Chapter Ten: Too much regrets
Sitting out at pool side, Tabby sat in a lounge chair. She was tucked under the shade of an umbrella, trying to escape the unbearable heat of the upcoming noontime, but the heat was stronger than any shade she could have found. She sat alone, her face was blank as if her mind was far away from her body.
The girl seemed to be very troubled as she sat in silence, as told by her wrinkled brow as she thought. The girl kept moving once in awhile to look at the small guest house just past the pool, then turned back to think a little more.
The pretty girl name Yvonne came out of the large house, seemingly looking for something or someone. She crossed the small open area towards the pool then smiled when she caught sight of Tabby sitting at the side of the pool. By the smile that flowed over her young face, it seemed as if the girl had found what she was looking for.
The girl came over and knelt beside the girl in the lounge chair. When she looked into Tabby’s face, she saw a mask of deep thought peering back at her.
" Is everything alright, darling?" She asked softly, but she found that no answer came from her lover’s mouth. " Tabby?"
Tabitha looked over at the girl, and shook her head.
" I have a lot on my mind, I guess..." She said bluntly, looking into Yvonne’s dark olive colored eyes. " Everything is not alright."
Concerned, the smaller of the two girls slid on to her lover’s lap and gazed deep into the serious eyes. She tried to read the girl’s face, but she only saw a type of pain washing through Tabby’s expression.
" What hat ever it is, I am here... unless..." She said, pausing with a worried look. " ... is it me?"
Surprised with Yvonne’s question, she reached up and cupped the pretty girl’s cheek and shook her head.
" It is not you." She whispered with conviction. " Don’t even think that is you, sweety."
" Then ...what ?" Pressed Yvonne, still not understanding the cryptic way the girl talked to her. " You seemed to have been distracted like this since right after the party ended yesterday... Did anything go on at the party that has made you act like this?"
" I really cannot say..." Started the girl, her eyes searching her girlfriends face. It was all she could do from telling her lover everything, but knew retribution from Pasha would wreck more than her life. " I cant..."
" Is it that Lori got a letter from that damned Pasha girl today?" She prodded, then pondered her next words for a second. " Are you jealous of Lori getting this attention from Pasha?"
" You know the history between Pasha and I... You know that it ended a long time ago." Tabby said with a very stern snuff, her face showing the emotions that she had deep inside.
" Do you have feelings for Lori then? Is this the reason you are acting so damned weird?" She said.
The girl in the chair shook her head, eyes wide.
" She’s my friend... you’re my girl, the one I lay with..." Said Tabitha, looking into Yvonne’s eyes. " That is where it is, and ends..."
Yvonne put her own hand on Tabby’s cheek and held her gaze, making sure that the girl could not avert her eyes from hers. She saw a myriad of emotions that coursed through Tabby’s eyes, emotions way too many to pinpoint.
" Something is not right...I can tell." She stated, her eyes holding her own concerns. " Tabitha Lynn Regan.. I have been with you for over a year now... I can tell that something is bothering you."
" I can’t tell you..." Tabitha restated almost pleadingly, a tear forming in the corner of her eye. " I have promised I would not say anything..."
" You can’t even confide in me?" Shocked, the girl gasped. " It’s not like you have to hide anything from me... I share your heart, your life and your bed."
" It’s not like that... I don’t hide things from you..." Sputtered Tabby, knowing in her heart she would have to this time. " But this time... It is the way it is."
" Cut the shit and tell me what the hell is going on?" Said the girl.
" Please..." Tabitha pleaded, seeing that her lack of explanation was hurting Yvonne.
" You found someone else? Fallen in love with someone else?"" Wildly asked Yvonne. " You cant even admit that you have feelings for Lori, or still have unresolved feelings for Pasha.. Or is it that Lara that you were trying to hook up with Lori? Is that it?" She took a breath. " What ever it is, we can work it out somehow...."
" No!" Said Tabitha, her heart jumping at the sounds of what her lover’s thoughts were. " I don’t want any one else but you, My pet..."
" Then what in the fucking hell is it?" She screamed, pushing herself away from Tabitha’s lap
Tabitha looked at her very impassioned girl, and closed her eyes. She knew what shew had to say next, and it was pulling her apart from the inside out.
" I can’t tell you... you will think I am a idiot or something if I do... " She stammered loudly. " It is... personal..."
Yvonne turned on her heels and began to storm off, tears of frustration and hurt beginning to show just how she was on the inside. The girl seemed to be beyond mad and hurt, as she stiffly walked off.
" Well if you can’t tell me whatever it is, you can just sit right there and sulk away all you want!!" She huffed, as she stormed out of the pool area. " Secrets or not... If you ever want to actually trust me, you can find me up in our room for now!"
The girl was gone in a flash, leaving the girl to sit there with a saddened look on her face. She hated this.
" I cant tell Yvonne any of this... I would lose her forever!" She thought, feeling herself trembling with the emotions, her stomach in knots. " Damned if I tell her what is behind all of this... damned if I don’t and completely fucked if I don’t warn Lori about Pasha." She shook her head, as she started to shed a few more tears. " I can’t do anything... I am totally fucked!!"
Shoulders slumped in a defeatist pose, Tabitha just sat pool side, tears streaming down her cheeks for a long time, not knowing what to do yet knowing also. Right, wrong and the grey area was all there... none of which she wanted to do.
Tabitha soon saw Lori leaving the guest house. She was all dressed in a simple but very pretty white linen dress and sandles. Her long blonde hair was pulled back in a very fetching ponytail and she just carried a small purse. The whole package was just screaming out Lori’s name.
The simplistic style the girl always dressed when not at school just told Tabby just how uncomplicated this girl was. That was one of the main characteristics that made Tabitha happy that she was her friend. It was all the more harder to not reveal what Pasha had said back at the party.
The girl did not see her as she went, as she hurried out a alternate rout, into the house. Tabitha shuttered, as she knew very well where she was going. She hoped that Pasha would not get to her friend, as she thought back to her own time with the smug yet pretty young woman. It was a time she hated to relive, today was not the time for the family’s little secret either.
Tabby felt every fiber of her being wanting to rush and stop Lori from going, but the fear of Pasha’s threat kept her where she was, frozen. She bowed her head and slammed her fist on the side of the lounge chair.
" I am being a fucking coward!!!" She spat to herself, more tears flowing down her face. " Damn me!! Damn my family for putting me in this position."