Part Six
I turned my attention from the window where I had been watching the snowfall, to Nell who was sitting beside me. We were in a cab on the way to my parents' house and she was fidgeting around like a mad woman. At one point I had actually considered sitting on her to get her to keep still. She was very nervous; I could feel it radiating off of her in waves.
"Everything will be fine," I said taking her hand. "It'll be gold, you'll see."
"What if they don't like me?"
"They already like you. You've made me much more manageable. That makes you their second favorite person after Jesus."
"I'm just…I feel so…"
"I know," I said drawing her into an embrace. "I promise everything will be fine." She was apprehensive because of the meeting we had had with her sister a few days before. I was sure of it.
Let me just state right up front, in case the condition wasn't made clear before, that I absolutely detest Nell's sister. Also, I must make it clear that she despises me just as much as I loath her. However, though I immediately disliked her, I believe it took her a few meetings to fully come into her hatred for me. Either way our last meeting was not a pleasant experience.
This time she knew the true nature of my relationship with Nell, and she busted out the ladder and climbed up onto her moral soapbox. At the time I wasn't quite sure how she found out since I was certain she didn't have the mental capacity to put it together herself. I was right too; later that night I found out that Nell had told her. So, after asking me to pass the gravy, she launched into a tirade in which she basically accused me of being a predatory lesbian fem-bot programmed to corrupt the innocent and gullible into entering my circle of sexual perversion. After she finished I waited half expecting her to add, "resistance is futile". Truthfully, I was as amused by her diatribe as I was insulted by it. My response to her had been, "Actually it's more of a pentagon of perversion. It makes it easier for us to summon our demonic overlords that way." Jane's husband and I seemed to be the only ones at the table who were amused by the response.
Sufficed to say that things went even further downhill from there. While Nell tried to reason with her sister I continued to antagonize her. While all of that was going on her husband just sat there doing nothing but occasionally smirking at some comment I made at his wife's expense. This eventually led her to accuse him of wanting to sleep with me. He just rolled his eyes at that and gave a half-hearted denial, which sent her into another tantrum. I tried to defuse the situation by telling her that it was hardly an option anyway, but the lecherous grin that formed on my face—completely of its own violation—afterwards only got her calling me everything from a communist to El Diablo himself.
On the way home I found out just how unimpressed Nell was with my behavior. Once we left and I had time to reflect upon my actions I realized that my behavior had been inappropriate, and that even though I hated Jane, I was sorry because I had just made things considerably harder for Nell. It was at times like that that I cursed my poor impulse control and my devastating wit. The communication that resulted from the dinner-not-quite-a-party was this:
{I came out of the bathroom rubbing at my wet hair vigorously with my head facing down. The trip back to the city from Jane's house had been a silent and tense one. I knew I had behaved badly but I didn't know how to go about conveying it other than showering Nell with "I'm sorry's" that just didn't seem to be doing the trick. Looking up I saw her sitting on the windowsill. She had been looking out the window but when I walked into the room she turned to face me.
I stopped drying my hair and lowered the towel to my side meeting her gaze.
"I don't know what you want me to say," I said finally moving over to sit on the edge of the bed.
"I don't want you to say anything," she responded. "I want you to understand."
"I do," I insisted. "That's why I'm sorry."
"Why'd you do it?" she asked still not moving over to join me.
"I don't know," I said standing up starting to pace. "That's what I do, what can I say, people are right, I'm a bitch," I said tossing my arms up in the air helplessly.
"You're not a bitch," she responded softly.
"Yes I am," I replied. "I've worked very hard over the years to perfect it too. I don't like most people, and I like my friends even less. I've never particularly wanted people to stay around for very long and being a high riding bitch was one way to ensure that," I said still pacing around and looking at my feet. "It's a defense and an offense and it's pretty much been programmed for automatic pilot which means it sometimes happens even when I don't want it to."
I walked over to her taking a seat beside her.
"Your sister attacked me, attacked us and I responded." I took her hand into mine. "God Nell, I love you. I love you more than I thought I was capable of loving anyone or anything and I HATE your sister for attacking that, but I'll admit the course of action I adopted was a poor choice and I'm sorry."
I took my free hand and placed it on her cheek stroking the skin lightly with my thumb.
"I told you once that you made me want to be a better person," I said leaning in closer to her, "and I meant it. It's just going to take a little work. I need you to bare with me," I said closing the last distance between us and brushing my lips against hers. "I need you, period," I whispered after pulling back.
She moved over closer to me and I wrapped my arms around her drawing her into a hug.
"Still love me?" I asked finally releasing her with a smile.
"How could I not?" she responded but then her face turned serious.
"I'm going to have to be nice to her next time aren't I?" I asked pouting a little. She nodded solemnly. Somehow I had known that would be her answer.
"How much damage control do you think you'll have to do to smooth this one over?" I asked a moment later.
"Not much," she responded smiling. "Jane never liked you anyway."}
So, understandably after all of that drama, Nell was concerned about what the meeting with my family was going to be like. We were going there for Thanksgiving; it was the first time in years that I had actually taken up the invitation.
"You must be Eleanor," my mother said warmly as she walked up to Nell.
"Yes, I'm very pleased to meet you," Nell said eyeing my brother who was reaching for her jacket. She looked at me questioningly and I nodded telling her it was all right to give it to him.
"It's not his colour," I said leaning in close to her.
After the introductions were out of the way my mother turned her gaze towards me, and proceeded to carry out a visual inspection. It had been awhile since we had last seen each other.
"Are you about done?" I asked a little peevishly as I shifted from foot to foot. I hated it when she did this. I felt like a lab specimen or something.
"There's the Theo we know and have come to tolerate," my brother, Alexander, said in response. I glared at him.
Our mother moved so that she was standing beside me and placed her hand on the small of my back. "Everyone's in the game room. Shall we?" I nodded and she started to push me in the correct direction while Alex linked his arm through Nell's and smiled at her charmingly before leading her after us.
I was finding it increasingly hard to concentrate on what my father was saying to me. I knew he was talking because I could see his lips moving and I was aware of a low kind of rumbling sound that I was sure was his voice, still I couldn't quite make out what it was he was saying.
"Sorry, what was that?" I asked turning to look at him.
"I said I saw your last show," he responded looking at me keenly. I hate it when people look at me keenly. "Perhaps," he went on slowly—still looking at me keenly I'd like to add— "you should use some of the money you got from it to buy a hearing aid."
"Hardy, har, har," I responded smiling jeeringly at him. I may look my mother, but I definitely got dear dad's sense of humour.
"I'm sure she's not going anywhere," he said a moment later following my gaze over to Nell who was seated with my brother across the room. 'It's not her I'm worried about' I thought to myself darkly. I knew there was going to be trouble when I saw Alex whisk Nell away shortly after we arrived. That was one of the down sides of hardly ever seeing my family, they weren't aware whenever I had emotional growth spurts.
"I wasn't looking at her anyway," I responded defensively turning away from the two of them. Alex was reading her palm, that was the cheesiest trick in the book, I had thought him that one when I was thirteen and now he was using it on my girlfriend! That was just wrong.
"Alex," my father called out a moment later waving him over when he looked up. Alex for his part looked upset about the interruption but came over nonetheless. Coming to a stop in front of our father he winked at me before speaking!
"How may I be of service?" he asked.
"Go bring out some more drinks," our father responded indicating the empty bottles. Alex pouted.
"I told you we should have had this thing catered," he gripped. Dad and I both responded by looking at him keenly and he went away.
"Hey," I said cornering Alex in the kitchen. My parents had taken possession of Nell as soon as I got up and the three of them were now going through the old photo albums.
"What's up?" he asked resting the wine bottle he'd been holding back on the counter.
"This isn't like before," I told him seriously.
"Yeah, I know. This is a Chardonnay," he responded.
"Fuck that Alex, you know what I mean."
"This isn't about me chatting up the flavor of the month is it?" he asked incredulously.
"Actually it is," I told him leaning against the counter. "Don't touch her, don't even try."
"Not through with her yet, huh?" he asked with a smug smirk on his face. I wanted to hit him. I love Alex, but sometimes he just reminds me too much of the worst parts of myself and I can't stand it.
"She's not a fucking chew toy, and we're still very much together," I said before pushing off the edge of the counter and walking over closer to him. "I mean it Alex, leave her alone."
"What? Are you afraid she'll fall for my manly charms?"
"No," I answered softly. And it was the truth; I wasn't worried about Nell falling for him or anyone else. "Nell's going to be around a lot more from now on, and she's too nice to say anything but not only are you wasting your time you're also making a jack ass out of yourself."
We were silent for a moment as he regarded me.
"Well, shit on me," he said finally shaking his head.
"Nell's different, I'm serious about this," I said ignoring his disbelieving look
"Alright," he said slowly. "So she's a concentrated effort," he said picking up steam now certain that he was on the right track. "I get that. That doesn't mean that you're allowed to go messing around with my head like that. Fuck, Theo, for a second I thought you were serious about her or something. I damn near had a heart attack."
"No messing," I said coming to stand in front of him. "I am serious about her. I'm in love with her in fact."
"Nobody sent me the memo about Hell freezing over," Alex muttered as he ran a hand through his hair. "Jesus…I mean...with you when it rains it pours, huh?"
I smiled. "If you're surprised imagine how I felt," I said shaking my head.
He held up his hands in the universal sign of piece. "Alright, I've been called lots of things but never a home wrecker and never one from my own home. You know I love picking up the tasty morsels you leave behind but since this is kosher…listen you don't have to worry about me trying anything more. And if it's worth anything I was getting nowhere with her in a big hurry."
"I wouldn't have expected anything less," I responded. "I told you Nell's special…all around. You won't find anyone better," I went on smiling.
"Wow," he said. "Wow." I nodded. "Listen, I've got to get this out there, but later you and me we'll do the talking thing?"
"Yeah," I responded and he walked out of the room still shaking his head.
I felt Nell approaching me before she placed her hand on my shoulder. I turned around so that I was facing her and took her hand in mine.
"Did you have fun chatting with Ma and Pa?" I asked with an exaggerated southern drawl for no real reason other than I wanted to.
"Yeah," Nell responded smiling. "You were cute when you were little," she continued leaning into me slightly.
"Unlike the barking car chaser that I am today," I said drawing her into a hug.
"That's not what I meant," Nell said snuggling to my embrace. "And you know it."
"Indeed I do," I responded before placing a kiss on her temple and pulling away. "They didn't show you anything too humiliating did they?"
"You want to know if they brought out the nudie pictures," Nell stated smiling.
"Well?" I asked.
"You loved your rubber ducky, didn't you?" Nell asked, the smile never leaving her face.
"Ohhh," I groaned dropping my head into my hands.
"You looked absolutely charming in your little tutu's," Nell said in response to my piteous moan.
"Ohhh," I repeated.
"I like your parents, they're very nice," Nell said once I had recovered suitably. I nodded in agreement "You…" she started to say, but she trailed off.
"What?" I asked encouraging her on.
"You don't see them very often do you?"
"No," I said in a kind of half sigh as I leaned up against the wall. "Not really," I added.
"Why?" she asked coming to stand beside me, mimicking my posture.
I looked over at her but didn't respond right away. One of the things that I learned at Hill House was that family was important to Nell, and it wounded her that there was such tension between her and her immediate family. The fact that I didn't spend much time with my family, and for apparently no reason, confused her. Frankly, now that I thought about it confused me too.
"I don't know," I said finally. "I just wanted…freedom, I guess. I found my parents influence to be suffocating at times."
"They've been worried about you," Nell said in response.
"With good reason," I responded. "I wasn't in a good place before I went to Hill House. In fact that's why I went. I needed to get away and try and clear my head. I just…they probably would have been more worried about me if they had seen me."
"And now?" Nell asked stepping into the embrace I offered. It was suddenly very important for me to feel her near me.
"I'm in a very good place," I said smiling. "And I will therefore endeavor to visit them at regular intervals."
"No one could ask for more," Nell responded smiling.
I looked over her head in the direction my parents were sitting in. My father was busy comparing cigars with Alex, but my mother's eyes met mine. Nell shifted so that she was looking in the same direction that I was looking in after moment. Then my mother smiled at us and turned away to say something to my father.
"Were they always so…" Nell started to ask.
"Cosmopolitan?" I asked smirking.
"Understanding."
"They got used to it. It was much more economic to just accept it," I responded.
"Economic?"
"I was going on a myriad of expensive vacations when they were still in the transitory stage," I answered. "But she's not being so…conciliatory because she's some sort of PFLAG mother or anything."
Nell simply looked up at me questioningly.
"You're the first person I've ever brought home," I said in response to the look.
"Because you didn't come home a lot," she said nodding in understanding, but she didn't understand.
"No," I said lifting her head up so that our eyes met, while I silently cursed the damage her family had done to her. "You're the first person I've ever wanted to bring home," I told her not breaking our gaze. "I have this uncle Morty, who always used to parade around a profusion of women at every family gathering. It was pathetic; sad really since three weeks later they'd all have left him for some other rich old man, this time with hair. It made me decide that I wasn't ever going to do that, that when I brought someone home it was going to be for keeps."
"For keeps?" she asked.
"For keeps," I repeated. "To infinity and beyond," I added smiling.
"I saw that movie," she said slapping me on the shoulder. I just smiled and wrapped my arms around her.
"Come on, they're starting to serve dinner," I said dragging her in the direction of the kitchen.
"How do you know that," she said letting me tug her in the right direction.
"I'm just following my nose."
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