Within the Occult Underground, there are three accounts of how the world will end. One is that man will destroy himself in an orgy of violence, leaving the world a cinder hanging in the void. Another is that the Great Old Ones will rise to sweep man from the earth. The last is that the last human ascends to the Invisible Clergy and start a chain reaction that remakes the world. Lately there is a fourth, oft-mocked, oft-feared prediction: that the end of the world will happen when the circle of girls who defeated the King in Yellow decide they're bored and go forth and stomp all existence to become un-bored. There's no telling, of course; the end of the world is so massive, so impossible to predict, that speculation is merely a game of the mind. But those who are prone to knowing such things have placed substantial bets on the fourth, if only to cover their bases. * * * It was a moment that should have been immortalized in painting, photograph, song, story, and Broadway musical with a stage run that never, under all but the most obscene circumstances, ends; Kaorin taking a first step towards the King in Yellow, her sword borne before her, with Sakaki stumbled back behind her; Osaka with the Scythe and Book, hopping from the stage with a rare moment of perfect grace, ornate dress fluttering; Tomo looting gold from a collapsed shade, Yomi wrapping diamond-studded gold necklaces around her fist in preparation for a fight; Makoto shattered at the base of the grand clock chiming midnight; Izumi prone and weeping at the base of the stage; Jin pale, fearful, and on his knees, drawing the dagger of Eihnth-le-Homn. Like all perfect moments, it ended. * * * Kaorin raised her blade in front of her, adopted a two-handed fighting stance. "I will destroy you, foul thing, or dispel you if I cannot kill you!" The King in Yellow slacked its arms. You can no more wound me than you could slay the land with a dagger. "An invitation?" Kaorin asked, the strangest little grin growing on her face. The King in Yellow spoke (if it truly spoke) no more. Kaorin gave her blade a trial swing, then ran, and lept, at the beast, screaming, "First Melee Excellency--Essense Overwhelming!" She easily lept ten feet. Her sword erupted into golden light, and she hacked the King in its chest. It spiralled away, torn rags flying behind it, a terrible grunt/roar/howl burning the ears of all in attendance. It caught itself, barely, though it stooped, and though its mask-face was expressionless it emanated fury. HOW? Kaorin, still in the air from her leap, floated back down. "It was a wish. A wish to defend the one I love from a worm-god such as you!" The King in Yellow rose. It has been far too long since I have faced a challenge. Not since Nodens the Hunter twelve thousand years ago. The rags around its arm tore, whirled, and black, taloned tentacles poured from the sleeves. Yours will be a death well-earned. "To the death, then." Kaorin performed a short weapons drill, ending in a one-handed battle position. She lept, the King drifted, and the two met in midair, magic steel against a sea of fanged tendrils. * * * The King in Yellow and Kaorin traded explosive blows over the ballroom. Osaka tried to watch, found she couldn't keep up with the two as they stormed from one end of the ballroom to the other, slashing, parrying, and redoubling their efforts, blasts of (hey, why not) magic punctuating strikes like fireworks. Tomo's pockets overflowed with sparkling trinkets; necklaces dangled from her neck, wristbands shone in the pale ambient light, and one gemstone-stud ring adorned each of her fingers. "Man, when I head home, I'm so selling half of these and keepin' just enough to look totally tits on the weekend." "Hbbbuuh. HRARARRGH." The chick rose to her feet, nearly foaming at the mouth. "Youuuuuu offal-sucking parasites! I'll--" Yomi clocked her in the face. She went down like she had the sudden desire to eat delicious ballroom floor. The thin twerp slid up, had his fancy dagger ready, when Sakaki pelted him in the jaw; he joined his friend in getting a sudden hankering for floor. "That was pretty cool," Osaka said, tossing down the book. "Maybe I'll get to hit somebody soon. It looks fun." "Man, I bet it is," Tomo said. She boxed the air. "Man, they'll get a Four-Way Tomo Ringjob, that's what they'll get!" "You know, smack talk is all nice and good," Yomi said, examining the bloodied jewlery on her knuckles, "but shouldn't we worry about getting out of here before Kaorin, say, runs out of juice?" CRUNCH. Kaorin jump-kicked the King into the ground, spiked into its chest, and sliced at its head with her overhuge sword. "I think she's doing nice," Osaka said. "She's a slishy-slashy." * * * Kaorin buried the sword (which she named Her Steady Golden Hand) in the King's chest, trying to find anything that felt like a heart, that she may stab it and end the battle. The King uttered a word of command, and Kaorin was thrust off; she piroetted in air and landed on her feet. The King intoned more words of might, and the shades danced, crawled, or stalked in waves around him. At a final uttered word, they warped into great and terrible shapes--beings the size of men, equal parts vulture, insect, mole, and decayed corpse. They groaned like old doors and chittered like rattlesnakes. They smelled like a sun-rotted chicken exploded with a firework mysteriously stuffed with mildew. The King gestured, and the murder took flight. Kaorin centered herself, worked a spell-rote with her blade, and cried, "Death of Obsidian Butterflies!" She held out the sword by its pommel, and from its shining jewel came a cloud of black stone butterflies, rustling like silver leaves in a fall breeze, and they shredded through the cloud of abominations as though their filthy bodies were sheets of paper. When the storm ended, the floor was studded with broken obsidian fragments like caltrops, the King's horrors cut to nothingness, and the King itself nonplussed at the center of the storm. If this is a show of magic... it said, I believe it is mine that shall carry through. Squamous Blast. The rags over the King's chest pulled apart, revealing a void black and enormous, like a maw. A spark shone within the darkness like an exploding star, and a horrible scream echoed from the expanse in the King, like that of an approaching beast. A beam of eye-searing light burst from the maw, accompanied with the noise of a choir of dissonant flutes. Kaorin tried to parry the blast with her blade, but the spell's grim blast surged into the sword and into her. She screamed; it felt as though she were being boiled alive from the inside. She kept her blade in front of her, but it kept absorbing the spell, flowing it through her. She had an idea. "Sakaki," she screamed, turning to look at Her, "Please! Throw me another blade! I--" The blast surged again. Her vision flashed gray, black, faded back into color. Red began to tint her vision. * * * Sakaki froze. Kaorin was screaming, though they were lost to the mounting, deadening flute-howl of the King's spell. The others bent over, clutching their ears; Tomo was actually crying, overwhelmed at the sound. She wasn't ready for this--wasn't ready to have to make a life-or-death decision; she mouthed meaningless phrases, saw the kid's dagger lie so close, but could she really throw it at her and expect-- Her eyes matched with Kaorin's. Saw past the pain, into the need, the feeling that left trust eating fumes and came to a stop at belief. She moved like mercury; grabbed the dagger with her left hand, juggled it to her right, caught it by the pommel, and threw it like she knew what she was doing. Kaorin caught the blade, by its hilt; it turned into a sword just smaller than she was, thinner, like a stabbing sword. Kaorin thrust it to the ceiling of the ballroom, and the energy of the King's spell flowed through like a completed electrical circuit. The blast obliterated the ceiling, dragged its fragments up. The bolt wavered through an alien sky and disappeared into the distance. A few seconds later, one of the three moons hanging above vanished. Kaorin fell, catching herself on her two swords, gasped for air. She was smoking from the absorbed energy; her hair was singed. She blinked away tears of blood. The King in Yellow slowly reformed; in the deafening silence, Kaorin whispered, "Thank you, Sakaki." The King considered his enemy. I was too hasty in dismissing you. Yes. You truly are a match for Nodens of the Silver Hand... but though Nodens is great, even He could not withstand my Third Shape. Come, then. It rose into the sky, shedding its rags, growing, growing, growing... It blotted out the stars. That was all they could see. Sakaki ran to Kaorin, grabbed her shoulder. "You can't, Kaori," she said, "you'll..." Kaorin jolted. "You... You called me Kaori." Sakaki blinked. "It's... kind of a serious event." Kaorin smiled. "Sakaki, I have to. If I don't, we'll be trapped here. We'll die here. I can't let this happen." Her hands left her swords. "Sakaki, if I die, I just... want you to know..." She blushed--then lept up, threw her hands around Sakaki's shoulders, and kissed her. She held it for three perfect, sublime seconds, and let go, her lips aflame, her soul rejuvenated. Sakaki was aback, blushing, befuddled... but not appalled. Not disgusted. That was all Kaorin ever needed; to know she at least had a chance. "I'll save you, Sakaki." She pulled her swords from the ballroom floor. "Hey, what about us?!" Tomo cried. "Shut it!" Yomi said, "They're having a moment. Cretin." "I'll save all of you!" Kaorin declared. She looked up at the mass, beheld a tiny white star that could only be the shining of the King's mask. She lept, soared into the mass... * * * They watched her sail into the darkness. Then golden light burst across the thing that the King had become. "Shine on, you crazy diamond," Tomo said. "I'd like to take a moment to say a kind word about Kaori--" "She's not dead!" Yomi said. "Let's be honest, it's a pretty sure deal. Look at that thing!" She pointed, which was worthless, partially because most of the thing was shapeless blackness and partially because it consumed the entire sky; it was akin to showing somebody the earth by pointing down. "It's all... big and tentacly! It's like eighteen Godzillas goin' at forty Hedorahs and it's just as disgusting and confusing." "I liked that movie!" Osaka said. She sat on the edge of the stage, her scythe next to her. "But I was a kid, so maybe I just liked it cuz of the pretty colors." "Black. There was a lot of black," Tomo said. "Black is a color! And black can be pretty. Lots of pretty things are black. The sky... uh, not this sky, though. The thingey-thing ... okay, maybe black isn't the best color right now. You know what's a pretty color? Periwinkle." "Good to see this place hasn't got you down." Yomi unwrapped the jewlery from her hands. "Man, this kind of hurts. I see why some guys just shell out cash for brass knuckles." "I just wish the guys didn't turn into turkeybug zombies. We could've looted so much more." Yomi sighed. "I'm happy you're thinking about finance when Kaorin's up there fighting an evil god monster thingey. It's healthy." "Hey! It means I'm optimistic. Is all." "After saying Kaorin's probably gonna die?" "I was delirious--horrified! But I'm better now, as you can plainly see." "Sure. I'll buy that," Yomi said. "Hey, Sakaki, you ready to meet your maker or...?" Sakaki stood alone where Kaorin lept, looking slightly down, blushing profusely. She didn't seem upset or worried. "Yeah, you're... you're looking good." * * * Sakaki thought. I just got kissed by Kaorin, in the middle of another world filled with monsters, before she jumped off to save me. She looked up, watched as stars suddenly burst into being. A distant howl. Kaorin just cut off a massive portion of the giant god-monster. Sakaki stared. Kaorin's doing all of this for me. She's risking herself against something like this to ... She blushed. I love that girl. But like that? Really, like Kaorin loved her? Her blush deepened. Maybe I do. It didn't sound bad. Kaorin was a nice girl, after all. And she was so sweet. And she liked soft and cute things, too. Maybe... Another part of the sky was freed. * * * Up in the heavens, Kaorin danced from one giant tentacle to another. No matter how many she cut aside, there were always more, until she hacked off a full part of the god. Each decicive blow was won through countless near misses and last-moment parries. She could feel the magic energy she burst into being with begin to ebb. Her forehead mark had become a glowing brand, then an aura. As she spent more energy, she could feel the aura taking the shape of something--something great and powerful. She found a lapse in the King in Yellow's defenses, held her breath, closed her eyes, and darted straight down, swinging both swords and sending a shockwave through the horror's corpus. Another hunk of the bastard separated, fell, and disappeared. She was getting near its core, or what may as well ahve been its core--she could feel it radiating hate and anger like an unshielded nuclear reactor. A gigantic tentacle slashed at her--she raised her blade, tried to parry it, missed by centimeters, felt a gouge tear through her side. She lost her momentum and fell, not down but in, fading into the heart of the unspeakable god's mass. Kaorin took a long, disquietingly clean-smelling breath, and held it as she was drawn in. The flesh of the King in Yellow was pourous, clammy, and swealteringly hot. Folds of muscle tissue formed eyes, rasping tongues licked at her wounds, vocal cords uttered blasphemies as she passed them. She could feel the core of the King approach; it felt like it looked, a great black cancer running through the thread of the demon-god. The mask-face it wore slid down the heart-thread of the god and stared at her. This is where you die, little girl, Hastur the Unspeakable thrummed. I have been undefeated for longer than your world has existed. I will sunder the minds of your race. You will be forgotten. And you cannot stop me. Kaorin grasped her swords, tried to thrust them into the core. It is futile. You will run out of breath soon. She closed her eyes. Thought of Sakaki. She burned magic through her limbs. Felt them press on, cleaving slowly through Hastur's mass. She opened her eyes and saw the massive swords near the mask, near the vein. Even now you struggle. It's adorable. The little girl doesn't want to die. Shut up, she thought. Her lungs burned for air, the god's voice was everywhere... Sakaki needs me. If I fail, she dies. Her eyes burned with golden light. She scissored her swords through Hastur's heart-thread, as if she were suddenly moving through air. No...! * * * Kaorin's last burst of light faded nearly two minutes ago. Much of the sky was still black. "Do you think she's alright?" Osaka asked. She'd stripped of all but the bottom layer of her ornate dress. "I hope," Sakaki said, voice slightly wavering. "Yeah, me too," Tomo said, "I--" Yomi elbowed her in the chest and whispered, "If you say 'hate funerals', I am going to smack you in the face." Tomo countered, "Tell that to the Tomo Ringjob." There was a burst overhead as though the sun had decided it was noon, moonlight be damned. The King in Yellow's terrible shape was outlined a single instant, and then burned like a rag soaked in kerosine. The mass fell, evaporating, until a single cinder smashed into the ruined ballroom like a meteor. Falling behind it, alit by a great aura, was Kaorin. She glowed like a hunter-goddess, bloodied and brutalized, but as glorious as a spring dawn. The aura surrounding her suggested the shape of a great warrior-woman clad in armor. Sakaki could scarce behold her for the brilliant luminescence of the aura... but she could've sworn it looked like her. Kaorin landed like a feather before the smoking crater. From the hole crawled the King in Yellow, half-sized and clothed in burning rags, breathing--truly breathing--heavy and wounded. "You..." it said, and it was truly speaking, not commanding in an otherworldly voice, "are near dying. I can see it..." Kaorin slumped, clutching an injury. The aura flickered, disappeared. Sakaki ran to her, Tomo, Yomi, and Osaka close behind--Osaka holding her scythe and smiling her usual slightly vacant smile (rather disarming in this circumstance). Kaorin gestured for them to halt. "You're not so good yourself." She clasped the blades to her back; they stuck, though they had nothing to attach to. "One more chance, then." "If I win--" "You'll go to your rotting world. Yes. Killing you will be reward enough. Your friends will perish soon enough." Osaka closed her eyes and whispered something. "Then let's settle this." Hastur bounded forward, raising great talons--Kaorin scrambled forward, swords still sheathed-- "She crazy?!" Tomo yelled. "Kaorin, you're--" Yomi added. "SKRAAAAA--!" the King howled. "Sea cucumber!" Osaka said. A hand-sized slug, presumably a sea slug, appeared an inch in front of the King in Yellow's mask. It plopped on. The King stumbled, ripped the thing off, and saw, too late, that Kaorin had the final blow. She planted her fist on its chest. "First Stage of Raspberry Heaven's Penultimate Strike: A Thousand Fists!" The attack was aptly titled; the first punch presaged a thunderous storm of punches, the machine-gun crackle of sonic booms accentuated by a maddened battle-cry, best transcribed as "Muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda muda!" The final punch sent the King in Yellow soaring straight back. Time ground to a halt; the King slowed, froze in place; the world warped into an eye-burning red shift. Kaorin could move; she drew her swords, proclaimed, "Second Stage of Raspberry Heaven's Penultimate Strike: Sixgun Gorgon Dynamo!" She flicked her wrist. She suddenly held three of each. In card-shark-fast motions, she sent each through the frozen King. Time snapped back, and Carcosa's dull coloration was returned. The king crashed. It twitched. The swords returned to her hands. She snapped them to her back. "Final Stage of Raspberry Heaven's Penultimate Strike: Big Robot Dinosaur!" "Wh... what?" uttered the King. "Do what now?" Yomi and Tomo chorused. "Oh, this'll be neat!" Osaka said, jumping up and down like an excited kindergartener. Kaorin lept, whispered a spell, conjured a gigantic animatronix T-Rex, and smashed it into the King. She fell back to the earth. The animatronic T-Rex faded away. The King lay under it, thuroughly smashed. She stood over the ruined body. It was muttering. "Not... not the end... I ... cannot die... your world will end... I will tear it apart and remake it in the image of Carcosa!" "Do that," Kaorin said, "and I'll kick your ass again." She screamed like an ex-convict con strung out on PCP laced with LSD, and smashed the King's mask in with her heel. Shen she stopped they were back on earth. The blades fell from her back, now a fancy dagger and a rusty shiv. Kaori breathed, exhausted, and still heavily injured--but alive, and looking quite healthy, gaping injury aside. "Oh, man! That's awesome!" Tomo said. "The jewels are still totally jewels!" Kaorin leaned back and did something between a howl, a primal scream, and somebody mashing on an electronic keyboard. "WRYYYYYYYYYY!" "Woah, cripes," Tomo said. "I think this diamond is, like, a crapload of carats." "Tomo, if I had the energy, I'd smack you." Yomi slouched against the wall where the magic door once was. "But man, I need something sugary..." "Oh, you--" Tomo began. Yomi smacked her. "Hey, you said..." "I make exceptions." Osaka was still bouncing. "Oh, wowy wowy wow! That was great! I mean, except the scary parts, but Kaorin, you were so cool! And lookitthescythe!" She waved the scythe. "I'm gonna bring this to the school on Monday! Or maybe I won't. But I'll so take a picture!" Kaorin caught her breath. Sakaki closed in, turned her around. "Kaori... thank you so m--" Kaorin caught Skaki by her shoulders, twirled her down, and kissed her like in old romance movies. She didn't come up for a good minute, came up, hyperventillated, and kissed her again. Sakaki was as flush as if she had a fever. "Kaori... you kiss pretty good." "Just 'pretty good?' Need to practice." She did. "Man, that looks fun," Osaka said. "Come on. We need chocolate," Yomi said. "Hey, me too!" Tomo said. "Think he'll take gold necklaces? Maybe if we drag those two in there we can get a lez discount! Hey! You two, get in here and see if we can get a lez discount!" * * * They could. Tomo munched on a chocolate bar. Yomi inhaled her third takoyaki and chased it down with her second canned ice tea. Osaka nibbled on a bean-paste bun. Sakaki and Kaorin kissed like kissing was the only option. Ray watched. "I knew you kids'd do good." "How long were we back there?" Tomo asked. "Well," Ray said, "you were back there about fifteen seconds before I hear this 'whooooosh' noise, and then this one starts screaming, and then you guys came in and got some candy, and then these two came in and started making out. So, yeah, about under a minute." "One minute of unspeakable horror, a lifetime of memories," Tomo nodded. "And a cool freakin' ammount of yen. How much is these?" Tomo asked, flashing her Ringjobbin' hand. "Those? As a former jeweler, I can tell you those are made of alien metals found nowhere on this planet, detectable here as mere blank slates unto which myriad interpretations can be juxtaposed. No matter what you do with 'em, you're gonna get screwed over." "Aww, man!" Tomo said. "Can that get me a courtesy bun?" "No." "Aww, man!" She paused. "What if me and Yomi started lezzing out, would that be cool?" Yomi jolted. "Tomo! That's sneaky and underhanded." Tomo leaned in closer and said, faux-sexy, "That's not a no-oooo... c'mon, Yomi-baby, let's make some magic... mweh mweh mweh!" Yomi laughed and shoved Tomo off. "Quiddit." "Nuh-uh." "Quiddit!" "Nuhhh-uh..." Osaka smiled. "This bread is good!" Everything was right with the world, or at least everything that two weeks' or so worth of convalescence could heal. * * * Makoto woke up to a ruined ball. Multiple craters blasted through the floor and walls. The roof was gone. One of the moons of Hali was gone. The King in Yellow hovered limply, tatters scraping together around its cancerous essense. Izumi and Jin were still unconcious. "What happened here?" he choked. Hastur did not speak. Makoto sat, wondering what would happen when the King would awake. He picked up The King in Yellow, turned to the first page, and read. It was better than nothing. End. Bonus 4-Koma! Yay, Internet Panel 1: Tomo's at a computer, cruisin' the web. Yomi's over her shoulder. Yomi: "Whacha doing?" Tomo: "Looking up that guy who took our picture." Panel 2: Tomo's face lights up. Tomo: "Hey, now, I think I found 'em!" Panel 3: The image she found. It's a heavily photoshopped image of the photo where Tomo gently bit Yomi's neck; Tomo's vamped up in over-the-top gothic clothes and sporting black wings and eye shadow, Yomi is faint and pale, and digital clevage shows from a now-torn school outfit. Headline: LESBIAN VAMPIRE SCHOOLGIRLS MENACE JAPANESE SCHOOL SYSTEM! Violence! Sorcery! Frottage! Panel 4: Tomo is understandably shocked. Yomi looks pissed. Permutations Panel 1: Another photo. It's the tent for traumatized kids, only it's been crudely photoshopped into a giant castle. Headline: EVIL SORCEROUS LAIR! Black magic and vodoo! Panel 2: Yet another. Osaka the Black Mage dominates. Headline: Powerful magician directs girl-hungry vampires to collect her concubines! Panel 3: Heavily edited goth-punk Sakaki and ghoul-Kaorin. Chiyo isn't edited. Headline: Lolita-Complex vampires induct innocent children into a world of lust and blood! Panel 4: Tomo and Yomi. Osaka's in the background, with her new pet scythe. Tomo: "Uh... sorry?" The Repairer of Reputations Panel 1: Tomo looks apologetic, Yomi calmly pissed. Panel 2: Yomi raises her fist. Tomo looks down, eyes closed. Panel 3: BOP. Panel 4: Tomo: "I am a moron." Yomi: "Yes."
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