Downward Spiral (part 12 of 14)

a Azumanga Daioh fanfiction by PAEC

Back to Part 11
And All That Could Have Been

Saturday, March 22nd, 4:29 PM.

Yomi had run all day, though in hours, she'd made no progress, having 
more or less run circles around Tokyo. She wanted to catch a train to 
Osaka, and from there, she didn't know where. She just wanted to be 
away. Far, far away. Tired and hungry, she walked through a park, 
getting what scraps she could out of trash-cans, just to have a bite to 
eat. This was pathetic. She was pathetic.

"I am pathetic." She admitted aloud as she took a bite from a half 
eaten, but still good looking apple. Carrying it with her, she walked 
over to a bench and sat down. There was a beautiful view of the lake 
right here, and the sun was behind some tall trees. Perfect shade. 
Perfect setting.

But Yomi wasn't feeling perfect. Sighing to herself as the events of the 
past seven months caught up with her, she threw the apple into the pond 
in a rage, then rested her head in her hands and her hands on her knees. 
Nobody was around, and the few people that did walk by either payed no 
never mind or merely chuckled. Yomi began to monologue out loud to 
herself.

"It's all my fault..." She started. She'd gone from placing all the 
blame on Tomo, to evenly distributing the blame, to allowing it to all 
fall upon her shoulders. "I didn't stop her from snorting the coke the 
first time, didn't stop her from getting any more of it." Tears once 
again began to roll down the side of Yomi's face. "I didn't stop her 
from spending our money, didn't figure out what she was doing, I wasn't 
there for her, I didn't stop myself..." She began to relentlessly beat 
her head with her hands. "Why? Why? WHY? WHY?" She was bawling aloud 
now, and nobody dared go near her, what few people went by. This was a 
deserted part of town, which probably explained the presence of a park 
in the first place.

She stood up and walked over to the small pond, looking at her 
reflection through the ripples that her tears created when they impacted 
upon the water.

"What have I become?" She started again, now crying silently. Then, the 
voices that had plagued Tomo began to surface within Yomi's mind. She, 
however, was not afraid of them, and welcomed them if anything. They 
began to talk to her.

'It is all your fault, Yomi.'

"I know it is." Yomi spoke audibly to them, not caring who heard her or 
what they thought. None of that mattered to her anymore.

'You could have had it all, but now you wear a crown of thorns upon your 
throne. How's it feel to be the Queen of your World now?'

"I hate it." The tears still rolled. "I absolutely hate it."

'All because you didn't know how to handle a relationship. All because 
you didn't know how to be a rebel, a radical. All because you couldn't 
handle yourself under pressure. All this time, you were screaming for 
somebody to let you out, but in the end, when the opportunity arose, you 
ignored it, being headstrong, thinking you'd be able to fix it all.'

"And I now see that I was wrong in thinking that." She smiled weakly. 
Finally, after almost a year, she'd come to terms with herself.

'It is not what you and Tomo were. It was that you and Tomo made all the 
wrong decisions. And you could have prevented it all.' Yomi nodded, to 
nobody in particular.

"It pains me, when I think of all that could have been. We could have 
married, adopted kids, raised them."

'Yes.'

"We could have gone to school, graduated, gone to a University. Made 
something out of ourselves."

'Yes.'

"Had a life. Lived together. We could have seen our kids, our grand 
kids, grow up. Then, we could have died together."

'Yes, All of that could have been.'

"But it's not."

'Not quite.'

"What?"

'You can still make things right.'

"You mean...?"

'It's the only way, Yomi. Do what's right. Don't let Tomo down.' They 
were gone. Swiftly as they came, the voices were gone. Yomi fell to her 
knees and bawled again, halfway out of compassion, halfway out of 
happiness. It was so obvious, and it had taken her up until now to 
realize what she had to do.

Wiping the tears from her eyes, Koyomi Mizuhara stood up, and walked 
away, back to the trash-can. She began to rummage through it, looking 
for what she needed.

Saturday, March 22nd, 7:01 PM

"...A-Ha! Finally!" Yomi had been digging through trash-cans for hours. 
She had found bits and pieces of what she was looking for, but never 
could she find one of the just the right size and strength. She could 
have gone back to the house, sure, and found one. Mr. Takino had plenty 
of survival equipment. But Yomi knew she could never go back there. 
Besides, she found what she was looking for, and it was conveniently 
placed, too. In an alleyway, with a three story fire-escape right beside 
of her.

Yomi gazed upon the item that would give her freedom. A three foot long, 
non-fraying, rock climbing rope. Yomi hugged the rope close to her 
chest.

"Thank you, girl scouts."

Yomi fixated the rope, just as would be needed, and began to climb the 
fire escape, quietly as she could. Surprisingly, she made no noise, or 
at least not enough to disturb anyone. Silently, she wiped away her 
tears one more time, as she tied the rope to the edge of the fire 
escape, and whispered one last phrase.

"See ya, Tomo."

Vash Sackachi, Thirty-Eight, of Downtown Tokyo, Unagi Apartments, room 
3A, awoke to the sound of his kitten meowing profusely at the window 
which led to his fire escape. Rubbing his eyes as he got up, Mr. 
Sackachi walked over to his kitten, and began to stroke her.

"What's wrong, Meowmeow?" He asked the animal, rubbing it 
affectionately. Then he looked up, arching an eyebrow. Opening the door 
and stepping out, he saw the end of a rope tied to the railing of the 
fire escape. "What the-" Then Mr. Sackachi looked over the railing. "Oh 
my God!" Quickly, he ran back inside in a panic, calling the local 
police.

Onwards to Part 13


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