to reach her best friend. It
was all right. This was probably all in her mind. She just needed
Tomoyo to tell her that. She could trust her dark haired friend much
more than her own jumpy mind. -"Tomoyo-chan..." she whispered
nervously. She never finished dialing. The cell phone clattered
uselessly to the floor. "Hoe..." Now Sakura’s whole body had begun to
shake. A woman was walking through her door. At first, it appeared to
be gathering mist, pooling out through the closed door. But it slowly
began to take shape, features growing more defined in the dim light
of Sakura’s room. She had never hit the light switch upon entering
the room, but the woman before her was glowing softly in the
darkness. Her eyes were closed, long gray hair fluttering around her
as if in a breeze that Sakura could not feel. Sakura slowly felt her
fear melt away in this angelic woman’s presence. There was nothing
frightening about her, only a deep sadness that surrounded the woman.
It took Sakura a moment to realize she had seen this woman before.
Every day in pictures around the house. The last time she had seen
her alive was when she was only three years old. "Mama?" she asked
quietly, her voice wavering.

Nadeshiko smiled warmly at her daughter, drifting closer. She didn’t
seem to be moving at all as she did so, the distance dropping away
between them. Her jade eyes, the same green as her daughters, shone
brightly in the darkness like twin moons. They were gentle and
loving, just the way Sakura remembered her mother. Her dark hair
continued to flow about her in a breeze that was not there. "Sakura-
chan..." Her soft voice was achingly beautiful, wrapping around
Sakura like a time machine as years slipped away from her like grains
of sand. For a brief moment, she was three years old again, together
with her mother.

"Mama!" Sakura cried out, tears spilling down her cheeks as she
lunged forward to hug the spirit before her. Her arms encountered
nothing, moving through Nadeshiko as if she were never there.
"Mama..?" Sakura stepped back in confusion, watching her mother.
Nadeshiko closed her eyes sadly, her bright light fading ever so
slightly. It looked like an ancient pain had overtaken her, one that
she was all too familiar with. 

"Sakura-chan..." Nadeshiko whispered again. Her fingers brushed past
Sakura’s cheek and for a second the brunette could feel a light
breeze along her cheek, though the fingers were curiously absent. "My
baby girl. I’m always watching over you, Sakura-chan. I couldn’t
leave you all behind." She smiled beautifully and for a moment,
Sakura was reminded of Tomoyo. They both shared a loving smile and
nearly the same long, dark hair. ‘And she watches over me, too,’
Sakura added to herself. She quickly pushed the thought away. Now
wasn’t the time. But if now wasn’t the time, when was? Unable to
answer her own question, Sakura merely shook her head, watching the
glowing woman. "But I can’t share in your joys or your sorrows. I
can’t be part of your lives anymore. I can only watch. And offer my
love across the distance. I can only hope that you all feel it." The
pained look overtook her again and the hurt in her voice was evident. 

Sakura could never remember her mother looking so sad. The older
woman had always been happy during the short time Sakura had known
her, even up to her death. It seemed like nothing could hurt her.
Life itself seemed to thrill her and fill her with exuberance. But
now she hadn’t moved on, still holding herself close to the family
she loved so dearly. Only being able to watch them, unable to share
in their lives must have been painful for her. All she could do was
wait to be with them once more. But there seemed to be something else
as well. "We can.." Sakura offered, taking a step closer to her
mother. It had been so many years. Several crystalline tears dripped
unnoticed past her chin. "Sometimes I’ll feel it. It’s like you’re
there beside me. It feels warm and safe. And it makes me smile to
know that you’re watching. Because I know that you’re out there."

A smile crossed Nadeshiko’s lips and the light surrounding her grew
in intensity. "My little girl... You’ve grown into such a beautiful
woman. I knew my little Sakura would do great things as she grew
older." Her smile faded, as did her glow. She grew serious, her eyes
locking with Sakura’s. "It’s great to see you again, Sakura-chan, but
I can’t stay for long. I came to warn you."

"Warn me?" Sakura asked worriedly. The ominous tone in her mother’s
voice didn’t help her state of mind. Oh, and the fact that she was
dead. From the stories she had heard, that usually meant she was back
for a very important reason. But what could that be? She had already
captured all of the Clow Cards and made them her own Sakura Cards.
She had faced Eriol and overcome the Catastrophe. What could be worse
than any of that that her mother would need to come warn her about?

Nadeshiko nodded gravely. "Sakura-chan, you’re at a very important
time in your life. Your decisions will affect a great deal of what is
to come for you. You need to make sure that they are the right
decisions." A soft, wisp of a sigh escaped her lips. Her eyes fell
shut as her mind drifted back to some of her own decisions. "I have
only one regret from my life. The rest was wonderful. Having you and
Touya, the joys I was witness to, all of it. Even watching your lives
as I wait is a blessing. But there’s one thing that haunts me.
Everyday I see the pain that I’ve caused when I watch her. I can feel
her agony, but I’m helpless to ease its burden. I had no idea how
much I had hurt her." Her voice choked off as tears threatened to
overwhelm her, but she forced forward. She hadn’t much time left. She
shook her head and continued. "You’re in that same position now,
Sakura-chan. We both overlooked the love that sustained us throughout
our lives. You can’t make the same mistake I made. Tasting her pain
is just too horrible. I don’t want the same thing to happen to you."

Tears began to fall down her cheeks, but she paid them no attention,
fixing her gaze on her daughter. "During my lifetime, I didn’t allow
myself time to worry about much of anything. I simply enjoyed the
beauty that existed in life. One of the most beautiful things I was
witness to was the love of my cousin, Sonomi. She was my best friend,
my guardian, and so much more. But I never realized the extent of her
love. I never knew how much I had hurt her when I got married. Losing
her was the most painful thing in my life." A soft, warm smile
crossed her lips as she drew closer to Sakura. "Much worse than my
death. It never really did concern me. I had lived a happy life.
Death was just a crossroads. It even brought Sonomi back to me, if
only for a short time, so I was glad for that. But now... I watch her
every day. I watch over her in the same way I watch over you and
Touya. I’ve seen the pain she’s endured. And I know that I’m the
cause behind it. All because I failed her. I failed to see what was
right in front of me for all those years. And now she lives on in
pain that I can only watch. And wait. One day, I will make it up for
her. But that could be many years from now. I have to wait until her
own death for us to be reunited again. Sakura-chan, you’re travelling
the same path I did. And I’m afraid for you, my daughter. I don’t
want you to have to see that pain yourself." Her teary eyes fluttered
for a moment, but remained fixed on Sakura’s green orbs. Sakura could
only look back, unsure of what to say. "Tonight, you will be visited
by three spirits. Listen to them. Learn their lessons well. The rest
is up to you, Sakura-chan. Don’t make the same mistakes I did. Don’t
wait until your death to see the errors in your life. Don’t lose the
most beautiful thing in your life before you truly have the chance to
appreciate it." She smiled softly, kissing Sakura’s forehead. Sakura
only felt a gentle breeze as her mother pulled away. "Remember,
Sakura-chan, I’ll always be watching over you. Please make sure she
doesn’t join me too soon. You only need one guardian angel." Her
voice faded, becoming nothing more than a faint whisper. The room was
once again plunged into darkness.

Sakura sat in silence, and for a moment she wondered if her mother
had truly been there at all. Was it just some delusion? Had she been
dreaming? No, she had been there. It was her mother. She had to be.
Her voice still lingered in Sakura’s ears. But what had she meant?
What was awaiting her? Who was she hurting? Tomoyo, a voice in the
back of her mind supplied. But how? She would never hurt Tomoyo
intentionally. She was her best friend. The dark haired girl was
always there for Sakura. She would never dream of harming her pale
friend. But if she was doing it unknowingly... Sakura slumped back on
her bed, hugging herself tightly. "Mama..."
	
------------------------------------------------------------

Dinner came and went all too swiftly for Sakura. Her mind was too
focused on her mother’s words to really enjoy herself. Her brother
had noticed that something seemed wrong with her, but she quickly
explained that she was fine. He didn’t look like he believed her, but
he let it drop. The whole thing had been disturbing. But had it
really happened? She hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before and
Christmas was only a few short hours away, so she could have just
dreamt the whole thing. She had nearly gotten herself to believe that
by the time she was back home in her room. Kero was still
mysteriously absent, but she figured he was probably out looking at
all of the pretty lights decorating the city for Christmas. Or
getting something to eat. He did have a pretty one track mind
sometimes. 

Sakura had contemplated calling Tomoyo several times, but she
couldn’t quite bring herself to finish dialing Tomoyo’s number. This
had to do with Tomoyo, didn’t it? That’s what the small voice in the
back of her mind had said at least. She didn’t know how to ask the
dark haired girl about it. ‘Besides,’ she rationalized, ‘Tomoyo-
chan’s busy with her party. I’ll just call her tomorrow. By then that
dream should have stopped bothering me anyway.’ Setting down the pink
cell phone near her bed, Sakura tried to ignore the area where her
mother had been standing not so long ago. It was just a dream. It had
to be. 

Lying on her stomach, Sakura held onto a doll in front of her. The
doll looked quite a bit like Cardcaptor Sakura, even though she had
gotten it a while before she had ever found out about the Clow Cards.
Tomoyo had sewn it and given it to her a few weeks after they had
met. She had kept it near her bed ever since. She had plenty of
stuffed animals and dolls around her room, but this one was probably
her favorite. Maybe even more so than the teddy bear Syaoran had
given her. The teddy bear was sweet and she was happy to have
received it from him, but the little stuffed Sakura had been hers for
so long. It was always a comforting reminder of Tomoyo whether she
was doing homework or worrying about magical happenings or just lying
in her bed at night waiting for sleep to take her. Pulling it closer
to her face, Sakura could still faintly smell Tomoyo on the cute
little doll. Squeezing its soft fabric between her fingers, she let
her eyes fall closed peacefully. If she couldn’t call Tomoyo, this
was the second best thing. It almost felt like she was there with
her, soothing Sakura’s worried spirit the way she always did. She
felt herself drifting off, her worries dissipating in the calm that
slowly began to envelop the Cardmistress. Tomoyo’s gentle caress
seemed to spread through her soul, washing her worries away. She
could almost feel Tomoyo’s fingers brushing softly through her hair
and gave a content sigh, hugging the stuffed Sakura against her
chest. Her relationship with Syaoran could be a little strange at
times, but she could always count on Tomoyo in her life. Syaoran
wasn't very good at expressing his emotions so she didn’t know how he
felt very often. That coupled with his irrational jealousy at times
made things difficult. But they were made for each other, right? So
it didn’t matter. Sakura was almost the opposite. She couldn’t help
showing her emotions. It was just that she didn’t always understand
them. Like her feelings for Syaoran. She never would have understood
them if Tomoyo and everyone else hadn’t told her. Tomoyo was always
there for her, never too busy to help Sakura or just to spend time
with her. Tomoyo understood her feelings perfectly, even better than
Sakura herself did. The dark haired girl was the eye of the storm in
her life when everything else became overwhelming. She was the one
Sakura always turned to for comfort when she needed it. It was
strange how it differed from her relationship with her boyfriend. And
now that everything had gotten so confusing for her, it was Tomoyo
she had reached out for, if only in the form of the doll she had
given Sakura. 

Nearly asleep, Sakura began to feel the imaginary fingers brushing
her hair from her eyes. A sleepy part of her mind mused that the
fingers were longer than Tomoyo’s. But that hardly seemed to matter
at the moment. In her dreamy state, she could see when Tomoyo had
first given her the Sakura doll. Tomoyo had given it to Sakura after
school. She couldn’t remember if it was near Christmas or not at the
time, but there was a light snow in Sakura’s dream and Tomoyo was
wearing their school’s winter uniform. The dark haired girl smiled
pleasantly as she gave Sakura the gift, telling her that she was so
happy to have met Sakura and that she wanted to thank her for being
her friend. Tomoyo had been new at the time, Sakura knew that. No one
else seemed to want to be friends with the slightly introverted,
eccentric heiress. But Sakura had quickly found her to be the best
friend she could have hoped for. She had been thrilled with the gift,
though a little puzzled that it was a doll of her. Despite her
friend’s obvious talent the doll showcased, Tomoyo mentioned that it
wasn’t as cute as the real Sakura. Sakura had blushed as she often
did when Tomoyo would say such embarrassing things. Tomoyo looked
incredibly happy, her hands on her cheeks as she simply watched the
brunette contently. It was strange. The oddest things could bring
such joy to Sakura’s dark haired friend. It usually had to do with
when they were together, Sakura realized sleepily. The thought
lingered for a moment, as if it wanted to say more to Sakura before
it drifted off to wherever dreams disappear to upon awaking. 

The fingers in Sakura’s hair were still there as she finally began
to stir. Had she fallen asleep? She hadn’t been that tired, had she?
A wave of disorientation spun her around and around as her mind
slowly began to concentrate on the present again. It felt like she
was thinking through a heavy blanket, her thoughts muffled and
distant. Her whereabouts took a minute to come to her. Her room, of
course. Where else would she be? It slowly dawned upon her that that
was an awkward place to find fingers in her hair. Sometimes when she
would sit in the park with Tomoyo or when she would sit at her desk
before class started she would find the other girl’s pale fingers in
her hair, but Tomoyo would hardly be in her room right now, would
she? For a few moments, that was the perfect answer. Of course it was
Tomoyo. She must have come by after the party and was watching Sakura
sleep. The explanation sounded plausible enough, but once again she
was reminded that the fingers were longer, not quite as gentle as
Tomoyo’s. They were still soft and smooth in her hair, though the
overall feel was beginning to strike Sakura as different. Almost like
a woman stroking the hair of a cute child, unlike Tomoyo’s... Just
how did Tomoyo run her hands through her hair anyway? Like a best
friend? Sakura hadn’t seen many other best friends doing quite the
same thing. Tomoyo was loving and gentle about it, her fingers
playfully running through Sakura’s hair as they envisioned different
hairstyles. This thought brought an image of Tomoyo’s own beautiful
hair and how often she styled it differently. She found herself
embarrassed to be drifting so far from the topic at hand. Someone was
there with her. That realization finally shook the last vestiges of
sleep from her. 

Her eyes blinked rapidly as she sat up. Darkness
surrounded her in all directions, seeming to stretch off eternally.
Was this the Dark Card again? No, she could feel her bed underneath
her, her blanket twisted between her legs. After what seemed like
eons, Sakura’s eyes finally began adjusting to the darkness. What
looked to be a woman was sitting next to her on the edge of her bed,
long hair falling past her shoulders. Was it pink? She couldn’t tell
the exact shade in the darkness of her room. "Ruby Moon?!" The sound
of her voice scared her. She hadn’t noticed how silent it was. How
eerily silent. There was no snoring from Kero, no sounds of her
brother busily finishing some sort of work in his room, which she
would have counted on with it being Christmas Eve, no sound at all.
Her voice rang shaky and frightened in her ears. She tried to push
back her fears and confusion, gripping onto the stuffed Sakura in her
arms. ‘Everything will always be all right,’ Tomoyo’s voice whispered
in her mind. "What are you doing here?" she asked at last. Her voice
sounded less afraid now, simply curious. What reason did she have to
fear Ruby Moon anyway? But wasn’t she with Eriol in England now?

Ruby Moon stood up and stretched extravagantly. Her butterfly wings
shimmered in the darkened room. Her long gloved fingers beckoned for
Sakura as she ignored her question. "Come. You have much to see. And
I don’t have much time to show you."

Sakura merely sat in confused silence, staring at the beautiful
crossdressing magical being. "What?" Sakura repeated, blinking. This
wasn’t registering in her sleep addled mind. Her mother’s words
slowly began to surface in the mist that shrouded her thoughts. Was
this one of the spirits she had been talking about? 

Ruby Moon sighed, her hands on her hips. "We have to get going,
Sakura-chan. We don’t have all night. Besides, as soon as I finish
this, I’m gonna go watch Touya while he sleeps. I bet he looks
completely darling." A grin crossed her lips, but she quickly forced
it away. Business before pleasure, she reminded herself. Taking
Sakura’s hand, she led her to the window. The Cardmistress followed
docilely, still completely confused by the situation. "I’m the Ghost
of Christmas Past. I’m here to show you your past holidays. Much was
left unseen their first time through, so this is your chance to see
the truth behind them. Keep your eyes open, Sakura-chan," she
finished cordially. Her wings spread as she placed her hand on the
window. Soft, white snow fell outside, blanketing the city. Ruby
Moon’s hand slid through the glass as if it were nothing more than
water. 

Amazement crept up on Sakura as she watched the pink haired woman
start to shift through the window. Amazement turned to shock as she
found herself getting pulled along through as well. She had time only
to get out a short yelp before she was on the other side, floating
above the fallen snow. Ruby Moon’s giggle fell on her ears, grabbing
her attention. Even though Sakura was only in her pajamas, the wind
and the cold moved past her as if she were being protected. "Hoe...
What’s going on?" Sakura asked again quietly. But she already knew.
They were going to see the past. With the soft smile that Ruby Moon
was wearing, it almost felt like a jolly idea. It was Christmas,
after all. Why not go and see the pretty decorations of years gone
by? But a chill went through Sakura, creeping through her whole body.
She was afraid of what she might find on the other side. 

When Sakura opened her eyes again, they were indoors. Murmuring
could be heard somewhere behind her, voices upon voices piled on top
of each other, all trying to be vaguely quiet but rising together in
a swell that was nearly deafening in itself. Sakura turned around,
trying to spot anything that would help tell her where she was. Her
bare feet moved against the carpet, though the carpet didn’t shift at
all. It was as if she weren’t there at all. Her eyes finally fell
upon something that rose her heart high up in her chest. "Tomoyo-
chan!!" The dark haired girl was wearing a beautiful dress with a
long white ribbon in her hair. If Tomoyo was here, then she didn’t
have to worry. Whenever Tomoyo was with her, everything seemed more
bearable. She felt at ease now that she wasn’t all alone in this
strange place. "Tomoyo-chan!" she called again, running to the other
girl. It was then that Sakura noticed that she was taller than
Tomoyo. That wasn’t strange in and of itself, she had always been
slightly taller than Tomoyo, more so in recent years. But she was too
much taller than her best friend. Tomoyo’s gentle curves were much
less defined, her face more childish. "Hoe?" It took Sakura a moment
to understand. Tomoyo was younger than she was. Just how much, she
couldn’t be sure. So she was in the past. "Tomoyo-chan..?" But Tomoyo
couldn’t hear her. She looked nervous as she kept looking into the
mirror, adjusting her ribbon one way or the other. It was strange to
see her like that. In all the time that Sakura had known Tomoyo, she
couldn’t remember one instance when the dark haired girl had looked
nervous. Tomoyo was obviously about to go onstage to sing. But she
had told Sakura before that she wasn’t nervous when she was singing
because she got lost in the music. So what was worrying her?

"Tomoyo-chan!" Another voice called out, drawing both Sakura and
Tomoyo’s attention. In a fraction of a second, all of the worry
Sakura had seen on Tomoyo face dissolved as if it had never been
there at all. Tomoyo was once again her normal smiling self. Sakura
was a little surprised. Had she seen it at all or were her eyes only
playing tricks on her? Tomoyo looked completely fine now, smiling her
usual sweet smile. The owner of the voice turned out to be none other
than Sakura herself, albeit her younger self. 

"Sakura-chan, I’m glad to see you," Tomoyo said in her gentle, warm
voice. She took Sakura’s hands in her own, smiling happily, no trace
left of whatever was plaguing her moments before. "Thank you so much
for coming. Did you get a good seat?"

Sakura returned the smile, shifting on the souls of her feet as
Tomoyo held onto her hands. She felt a gentle squeeze but that
nothing of it. "The seats are great. I’m right next to Rika-chan and
Naoko-chan." She frowned slightly. "But Onii-chan and Yukito-san are
a few rows back. Onii-chan wouldn’t switch with me." She sweatdropped.

A soft giggle came from Tomoyo. "If poor Tsukishiro-san can’t have
Sakura-chan’s company then I’m sure he must be very sad. He’ll have
to make do with Touya-san instead. I’d be happy to be sitting out
there with Sakura-chan if I could." Her stormy blue eyes sparkled in
the backstage light, their bright intensity never leaving Sakura. 

Shaking her head swiftly, Sakura took a step closer to Tomoyo. The
dark haired girl began to smile even brighter at the close proximity
to her best friend. "No, you can’t do that, Tomoyo-chan. You need to
be up on stage singing. You’re the best in the choir. Everyone will
be so happy to hear you sing."

"There’s only one person I want to sing for. The person I love. I
want everything I sing to be for them. I want every word to go
straight to their heart. I want them to feel my love. When I’m
singing, I can see them in my mind. It’s like I’m with them, like
we’re together. So I sing with all my heart for them. When I think of
them, my love bubbles up inside my heart and it feels like it’s going
to burst. But when I sing, I can let all of my love out, I can pour
it into my singing. It’s how I express my love," Tomoyo explained, a
distant look in her eyes. They held Sakura’s gaze, saying so much
more than her words could hint at. 

"Hanyaa... Tomoyo-chan, no wonder your singing is so gorgeous! It
has to be if you’re singing for the one you love." Sakura watched
Tomoyo with equal parts joy and admiration. "That’s wonderful. I wish
I could sing like you. I would sing for Yukito-san." Her cheeks
flushed darkly at the thought, her eyes closing as she imagined
herself on stage singing to an audience consisting of only her
brother’s friend. Tomoyo must do the same thing, picturing only her
love listening happily to her beautiful music. 

Tomoyo’s smile continued on as before, still bright and cheery, but
she let go of her grip on Sakura’s hands, pulling her own hands up to
her chest. "I’m sure your singing would be very cute, Sakura-chan.
Tsukishiro-san would love to hear it, I’m sure. You have such a
pretty voice that I can’t imagine anyone who wouldn’t want to hear
you sing. Like a beautiful Siren, Sakura-chan would lure everyone
close by, taking a place in all of their hearts." The older Sakura
could almost see hearts in Tomoyo’s eyes as the dark haired girl
spoke fervently to her younger self. It was cute to see her with such
pure enthusiasm. Sakura had seen Tomoyo act that way often when she
would talk about the Cardmistress or about her true love. 

The younger Sakura found herself blushing again at Tomoyo’s kind
words. "Arigato, Tomoyo-chan. But you have such a beautiful voice.
You’ll make the Christmas pageant wonderful. I can’t wait to see it." 
Tomoyo tilted her head to the side, smiling at the brunette. Her
dark hair fell past her cheeks, contrasting starkly with her snow
white skin. She should be feeling nervous, a thought occurred to her.
But she wasn’t. She couldn’t bring herself to be. She merely felt
absorbed in Sakura’s presence, as she often did. It surrounded her
and held tightly to her heart. Her heart was trussed up with a
beautiful red bow, ready and waiting to be Sakura’s Christmas
present. "I’m going to be singing for you, Sakura-chan," Tomoyo
explained. Her voice was soft and loving, directed fully to her
friend. "I want you to be the only one I’m singing for tonight. I’ll
sing with my entire heart for you, Sakura-chan."
Sakura’s face lit up. Oh, what a wonderful Christmas present!
"You’re always so good with gifts, Tomoyo-chan. They’re always so
special. Thank you so much!" Sakura clasped her hands in front of
her, anxious to hear Tomoyo sing again. Whenever Tomoyo would sing,
it felt like the dark haired girl was singing directly to her. Her
melodious, gentle voice swept her away to warm and loving
destinations each time. She always looked forward to listening to her
sing. Her friends agreed that Tomoyo had an amazing voice and was a
wonderful singer, but it went beyond that for Sakura. She truly loved
listening to her friend’s melodies. She almost found herself lost in
them when Tomoyo would sing, but she was never afraid because she
knew Tomoyo would lead her back safely. Her eyes closed slowly as she
imagined the songs that often played in her heart, sung always by
Tomoyo. She would sneak by the choir room when she could, listening
to her best friend’s practices, forgetting everything else in the
world when she would. Her voice was encompassing, rolling emotions
through her body, drawing out the feelings deep in her heart. It was
Tomoyo’s special brand of magic and Sakura always found it enchanting. 

"Sakura-chan..." Tomoyo whispered. Sakura looked absolutely serene
as she stood quietly with her eyes closed. Tomoyo found her fingers
moving as if with a will of their own, lightly stroking Sakura’s warm
cheek. That wasn’t her full Christmas gift. There had been something
else she had wanted to give Sakura this Christmas. An explanation. A
sign. Her heart. Christmas was a time of giving and she wanted to
give Sakura her entire heart and soul. What the brunette would do
with them, Tomoyo did not know, but she would just be happy to let
her know that they were hers. She wanted to make Sakura happy with
every ounce of her being. Sakura was so intoxicating. Everything
about her only served to strengthen Tomoyo’s love for the girl. She
licked her lips, the soft pink rose petals suddenly dry. This would
be the perfect way to show Sakura what she meant with her present, to
show Sakura why she would be the only one Tomoyo was singing for. She
wanted Sakura to know what was behind the music when she was out on
stage. She drew nearer to Sakura, the beautiful brunette still
smiling with her eyes closed. Yukito was only a crush, Tomoyo knew
Sakura well enough to know that. Besides, she already had a good idea
who Yukito himself was interested in. She wanted to spare Sakura that
pain. She wanted to be the one who sheltered her heart and labored
all her days to brighten Sakura’s heart. Her lips were now inches
from Sakura’s. Delicate inches that felt both indescribably distant
and incredibly nearby. The Cardmistress’s spell had worked it’s magic
on her long ago, back before Sakura had ever been a magical girl. A
sweet, gentle kiss, one that would explain her love better than any
of her words ever could for her sweet yet naïve best friend. 

"So what were you going to tell me, Tomoyo-chan? You told me you
wanted to see me before the pageant started." Sakura’s emerald green
eyes fluttered open slowly. Tomoyo was surprisingly close, but that
just made her smile. She felt nice when Tomoyo was near her. 

No, maybe Sakura wasn’t old enough yet after all. There would
always be other Christmases. One day Sakura would understand her
heart. But not yet. "I’ll tell you when you’re older, Sakura-chan,"
Tomoyo said softly, taking Sakura’s hands again. She gave them a
gentle squeeze and began leading Sakura after her. A smile crossed
her lips. Yes, her love could wait an eternity for this girl. She
didn’t need to tell her now. She could wait for Sakura. When Sakura
was ready, that’s when she would tell her. In the meantime, she might
as well work out her crush on Yukito. It was cute watching Sakura
chase after him as it was. The magical girl was always so determined,
her eyes burning with their own jade fire. "I’ll be singing for you,
Sakura-chan," Tomoyo promised as they reached the exit. 

Sakura nodded, a little confused. "Un, if you say so, Tomoyo-chan."
Confusion gave way to concern. That Syaoran boy was probably trying
to steal Yukito away from her again while she was busy. She returned
Tomoyo’s smile as she got ready to slip out the door. "I have to go
keep an eye on Yukito-san. Merri Kurisumasu, Tomoyo-chan! I’ll be
watching!" Sakura called before ducking out. 

Tomoyo stood alone with her hands held to her chest for a long
moment, staring at the space that Sakura had previously occupied. A
soft sigh escaped her lips. She slowly began to fade away in front of
the observing Sakura’s eyes, growing faint and dim. Sakura reached
out for her, her fingers finding nothing but a patch of cold air.
"Tomoyo-chan..." she whispered, thought whether it ever got out of
her mouth, she didn’t know. Even she couldn’t hear it. Her eyes
stayed on the solemn figure until long after the last trace of her
pale best friend was gone. 

"She’s a brave little girl. You’re happiness meant the world to
her. So little things like that didn’t seem to matter to her. But it
grew more difficult as time went by. The hope of youth slowly slips
away from you as the harshness of reality sets in. I think she truly
believed that you would rescue her for quite some time," Ruby Moon
said, startling Sakura as she appeared by her side. 

"She was going to kiss me..." Sakura mumbled, a hand going to her
lips. She could remember that night, with her eyes closed. She had
had no idea that Tomoyo had been so close. That the dark haired girl
had another piece to her present. Her mind shot back to the kiss
under the mistletoe not that long before. So Tomoyo had some other
reason behind it other than just some holiday tradition. A shiver
went through her as the cold emptiness once again surrounded them.
She longed to see Tomoyo again, to see the warmth and brightness the
other girl seemed to give off. Anything but this expanse of nothing. 

Ruby Moon nodded. "She was. That was back before she had given up
on being your special someone. There was still hope in her heart that
she could be the one you would love in the end. But that dwindled
away as time went by. She convinced herself that it wasn’t that way,
that you would love another. That someone else would be the one to
make you happy."

Sakura shook her head quickly, trying desperately to get a grasp on
everything that was piling up on her. "What? But why? I mean, I
didn’t... Everyone had to tell me about Syaoran-kun. I had no idea
about my feelings before he wound up telling me. And without everyone
else pushing us together, I might never have known. Why would she
decide that we could never..." She trailed off, having trouble
wrapping her mind around the thoughts that followed. Her cheeks
blushed stubbornly. 

"If they’re your feelings to begin with," Ruby Moon stated
enigmatically. She sighed, shaking her head. "Sakura-chan, she has
poured her love out to you for a very long time now. It stays
unwaveringly with you through all that you do. It’s left open and
obvious to the world. But you have never seen past Tomoyo to the love
that lies in her heart. You have ignored it, taking it for granted
that her love would always be there to nourish you as it was in the
past. Years of this have taken their toll on Tomoyo. She no longer
believes that you can love her because of it. So she contents herself
with waiting in the background and trying to help you with someone
she thinks you do love."

"I do love him," Sakura said, suddenly feeling defensive. But why?
It had never been an issue to her before. But what troubled Sakura
was that after witnessing her best friend’s love for her from another
point of view, actually seeing it perhaps for the first time in her
life, she wasn’t so sure anymore. A blindfold had been pulled from
her eyes, allowing her to see the pulsing love the dark haired girl
held for her in all its glorious colors and magnitude. This left her
feeling on very shaky ground. It was nothing like how she felt for
Syaoran. It was almost intense enough for her to smell, taste, or
touch. A tangible object that Sakura could feel entwining around her
like so many flowing ribbons. She hugged herself tightly as she tried
to get a grasp on the overwhelming feelings surging through her. "I
don’t ignore her," Sakura whispered, less sure of herself. Tomoyo had
been her best friend for years now. They had shared so much together.
She was always the focus of Tomoyo’s life. But Sakura found herself
caught up in so many things, always expecting Tomoyo to be there when
she needed her. And the dark haired girl always was. She had insight
into Sakura that shone a bright light into even the darkest areas of
her life that Sakura herself was clueless about. Yet Sakura had
missed so much about her friend. She always wrote it off as just more
of Tomoyo’s normally eccentric behavior. It was right there in front
of her and she continued to miss it. She just always expected that
love and warmth and support that Tomoyo always selflessly offered up
to her to be there in her life. 

Ruby Moon offered a small, comforting smile to the Cardmistress
before putting a hand on your shoulder. "The past is filled with
beautiful memories, but life continues onward. You have to cherish
them as you life moves onward. Never forget their lessons or their
simple joys." She paused for a moment. "We have to go, Sakura-chan.
There’s still much for you to see tonight." Pity crept up on her for
the brunette girl, but she knew there was little she could do. 
Sakura followed along helplessly, trailing slightly behind as she
tried to get a grasp on the situation.  "Tomoyo-chan..." she
whispered again. Right now she desperately needed the dark haired
girl’s love and support. Whenever things were difficult for her,
Tomoyo was always there to soothe her battered spirit and warm the
cold inside of her. Tomoyo rarely dealt with the problem itself. No,
that was something for people like Syaoran to attack. Tomoyo’s
specialty was Sakura. Sakura was always the focus of her
concentration whenever Sakura needed help. And the Cardmistress found
herself realizing how much more important that was to her. She could
handle any problems when Tomoyo was there to bolster her heart and
soul. The world began to shift around Sakura, but she barely noticed
until they shown like Christmas lights all around her. In the eerie
lighting, she thought she saw Tomoyo standing alone before the
pageant once more, a phantom amongst the gathering lights. But before
Sakura could call out to the lonely shadow, she was gone.

------------------------------------------------------------

"Tomoyo-chan..." Sakura called out, her hand reaching forward. Her
fingers laced around a bed sheet, pulling it close. "Hoe?" Blinking
confusedly, the brunette found herself back in bed, her blanket
pulled oddly around her. Her hand clutched for her cell phone
instinctively. "Tomoyo-chan…" she got out as it began ringing. There
was a long pause as Sakura waited. What if she wasn’t there? She had
to speak with her. She almost hung up when she heard it connect.
"Tomoyo-chan?!" 

There was a moment of silence before Sakura got her reply. "Sakura-
chan? Are you all right?" Tomoyo asked concernedly. "Is anything
wrong?" Her voice was gentle and soothing as always and Sakura could
feel her worries begin to melt away. Tomoyo waited patiently for an
answer. 

Sakura could picture Tomoyo sitting on her bed in her nightgown,
holding the phone in her soft, pale hands and felt herself relax.
"I’m.. I’m all right, I think. I just had a weird dream, that’s all."
It had all been a dream, hadn’t it? Her mother, Ruby Moon, the past.
It was all just one big dream. She sighed. "It’s good to hear your
voice, Tomoyo-chan." 

"You can always call me if you want to talk, Sakura-chan. I’m glad
that you’re doing all right. Please don’t let a dream worry you too
much. Sakura-chan should only have the prettiest, sweetest dreams of
all on Christmas Eve." Tomoyo shifted on the other side of the phone.
It sounded like she was sitting up. "Whatever’s troubling you, I’m
sure it won’t affect your Christmas. Christmas won’t be the same for
your family if Sakura-chan isn’t bright and happy for it."

For a second, Sakura considered asking Tomoyo about her feelings.
Was the dream right about them? Did Tomoyo really love her? Looking
back on memories of past Christmases and just about any other time
she had spent with the dark haired girl, Sakura could only come to a
resounding yes as the conclusion. But that was something she would
have to ask her about in person. She smiled a little, feeling better
now that she was talking to her best friend. "You’re right, Tomoyo-
chan." She giggled softly. "You’re always right. You always seem to
know what’s going on."

"I don’t know everything. I just have a good idea about Sakura-chan
because she’s my absolute favorite subject," Tomoyo said matter-of-
factly. 

"Arigato gozimasu, Tomoyo-chan," Sakura said into the phone. The
dreams were all just getting to her because it was almost Christmas
and she was stressing out way too much about everything. Tomoyo’s
soft voice was already making the odd tone of the dreams seem far
off. Something over near the door caught her attention. Kero was
floating there in a top hat, wearing a green and red checkered scarf
and mittens with little snowmen on them. "Oh, Kero-chan’s here.
That’s a cute outfit you made him, Tomoyo-chan."

"Kero-chan’s wearing an outfit? I didn’t make him one. I gave him a
video game for Christmas. I’m sure it’s cute, though." Tomoyo sounded
a bit confused, but it quickly disappeared. It was probably just
something he’d cobbled together himself. "And your welcome, Sakura-
chan. I always love hearing from you."

Sakura smiled as she slipped her legs over the side of the bed,
waving at the Seal Beast. Kero waited impatiently, his arms crossed.
"I’ve got to go now, Tomoyo-chan. I think Kero wants something."

"All right. Tell him I said ‘Merry Christmas’ for me, please. And
sleep well, Sakura-chan. Have the dreams of angels."

Sakura froze, her hand tightly on the phone. Angels... Her mother
had mentioned that earlier. But it had only been a dream. Still, the
coincidence was enough to shake her. "I will. Thanks again, Tomoyo-
chan! Sleep well!" Sakura hung up and set the cell phone back down.
Her emerald eyes went back up to Kero. "Where have you been, Kero-
chan?" she asked curiously. 

Striking as cool a pose as he could possibly attain in his current
attire, Kero whipped his scarf back over his shoulder. "I am the
Ghost of Christmas Presents. I am here to show you all the great
stuff you’re gonna get!" Kero nodded triumphantly, transcendental
light starting to glow behind him. Ruby Moon’s hand snaked out from
the light and dragged Kero back through it. Sakura stared in
disbelief as she heard a muffled argument through the light. After a
long moment, Kero popped back into sight. He cleared his throat
loudly and began again. "I am the Ghost of Christmas Present! The
here and now. Today." He glared back at the light before continuing.
"And I’m here to show you Christmas, Sakura-chan!"

"What?" It took a moment for Kero’s words to register in Sakura’s
still clouded mind. Her head shook quickly, her eyes going wide as
realization struck her forcefully. "Oh, no! Kero-chan, I’ve already
seen Ruby Moon and my mother. It’s late. I’m tired. Can’t we do this
later?" Or better yet, not at all? A voice in the back of her mind
asked. She gave a wary smile to the oddly dressed Seal Beast. "It’s
almost Christmas, Kero-chan. And it’s late. And I understand. Tomoyo-
chan likes me." A small blush started to spread across her cheeks.
"What else do I need to know?"

"Plenty," Kero said quickly. He looked at Sakura with his tiny
black eyes, studying her. "And I have no idea who this ‘Kero-chan’
is. I am the ghost of Christmas Presents." He paused for a moment
before correcting himself. "Present." 

Sakura suppressed a giggle and nodded. "All right, Kero-chan. Where
do we go?"

With a flourish of his scarf, Kero fluttered up to the
Cardmistress. "To a place you know well. Though this time you’ll be
seeing it in a different light. Finding out Tomoyo’s feelings isn’t
the only thing you’re supposed to learn, Sakura-chan. There’s much
more for you to discover tonight." 

But what more could there be? Sakura couldn’t come up with
anything. She had missed Tomoyo’s hints and gestures of love and
affection over the years, but now they made sense to her. That was
what her mother had meant about her overlooking something, right?
That had to be it. So she’d have to ask Tomoyo about it later. The
dark haired girl seemed to be fine with the way things were, so it
couldn’t be bad enough to warrant all this. In fact, this just
managed to make everything even more confusing than it already had
been. Now how was she supposed to treat Tomoyo? She already had
Syaoran as her boyfriend. She didn’t know what to do or even what to
say to Tomoyo about it. She could see herself in her mind’s eye
smiling at the pale girl upon arriving at her house. ‘Hi, Tomoyo-
chan! So you like me, huh? Well, we can still be friends, but I’ve
got Syaoran-kun. Did you want to go on a picnic?’ A small shiver went
through her. Just what was she supposed to say, anyway? Oddly enough,
she could see Tomoyo smiling her same sweet smile even after cruel
words like those and agreeing that a picnic would be lovely. It
didn’t make sense, but it was perfect Tomoyo. A lot about Tomoyo
didn’t make sense, but Sakura had always been happy to be her best
friend. At least now a little more about the dark haired girl was
clear. Even if it meant Sakura would eventually have to figure out
what to say to her about it. Or if she should. A sigh escaped her
lips as she took Kero’s small paw. She wanted to see Tomoyo, to tell
her everything. Tomoyo always managed to make her feel better. 

"We’re here," Kero said casually as he let go of Sakura’s hand.
They were standing in front of the Daidouji mansion, the lawn and
walls decorated extravagantly with Christmas decorations. 

"Huh? Ah!" Sakura pulled a foot up, staring at the ground. Snow was
underneath her bare foot, but she couldn’t feel the cold. It was
distant, like walking through a video recording. The snow didn’t even
shift under her feet as if it didn’t recognize that Sakura was
standing there. Being set apart from the world that way sent a chill
down Sakura’s spine. She hadn’t even noticed that they had gone
anywhere until the top hatted Seal Beast had pointed it out to her.
The sudden transition made it difficult for her to get her bearings.
"Tomoyo-chan’s house," she said at last, her eyes heading towards
Tomoyo’s bedroom window. "Oh! She’s having her party!" A small thrill
counteracted the creepy feelings that had been preying on her and a
smile crossed her face. "So I can see her party after all!"

Kero nodded eagerly, hugging himself tightly as a look of pure joy
crossed his teddy bear face. "I LOVE Christmas parties! And ‘cause
it’s Tomoyo-chan’s, you just know there’s gonna be lots of cakes and
puddings and deserts and yummy stuff to eat. And games! I bet she’d
have plenty of games, too! Of course she would. It’s Christmas!"
Floating as if on a cloud of sheer ecstasy, the Ghost of Christmas
Present started flying circles around Sakura.

Sweatdropping, Sakura wondered how the Ghost could possibly be
anyone but the Seal Beast with the Osaka dialect that she had known
for some time. He may have denied being Kero, but he wasn’t doing a
very good job of disguising himself. "So where is Tomoyo-chan having
her party then? I don’t see any lights." The brunette held her hands
near her eyes, trying to get a better look. Sure enough, the only
lights coming from the mansion were from the many Christmas lights
generously positioned around the building. 

Finally managing to get a hold of himself, though still seeing
visions of candy and deserts, the little bear in the top hat, began
to lead the way towards the house. "Christmas is a wondrous time,
Sakura-chan. People everywhere find themselves sharing food and gifts
with family and friends. Even if it’s cold outside, the warmth from
the hearts of those celebrating more than make up for it. Lovers kiss
under mistletoe. Friends exchange gifts with each other. Families
come together for generous meals to share. Big meals. With lots of
seconds. And plenty of deserts."

"Kero-chan..." 

"Oh!" Kero shook his head, trying to get the images out of his
mind. He hadn’t noticed until then that he had begun salivating.
Dabbing at his mouth with his scarf, he continued on. "No matter who
you are or where you are, the most important thing about Christmas is
love. Sharing the holidays with the ones you love is what makes it
great. Giving of your heart, adding to a feast of warmth that you all
can share. Sure, there’s cool presents that I could be showing you
right now..." he glared off into the distance for a moment before
continuing, "but right now I have to show you the hidden parts of
this Christmas. Maybe when we’re done..." He nodded to himself,
pleased. "Well, we’ll see about that. But for right now, let’s go see
the party!"

Sakura nodded eagerly, following Kero’s receding form into the
mansion. Wouldn’t Tomoyo be surprised when she knew what happened
even without the videotape!

------------------------------------------------------------

The house really was entirely dark. Sakura could only see by the
light of the Christmas lights, and with them flickering on and off in
intricate patterns, it certainly made things difficult. She
considered using the Sakura Cards to light her path, but her nervous
hand couldn’t find the key. Everything felt wrong. Houses generally
held some feelings to them. Her own house felt comfortable and
loving. Tomoyo’s home had a warmth and sweetness to it that she had
always liked. But this time was different. It was like she was
walking through some sort of twisted version of the mansion. She
couldn’t quite put her finger on what was wrong. Only that she could
feel it. The shadows seemed to stick out at all angles, almost moving
from the sporadic Christmas light patterns. Sakura swallowed
nervously but found her mouth had gone dry. ‘Ghosts!’ her mind kept
crying out when a shadow would loom near her for a moment before
shifting in shades of green, red, and blue. She found herself wishing
not for the first time that night that Tomoyo could be there. Tomoyo
never seemed afraid, except when she was worried about Sakura. Ghosts
just didn’t seem to bother her, though the brunette couldn’t figure
out how anybody could not be afraid of ghosts. So she would always
clutch onto Tomoyo when she was worried about them. And she would
feel better, holding onto Tomoyo, because she knew the other girl was
there with her. But now...

"I think it’s this way," Kero said after a moment, completely
hidden in the darkness in front of Sakura. His voice didn’t sound
quite so sure. The place was so big! He had come with Sakura
occasionally, but he never got to do any exploring. He should be
making Sakura lead the way. After all, she knew the place better than
he did. But his keen Seal Beast pride got in the way as he floundered
about in the dark. He barely noticed Sakura’s shriek at his sudden
comment. 

Catching her breath, Sakura followed the jolly ghost further into
the darkness. Her eyes caught on the flickering lights coming from a
large Christmas tree standing on the far side of a room she was about
to pass. Forgetting about all about Kero for the moment, Sakura
slowly entered the room. Wouldn’t this be where Tomoyo would have her
party? The large room could easily fit all of her friends and was
very well decorated. Finding herself drawn to the sparkling Christmas
tree, Sakura’s fingers reached out to touch a few of the ornaments.
They were all very beautiful. Some looked like priceless antiques,
placed with ginger care upon the branches. Glimmering crystal angels,
sparkling icicles, glass bells, and so much more festooned the tree.
Placed just as gingerly but with perhaps even more love, were small,
worn out trinkets from years long past. Sakura could see a small
snowman that’s seems were starting to show. It had Tomoyo’s name on
the back with a date. It didn’t surprise Sakura that Tomoyo had made
several other ornaments on the tree as well. Some were from nearly a
decade before. Yet these old ornaments, some quite obviously made by
a child (a skilled child, but a child nonetheless), appeared to be
some of the most cherished objects adorning the tree. "So you get to
be dressed up by Tomoyo-chan, too, Mr. Tree?" she asked quietly. Some
other ornaments appeared to be from a time even further back, the
grasp of age touching on them. Family heirlooms, Sakura supposed.
Several appeared to come from Tomoyo’s mother’s childhood, others
from further back than that. She caught sight of her mother in one of
them, a beautiful young girl around Sakura’s age at the time the
picture was taken. She was lying in the snow next to a brunette woman
that Sakura recognized instantly. ‘Sonomi and Nadeshiko’, it read on
the back. The two looked so happy in the picture. Her mother’s words
once again whispered in her ear. Tomoyo had once told her that all of
her mother’s employees were female because of her preference. And
Sonomi always talked about Sakura’s mother so dreamily. Was that what
her mother had meant about what happened to her? Sonomi did seem to
be in a lot of pain over her death. ‘But I would never hurt Tomoyo-
chan. I couldn’t stand to know she was in pain. So I shouldn’t have
to worry about it. But still...’ Her eyes couldn’t leave the picture.
The two best friends, happily together. One of them so in love with
the other. For a moment, the picture shifted and she saw herself and
Tomoyo in it. She backed away quickly, nearly tripping over a
Christmas present. 

Presents lay scattered underneath the tree, all done up in festive
wrapping paper with plenty of bows and ribbons. Sakura had to
suppress a laugh. She could definitely tell which were from Tomoyo to
her mother. Only two names alternated on them all. Sonomi and Tomoyo.
Her laughter was short lived when she read Sonomi’s name. No, she
wouldn’t hurt Tomoyo. She couldn’t. But the thought frightened her.
Her mother had warned her that she was making the same mistake she
had. But what? 

A sound from the other side of the room caught Sakura’s attention.
Her ears perked up as she peered into the shadows engulfing the rest
of the room starting just a few feet in front of her. She waited in
the darkness, holding her breath, waiting for it to happen again.
Lights shifted on the floor in front of her. Red, blue, green,
orange, violet. Blinking on and off in their continuing patterns.
Staring at the shapes they cast on the floor, Sakura began to wonder
if it had just been her imagination. A muffled sob reached Sakura’s
ears, quiet but unmistakable in the silent room. The voice behind the
pain racked cry was equally unmistakable to Sakura. That voice that
always soothed her soul, that carried her away to distant locales
when in verse, that made embarrassing comments about how cute she was
or how talented. 

"Tomoyo-chan..." Sakura whispered into the darkness. Her body went
as cold as if she had just awoken in the snow. Her heart felt just as
numb. She walked forward slowly, her emerald eyes questing valiantly
for any sign of her dark haired best friend. She could by now dimly
make out a large couch facing the Christmas tree with some pillows or
a large sheet lying over it. She couldn’t quite make it all out in
the dim light of the Christmas tree. A long table rested near the
couch. A delicious looking cake was set atop it, beautifully
decorated for the occasion. That must have been the cake Tomoyo had
hurried home to make. But it hardly looked touched, not a single
piece removed. Cups lay nearby, along with holiday themed napkins and
a large pitcher of spiced cider. This had to be where Tomoyo had
planned to have the party! But what had happened? It didn't look like
anyone had been here. 

"Sakura-chan..." Tomoyo’s weak voice got out before another sob
broke through. The sheet shifted on the couch, darkness cascading
down around the top of it. The form shuddered, crying quietly in the
empty room. She had mistaken the dark haired girl at first, but now
her eyes began to adjust. From what little she could see, Tomoyo was
wearing a beautiful green and rust red party dress, her dark hair
done up in pigtails. Her tears sparkled in the darkness, reflecting
the colored lights as they slid down her cheeks. Her pale skin made
her look eerily ghostlike in the dim light, almost an apparition of
her normal self. 

Sakura’s heart broke in two to hear the strangled, miserable sobs
that broke free while Tomoyo cried, alone. The brunette was caught
completely off guard. She had never seen Tomoyo like this before.
"What happened?" she asked, hoping that Tomoyo would somehow hear
her. "Tomoyo-chan." Her own voice was shaky in her ears. 

Tomoyo curled up into a tight little ball on the couch, hugging her
legs to her chest. Her head ached from crying too much. Her body felt
sick and exhausted. But she couldn't stop the tears. She should go to
her room before her mother got home so she wouldn’t see her like
this. She should clean up her little ‘party’ before she would have to
explain what had happened. But she couldn’t will herself to get off
the couch. She didn’t want to leave the dark confines of the room
that she had waited hours in. Hours all alone. She had the sinking
feeling that this is how it would always be. This was what awaited
her in her not so distant future. Alone, alone, always alone. She had
made the cake hours earlier, in preparation for her Christmas party.
Everything had been set up. She had done a meticulous job of making
sure everything would be perfect. Sakura would be there, after all.
And she wanted to spend a perfect Christmas Eve with her darling
Sakura. Finding out Sakura couldn’t be there had been a bit of a
shock, and a rather painful one. She wanted nothing else for
Christmas than to spend it in the glowing presence of her beloved
best friend. But she had hidden all that away. She couldn’t let
Sakura see how disappointed she was. No, she had to make sure that
Sakura enjoyed her night with her family. After all, that was an
important part of Christmas, too. But her family, her only family
could not be there for Christmas Eve. Her mother was far too busy
finishing things at work for the Holiday. She had understood that
when her mother had explained. Sonomi had been hesitant to go, making
sure that it was all right with Tomoyo if she did. Tomoyo knew how
busy her work could be and told her that it was quite all right, that
they would spend Christmas Day together, so it wasn’t a problem. The
two women that meant the most in Tomoyo’s life couldn’t be there for
Christmas Eve. But that was all right. She would be strong for them.
She had guests to attend to as it was. So she had finished the last
of her preparations for the party and then waited. And waited. And
decorated a little more before waiting. She didn’t know when it had
finally struck her that no one was coming. Minutes after the start of
the party? Hours? She couldn’t be sure. But it had all become too
much for her to bear. Here she was, all alone on Christmas Eve, like
some forgotten Christmas present that wouldn’t be found till the next
year. Tears fell past her ivory skin to the couch underneath her. 

Sakura was surprised when she felt a tear of her own slipping down
her cheek. Her eyes were starting to sting as she sat watching her
best friend crying softly. "Tomoyo-chan... What happened? Please.."
she pleaded with the dark haired girl to no avail. She felt so
helpless. There wasn’t anything she could do. She had been so sure
that nothing could faze Tomoyo, that she always managed to have the
gentle smile no matter the circumstances. Seeing her like this was a
wake up call for Sakura, shaking away the illusions that had
surrounded her friend. Suddenly Sakura started to wonder if she
actually had hurt Tomoyo before, not seeing behind the dark haired
girl’s smile to the pain she had caused. Her mind began pouring
through memories, but she quickly gave up that search. It would do no
good. Not now. 

Unknowing of the subject of her thoughts presence, Tomoyo continued
to cry in the darkness. She didn’t want to be alone. She didn’t think
she could take it. Her heart longed for Sakura, for a love that had
long been denied, one that she now knew she couldn’t have. Yet her
heart would not listen. It only called out for Sakura, aching
painfully for her. And loneliness was the only thing this road
offered. But she would live with it for Sakura. She didn’t know any
other way. Tomoyo cried harder, her sides starting to ache. The
thought of returning to her room, to her personal shrine to Sakura
just made her feel worse inside. She had no place to go. The
Christmas tree peeked out at her through her tear blurred vision,
taunting her with its grim reminder of this painful Christmas Eve.
Her stormy blue eyes shut tightly, her small body shaking on the
couch. She just wanted Sakura to hold her close, to feel her warm
embrace. To hear her beautiful voice. But she knew she couldn’t. This
was the dark underbelly of Christmas. It had two sides. The bright,
joyous side. The one she hoped that Sakura would be seeing with her
family. And the dark, lonely side. The holiday when experienced in
all of its gruesome torment. Alone. When all it managed to do was
reinforce how insignificant and lost one is in the wide world. 
Why had she thrown this party? What had she hoped to accomplish? She
just wanted to have a wonderful Christmas Eve for everyone. She
thought it would be perfect to have Sakura and all of her friends
over. But she knew at the back of her mind that they weren’t her
friends. They were Sakura’s friends. Like a puppy tagging along
behind her owner, Tomoyo had never really been befriended by Chiharu
and the others. She was merely there. Why would they come over for
Christmas of all days? They had their own families and loved ones.
They all had people to share the holiday with. Tomoyo felt frozen
despite the heat being on. Christmas Eve was almost over now. It was
growing late. The day would soon be over, but the scars on Tomoyo’s
soul would remain. After all, Today is always built upon Yesterday’s
ashes. 

Kero sighed, shaking his head. "Christmas isn’t always happy for
everyone. Even with a warm heart, with no one to share it with, what
good is it? It’s like having an oven, but no food to put in it. It’s
just... empty." 

Sakura didn’t even turn to look at the festively dressed Seal Beast,
her eyes never leaving Tomoyo shuddering form. She looked so weak, so
frail. As if the slightest touch would shatter her into a thousand
jagged pieces. She remembered something her father had said to her
when she had accidentally broken a pot as a child. ‘Sakura-chan, when
we break things, we can’t always fix them. We can try to put them
back together, but they’ll never be exactly the way they were,’ he
had explained while they tried to glue the pot back together. Had she
broken Tomoyo? Could she pick up all the pieces? "What happened?" she
asked in a tiny voice.

Clearing his throat, Kero looked away. He had never seen Tomoyo, or
anyone that he could remember, looking quite so desolate before. "Her
mother couldn’t be here because of work. You couldn’t be here because
of dinner. You friends didn’t show up because they all had things to
do and they’ve never been Tomoyo friends exactly anyway so they
didn’t see it as a big deal. She always follows you around so why
would she care? I don’t think that matters though. The only ones that
she really wanted to be here were you and her mother."

Shaking her head sadly, Sakura reached out hesitantly for Tomoyo
before stopping, her fingers inches from Tomoyo’s hand. "So this is
all tonight? This is what happened with her party? Tomoyo-chan..."
She sniffled, cold tears spilling down her cheeks. "Tomoyo-chan!" she
buried her face in her hands, crying into them. "It’s not fair! She
shouldn’t have to be so sad! I... Tomoyo-chan, I’m so sorry..." Her
mouth opened to say more, but her throat locked up, unable to allow
her to get anything else out. She just shook her head again, tears
falling to her pajamas. Painful shards of ice grew into her heart,
tearing at her with each consecutive sob that came from the dark
haired girl. She couldn’t help but feel that it was her fault, that
she had failed Tomoyo. ‘I always knew you would save me,’ Tomoyo’s
voice echoed in her mind. ‘But I failed her. I never saved her,’ her
own voice came back accusingly.

"Sakura-chan, I’m sorry I had to show you this," Kero apologized. 

"No... I’m.. I’m glad you did. If I didn’t see this, I’d never know.
She would just smile when she sees me tomorrow and she’d act like
everything’s all right. Be..Because I.." Her eyes shut closed as she
tried to continue, choking back sobs. "Because I can’t see it on my
own... Kero-chan, I didn’t know.." A small whimper escaped her as she
fell back on her knees.

"It’s okay, Sakura-chan. You’ll figure it out. But it’s not over
yet. There’s still a final spirit to meet. The one who will judge
you. The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come." Kero took Sakura’s hand,
leading her away from Tomoyo’s silent form. Sakura kept watching her
as she slowly began to walk away. She could see Sonomi enter the
room, and paused.

Sonomi brushed back some of Tomoyo’s long dark hair as she knelt
beside her. Work had gone later than she expected, but she had
hurried home as quickly as she could. It didn’t take long for her to
realize what had happened. The cake left untouched, the Christmas
letter for Sakura still in Tomoyo’s hands, the tears staining her
daughter’s cheeks. Tomoyo had just passed into a fitful sleep a short
time before her arrival. She wiped the remaining tear from Tomoyo’s
pale cheek before gently picking her up. She kissed her forehead
before walking out of the room with her baby girl. "It will be all
right, Tomoyo-chan. I don’t know how, but it will be. I’ll be here
for you when you wake up."

‘At least Sonomi-sama tries to protect her!’ Sakura’s mind lashed
out. ‘And I’m the one she’s trying to protect her from. Oh kami-
sama... How long have I been hurting her?’ Her legs went numb at the
thought. Fresh tears burned in her eyes. A weak sob escaped her lips
and the world went black, plunging her into darkness.

------------------------------------------------------------

It was cold. That was the first thing that Sakura noticed. Icy
hands dragged the breath right out of her, cold daggers lancing into
her sides as she tried to breathe in the frozen air. In all of the
other places she had traveled that night, the cold had been a
distant, forgotten thing as if she were not a part of it. But now it
surrounded her, grasping onto her, infusing into her body. Clutching
herself tightly, she struggled to fend off the shaking of her cold
body. "Kero-chan?" she called into the windswept night. But there was
no answer. The howl of the wind startled the Cardmistress, snow
falling about her pajama clad form. Alone and afraid, she started to
cry, slumping to her knees in the freshly fallen snow. The night had
take a lot out of her, and upon expecting to find herself in her bed,
she wound up out in the bleary night without the faintest trace of
her guardian. Still in anguish over seeing Tomoyo in such pain, pain
that she had helped to bring to the door of her sweet and gentle best
friend, Sakura couldn’t work up the strength to get back up. 

‘Don’t cry. It won’t get you anywhere,’ a rough voice said from
nowhere. Sakura’s body shuddered as she was wracked with more sobs. 

‘Please don’t cry, Sakura-chan. It just makes me feel sad,’ a
softer, more gentle voice spoke up from the same spot that was
nowhere but ever so near to the brunette. 

Tomoyo... She had heard Tomoyo say that before. She shouldn’t cry
because it made Tomoyo sad. And she couldn’t make Tomoyo sad anymore.
The other voice... It had to be Syaoran’s. He had told her that
crying wouldn’t solve anything, that she needed to face things
without tears. Yes, he was right. "Everything will always be all
right," Sakura whispered to herself. That was her power, right? Her
special power. It wasn’t magic, it wasn’t strength. It was just a
tiny phrase in the midst of a snowstorm. But it came with the love
and support of those that had stood behind her at one point in time.
It came with the profound faith of those that believed in her. And
through that belief that they held in her, Sakura could have faith as
well. That perhaps everything would be. Blinking in the blizzard that
encompassed her, Sakura tried to look up. The endless white that had
blanketed everything she could see was replaced in the immediate
vicinity by a dark black shroud that rose up above her kneeling form.
The cloak flailed around in the darkness, snow not daring to fall
upon it’s midnight embrace. Yet Sakura couldn’t see make out whoever
it was inside of the cloak, only a vague figure that remained
shrouded in darkness. The figure held out a hand to Sakura, beckoning
her to follow. "Are you... Are you the Ghost of Christmas Yet to
Come?" Sakura asked above the rising icy shriek of the wind. Her
voice trembled, though not entirely from the cold. She was to be
judged, she knew that. And she was afraid that she would be found
terribly wanting in the eyes of this macabre judge, jury, and
executioner. The figure nodded almost imperceptibly, causing Sakura
to wonder if she had even seen it at all. "There’s so much I’ve
learned tonight. I... I never knew how much I had ignored Tomoyo-
chan. I didn’t know how much I had hurt her. Please, show me more. My
mother said that you could help me. I don’t..." Her voice caught in
her throat painfully as she tried to speak. It took a moment to
swallow the burning tears and continue. "I don’t want to hurt anyone
anymore. I just want everything to be all right." Tears threatened to
spill from her jade eyes, but the shadowed figure merely watched in
silence before beckoning once more. Sakura once again found herself
wishing Tomoyo was there to clutch onto. Why did they have to be
ghosts? Why couldn’t they have been the three magical beings of
Christmas? Or the three Mr. Seagulls? Anything would be better than
ghosts. But she had already made up her mind. Frightened or not, she
had to follow. The shadowed figure slowly took her hand. It felt cold
yet familiar in her grasp, but she couldn’t quite figure out who it
belonged to. Her mind quickly gave up the futile attempt as the
snowstorm grew infinitely worse, swallowing up Sakura and the
mysterious stranger in it’s jagged talons. 

Before the two figures, the snow slowly began to dissipate,
weakening it’s snow white hold on Sakura’s vision. All around her,
the snow continued to fall with a silent intensity, but before her it
dropped in only small groups of snowflakes. She caught one between
her hands, holding it in her opened palms for a moment. The tiny ice
crystal was beautiful, a jewel from the sky. But almost immediately,
it melted into cold water in her hands, not a trace remaining of the
beauty she had seen moments before. 

Cold fingers curled under Sakura’s chin, lifting her gaze to the
glass in front of them. It took all of the brunette’s strength not to
jump at the sudden touch. The glass looked into a busy office room,
people hurrying about their business. One woman in a business suit
looked particularly familiar with her fairly short hair and glasses. 
"Working on your book, Naoko-san?" one of the women asked as she
poured herself something warm to drink. She had a warm, friendly air
about her, but her tone was almost teasing as if she asked the
question often.

Naoko frowned, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose with
her index finger. "No, I’m not working on it today," she stated
simply, going through some papers shuffled together on her lap.

"Oh? Why not?" a man asked curiously. Despite the earlier teasing,
it seemed that they were used to a different answer. "Because it’s
Christmas Eve?"

Naoko nodded somberly, looking up again. The light shined off her
glasses for a moment, frightening Sakura as she watched. "I don’t
want to anger the spirits, after all. Today’s the anniversary. A girl
I went to school with for years did something horrific last year. You
see, she was a very lonely girl. You wouldn’t know that at first, but
she was. She only had one really good friend. None of us understood
at first, but as we grew older if became blaringly obvious. She was
in love with her friend. But it was an unrequited love, one that she
could never have. Every Christmas, she would try to give her gift of
love to the one she held dear, but every year it went unreturned. No
one could see that she was slowly freezing to death from the cruel,
cold emptiness in her heart. Eventually, you could see the pain in
her eyes, like cracks running through ice. It was frightening to see.
It always made me feel cold inside when those eyes would turn to me."
Naoko pulled her jacket about her tighter, shivering in her chair. "I
didn’t hear from her after high school, but I heard stories. She
withdrew more and more as her lonely heart began to pain her even
further. Yet every Christmas she would offer up her gift and every
Christmas it would be denied her. One Christmas years ago, she simply
died. It was as if her body just couldn’t live with that torment
anymore. I heard that she looked peaceful, at rest. I guess she
finally found the rest in death that she couldn’t have in life." A
cell phone call interrupted her story. Picking it up, she blushed a
little upon answering. "Nakuru-san! Hai, of course I’ll be home in
time for dinner." The blush turned a little deeper as she whispered
into the phone. "Of course. You know I love seeing you in that dress.
Alright. I’ll see you in an hour or two."

Sakura could only stare into the office, her hand on the window
shaking softly. Naoko’s story had sent a splinter of ice deep into
her soul, chilling her very being. Her mind hurried through images of
classmates, horrified that such a thing could happen. She abandoned
the quest immediately when a sweet, gentle voice rang out in her
mind. ‘You know who it is, Sakura-chan. You know who it is very
well.’ She couldn’t pinpoint the source of the voice, but the
unsettling feeling that washed over her kept her from searching for
it. "No... How can something like that happen? That’s terrible..."
She turned on the shrouded spirit, nearly hysterical. "How can
something like that happen on Christmas? Christmas is a time of
love... and joy and... And that’s too sad. No one should have to be
that lonely on Christmas. No one should ever have to be that lonely.
It.." she trailed off, hiccuping. Her tears were starting to build
again and she found it difficult to fight them off. "Please... Please
show me that there’s still love left in this desolate place...
Otherwise, what have I fought for? What good did I do? Please..." Her
voice quavered as she begged the ominous silhouette.

The shadow did not move, but the scenery around them did. They were
indoors at last, finally in a heated room. But the house they were in
offered little warmth. Sakura recognized it almost immediately.
"Tomoyo-chan’s house!" She exclaimed, a small yet delighted laugh
coming from her. Yes, that was exactly what she needed. She could see
Tomoyo, see the love that always flowed from her heart. The woman’s
warm and caring nature would help through whatever dark time had
befallen one of their classmates. She knew that what happened to her
classmate must be a warning, a sign of where her neglect was leading.
But she couldn’t believe that Tomoyo would ever do such a thing. The
notion was abstract to Sakura, beyond rational understanding. It
would never happen. 

Jade eyes darted around the large room of the mansion, looking for
any symbol of her dark haired best friend. It was the same room she
had seen Tomoyo in just a short time before, but now there was no
Christmas tree, no lights or decorations. It felt... empty. That
wasn’t to say the furniture and normal items were not there, but that
a feeling about the room, one that she associated with the house
itself was missing. Sakura swallowed painfully and turned to the
spirit. Her mind raced down a dead end tunnel, afraid of what was
lurking in the shadows at the end of that path. Turning away, she
bolted out of the room, hurrying for sanctuary, the one place she
could be sure she would find that feeling again. Tomoyo’s room. The
house rushed past her in a blur as she made her way to the lodgings
of her best friend. The door was already ajar, hanging open as if
pushed by a ghost. Pausing for only an instant, Sakura rushed in
headlong, hoping and praying that the pale woman who occupied it
would be sitting there even now, editing videotape or perhaps working
on a costume. But it was not to be so. Unable to give up hope, the
brunette looked around the room. A costume lay half finished on
Tomoyo’s desk, numerous designs neatly laid out near it. A small
camcorder was resting near the bed, a small stack of videotapes
nearby. A picture of the room’s owner, several years older than she
had been in Sakura’s own time and smiling as she sat next to an older
Sakura sat on the nightstand. The room looked just how Sakura had
remembered it, even if a few years change were evident. But it all
had a dull feeling to it, as if it were merely a moment of the past
captured inside the room, never moving forward but never holding the
life it once had. ‘When I videotape, I capture moments of Sakura-chan
frozen on film. I can watch them forever, cherishing these moments
even when they have long disappeared into the past,’ Tomoyo’s voice
echoed in Sakura’ panic driven head. She had spoken those words to
the Cardmistress not more than a week earlier, but they rang eerily
true in this room that was not truly a room. It had been turned into
a museum, a snapshot of it’s former self. Sakura’s knees felt weak
and wobbly, as if they belonged to someone other than the athletic
brunette. Her stomach felt sick as she shut her eyes tightly, trying
to force out the images of the long dead room. 

A faint, sickly sobbing finally drew Sakura out of her pain induced
game of hide and seek with reality. Like a Siren’s song, she followed
it, desperate to find it’s source. The voice behind the pain wracked
sobs sounded so familiar. Who could be in such terrible agony? The
cries were hopeless, desolate sounds that sent a chill over Sakura
that was worse than any of the snowstorm she had witnessed. Her feet
continued moving her forward even after her mind decided it didn’t
want to see whatever lay at the end of this path. She passed a framed
picture of her mother next to one by Tomoyo. They were nearly the
same age in the pictures. Sakura found herself awestruck by the
similarities. Tomoyo looked remarkably like her mother, something she
had never truly noticed before, despite Sonomi’s explanations of it.
It was almost frightening to see the two side by side. Long, dark
grayish hair clung around both of their shoulders, falling in
beautiful waves. Both with such pale complexions and such gentle
smiles. The biggest difference that Sakura could see were their eyes.
Nadeshiko’s were the same emerald green as Sakura’s whereas Tomoyo’s
were a deep, stormy blue. ‘Nadeshiko-chan was an angel I was blessed
to have met,’ Sonomi had once said. "So is Tomoyo-chan," Sakura
whispered softly, unable to tear her eyes away from the photographs.

‘No!!’ Something inside her screamed. Whatever it was frightened her
dearly, but it’s message rang clear. No, Tomoyo couldn’t be an angel.
Not yet. Not yet. Please, not yet...

Her shaky footsteps finally brought her into the bedroom that housed
the quiet sobs that filtered through the house like an fine mist,
blanketing the house in sadness and grief. Sonomi Daidouji, Tomoyo’s
mother lie on her bed, clutching onto a pillow the way a woman would
clutch to a life preserver for dear life out in the cold relentless
ocean. Sonomi had been a beautiful, amazing woman when she was
younger, of that Sakura was certain. By the time she had met Sonomi,
something had been stolen from her. Her love remained, but her hope
and joy had been ripped away from her, leaving her bitter and pained.
But there was still a warmth in her heart, one that Tomoyo had
filled. Her daughter had given her some reason to continue on, a
gentle glow that Sakura had seen time and again in Sonomi’s presence.

But that was all gone now. Sonomi’s sobs were brittle, broken. There
was no more joy or warmth inside of her heart. It had all been cut so
violently away from her. She looked like a woman who had lost
everything, who had not a soul in the world to hold out for in this
life. There was a painful resignation in her sobs and Sakura realized
with shock that it was defeat. Sonomi had always been a firey willed
woman that continued on despite the pain life had dished out to her.
But that iron willed determination was gone. Sakura felt a shaky sob
of her own pass through her body. There was only one thing that this
could mean. Her mind still refused it with all its might, unable to
accept it as anything more than a lie. 

Without warning, the window opened suddenly, spilling white
crystalline snowflakes about the room. They swirled around Sakura in
hurried patterns, turning her around as they again filled up her
vision. 

When the last of the snow flakes had fallen away from the terrible
blinding white that had encompassed her, Sakura finally saw that they
were somewhere that she had not been for quite a long time. Her heart
froze in her chest, refusing to budge in even the smallest of
movements. She knew this place from long ago. Memories returned to
her unbidden, all carrying depths of sadness that she had not dwelled
on in years. There was not an ounce of snow on the ground. Only a
dark, dreadful sky that poured down a relentless rain from up above.
The shadows reached out as if in wait to lurch out and snag
unsuspecting visitors and lure them to stay in their endless depths.
This was a cemetery. The last time she had been to one was years
earlier when she had visited her mother’s grave.  The skies
themselves had gone from blinding white to an anguished dark indigo,
almost the same color as Tomoyo’s eyes. The skies above were weeping. 

The wet, distraught Cardmistress caught sight of the dark figure
that was leading her along this dreadful tour up ahead near a
gravestone. The hand reached out slowly, beckoning her once more.
Sakura’s legs felt like wet ramen noodles, but somehow she managed to
close the distance between herself and the cloaked ghost. Her heart
was pounding in her chest, her mind still trying desperately to
believe that Tomoyo wasn’t... But Sonomi’s cries were proof enough.
They gave way the endless torment of a mother who has lost her only
child. Sakura slowed her pace as she came nearer, holding her hands
tightly to her chest. "This... This is only a warning, right? I can
still fix things, can’t I? Please... Please tell me! I can’t... It
just can’t be this way.." Tears stung her jade eyes, blurring the
world in front of her, but still it crept forward as her legs moved
forward of their own will. The ghost just watched her impassively,
it’s hidden gaze almost unbearable for Sakura. It’s familiar hand
pointed out to the grave again, demanding Sakura’s attention. The
Cardmistress balked, fresh tears spilling down her cheeks as the rain
drenched her body and soul. "Please... Please tell me she’ll be all
right... I need Tomoyo-chan... She can’t..." Her voice choked off
with a painful sob as her eyes slowly turned to the tombstone. 

‘	Tomoyo Daidouji
Our dear, sweet angel was here for but a short visit,
But we will never forget the joy and happiness she brought into our
lives.
	May she soar in ways that this life denied her.’

Sakura’s head shook slowly, disbelieving the words at first. It
couldn’t be. No... Deep, endless regret and sadness gripped Sakura
tightly, wrenching at her heart. Her body shook with the force of the
sobs wracking her small body. "Tomoyo-chan... Please, no..." Her wet
hair fell about her face, obscuring her vision along with her now
freezing tears. She couldn’t tell what were raindrops and what were
teardrops anymore. Her fingers slowly brushed across the ingrained
words, her lips trembling as she did. "It’s not fair!" She screamed
into the storm, her whole body collapsing against the tombstone.
"Tomoyo-chan..." her hoarse voice whispered as she clung to the
tombstone as she would her now dead friend. The angel on top looked
down sympathetically from it’s statuesque eyes. Sakura clutched
tighter onto the tombstone, ignoring the biting stone against her
soft, wet skin. She was lost now. What could she do without Tomoyo?
Her best friend, her support, her confidant, all gone in one fell
swoop. And with it, all of the love and support that Tomoyo had
showered on her since they were in the third grade. Gone. Because of
her neglect. ‘Sakura-chan, you have to be careful with that flower.
You have to water it and love it every day or it will shrivel and
die. You must take good care of it,’ her mother’s voice reached out.
Sakura’s nodded her three year old head with a happy smile. But the
flower had died. Sakura had forgotten all about it and it had
withered. ‘Is that what I did to Tomoyo?’ she asked herself, her mind
still a shattered mirror of grief and sorrow. ‘Did I forget to water
her and love her? Did I forget all about her until she shriveled up
and died?’ Harsh, dark cries escaped Sakura, her head pressed firmly
against the stone. Her heart felt dead in her chest, nothing more
than a collapsed black hole of pain and suffering. Every time she
closed her eyes, she could see Tomoyo’s beautiful smiling face. But
she would never see that smile again. It had been taken from her. She
had not appreciated the gift that was bestowed upon her and it had
been returned. "No! No!! Tomoyo-chan!!" Her fist battered against the
tombstone to no avail, her wrist screaming in agony as she twisted
it. But that was hardly of any consequence to her anymore. Despair
wrapped around her soul like a thick blanket. 

"Get away from here!" An angry voice called. It took all of
Sakura’s will to turn towards the voice. A girl that couldn’t be more
than eight years old stormed forward through the rain, only a small
umbrella in her hand there to protect her from it’s biting chill. She
had short, dark hair, and angry indigo eyes. She looked like she was
barely holding onto her composure, tears sparkling at the edge of her
eyes. Sakura opened her mouth to answer, but another spoke up before
she had the chance. Oddly enough, it was her own voice. Somewhat
older, dulled from what sounded like years of pain.

"What?"

The little girl shook her head, rain droplets falling away from
her. "You! You’re Sakura Li, aren’t you?" Her voice was accusatory,
hateful. As if the very possibility sickened and dismayed her. 

Sakura spotted another woman. Herself, she mused. Though some years
older by now. "I am," she whispered softly, looking at the girl
questioningly.  She was standing near the grave, just inches from
where the past Sakura was holding onto it. Her finger’s brushed
brunette hair from her eyes.

"Get away from there! You’re not wanted here! Stay away from my
mama!" The girl yelled, her tears beginning to fall down her pale
cheeks. She was clearly upset by Sakura’s presence, her little body
shaking in what looked like rage. 

Sakura opened her mouth several times but nothing came out. She had
only seen Tomoyo’s daughter twice before and once had been at the
funeral. "I’m sorry," she stated at last in a voice that was nearly a
whisper. The girl was living with her grandmother now, though Sakura
hadn’t spoken to Sonomi in quite some time. Her eyes went back to the
grave and she choked back the tears that lurked just beneath the
surface. "She was my best friend. I miss her. I just... I wanted to
give her a Christmas present." She held up a small wrapped package in
her hand, gingerly protecting it from the rain.

"You killed her! She doesn’t need anything from you! Haven’t you
done enough!" The younger girl was crying heavily by now, huge tears
falling past her cheeks. But she never took her eyes off of Sakura,
dead intent on protecting her dead mother from any further pain. "She
loved you! She always pretended that it didn’t hurt her, that she was
happy, but I could tell... I could tell from the stories she told of
you and how wonderful you were, the times I saw her crying late at
night when she thought I was asleep. All you did was hurt her!! Get
away from my mama!" The girl ran up to Sakura, tears streaming down
her face. She hit at Sakura weakly, trying to fend off the woman who
had come to her mother’s grave, but her hands soon fell limply to her
sides. Her small body shook with her sobs for her mama, the one that
had been taken from her far too early.

Sakura squeezed her jade eyes shut tight, tears spilling across her
own cheeks, mixing with the rain. Kneeling down, she held the young
girl close, whispering over and over again, "I’m so sorry." She
barely noticed the rain anymore, her arms tightly around the young
girl before her. Tomoyo’s one and only daughter. Looking into those
tear filled indigo eyes had been like looking once more into Tomoyo’s
own eyes and it was too much for the brunette to handle. 

"She... She got sick..." the girl sniffled, unable to struggle
anymore. "She got so sick... But she wasn’t scared. She was never
afraid of dying. I think... I think part of her wanted to die... The
part that you had ruined... She said that she’d watch me... That
she’d keep an eye on me... And that she’d watch you, too... But I
don’t want her to watch you.. Because you’ll just keep hurting my
mama the way you always did! I hate you!!" Fresh tears broke free as
the little girl slumped against Sakura. "She loved you so much, but
you hated her!! You hated my mama!! When she got sick, she didn’t get
better because of you! Gramma says that her broken heart wouldn’t
mend because of you so her body died the same way!" Her cries were
hysterical now, her small body shuddering against Sakura’s.

Sakura could only offer her own muffled sobs in reply, her face
pressed against the young girl’s dark hair. The jagged pieces of her
heart that remained felt as if they had been set aflame, left to burn
away until there was nothing left. "I’m so sorry... So, so sorry..."
Her eyes blinked open slowly, tears still falling from them. "I... I
never meant to hurt you mama. I... I loved her..." Her voice cracked
at the confession, her jade eyes closing tightly again as more tears
threatened to overwhelm her. Yes, she knew that now. She did love
Tomoyo. She still did. She always had. But she realized it too late.
She held on desperately to Tomoyo’s only daughter, the two crying
together in front of an angel’s grave. 

"This is what awaits you," a familiar voice said from behind the
dark cloak as it stood looming over Sakura. A hand reached down and
took Sakura’s gently.

Sakura shook her head, wiping at her eyes with her cold, frozen
hands. "Please.. Please say I can fix this. It’s not too late, is
it?" She looked up tearfully at the shrouded ghost, her eyes
pleading. "There has to be a way. Tomoyo won’t die like this, will
she?"

The figure reached back and slowly pulled away the dark hood that
had covered its face. Brunette hair escaped the dark confines,
followed by emerald eyes. Sakura found herself looking up at her
mirror image. She herself was the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come. The
still half shrouded Sakura reached down and took Sakura's hand with
her own, shaking her head. "I don’t know if you can prolong her life
or if she will still die at this time. But that doesn’t matter. You
can make what life she does have beautiful and warm. You can share it
with her, experiencing the joys and pains it brings together. It
doesn’t matter how much time she has left. It matters how that time
is spent. Sakura, don’t be afraid of death. Be afraid of an
unfulfilled life. Even if Tomoyo still dies and becomes your guardian
angel, at least she will have the beautiful memories of your life
together. I’m sure mom will watch out for her up there." Her hand
pulled away to rest on Sakura’s heart. "The future is for you to
decide. Please choose carefully, Sakura. For both of our sakes."

------------------------------------------------------------

"No!!!" The earth tilted around Sakura, colors blurring together as
she hurtled through what must have been an endless void. Her shoulder
slammed down hard into the floor, her bare feet sticking up in the
air out of her dry and none the worse for wear pajama pants.
"Hoe...?" Looking around the room curiously, Sakura found that she
had fallen out of bed. She quickly shifted to her hands and knees,
joyous realization slowly dawning upon her. Giggles escaped her lips
as she rose to her feet, twirling around in the early morning
sunlight. Her eyes spotted the Sakura doll Tomoyo had made for her
long ago and she instantly seized upon it, hugging the poor thing
until she was nearly certain it would pop. "I’m back!! Kero-chan, I’m
back!" Placing the Sakura doll back on the bed, Sakura lifted up the
sleeping Seal Beast by his hands, twirling around with him. Another
laugh escaped her as she spun on her foot. "My mom gave me a second
chance!" Sakura smiled gloriously as she ran to look out at the
beautiful sunlight spilling through her window. She basked in it’s
gentle glow, her eyes closed and her arms wide open. Kero muttered to
himself as he crawled back into his bed, pulling the blankets up
around himself. It was too early for crazy things like this. But
Sakura didn’t hear him, too busy with a hundred different thoughts to
bother. Her hand reached instinctively for the cell phone, but she
paused halfway through dialing Tomoyo’s number. No, this was
something she would have to do in person. And that was exactly what
she would do!

Pulling off her pajama top and kicking her pajama pants off, Sakura
dug through her closet for something to wear. Her eyes finally caught
on a brown costume on the bed. With cute little antlers. She left the
closet and picked up the reindeer costume Tomoyo had made for her a
short time ago but she hadn’t had the time to wear yet. Well, and she
hadn’t been in a hurry to dress up like a reindeer. But she pulled it
on quickly, the jingle from the bells giving her a start. Another
giggle escaped her lips as she realized what it was. Looking in the
mirror, she sweatdropped as she saw herself dressed up as a cute
reindeer. It was most certainly one of Tomoyo’s designs. Plenty of
bells and cute reindeer paw gloves and boots adorned the costume. 
A snicker came from Touya who was standing in the doorway, leaning
against the doorframe casually. "You’re not actually wearing that for
Christmas Day, are you, kaijuu?" he asked curiously.

Sakura whirled on him, her natural response getting the best of
her. Glaring at Touya, she crossed her arms, a chorus of jingling
following the simple motion. Her face turned red, but she maintained
her glare. "Onii-chan!!! Tomoyo-chan made this for me! Of course I’m
going to wear it for Christmas! She went through a lot of trouble to
make it and you shouldn’t make fun of it!" Oh, if she were a real
reindeer, she’d skewer him on her antlers right now. But he just
grinned and patted her on the head, making the bells shake again.

"Be quiet on the way downstairs, kaijuu, or you’ll wake up dad.
Don’t stay out too long or you’ll miss Christmas Breakfast. Which you
have to help me cook." Her turned his back to her, heading back
presumably to his own room. "But on second thought, I don’t need a
monster helping me cook. I’ll just make it on my own. So don’t worry
about breakfast. Tell Tomoyo-chan I said hello."

Sakura blinked in confusion for a moment as he walked off. A smile
slowly spread across her lips and she ran over and gave him a hug
from behind, bells jingling all the while. Kero pulled a pillow over
his head to muffle the noise. "Arigato, Onii-chan!!" 

Using the Silent to get downstairs without the bells waking up her
father, Sakura quickly made her way outside. With a few words, she
was flying through the air to Tomoyo’s house. 

------------------------------------------------------------

Landing in front of the large mansion that Tomoyo lived in with her
mother, Sakura paused before the large door. She hadn’t called
beforehand and it was probably too early for Tomoyo or her mother to
be awake. Maybe she should have waited until.. But before she could
finish her thought, the door sprung open. Tomoyo stood before Sakura
in the party dress she had seen her in the night before, clutching
her camcorder in her hand with a sparkle in her eyes. Sakura had a
moment to realize that Tomoyo hadn’t changed into her nightgown the
night before because her mother had carried her off to bed. 

"Oh, Sakura-chan, it was so cute! I caught it all on videotape! It
was like a beautiful Christmas wish come true. Sakura-chan the
reindeer, flying across the sky in her hurry to bring Christmas joy."
Tomoyo sighed extravagantly, her free hand on her cheek. "All you
needed was a cute little sleigh behind you and it would have been
perfect." Her hand went under her chin thoughtfully as her gentle
smile settled in on her still ecstatic features.

Blushing deeply, Sakura looked down. She hadn’t quite realized how
Tomoyo would react to her arrival this way. She should be used to it
by now. Part of her wanted to know how Tomoyo had gotten it all on
tape when she hadn’t known she was coming, but it hardly seemed
important. She smiled herself, glad to see Tomoyo with sparkles in
her eyes instead of the tears she had shed the night before. Sakura
lunged forward, hugging Tomoyo tightly. Her heart was overjoyed to
see Tomoyo again, to feel Tomoyo again, to smell her sweet scent all
over again. It was almost too good to be true. 

Surprised for a brief moment, Tomoyo wrapped her own arms around
Sakura, gently rubbing her back as she hugged the brunette. She had
been thrilled to see Sakura on Christmas morning, showing up right at
her door like Santa’s cutest reindeer. The pain of the night before
faded into obscurity in Sakura’s warm embrace, driving back
everything but the love in her heart for the Cardmistress. "I’m so
glad to see you, Sakura-chan. I was thinking about you a lot last
night."

Sakura bit her lip as she pulled back slightly, startling Tomoyo
with her sudden change of behavior. "I know," she whispered sadly.
Her emerald eyes flashed with determination as she smiled once again.
"But you’ll never have to think of me that way again. I promise."

Tomoyo continued to smile, but she was a bit puzzled by what Sakura
had meant. She merely took Sakura’s hands and led her inside. "Please
come in, Sakura-chan. There’s a nice fire going and my favorite
reindeer shouldn’t have to stay in the cold." Sakura followed
obediently as Tomoyo led the way. They finally stopped in the same
room Tomoyo had occupied the night before, the large Christmas tree
still flashing it’s lights in wondrous patterns, a large fire blazing
in a fireplace adorned with two stockings. Tomoyo gently sat Sakura
down with her hands on her shoulders in front of the fire. There was
mistletoe hanging just about every conceivable place. Kneeling down
herself, Tomoyo smoothed out her skirt. "This is a wonderful
Christmas gift, Sakura-chan. Its so wonderful to see you."

The room looked much warmer and comforting in the early morning
light and it helped to soothe Sakura’s spirits as the memories of
Tomoyo crying on the couch the night before pushed at the back of her
mind. Her emerald eyes looked over shyly but determinedly at Tomoyo.
"Well, that’s not really my present, Tomoyo-chan. Could you open the
present I gave you yesterday? I have something I want to say along
with it." She blushed a bit, her hand going behind her head
nervously. But her nervousness slowly dissipated as Tomoyo’s gentle
smile and nod calmed her. Her heart began to beat steadily again as
Tomoyo hurried over to the gifts under the tree, gracefully picking
up the gift she had received from Sakura the day before, having gone
straight to it.

Anticipation filled the air as Tomoyo walked back over to Sakura’s
side, slowly sitting down next to her once more. Her mind wasn’t
focussed on what it could be, but simply that it was from Sakura.
That alone was enough to make it a wonderful Christmas present
indeed. She would have to find someway to repay Sakura with all her
heart for whatever the gift may be. Noticing that Sakura herself was
getting anxious, she decided to spare the poor brunette and began to
unwrap the present. To he shock and delight, it was the same angel
doll that she had seen Sakura pick up at the Twin Bells shop only a
day prior. "Sakura-chan, it’s gorgeous.. A beautiful angel from
Sakura-chan.." She watched it closely for a long moment, admiring the
beautiful gift her friend had given her. She hugged it tightly,
closing her eyes as she did. "It’s beautiful. But Sakura-chan, wasn’t
it for Li-kun?" Tomoyo’s eyes opened curiously, her dark hair
fluttering about as she turned her gaze once more to Sakura.

Sakura shook her head quickly. "I only said that so it would be a
surprise. I got him a present a while back. When I saw it, I thought
‘That’s the perfect gift for Tomoyo-chan. She’s just like an angel,
so she’ll take great care of it.’" She smiled at the pale girl,
thrilled to see Tomoyo still delightfully holding the angel doll. To
her surprise, there were tears in Tomoyo’s eyes as well. They weren’t
the same bitter tears she had seen the night before, but joyous,
happy tears that threatened to consume the dark haired girl in what
amounted to utter bliss. 

"It is perfect. Nearly as perfect as you. Thank you so very much,
Sakura-chan. I will treasure it always," Tomoyo promised brightly,
her sweet lips turned into a gorgeous smile. This had to be the
single greatest Christmas she had ever had. Not only was she spending
the morning with Sakura, but to receive such a gift from her.. It was
like the brightest of dreams. 

Brushing back her hair, Sakura met Tomoyo’s stormy blue eyes with
her own emerald green ones. "But I was wrong. It’s not the perfect
gift for Tomoyo-chan. There’s one thing that could be better. One
thing that I can give to you that I hope can make up for everything.
A present that I didn’t even realize I had to give until last night."
Swallowing deeply to keep her nerves in check, Sakura leaned forward
and kissed Tomoyo. The dark haired girl was surprised for only a
fraction of a second before she melted into Sakura’s kiss, kissing
back with a gentle yet intense fervor that left Sakura a little
shaken when she finally pulled away. Tomoyo was sitting next to her
with her bright, all knowing indigo eyes, a radiant smile on her
lips. The kiss had been small, but world shaking. Tomoyo simply
beamed in a light that seemed to burn from her heart. Sakura
surprised herself when she leaned in for a second kiss. Tomoyo’s lips
were splendidly soft, coaxing her own lips open into a deeper, more
drawn out kiss that left both girls breathless. "Tomoyo-chan.. I love
you," Sakura said as she finally caught her breath.  She realized
that her hand was in Tomoyo’s hair and that their noses were pressed
together, Tomoyo’s hands both on her cheeks. 

This time tears did spill from Tomoyo’s stormy eyes, dripping onto
Sakura’s cheeks as they made their path slowly downward. Those were
the most beautiful words Tomoyo had ever heard and she knew that they
were words that she could never possibly grow tired of hearing.
"Sakura-chan... My Sakura-chan.." she whispered softly in her musical
voice. "I love you so much." Her lips lightly brushed Sakura’s again
as she gingerly pulled Sakura closer. Her eyes slipped closed, tears
still falling from them as they kissed again and again under the
mistletoe.

------------------------------------------------------------

Years and years later, Sakura decorated a Christmas wreath with a
young dark haired girl with indigo eyes. The two held hands as they
walked along beautiful green grass under a frosty blue sky. Sakura
smiled as she reached her destination. She gently set down the
Christmas wreath in front of the tombstone. It read:

‘Tomoyo Daidouji-Kinomoto
Loving wife and devoted mother. Even death can’t keep us apart.
Please watch over us, my beautiful angel.’

Sakura’s fingers lightly brushed over the inscription and the name.
A small tear fell unnoticed down her cheek, but a smile formed across
her lips. She placed a small present decorated with sakura blossoms
next to the tombstone.

The little girl placed her own present next to the tombstone before
taking Sakura’s hand again. "Merry Christmas, mama!" the girl said to
the tombstone, placing a small hand on it for a moment.

Sakura squeezed her daughter’s hand, her eyes still focussed on the
tombstone in front of her. She could almost feel Tomoyo’s soft
fingers brush past her cheek comfortingly. Her eyes fell closed and
she could swear that she could almost smell Tomoyo, could almost feel
the way her fingers would gently brush against her skin. "I love you,
Tomoyo. Merry Christmas." 

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