Chapter 2: Bubba Bo Peep
The late Grandma Little's quaint little house is surrounded by the likes of the FBI. The agents in charge, the brunette Jonathan Dish and the blonde Patrick Spoon, are the two of the hottest-looking hunks in the entire force. They are both partners.
At the scene, Dish and Spoon finds that the van is gone. So are the garbage bags that were supposed to hold the stinking garbage that is piled up nearby. Dish and Spoon walks over to overlook forensics team gathering blood from the lot.
"The blood stains matches her completely," Spoon continued.
"Do we have the license plate number of that van?" Dish asked.
"No, but we determined that the van is painted in the ugliest orange."
"I see. So what about the stains on that bed?"
"They turn up two unknowns."
"Unknowns?"
"We can ascertain that two girls broke in the house to have sex."
"Kids these days," snickers Dish.
The wolf-eared Becky Wolfe drives the beat-up pumpkin-orange Volkswagen van down Highway 75 with cute and innocent Red Little at the passenger seat now wearing a t-shirt that read "I'm an Angel, and I'll bust a cap on yo' ass!", and Grandma Little rotting in four pieces in four garbage bags.
"Damnit," said Becky, "why the fuck did you have to call your parents about our night together?"
"Because I want to tell them about my undying love for you Grandma," said Red.
"For the last time, stop calling me Grandma! Call me Becky, or Rebecca, or Ms. Wolfe, but not Grandma!"
"Okay."
A pause.
"I'm 21," Becky continued.
"Okay."
Another pause.
"So where are we going?" asked Red.
"We gotta find a place to dump this body, and maybe paint this shitty van."
"I know! Let's go to Bubba Bo Peep's place!"
"Bubba Bo Peep?"
"He's a close friend of grandma!"
"Not my friend."
After driving a couple of miles, Becky makes a turn towards Bo Peep's farm.
Bubba Bo Peep's house is also quaint, but not too little. Becky bangs on the door, and a big black man in blue suspenders answers. Becky looks up to him and becomes slightly petrified at the sight of his size.
"Who is it?" booms Bo Peep.
"Bubba!" screamed Red.
"Is that you little Red?"
Bubba opens the screen door and hugs Red with his huge arms.
"What brings you here little Red?" asked Bo Peep.
"I'm here with my Grandma!" she replied.
"Will you stop?" said Becky as boxes Red's head.
"Grandma?" said Bo Peep.
"Don't mind her... and her shirt. But sir, could you be let us shack here for a while?"
"Sure! Any friend of little Red's is a friend of mine."
Bubba Bo Peep lets them in and sits them at the kitchen table where he served plump and tasty corn bread. Bubba Bo Peep sits across them with a pensive look.
"What's going on Bubba?" Red innocently asked.
"Some white crackers stole my sheep," Bo Peep replied.
"That's terrible!"
"Man, that shucks," Becky said while stuffing her face with cornbread.
"If I don't get my sheep back, I won't make enough money to save my farm!" laments Bo Peep.
"Poor Jill!" cried Red.
"Whose Jill?" Becky asked.
"Little Red's favorite sheep who was just born a month ago," replied Bo Peep.
"Please, Grandma?" Red pleaded. "Will you please rescue Bubba's sheep?"
"I don't know," said Becky. "I mean, my services don't come cheap and they're kinda dangerous."
"But he allowed us to stay here!"
"True, but you could call the county sheriff for that matter."
Red suddenly pulls Becky's face to hers for a deep and passionate kiss. Bubba Bo Beep stares at the couple with his jaw dropped.
"Please Grandma?" Red pleaded.
"Fine I'll do it," said Becky. "But in return, WILL YOU STOP CALLING ME GRANDMA?"
Before Becky went out to rescue Bo Peep's sheep, she had to bury Red's Grandmother in a dirt patch right between the barn and the house. Red stood by and watches her while humming "...Baby One More Time" annoyingly.
After burying the legs, the lower torso, and the upper torso, Becky finishes digging that last hole for the garbage bag that contains the grandmother's head. She then spikes the spade shovel to the ground.
"Red-chan," Becky said.
"Yes Grandma?"
"About your grandmother..."
"Hm?"
"I'm sorry. I'm the one who killed her."
"Huh?"
"Well I didn't really, but I gave her a nasty heart attack..."
"And?"
"I chopped her up."
"And?"
"Aren't you sad or anything?"
"Sad about what?"
Becky rips open the bag and displays Grandma Little's head before Red.
"Your real grandma's dead!" she cried.
"Oh!" gasped Red. "She's not my real grandmother."
"Huh?"
"Her real name is Jackie Caps. She's actually a close friend to mama and papa."
"Oh." Becky takes one last look at the severed head and says, "Sorry about that Jackie."
With the weight lifted off her, Becky puts the head of Jackie Caps back in the bag and drops it into the hole.
Night falls. Becky sets out in the pumpkin-orange van on the dirt road with Red at her side. Soon enough they approach a large barn surrounded by parked trucks and cars. That is the barn Bubba said the rustlers took his sheep to.
Becky parks the van well behind some trees. After covering her wolf-ears with a black beret, she steps out with her Shinseiki katana in hand.
"Wait here," she said to Red.
"What should I do?" Red asked.
"Um, just don't do anything stupid."
"Okay Grandma."
Becky grumbles loudly and walks towards the crowded barn. She then sneaks off the side and stealthily walks until she sees a peephole. She looks and sees something very weird and disturbing.
What Becky makes out is an organized orgy of people wearing hoods, capes, and rubber masks shagging any animal that are shaggable. Some are doing it in the open, while others retreat themselves to private stalls. While this is going on, drinks are being served at a makeshift bar and loud and awful slow country music blares out on the loudspeakers overhead. Becky had stumbled into a classy animal whorehouse.
Becky hears a gun click. By instinct, she drops her katana, puts her hands up, and slowly turns around. People in hoods and funny masks surround her with shotguns.
"Looks like we have an uninvited guest," said the man with the rubber Bill Clinton mask. He has a white southern accent, and he sounds Republican.
"Oh, hello there," said Becky. "I was just wondering if you have Bubba Bo Peep's sheep, and if you do, could you give them back to me please."
"No."
"Don't make this difficult."
"Bring her in!"
"I'm warning you."
Becky is led into the barn, while a man or maybe woman in a Queen Elizabeth mask takes her sword. The music immediately stops, and everyone ceases the bestiality, and immediately surrounds her with eyes gazing through funny rubber masks of celebrity caricatures such as famous U.S. Presidents, dictators, movie monsters, and Ultraman. Becky looks over and sees a man trying to get it on with a giraffe.
"This woman has witnessed our secret," announced the man in the Bill Clinton mask. "Therefore, we must think of an appropriate punishment. So how should she die?"
Everyone in the barn starts murmuring.
"You should have killed me on the spot," Becky suggested. "Unless you have some sick plans for me."
"As a matter fact, we do."
"In that case, anything but scat."
All of a sudden, a pumpkin-orange van bursts through the barn doors--and then breaks down. Red, who is in the driver's seat, tries unsuccessfully to start the van numerous times. Sticking her head out the window, she yells:
"Grandma, the 8-track player won't play and the van's broken!"
"Oh, will you stop calling me grandma!" yelled Becky.
Becky angrily punches the person in the Queen Elizabeth mask who is holding her sword and then unsheathes the legendary Shinseiki.
"Get her!" cried Bill Clinton (not the real one).
The rubber-masked men fire their shotguns. The non-combatants and the animals start running from the scene. Becky swiftly dodges all the shots and immediately kills her assailants.
More people in rubber masks start attacking her using their fists, knives, and stools. Becky makes quick work of them easily, and then sets her sights on Bill Clinton who is creeping away from the scene. She runs over and steps on his ankle, thus stopping him in his tracks.
"You wanted to kill me, didn't you?" growled Becky. "I have a rule that I only kill those who pose a definite threat to my life. And I ask you, do you pose a threat to my life?"
"No," whelped Bill Clinton.
Becky lets go of him in. Then Bill produces a gun out of his pistol and shoots at Becky. The bullet knocks off Becky's beret, thus exposing her wolf ears that are on top of her head. Angry, Becky quickly slices Bill Clinton across his chest.
"Don't tell me you are..." gasped Bill Clinton as he clutches his wound.
"Becky the Berserker?" smiled Becky. "The Merciless Mercenary? The Assassin Saint? I don't care what you call me, because you'll be long dead to care anymore!"
Becky raises her sword straight up in the air in a brilliant stance.
"Secret Technique Howling Half-Moon!"
In one stroke, Becky slices Bill (not the real one) in half right down the middle.
"Oh my god, Grandma," Red exclaimed. "That was so cool!"
Becky wipes the blood off the sword and sheathes her sword. "You think?" she smiled.
"Uh-huh!"
Immediately afterward, Becky corrals the sheep and got them to follow the pumpkin-orange van on trek back Bubba Bo Peep's. Red sits with Jill the lamb curled up on her lap.
"Pretty Jill," Red cooed. "Pretty, pretty Jill."
In the middle of the trek, Red looks at the rear-view mirror sees an exotic animal amongst the flock.
"Oh, look," she pointed.
"What is it?" Becky asked.
Becky looks at the mirror and sees a giraffe.
"Isn't that cute!" Red exclaimed. "A giraffe!"
"A giraffe huh?" Becky said. "I wonder how would a man fuck a giraffe?"
Becky completes her mission by returning the sheep, plus a giraffe, to Bubba Bo Peep. Upon receiving his flock, the ecstatic Bubba gave Becky a big and uncomfortable hug. As a reward, he allowed Becky and Red the full use of his entertainment system and another helping of cornbread.
"Thanks for the cornbread, Bubba," Becky said. She along with Red reclines on his comfortable blue love seat couch that sits in front of a large projection screen television complete with a surround sound system and a DVD player. Red innocently pets little Jill as the lamb eats a plate of cornbread.
"You're welcome," said Bo Beep. "I've noticed that little Red has grown quite fond of you."
"Actually, we just met, and..."
"I don't mind you guys, really. So that is why you can watch of box of my friend's lesbian porn for the night."
"Cool."
"Oh, and Red."
"Yes," said Red.
"I need to take Jill for a while to the barn."
"How come?"
"Uh, I need to check if all of my sheep have been permanently damaged."
"Okay. Jill go with uncle Bubba now."
Jill bleats as Bubba Bo Peep lifts her up the ground with his massive arms.
"Jill, don't be that way," said Red. "He's just gonna check if you received any STD's from those nasty people."
After Bo Peep left the house, Becky and Red spent the entire night watching lesbian porn--almost all of which are low quality, bad, and trashy. Becky starts to fall asleep after the 2nd movie, but Red keeps poking her on the various sex acts and positions they should imitate, such as:
A woman getting shafted by a another with a strap-on--
"Can we do that?" Red asked.
"No," Becky replied.
A woman getting fucked and butt-fucked by two women on strap-ons, while sucking on a strap-on worn by another--
"Can we do that?"
"No."
Watersports--
"Can we do that?
"No."
Lesbian necrophilia--
"Can we do that?"
"No."
Lesbian scat--
"Can we?"
"Hell no."
A lesbian orgy--
"Can we do that?"
Becky thinks. "Maybe..."
Soon enough, Becky and Red fall asleep on the fifth movie titled "Lesbian Anal Rippers #45." At the end of the movie Red wakes up and walks out of the house towards the barn.
"I wonder what Jill is doing?" she asked herself.
As she approaches the barn, she can hear the bleating of sheep in pain.
"Jill!"
Red runs and bursts open the barn doors. She catches a buck-naked Bo Peep violating Jill.
"Little Red!" shrieked Bubba.
"How could you?" cried Red. "How could you?"
The angry and teary-eyed Red runs away from the barn and back into the house. Becky wakes up and hears Red opening up the picnic basket meant for her fake grandmother and procures two Uzi submachine guns. After Red left the house with the guns, Becky walks over to look inside the basket and procures a plastic bag of marijuana-like leaves.
The mad Red makes it back to the barn and mows down Bo Beep and his sheep with her submachine guns.
"Little Red," gasped Bo Peep.
As Bo Beep fell to his death, that last thing he sees is Red's blood stained shirt that read "I'm an Angel, and I'll bust a cap on yo' ass!"
The furious Red drops to her knees breathing heavily. Becky arrives at the barn unfazed by the blood bath with the picnic basket under her arm.
"Geez, Red-Chan," said Becky as she scratches her wolf ears. "You should take it easy. If you want to be an assassin-mercenary like me, you really shouldn't kill people unless with great certainty they pose a threat to your life. Also, you don't kill your hostages, even if they are violated sheep. That kinda defeats the purpose of hostage rescue you know."
Red says nothing. Becky sighs and puts the basket on the ground next to her. She then rolls up the marijuana-like leaves that were in the plastic bag inside the basket.
"Here, smoke this," said Becky as she lights up the roll.
"Thanks," said Red.
Red puts the weed roll in her mouth and takes a puff. She starts to relax immediately. Seeing this, Becky takes the roll and inhales it very deeply.
"Whoa that is good shit," she said after exhaling.
Later, Becky and Red are inside Bo Peep's kitchen laughing the night away while smoking dope and devouring corn bread like there's no tomorrow.
"So, let me get this straight," said the stoned Becky, "you're supposed to give this to Grandma Little, I meant, Jackie Caps, so she can pay you and your folks, and then she would distribute them to other 'Little Reds' about the state?"
"Yep!" said the stoned Red. "Mama and papa are drug runners!"
"Oh!"
"They also deal in 'special' liquor."
"Damn, we should go to your parents' and score some booze! Anyway, do we have any more cornbread?"
"Lemme check."
Red checks the pantry. It is empty.
"Oh damn," she laments. "We are so out!"
"Shit!" laments Becky. "I still have the munchies!"
"Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait--wait. Wait. I got an idea!"
"What is it baka Red-chan?"
"I'll tell you..."
Red leans in closer and whispers something very interesting.
Immediately afterwards, they had lamb chops and veal. Then they went to bed and made love.
At the next day, Becky wakes up nude alongside a naked Red on Bubba Bo Peep's bed. She puts on her baggy pants and clothes and looks outside the window. She sees a giraffe prancing around Bo Peep's barn. She shrugs and scratches one of her wolf ears.
The she realizes something; Becky goes back to the window and looks outside the window once more. She looks down and sees a pile of bloody human bones lying next to the garbage cans and the outhouse. Becky runs out the house and takes a closer look. The human bones are big.
Becky suddenly hears Red screaming. Red, dressed in an old nightgown, comes bursting out of the house in tears.
"Grandma!" she cried.
"Oh, what now?"
"I... I... I... I... realized that we ate Jill!"
"We did?"
Becky looks down at the pile of human bones. Then she clutches her stomach in pain.
"Oh shit," she said. "What the hell did we smoke?"
Red is still crying.
"I hate to break it to you, but we also ate Bubba."
Red is still crying.
"Aren't you gonna scream, 'Not bubba too'?"
Red is still crying.
"Damn--that Bubba is giving me indigestion."
Becky notices an awful stench coming from the outhouse. She and Red walk over to look inside. The outhouse is piled high in feces.
"Shit!" cried Becky as she covered her nose. "Did we make all this shit?"
Red is still crying. Maybe from the stench.
"Come on. We can't stay here for long."
So Becky and Red loaded the pumpkin-orange Volkswagen van with their belongings and some provisions on the road--as well as Bo Peep's entire entertainment system. And a box of lesbian porn.
As they got back on Highway 75, Red finally stops crying.
"Say, Grandma," Red started.
"Yeah?"
"I guess it was for the best that Jill didn't remain alive."
"She was gonna be eaten some day."
"But I will be content with the fact that she will be a part of me for the rest of my life."
"What about Bubba?"
"What about him?"
"The two of us ate him while we were trippin' out, remember?"
"Oh! Umm, did he taste good?"
An exasperated Becky sighs at her lover's denseness. "Anyway," she said, "are people in the south are all inbred farm animal fuckers?"
"Grandma, look!"
Becky looks down the highway to see a sign that reads, "You are now leaving Jack County." Underneath it is a cardboard sign with huge letters that reads "AKA Inbred Sheep-Fucker County."
"I rest my case," said Becky.
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