It was the morning of Dawn’s party; I had to get her something good, no something great. But what could I get her? I came up short, so last resort was a card stuffed full of all the money I could spare. After wasting about two hours at the mall I decided it was time to get washed up and ready for the party.
I arrived fashionably late in my chocolate brown leather pants and a silk black shirt. Everybody was around Dawn watching her open her presents, well I can’t be that late then. I carefully pushed into the crowd, Buffy was the only one who saw me, smiling widely she mouthed ‘Hi’ to me. I shook my head to focus on the situation in hand.
“Hey Dawn, Happy Birthday!” I handed her the envelope, she seemed a little put off by my offering, but when she opened it her face lit up, sixty dollars fell from the card, the message inside read,
‘I didn’t know what to get you so here, treat yourself and for tonight I’m all yours.’
Dawn ran over and held on to me tight, “Really?”
“Just for tonight sparky, who knows maybe I’ll give ya a ride home too.” Dawn was jumping up and down in the club like a dog without its toy.
“You brought the bike! You brought the bike!” I smiled back with my maybe, maybe not look.
“So what do you say sparky, wanna dance?” Without second thought she dragged me to the dance floor where we remained for most of the night. At regular intervals I could feel B’s eyes watching me with her sister, I would never hurt Dawn but I bet Buffy couldn’t be that sure.
I could hear her in my head telling me to back off when we got too close, you know regular sister stuff like hurt her and I break your neck sort of thing. But she definitely had nothing to worry about. Even when the slow songs played, I just held Dawn that was all and all Dawn did was settle into my arms.
“Hey sparky I think it’s time we went home, it’s getting late and all the older kids want to play now.” She looked up at me and nodded with a huge yawn. I couldn’t help but grin.
Scooping her up into my arms I carried her over to the assembled scoobies. “Hey B I’m gonna take sparky home so you guys can loosen up a little yeah?” Buffy nodded, she gently kissed Dawn on the forehead,
*Look after her, make sure she isn’t up all night.* I’d a saluted at her if my arms weren’t full, why did her requests always sound like orders to me. Maybe because she knew I’d do it. Damn she could order me to crash my bike, and I’m sure I’d do it. Is that what it meant to be in love? Willing to do something stupid so long as she was happy? Somehow I think I’m getting the raw end of the deal.
Out in the car park I stirred Dawn so she might actually stand. “Hey you can’t sleep just yet sparky I have to get you home first!” Reaching into the panniers I handed her helmet to her. She held her arms around me so tight as I pulled away from the parking lot.
***
“Come here short stuff.” I pulled her onto my lap and put the blanket around us. Dawn snuggled down onto me once more. “So what do you want to talk about?”
It was too late my tactics had worked; Dawn was fast asleep in my arms. Her steady breathing slowed her excited heart; finally I could relax a little. Why did I have to do that, all night I had the chance Damnnit, why couldn’t I tell her, why couldn’t I let her down. But then I could never let Dawn down, in everything I did it never went wrong in her eyes.
I really hated that.
I rested my head atop hers listening to the rhythmic heart beats. I tried to look beyond that, discover what was behind it. I had seen her worry, I had seen her pain; I had even seen her care but I needed to look deeper. Was there anything more, anything stronger? For both our sakes I hope not.
I couldn’t bear to hurt her anymore; I had hurt the Summers women more than enough in my life. It was time for change and no one, not even me was going to hurt them again. I was here to make sure of that, it’s what Mrs. S would have wanted- and you know Summers women they want it they got it.
At about three, Buff and Red stumbled in giggling and laughing loudly. “Shhhh you two! Sparky’s trying to sleep here. Why are you so late?”
Calming down a little B panted, “Oh sorry Faithy, we walked Kennedy home. Is that ok with you mom?” God damn she was so drunk, but it was Dawnie’s birthday she could at least have the decency to let her sleep.
“Look B I brought Dawnie home cos she was tired and to give you guys some down time. You could at least thank me for that.” Dawn was starting to stir; it was like trying to keep a baby asleep.
I didn’t want to let B wake her up and ruin her night by arguing with me. “I’m taking her upstairs.”
Buffy and Will were sat now on the respective armchairs. I lifted the stirring teenager whispering to her to try and calm her subconscious and put her back to sleep. I could hear the two in the lounge still- that really hurt, she couldn’t even say thank you for what I had done. Carefully entering her room I laid her fragile body down upon the bed.
I leant over to kiss her goodnight when I heard her whisper, “Faith, Faith don’t leave me, never leave me…” I tried so hard to fight back the tears, this kid needed me, she loved me. I can’t leave them now.
“You know Faith she says that every time she falls asleep, without fail.” I sniffled to hold back the tears that threatened to fall. Turning around B nodded to me, “Yeah every time, kinda freaked me out at first, but when you listen to her,”
“So, it doesn’t mean anything. She doesn’t need me it’s just her dreaming.” B walked closer, she had lost her drunken walk but I could see the alcohol in her eyes.
“Of course she needs you. I can’t always be here she confides in you, looks up to you; damnnit Faith she loves you.” She was inches from me. A single tear fell from my eye as I swore under my breath.
“Faith you’re leaking.” A small smile broke on my lips. “What is that salty liquid, my God, Faith are you crying?”
I gave in and the tears fell.
I tried to leave the room but Buffy stopped me, “Faith why are you crying, what’s wrong?” I forced myself out of her grip.
“You don’t care, you never cared. So why should you start now, I’m well enough to leave now so that’s just what’s gonna happen. Tell Dawnie I went on permanent patrol, tell her that I’m out drinking, tell her anything, tell her anything you want to. I’m gone.”
I stormed out swallowing my tears and my pride, grabbing my stuff I headed out to the bike, I didn’t want Dawn to wake up as I left so I sped away with as much speed that the throttle would give me.
Where was I going? I didn’t know. What was I going to? I hadn’t a bloody clue. But this drive would at least clear my head. And if I had to sleep rough so be it. I couldn’t go back anytime soon, Buffy just didn’t realise. She didn’t understand why she was hurting me or how, but if I stayed to long she would have found out for sure. But for now there was just the road, plain and simple tarmac.
But tarmac hurt, so did twisted metal. I squinted at the bright lights, I can’t focus but I can feel something touching me, leaving white fire in it’s wake.
***
But tarmac hurt, so did twisted metal. I squinted at the bright lights, I can’t focus but I can feel something touching me, leaving white fire in it’s wake. The touch was so very cold, and yet burned with hell fire at the same time. The lights got brighter as I could hear about 4 voices all merged into one barely audible noise.
I laid my head back to the floor; all logical thought had exited my mind, for that brief time I had forgotten everything. The pain replaced all my rational thoughts and other feelings about Buffy, Dawn everyone. Seizing my mind back I rose from my prone position to the gasps and bleak looks of the assembled mass. I could hear sounds of disbelief as I sat bolt upright.
Looking over to my motorcycle, well it wasn’t even that anymore, looking at my mass of wreckage and parts that weren’t where they were supposed to be. Great I was stuck, but more importantly was the huge amount of twisted metal imbedded in my leg and shoulder. I groaned loudly as I removed each piece regardless of the blood all over me.
I tried to climb to my feet as some random guy held me up on him, “You came out of no where, are you alright?” Stupid question, regaining my composure,
“You’re the one that hit me? You’re the dead son of a bitch that broadsided me?” I swung at him levelling him to the floor. I walked away from the scene as the witnesses looked on in disbelief. The ambulance called passed me while I walked away from the scene, away from that place, away from Buffy.
Since I had left my cell was ringing off the hook, all the calls bar one were from Dawn’s cell phone. I had bought her one especially in case she needed me. There were several texts and answer phone messages. I wondered absentmindedly just what B had told her in that drunken state.
Ignoring the calls and the messages I threw my cell as far away from me as I could. I had to find somewhere to bunk tonight it didn’t matter if I was under a bridge I just needed to dress my wounds. I guess it was all on foot from here. Bastard.
I found a sheltered spot just off the freeway and dug myself in. I’d been sleeping rough for years, this was five by five for me. Funny, I was still wearing my clothes from the party. Reminiscing over I ripped at the bottom of the shirt for a makeshift bandage. Satisfied that the bleeding had stopped I wrapped myself in my trench coat for warmth, it was going to be a long night.
The next morning I woke before dawn; I was going to need food soon, my stomach agreed with me as I continued walking down the highway. Absently my senses picked up something, food!! There was a service station or maybe a small town about two miles away, it was difficult to tell through the smell of traffic fumes. Picking up the pace I was soon running to find my salvation.
After sating my appetite I continued my journey. What the Hell was I on? A journey? I had no idea where I was going, I just kept walking. Civilisation had to be around here somewhere so I carried on.
I kept going, I kept surviving and treating my wounds and I found something I was looking for. A small amount of civilisation. Guess what, a motel my home from home and not too dissimilar to the crevice back in good ol’ Sunnydale. Just like old times, all I needed now was B on my doorstep wanting me to go home with her. Or maybe that’s what I wanted to be on my step. Either way it wasn’t going to happen, dismissing my thoughts I drifted into the dark space of sleep.
It was the middle of the night, rolling over while cursing I picked up the ringing phone in the room. “Miss there is a call here for you, would you like me to put it through?” I groaned as the receptionist did her thing. There was no voice on the end of the receiver, a sniffle and a deep breath but no voice.
“How’d you find me Sparky? And I told you no tears.” Walking around with the phone I gathered my things; it was time to move on.
“You lied Faith, you lied to me. You said you’d come to me when I cried.” She paused to sniff and wipe her face. “You never came. Please, listen to me. Please come home…” She couldn’t control it any more. I had to zone out else she would have had me crying too.
I walked over to the window, rain poured down the cold glass; though I could see someone down there stood by a car. “Dawnie, are you still there?”
“What does it matter Faith, you won’t come back.” The figure outside was on a cell phone. Two more people left the car, the hairs on my neck rose, B and dead boy. Great an entourage.
“Look Dawnie it’s not that simple ok, it’s complicated, it’s difficult,” I was cut off by a half scream half shout,
“I need you! Buffy needs you! Faith I love you, Buffy loves you we both love you why won’t you come back?” She collapsed onto the blurred figure of her sister. ‘Angelus’ took the cell,
“At least, Faith at least tell her goodbye.” He hung up. Turning around I fell to my knees and leant against the wall with my head in my hands. I gave in, I had to I couldn’t stand to see Dawn in pain. I gathered up my things and left the room.