The Secret Letter
Through Misonoo Nanako's Eyes:
"Please, give that cigarette to me!"
I wanted to show her how strong I could be.
"No way. You can't smoke."
I wanted to show her I can be wonderful and beautiful.
"Yes, I can! I can smoke!"
"No, no."
Dear God, Saint-Juste-sama! I don't want to be ordinary anymore!
"Please give it to me!"
"Really? Okay, I'll show you how to smoke..THE REAL WAY!"
Suddenly I felt Saint-Juste push me down and force the cigarette into
my mouth. I had no choice but to inhale or faint. But despite my
struggles, my head fell into a dream...
When I woke up, I felt Saint-Juste-sama's hand touching my cheek.
"See, I told you. Don't smoke. It doesn't suit you. I want you to be
just as you are now, until the end of time."
Onii-sama! This woman I see before me, her soft hair blowing in the
breeze, has said such sweet words to me. No one has ever done that
before. But somehow, I believe her. This angel, or devil...who is
she? Such a wonderful, amazing, beautiful...
"I..."
Can I really say this?
"I..."
I MUST say it!
"I love you!"
I could no longer control myself, Onii-sama. My tears fell like
currents down my face, and I hid my cowering form from her.
Saint-Juste-sama was silent; all I could hear was my weeping. Then I
heard her speak.
"Hold me."
My eyes opened in confusion, and I turned over to face her.
Saint-Juste-sama had her arms open wide to me, and slowly, I entered
her embrace, holding her weakly at first, then with sudden
abandonment, thrust my arms tightly around her. Onii-sama...I cannot
tell you what happened next. All I can tell you is that...it
was...terrifying..and..utterly...absolutely ...wonderful!
Through Asaka Rei's Eyes:
"Please give that cigarette to me!"
My ears perked up. Did I hear right? She wants to smoke this thing?
Oh please. When I see a girl like her smoking a cigarette is the day
I give up on Fukiko-sama.
"No way. You can't smoke."
"Yes I can! I can smoke!"
Good God, she was stubborn! Didn't she realize nicotine for me was
just a cheap subsitute for happiness? Nanako doesn't have to endure
the kind of grief and pain that I was in. She has no reason to smoke,
so why would she want to?
"No, no." I say it half-teasingly.
"Please give it to me."
She then grabbed for my smoke, but I held her fast. Now Nanako was
starting to annoy me. Okay, fine. You want this thing? I'll give it
to you. So then you won't do something this stupid and futile ever
again.
"Okay, I'll show you how to smoke..THE REAL WAY!"
My energy suddenly flew towards this child and I was on top of her in
a flash. My hand went for her mouth, then her eyes and nose. Come
on, now, open up, and breathe deep, you little fool...
It's been almost ten minutes. She's been out of it for a while. And
all I can do is stare at her. Why I am looking at her like that? Yes,
she looks exactly like my dear little dollie, but that is all. She is
just a cute, sweet, caring...
As if it had a mind of its own, my hand reached out and stroked
Nanako's cheek. When her eyes opened, I came to the sudden
realization I had to speak the truth about her. What I hate about
people is their desire to change what is best about them. And I don't
want Nanako to change!
"See, I told you. Don't smoke. It doesn't suit you."
Could I actually say this? Yes I can!
"I want you to be just as you are now, until the end of time."
A few moments of silence, then, strangely, Nanako's face looks pained.
"I...I..."
I cock my head in confusion. What on Earth was she trying to say?
"I love you!"
My eyes just about popped out of my head! She WHAT?! I found myself
staring into space, my mind whirling like old fashioned motor car
engine. I swear I could hear its wheels saying to me, 'what do I do
now?" I glanced back at her, and all Nanako was doing was lying there
crying, hiding her face from me.
'Go to her'
'You mustn't look'
'comfort her' '
you mustn't touch'
'make her happy'
'you are unhappy'
'make yourself happy'
Stop, stop, stop STOP! I can't stand these thoughts! I just want to
jump out of my mind, leave all this pain and indecision behind.
But...I can't do it by myself. I need...my...cherie la poupee..
"Hold me." My face crumbled at my own words, but as Nanako turned to
face me, I forced my lips into a smile. Struggling to keep my hands
from shaking, I offered my arms to her. She wrapped her arms around
me; meekly at first, then strong and desperate. Her body is so small
and warm, and I gazed into Nanako's eyes. Almost giving myself a
dare, I gave a crooked smile.
"Kiss me."
"Eh?" She looked startled. How cute.
"It's easy," I said, still pretending to be the cool know-it-all. "You
just open your mouth ever so slightly, come in close...and...!"
I heard a muffled gasp from Nanako as my lips wrapped around hers.
Such tiny, sweet-tasting lips; God, I can still smell them on me.
Letting my mouth go, I turned my attention to Nanako's ear.
"Are you sure you love me?" I whispered this like a snake, then I
nibbled her ear-lobe.
"Ah! Yes!"
Heh-heh! So feminine and adorable, this one. But I still didn't
quite believe her; not yet. So my fingers traced the fabric on the
back of her blouse, and my other hand tickled her knee.
"Are you very certain you love me?"
"Y-yes!"
Oh, man! This kid was something else. Letting me do this to her,
playing with her like I would my little dollie. Hell, she could
actually BE my dollie in living flesh. So, I decided to go for what
the French call the "coup de grace". My left hand went to Nanako's
neck and my fingers played up and down--I find that to be a most
sensitive area on most girls her age. And my right hand sneaked its
way past the lining of her skirt, into the fatty meat of her inner
thigh. I took a deep breath, and let my smoke-filled lungs ooze out
my final words.
"Do you truly...absolutely...love me?"
"YES, I LOVE YOU!"
Without a single warning, I felt Nanako's hands seize my limbs and
push me to the ground. My balance was lost and we began rolling down
the grass covered hill. My mouth was tightly pursed, my breath was
held fast, and all I could do was listening to our bodies as we went
down, down, down...
A sudden rush of cold water at the top of my head made me jerk to a
stop. We had reached the lake shore. Nanako was lying on top of me,
breathing hard. Blame it on the tabacco, but I was a bit out of breath
myself. But why the hell did she do that just now? Nanako pushed
herself up on her hands, and looked at me uneasily.
"I want to be with you; I want to be strong and beautiful like you!"
"But...you're.." I found myself thinking the words after I said them.
"You are already beautiful." Then I added just for a touch, "Ma
cherie la poupee."
"Please don't call me that." Nanako looked somewhat amused, but also
a bit annoyed. "My name is Misonoo Nanako."
"Yeah," I chuckled back. "And my name is.."
Before I could finish, Nanako leaned in closer to me and kissed my
cheek. Well, well! Brave new world that has such people in it! I
gave a small sigh and smiled, giving her a wink. She then did
something else. She began nibbling my ear, and rubbing her hand up and
down my stomach. The sudden feel of her teeth made me inhale roughly
through my nose, and I felt her fingers go past my white starched
shirt, past the ruffles of the lower-collar..oh God, she was touching
my...
How could she have become like this so quickly? First she was crying
her eyes out, now she is stroking..my breasts? Sweet mercy..
"Mm-mm!" I involuntarily whimpered and let out a gust of air through
my teeth like a teat-kettle. Nanako moved in closer still, and she
almost sang in my ear.
"Saint-Juste-sama..."
Her knee was right between my legs and Nanako moved her right hand
towards that direction. Shutting my eyes, I began blurting out Ma
cherie, ma cherie, pourquoi, pourqoui..?" My dear, my dear, why, why?
I wanted to maintain control of my mind, but at the same time, feeling
Nanako's sweet breath again my ear was so wonderful. My heart was
beating so fast, my chest was caving in, my skin and face were red and
burning I couldn't ignore it. I couldn't fight it. "Ma cherie...ma
cherie..ma cherie..." I was gasping at every word, saying it more
frequently and faster. Nanako's fingers were so close; so very VERY
close..
Oh GOD! She's there!
"Ah! Ah, ah! Ma CHERIE! Aaaaahh.."
My form was floating, my mind was gone, and the next thing I knew,
Nanako was shaking me. I must have fainted from the emotional shock.
Not to mention, all those pills I took that morning took their toll on
me physically. I looked up at her and smiled wearily.
"Na..Nanako-san."
Her eyes widened. "You called me by my first name!"
I looked up at the sky, turning violet with the sunset. "Looks like
we missed your classes."
"I'm sorry, Sain--"
I put my fingers to her lips. No more of that. She had given me
something I thought no one could-- a moment of pure joy. And that
moment was mine to keep forever.
Nanako...thank you.
"Call me Rei."
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