Chapter 1: When At First I See The Sun
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Up through tunnels of rock and stone, she emerged onto the surface of the world. In the sky above, were thousands of dots of light, far away. The world was dark, and the only light besides the stars was her flashlight. She set it on the ground and used her arms to push herself up out of the break in the rocks she'd found.
Getting up on her knees and setting her pack of supplies down beside her, she looked around. There was no one to be seen, no signs of life, and no sun in the sky. The sun was only supposed to be visible through half the day though, she'd studied everything about the surface she could find. Seen all her people's writings, stories, and legends, as well as the videos the caretaker had provided her people that were from the before time, when they used to live here, under this sky. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath of air and smiled to herself. Then, with excitement, she reached over and turned off her light, then got to her feet and looked up into the sky at the stars.
"It's beautiful..." She said softly to herself.
It was warm too, she noticed, and the breeze smelled so... different than the air she was used to. There was nothing of water in it, just dust and dryness. Her heart sank a little. What if she were alone here? What if, besides seeing the stars and the sun for herself, there would be nothing for her up here? No way to survive, nothing to survive for. Then, she would have to go back, wouldn't she? Either that or die of thirst.
It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to go back home, she admitted to herself. She'd known starting out that that was probably what she would have to do - at least, if the stories she'd been told of the surface where true. Still, she hadn't been able to help hoping that she'd find something up here. Something to answer the questions in her, some way to be... free. So she wasn't about to go back - not yet, not until she had to. Not until she'd seen for herself that there really was nothing else in life for her.
She picked up her things, turned on the flashlight, and walked out over the rocks into the night.
Soon, the terrain turned from rocks to sand and she knew this must be the great desert the world had been left as in the before time when disaster had come and the Caretaker had saved her ancestors by secreting them down into the world and building them a place to live - a sanctuary.
She looked off into the distance and could see nothing but the darkness, stretching on before her. She decided then that it would be best to find a good place to sleep until the sun came and she could truly see the world around her in more than just the glimpses her flashlight afforded her.
She walked around the rocks for a ways, felt the night air start to turn cooler. It would probably get cooler still, without the sun's warmth. She soon found a small rock ledge with a place underneath that looked about her size. She took out her sleeping gear and settled in for the night, taking only a small sip of her water. She had enough food and water with her to last a month, if she were careful. If she couldn't find water or food out here in that time, she'd have to go back.
Her bedding set, she snuggled in for the night and fell off to sleep easily.
Her dreams were peaceful and hopeful. Upon waking, she couldn't remember them clearly, only that Tae had been there with her and they'd been happy. She wiped the sleep from her eyes and sat up and thought about her dream. She drew her legs up to her and felt a few tears come to her eyes. Then lay her head down on her knees and closed her eyes against them, thinking how foolish she still probably was. She'd thought it was possible to have a future with her best friend, and now she still thought it was possible to have a future on the barren surface of her planet. Maybe she was simply setting herself up for disappointment again? Or maybe... maybe her people were right, and those like her were defective in some way after all. She'd never thought so before, but... maybe this was the proof?
It was then that she felt and saw the first rays of the day's sunlight. Her head lifted and she wiped the remaining tears from her eyes. She got to her knees and then, on her hands and knees, crawled a meter or so to emerge out from under the rock ledge she'd been sleeping under. What she saw took her breath away. She sat down on the cool rock then, gathering her blanket around herself, and just watched the sunrise for a while. Before too long, she thought, the sun would rise over the horizon and she would see it for herself with her own two eyes for the first time. A smile welled up from deep inside her at the thought, and, she concluded that, even if her people were right about those like her, that it didn't matter really, that she had to be true to who she was... even if that meant she made choices that would turn out to be foolish ones.
Her hopefulness much refreshed, she went back and went about packing up her things, taking a small drink of water and then putting away the canteen. She emerged from under the rock ledge and got to her feet, standing and looking at the sunrise again. She looked around her in all directions then, and saw only expansive desert and rock formations. It was a beautiful sight, yes, but she saw no signs of life or moisture anywhere.
She then took a deep breath and picked up her backpack and put it around her shoulders, then started walking, choosing a direction that somehow felt like the right one to her (though she was at a loss to explain why that direction seemed like the one to chose over others).
Her path took her across an open expanse of dry shale and rocks. And, of course, after walking on the uneven ground for a time, the sun came up over the horizon and she smiled to see it, despite that it meant that the temperature would likely increase greatly before the day was done.
And as the day went on, she kept walking on and on, stopping once for to have a sparse meal of from her dried food provisions and another sip of water. She reminded herself that her supplies were limited and so she would need to ration them to make them last as long as possible. She'd been right, the sun had brought much more heat - but so far it energized her, felt good on her skin.
She got up and set her sights on the far horizon again and kept walking. The longer she walked though, the more that energized feeling started to give way to an uncomfortable feeling instead, like it was too much of a good thing. As the day wore on into the afternoon, she started to sweat and to really feel the effects of so much exposure to the sun. Fatigue began to settle in and, since it was becoming increasingly clear to her that to keep going through heat like this would be a very bad idea, she made the practical decision to change course a little and go over to a rock formation that looked like it might offer shade from the sun.
With relief, she sat down some half hour later in the shade and took off the clothing that had started to feel stifling and heavy. Her head felt light and a little fuzzy, not unlike the time Tae had convinced her to try some wine she'd stolen from her parents, so she took another sip of water and lay down to rest. She hadn't expected to, but, almost the moment she closed her eyes, she fell into a deep sleep.
She dreamt she was in a place full of green, growing things, and there was a spring of fresh, clean water to drink. Tae was there, like she always seemed to be in her dreams. They talked, like they always had, about everything and nothing at all. The world around them started to feel cool again, and as it got cooler, Tae just seemed to fade away from her. Kes reached out after her, but then remembered herself and opened her eyes.
She sighed and forced down the emotion that she felt inside her yet again. It was irrational to purposefully cause herself such anguish, she knew that... still, she couldn't help wondering, for the thousandth time, what would have happened if she'd told her best friend that she loved her? Loved her, and not as a friend would, but... as much more, and far more deeply.
It was useless though, wasn't it? And she found herself wondering if, just maybe, the real reason she'd come up here was to... to die. If, when it came time to chose, and her food and water were nearing all gone, when that happened, would she turn back? Or would she just... keep walking...? A chill ran over her skin, thinking such a thought. She didn't think she would do that, but what if, when it came down to it, she would anyway?
"I could never be that foolish... could I?" She wondered aloud to the silent desert.
But the world around her was in twilight, and there was enough light to see by, so she put her clothes back on, picked her things up, and decided to do some more walking while she had the opportunity to do so in such a pleasant and temperate climate. She would worry about her choice when and if she had to make it. She still held out hope that there might be another way.
She walked until it was pitch dark and she was too tired, and then she set up her camp right where she was, as she didn't really have another viable choice for a campsite, and she went to sleep.
The morning came swiftly, and, thankfully, if she had dreamt of anything that night, she couldn't remember even a wisp of it upon waking. She'd woken with the first rays of sunlight. She took a sip of water and ate two small nuts, then packed up her few possessions and started to walk.
Just as the temperature was getting to the point where she knew, because she was starting to sweat a little again, that it would be best for her to stop soon (sweat wasted water that she couldn't afford to waste), she came over a rise and saw it. A settlement! "People do live here..." She spoke aloud with wonder and grateful relief.
Immediately, her mind was alive with questions. Who were they? How did they live up here? Were they her people? She'd only heard of a few other cases of one of her people coming to the surface, but was it possible some had, generations before her, and made this place to live? And if they weren't he people, then who were they? Would they be welcoming, or would they send her away? Those questions and more.
It was still a long walk down there though, one that would have to wait until the sun went down. She'd been making sure to always keep within fairly close walking distance of shade if she could help it, and so she went over to find a place to lay down through the day and wait for the weather to cool again.
She found herself sitting there, again imagining what her parents' reaction would be to the goodbye message she'd left them. It made her sad to think of what she must be putting them through. She thought of best friend as well. What Tae's reaction would be? ...would she cry? She'd imagined many times what it would have been like if Tae shared her feelings. What it would be like to share a house with her... to share a bed... a life... She knew it was impractical - that it didn't make very much sense even... after all, she and Tae would never be able to have a child together. Most anyone she asked would tell her that - probably tell her she was genetically defective for even wanting something like that - she was sure of it. It didn't make sense. It made a lot more sense just to keep her feelings hidden, to go along and merry Daggin, the boy in her circle of friends who liked her.
She'd considered just giving in and settling for what people told her that her life should be. After all, Daggin was nice. Fair to look at. They were friends. She liked him, very much. But... she didn't love him. When she tried to picture a life with him - living in the same house, sharing a bed, having a family - all she felt was depression and sadness. She wasn't sure why she felt that way exactly, why she was different, she simply knew that she was - that her heart was telling her that Tae was who she wanted, who she belonged with.
The trouble was of course, that Tae did not want her. It was obvious to see - even though she wished it wasn't. Her eyes lit up when she saw they boy who she was going to merry soon. She talked about him constantly, and about wanting children and how she was looking forward to being a mother. Kes had played along and artfully dodged questions about her own hopes for the future, mostly by talking about her beliefs. About the legends of her people's lost mental abilities, and how they shouldn't depend on the Caretaker, how there had to be more to life. And she believed those things, Tae did too. It was what she and her friends all had in common, that they didn't like the status quo. They'd built a garden outside of the city to show others that there were other things in the world than what the Caretaker provided them - things they could do for themselves.
Tae thought she just had high ideals and big dreams. And she supposed that might be partly true, but the whole truth was that she would have traded all her high ideals and big dreams to simply have Tae return her feelings.
She wasn't the only Ocampa to have feelings like this for someone of the same gender of course. And some of them, a comparatively small number, did end up marrying. No one stopped them. But mostly, she supposed, if one of her people had feelings like hers, they would simply take the path of least resistance and marry someone they didn't love, just to be accepted. Because those few number of her people who did follow their hearts? They were shunned, one and all. No one talked to them. No one was their friend. All they had were each other. And Kes could have easily lived with that. If all she had was Tae and no one else, she was sure she'd be very happy with that in fact. Even if her parents were among those to shun her, she wouldn't have minded so much.
The simple fact was though, that that just was not to be. And so, what she was left with were those big dreams and high ideals that Tae thought were so important to her. She smiled a little to herself. Well, they were important... they just didn't make her feel any heartbroken.
She didn't know what the evening and the coming days would bring - who she would find in the settlement in the valley beyond that was at the foot of the mountains of rock - but if she couldn't have love, then, at least she was about to have adventure.
She felt excited and happy - really, truly, hopeful, for the first time. Her feelings had always been half-hearted before now - but now she'd seen the proof. Proof that there was more to life. The possibility of more - of a life beyond what she knew. A life unknown to her, and so a life that could be full of possibilities. That something wonderful and unexpected could happen. Something she'd never see coming.
It was true, her dreams, those possibilities, they could turn out to be hollow for all she knew. But maybe they wouldn't. And for now, that 'maybe' was just what she'd needed to lift her spirits and get her to realize that maybe there really could be a life for her, even without Tae in it.
Because... when she'd accidentally seen Tae and her fiance kissing that night by the water, she'd just known. Known that staying friends with her after that would just be too painful for her. That she couldn't stay. That she had to make a new life for herself. Somehow.
And now, now it looked like she just might be on the verge of succeeding in that.
At some point, she dozed off and only woke up when the sun had already set. The light was already dimming, and the air already cool. She'd lost around an hour of time when she could have been walking.
As things turned out, the settlement was quite a bit farther away than Kes would have guessed, so it wasn't until evening the next day that she approached the outskirts of the small city in the desert. The shade from the mountains behind the city meant that twilight there came earlier. It was, Kes considered, probably one of the reasons they built the city here, so that they could take advantage of that shading effect to make the days more bearable.
The city, as she approached, smelled of dust and oil and other scents she didn't recognized. She heard the sounds of machinery and the dim, indistinct sound of voices. Some of them raised in anger. This made her hesitate. But it didn't stop her from entering the city and investigating further. The first of the inhabitants she saw were a pair of men. They were definitely not of her people. Their shin was much darker and had a reddish hue. They had very differently shaped foreheads, sharper features, and did... very unusual things to their hair. They were curious to look at.
The men were laughing and joking with one another and it looked like they were in high spirits. That gave her hope and the courage to go approach them. After all, she supposed she was going to need to introduce herself sooner or later, and these two, at least, seemed friendly.
She did think to set her things down in a place they would be hidden though, just in case they were hostile. This way her things couldn't be stolen and she would be able to run faster without the weight slowing her down if it came to that.
She came out of hiding and called out to them. They stopped and looked at her curiously, one saying something to the other. Kes came up to them, keeping out of arm's reach to be on the safe side (they really were a lot bigger than she was, and that was especially apparent now that she was closer to them - that, and their physique seemed very muscular as well, which meant they must be very physically strong).
She greeted them aloud, but they replied in words that were foreign to her. Another language? But, of course another race of people might speak another language, she considered. So, if spoken words wouldn't work, she decided she would try speaking to them telepathically.
--My name is Kes, I'm a visitor. I'm friendly.-- She told them.
One said something to his friend, the only word she understood was 'Ocampa'. The other looked at her and thought something at her. It was hard to make out, their minds and thoughts were so foreign to her, but it sounded like 'Come with us now.' or something like that.
Somehow though, despite that they weren't looking at her with hostility, she got the impression from the slight contact with their minds that she'd needed to communicate with them, that she shouldn't trust these men. --I think I should go...-- She said, backing away.
One of them made a grab for her. She managed to avoid it and started to run. They caught up with her very quickly though - they were so fast, had longer legs, and she was still tired from walking.
One grabbed her by the collar and, laughing shoved her towards his friend and said something. The other one began to tie her hands behind her back.
--Stop! What are you doing? I've done nothing to you!-- She told them as she uselessly struggled to get away from them. She'd been right though, they were incredibly strong. She didn't have a hope of breaking the grip of the man who was holding her, he seemed as unyielding as stone.
The other, the one who had caught her, smacked her across the face. It stung, and she bled from the corner of her lip, but she knew he undoubtedly could have hit her much, much harder. He thought something at her then that she understood to be something like 'Silence' and 'Female', though how her gender mattered, she didn't know, though she got the feeling he was using her gender in a derogatory way somehow, as little sense as that made to her.
She did remain silent though. It was really apparent that speaking again wasn't going to do anything more productive than struggling against her captors. She resigned herself that she'd just have to wait for an opportunity to escape at some point, hopefully soon...
What happened next was that she was thrown like a sack over one of the men's shoulder and carried. Her head was over the man's back so she could see the way behind them, but not where they were going. Though that hardly mattered much because she'd never been in the city before. As they walked, other people of the men's race noticed her. Some commented to others they were with, some laughed, but none did anything. Once, a woman looked to her with sympathy or concern. Kes mentally asked her for help, but the woman looked surprised and then turned away and left. After that, she despaired that anyone here would help her, so she resigned herself to silence and patience for now.
By the time her captors brought her to their destination, her spirits had well and truly faltered and a creeping despair was setting in. Her situation felt hopeless. A cruel end to a life that seemed more pointless and wasted by the moment. She fought against those feelings stubbornly of course, but her struggle was a losing one, and she knew it. If anything was going to change, she would have to do what these men had done, and seize what she wanted. Freedom, yes, but for what? The surface world, now, hardly seemed like it could be a home to her, let alone a positive new direction for her life. But, she told herself, thoughts like that wouldn't do her any good until she was free. So she kept paying attention to her surroundings as much as she could, hoping to find something, some chance.
The place they were going was a house. There was a woman there, and a child, a young boy who could hardly walk yet. She was nursing him and looked to Kes with surprise, but did not say anything. The men were talking with one another, nether apparently giving a thought to the woman or the child. One of them said something and the other laughed. It was hard, but Kes had been trying to use her telepathy to understand the meaning of what they were saying to one another. They were talking about her as if she had value to them in some way, and they were pleased with that, but that was all she could make out.
They took her to a room and lay her down ungently on a mat on the floor. One of them said something to the other and left, laughing. The one who remained tied her feet with rope like he had her hands and looked at her. When she met his eyes, he seemed to get upset and got to his feet and kicked her in the belly, saying something contempt-full as he left.
The blow to her abs had hurt and she coughed, trying to get her breath back as she lay herself up against the wall and looked around the room. The room was bare but for a small window higher up that let some light through and some metallic barrels stacked against the far side of the room. Something about them gave Kes the idea that they had water in them, though she couldn't tell precisely why she was sure that they did.
Now that she was alone though, she sat about trying to free herself from the ropes. After a long time trying though, it became apparent to her that her captor had simply tied the knots too well. She managed to get over to the door and found it locked. Her hopes of escape defeated for now, she went back to the mat on the floor and curled up to sleep, trying to think of nothing at all, for no other reason than there was nothing she wanted to think about at the moment. Whatever pleasant memories were hers, or whatever hopes she still had, would only make her current situation seem all the more worse by comparison, and any unpleasant thoughts she had, of which there were plenty to chose from, would likewise be unhelpful. The only useful thing she could think to do now was to sleep and conserve her energy for later and hope her situation wouldn't be quite so bleak upon waking.
When she did fall to sleep, her dreams were fitful and confused. She woke up feeling groggy and still tired.
It was morning when she awoke, sunlight streaming brightly into the room from the small window near the ceiling. She sat back against the wall and tried to still her mind. No one came, and she was left by herself. When mid-day came, the woman came in to get some water and gave her a little, and some hard biscuits that Kes actually liked the taste of. She tried to engage the woman in conversation, but was studiously ignored. Kes got the feeling that she did feel sorry for her, somewhat, but not enough, obviously, for her to act or even talk with her. Perhaps, she considered, it was simply easier for her that way. She was getting the distinct impression that women, females, were not treated well in this society for some reason. It made very little sense to her, but it was the obvious conclusion.
After the woman's visit, there was nothing. The men did not come back. She heard muffled voices from outside or in the house at different times, but that was all. She couldn't fathom why the two men might do this. Simply tie her up and leave her in a room. What could they possibly think they would gain by it? She had gotten the impression that they thought there was something valuable about her to them, something they could gain from her, but it all made so little sense.
The day turned into evening then into night and still nothing. She slept, her dreams again troubled and worrisome. She was rudely awoken this time by a nudge to her shoulder with a man's boot. She blinked her eyes open. The man was telling her to do something, and grabbed her by the hair and dragged her up to sitting when she didn't respond to his words with anything but a tired, confused, and weary look. The other man was there too, and a third man who was looking her over appraisingly as the two men who'd locked her away in here talked to him.
Kes paid attention to them and slowly it dawned on her from the mental impressions she was able to glean that the men were trying to exchange her to this third man for something else. They meant to... barter her. It was a disgusting realization and she felt hate for these men well up inside her. To treat someone like they were a thing? She'd never even heard of so horrible a thing! Her people didn't even have a concept for something like that.
She met the man's eyes who was appraising her defiantly and he noticed right away, and reacted angrily, backhanding the man next to him. The man who was holding her hair pressed her head to the floor and said something angrily to her. Telling her to show.... deference, that's what it was. Apparently for a female to look one of the men in this society in the eyes as she had would cause a violent reaction. Not that she would have done differently, she considered.
The man, after what Kes took to be a negotiation over price, purchased her and took her with him (again, thrown over his shoulder like a sack) to his resistance. Kes's mind was hard at work trying to figure out a way to escape. She paid attention to everything. But got no closer to a solution to her problem. Now that this man had purchased her, he undoubtedly meant to do something with her, use her for some purpose. What purpose, she didn't care to think about, but she was determined to find a way of escape before she could learn of it, if at all possible. As she was carried into the man's residence, she considered that she might even try to find a way to end her own life if it came to that. At least then she could deprive the man of whatever he thought to gain from her.
She found though, that despite thinking about the possibility once before in the desert, that she really did not want to end her life. Not as long as she could help it. She supposed that was the difference between idly wondering about something and thinking you might actually have a reason to do it in a real situation.
This man's house was bigger than the other man's, but no one else seemed to live there. He took her to a bedroom and threw her on the bed. He looked at her in a way that set Kes on edge more than she had ever been in her life. It was an ugly look, but full of... lust, avarice. Those were rare emotions among her people, and certainly she'd never met anyone who had them anywhere near to this degree. He got on the bed and undid his pants. She could see... She'd never seen a male... aroused like that before. She'd seen males of her own kind without clothes before when she and her friends went swimming, but...
He was speaking to her. Her senses were heightened with fear and the start of real panic, and somehow that let her understand him better. He was saying that there were many fewer women than men here because it was a... bad place for them in some way. That he had a son, but he was a young man now and that his former mate had died somehow. That it had been a time since he'd... done what he was about to do, and that... that she would enjoy it too if she was... pleasant to him. He said he was going to untie her feet, but not her arms. As he untied her feet though, she kicked him hard in the face, three times before he stopped her. She hadn't even thought about it, she'd just acted because she couldn't not act.
He growled at her and was on top of her then. He hit her and yelled at her and started to... grope her. Anger and fury warred inside her with fear and sheer panic. She struggled against him, but it was doing no good. Like the other men, he was simply much to physically strong for her to resist. Something was happening though, there was a burning behind her eyes, in her mind, her skin felt like there was something prickling inside, like sparks. Somehow, without thought or reason, she projected the feeling inside her to the man on top of her who was trying to rape her.
And he stopped. He stopped and was silent a moment, and then he screamed and recoiled from her as though she had burned him. He tumbled to the floor, waving his arms around him like mad, trying to fend off something that wasn't there.
Kes stared at him for a long second, her mind trying to make sense of what was happening. But when the second past, she got up and left quickly. There were weapons by the front door that included a few knives. She picked one up on her way out and, once outside, hurried to an alleyway and hid behind some empty containers that were there, determinedly working the knife to cut herself free. Her mind was racing, but she was operating mostly on panic fueled instinct. Her heart was racing too, and she was alert for any sound that might mean pursuit or danger. She got herself free and left, keeping to the alleyways for a while until she found a good place to hide where she could be relatively sure she wouldn't be found. She made herself fit into the small space and lay there.
She would wait for dark, find her things, and then leave the city. That wasn't even a question. She couldn't stay here. There was no way she could stay here.
Her mind wouldn't quiet itself and she couldn't bring herself to sleep in this place, even though she was all but completely certain she wouldn't be found. She lay there, awake, through the day. She was hungry and thirsty. She assessed that she had enough supplies, though not many more, to make it back home if she left at the first opportunity during the evening twilight hours.
By the time twilight came, she had managed to calm her mind and racing thoughts enough to really think again. She'd gone over it in her mind. The man had tried to forcefully mate with her... rape. She shuddered thinking about what could have happened, glad her imagination really had no true concept of what that might be. Among her people, males never did such things. In fact, the few instances of rape that had occurred in her people's history had been of females raping a male. During the elogium, a woman's physical strength was heightened as were her emotions. In rare cases, when the woman desired a mate who did not return her feelings, she would force herself on him. The punishment for that was that the woman would never see her child after it was born and would be kept in confinement for the rest of her life. There was little crime among her people. The occasional theft or rare instance of fighting were the only crimes that happened with any regularity. Once, two generations ago, there had apparently been a murder, though Kes didn't know any details about it. In any case, the point was, that she was coming to the conclusion that her own people were remarkably kind by comparison to the people she'd found here on the surface. And that was sad, but there was nothing she could do to change her situation, nothing she could see at least. She couldn't stay here... so she'd have to go home. Maybe... maybe she could even find someone... not Tae of course, but... maybe she could find someone else? It made her feel cold inside and bereft to think about it.. to think that Tae might... shun her, when she found out... Before, she hadn't even allowed herself to think of that possibility... but now...
The trouble was, of course, before she could even really consider that, she'd have to get home first, and she didn't really know precisely which way to go to find her way back. She was turned around in the city, which looked different during twilight than during the day. And besides that, retracing the way she'd come, if she could do it, might be dangerous. Better to keep to the alleyways and shadows. Once she got out of the city, she would have the position of the mountain cliffs in relation to the city to give her the general direction from which she'd come. Once she was out of the city and on her way, she would just have to find familiar landmarks that she'd walked by on her way here, which she was confident she'd be able to do. The only problem was retrieving her supplies. She began to formulate a plan for that though - she'd make her way out of the city by the safest way that she could find, then come back around and enter the city the way she had the first time, bypassing the interior public areas and streets as much as possible. No one had seen her entering the city the first time, they wouldn't a second. She could collect her supplies and leave. It would be a risk of course, but one she had not choice but to take - without those supplies, the desert would mean certain death for her.
That decided in her mind, which was now clear, she sat about slowly and cautiously making her way out of the city, keeping her direction by always keeping the mountain cliffs in view ahead of her. The city, while not nearly the size of the one in which her people lived, wasn't small, and by the time she got to the outskirts of it, true night had fallen and very soon she wouldn't be able to see her way. She prudently decided to find a safe place to sleep until morning. She was very tired, she realized, and the lack of food and water wasn't doing anything to keep her energy up either.
She ended up climbing up on top of a house to sleep. The roof was mostly slanted, but had flat places. She couldn't imagine anyone would have a reason to come up here, and she was certain she wouldn't be visible from the street. She would have to be careful coming down of course, but she felt it was worth the risk because she couldn't be sure anywhere she found to sleep at ground level would be safe from a passerby finding her by chance while she slept. And she had no desire at all to repeat her experience with the people of this city. She might not get away a second time.
As she lay down on the hard surface of the roof, no bedding to make it comfortable, she started to really think through what had happened. What she had done to get away from the man who'd been trying to rape her... she'd always believed the stories. The ones that told of her ancestors having mental powers that were much greater than those her people currently had. Was that what had happened? That, in a moment of panic, she'd been able to tap into those abilities in order to defend herself? She couldn't think of any other explanation that would account for it.
As she fell off to sleep, too tired to stay awake, she found herself wondering just what else she might be able to do with those abilities...
The morning came, harsh and bright and windy. She awoke feeling groggy and still tired, but the wind and the sun wouldn't let her sleep, nor, her mind told her, would it be a good idea to try. She had to find her way out of this place. Looking to the horizon, she was relieved to see that the sun must only have risen thirty or so minutes ago. From where she was, she couldn't look down on the street below, but she could look out over the city around her. Farther off, she saw taller buildings. And over towards the mountain, she saw heavy machinery and people starting at laborious work. She guessed they were taking things from the planet to use for some reason. What reason, she didn't know, but at least now she knew not to head towards that area. She listened, and the city was starting to wake, but she didn't hear any voices close by, so she decided to, cautiously, make her way down from the roof she was on.
Landing softly on her feet in the alleyway beside the house, she began to again make her way silently from the city. She ended up in the foothills of mountains far afield of the mining operations towards the center of the mountain cliffs. She thought to use them for cover to make her way around the city and find the familiar landmarks she hoped to locate.
As she was making her way through the rocks though, she happened upon a small make-shift dwelling. She immediately hid and was going to make her way around it, giving it a wide berth, and she would have, except that she started to hear soft crying or sobbing from inside - a child, a girl she thought. Her heart immediately went out to her and she wanted to help. But that instinct was battled by caution. The child surely had parents, and would they not do to her what others of these people had, and try to make property of her?
Still though, she couldn't quite bring herself to leave, knowing the child might be in danger, that she could possibly even die if she left her. These were a hard and unforgiving people, if her experiences with them could be used as an actuate measure of them. Would they leave a child to suffer? To die? Before her earlier experiences, she would have said no, that no one would be able to do such a thing. Now, she wasn't nearly so sure.
And so, with a sigh, she took out the knife she'd stolen, tightened her hands into fists, her jaw set in weary tension, as she crept closer to the make-shift home. She stopped part of the way there though and listened more. Watched. Then something occurred to her, and she closed her eyes and focused her concentration inwardly, trying to extend her telepathic senses outward around her, towards the house. She'd never done something like that before on purpose, but she knew that she often just seemed to know that people were where she was heading. Especially with her friends or family, she could sense them from some distance away sometimes. Not their thoughts, just... a feeling.
As her senses settled in to try this new task she had set for them, impressions did indeed start to form. There were two people inside... no, three. A woman and... the little girl, and a male, but young, only a child. And... they were all so weak, in pain... They were dying! As soon as she realized that, she was on her feet, putting away the knife, and heading towards the house. No matter what the people of this race had tried to do to her, this woman was innocent as far as she knew, and certainly, she could never bring herself to simply walk away and let two children die. She would never forgive herself for doing something like that. Never.
She entered the house and saw the young woman she'd sensed from afar holding a young girl in her arms. The girl, who looked only maybe three or four months old, was still crying, but softly. The woman, who looked maybe half a year older than Kes if that (young to have had two children) was trying to comfort her. There was a cot by the wall and the boy, who looked more than a half a year old (maybe eight or nine months even?), was laying on it, sweating and in pain, only half awake. The woman turned to her and spoke. Kes understood her to be asking who was there and telling her that they had nothing of value.
Kes was struck speechless by the scene and the hopelessness and sorrow she sensed from the woman. Her heart went out to this woman and her child, and she immediately felt foolish for having thought her own situation so dire at times. After a moment though, she moved her feet into the room. --I mean no harm-- she spoke softly, gently to the woman, mind to mind. She knelt down next to her. --And some people are woefully misinformed about what value really is...--
The woman said something else... asked if she... if she were seeing things, hearing things that weren't really there. She said that her vision wasn't good, that maybe it had betrayed her more than ever before, now that she was at the end.
--I am not a vision, my name is Kes. And... and I think I am here to help you. What can I do to help you?-- She asked softly, touching the woman's cheek lightly to assure her that she was real.
The woman looked into Kes's eyes a moment as if she couldn't quite believe what Kes was telling her. But then, Kes sensed that she came to the conclusion that she had little left to lose. She spoke, and Kes understood her to say that her children needed water and food, she... she begged Kes for her help.
Kes was again struck speechless for a moment. But then she nodded 'yes' and told her. --I don't have those things with me, but I will find some for you and bring it back. I promise. Don't lose hope.-- She told her.
The woman said something. Kes had a hard time making it out, but she thought that it was something like... hope won't help them, only water. She smiled a little sadly at the harsh practicality of that.
She considered asking if someone else would be coming to help them, if she had a husband that would be back for them. It could be dangerous for her if that were to be the case after all. But she felt somehow that she didn't need to ask. That she knew the answer all ready. This woman had no one. No one but her, now.
--Then I guess I should be going. I'll be back as quickly as I can.-- She told her, getting up.
At the door, she stopped and looked back at the woman. She was tired, a little sweaty, and thin, almost emaciated from not having enough to eat or dink, but... she was beautiful. Something in the shape of her jaw, even reminded her a little like Tae somehow. Kes swallowed a little and chided herself for thinking something like that, then left.
Still, something in her eyes, in her voice... just spoke to Kes somehow. She... she wanted to get to know this woman better.
But the woman had been right to be practical. If Kes couldn't find food and water for her and her children, nothing else would matter. And those were tasks that were not going to be easy for her to do. She could, she supposed, go back to her own supplies. It would be enough to take the edge off their hunger and thirst a little at least. But if she did that, it would probably be late evening before she got back. She wasn't a healer, so she didn't know if it was safe to leave them that long though. If one or more of them might die by the time she returned.
That meant she was going to have to get what she needed to get from the city itself. And she couldn't ask for it, she'd have to steal it. She had surprisingly little problem with the idea of that in this case. The woman and her children needed it, and the people in this place obviously wouldn't simply give this woman and her children what they needed, otherwise the woman would have asked for the food and water and been supplied it like anyone with even the smallest amount of kindness would do. If these people were so cruel as to deny food and water to dying children, then they deserved to have it stolen from them - they deserved a lot worse probably, but that wasn't really something Kes could or would really want to do anything about.
As she snuck down into the city, she found herself thinking of how she could be an effective thief. Because if she failed, chances were she wouldn't get a second chance and might well be captured as she had before. She shivered a little in revulsion thinking of what had happened to her and what almost had. It wasn't lost on her what she was risking of course, but she felt she couldn't do otherwise.
She wasn't faster on her feet or nearly as strong as the people here. All she had for assets were stealth, whatever cleverness she might possess, and her mental abilities (which were all but untested for anything like her current endeavor). If she could use her abilities to do what she had to the man who had attempted to rape her to others whenever she wished, or even something less severe like causing confusion or putting someone to sleep, then she would have a good advantage. The trouble was, when she'd done what she'd done, she'd been in a state of primal panic. She wasn't at all sure how she'd done what she had, or if she could do it again if she needed to and wasn't in a situation that would cause her to panic like she had before.
The best thing for her to do would be to avoid any situation where she would need to find out if she could rely on those abilities one way or another. Of course she knew she might be forced to rely on her abilities anyway, but she was going to attempt to use stealth and cleverness first.
When she got to the city proper, she was relieved to find not many people about. Of those that were, most were not men in their prime. Most of those, apparently, had gone to work at the mines. Still, she was very careful to avoid being seen. She used her ability as she had at the woman's home in the foothills to check homes to find if they were inhabited or if those that lived in them were away. Before long, she found one that seemed like it belonged to someone who had wealth compared to others here and thought it would be a good one to take a chance on. The back door had been left open and there was no one inside.
Cautiously, Kes crept inside and looked around for food or water. She found it. Hard biscuits and a kind of dried fruit that she didn't know what to make of but that smelled nice anyway. The water, she found, was kept in a locked room, as it had been in her abductor's home. She managed to find two smaller containers of it though. One a canteen and one, about 50cm tall, in the cooking area. That was just as well, it would be all she could safely carry anyway. More and it would weigh her down and make her too slow. She took the things, and a second knife from the kitchen which she hid in her boot, and made to leave.
She was surprised at the back door though, to see two young boys approaching. They were surprised to see her too and stared a moment. One of them said something to her though in a demanding voice, stepping forwards towards her threateningly. The second boy followed the first one's lead a moment later.
Kes narrowed her eyes and thought she might as well try to use her abilities. She might be able to outrun these boys, might, but they could raise an alarm and then who knew what would happen. All she had were two knives and no practice at all in using them as weapons. Besides, she didn't want to hurt anyone, really, if she could avoid that.
--I'm not really here, you're seeing things-- She mentally said to them, focusing her intention on clouding their thoughts.
The boys' eyes went wide and they looked startled again.
--You... you forgot something, something important, where you came from. Someone might steal it if you don't get it back.-- She told them, trying to speak to them beneath the level of words, willing them to believe it.
They didn't seem to, but they did look confused. She kept at it, moving to the side, towards the alley she'd come from. One of the boys fainted and the other one looked dazed. She darted away and hid in the alley. She watched as the boy who was still conscious slowly came out of his daze and looked around in confusion, asking aloud what had happened. If someone was there. He saw his friend on the ground and knelt down by his side, shaking him and telling him to wake. The boy did wake and was similarly confused.
Kes smiled to herself in relief. What she'd done had worked. She wasn't sure how, but it had. She rubbed her neck under her ears though, feeling her own thoughts a little hazy as well. Her neck ached a little too. She tried to snap herself out of it though and clear her mind. Thinking of the danger she was still in and how urgently she needed to be on her way, both for her own sake and for the woman and children she'd promised to help, helped greatly to focus her thoughts. She made her way again out of the city, still being prudently cautious and making sure to stay as out of sight as possible.
As she was leaving the city, she had a scare though. She came very close to rounding a corner right into the path of an older male who was walking with a boy. She'd caught herself in time to hide though. Still, as she made her way back to the foothills and retraced her path back to the make-shift house among the stones, her heart was beating fast and her nerves felt on edge.
Before she'd come to this place, she'd never once in her life felt under threat of physical harm before. Now she felt like that almost constantly. She decided she very much did not care for the feeling, not at all.
When Kes returned to the house and came through the door, the woman she'd met before was still there on the make-shift stool she'd been sitting on before. Only now, both her children were on the cot. The girl sleeping fitfully, but the boy sitting up against the wall, the girl's head laid in his lap. He looked over at her and she almost expected to see what she'd seen on those other boys' faces: Anger and challenge - she half thought that was somehow a inborn trait for the males of this race of people. But the boy only looked at her with curiosity and not just a little guarded weariness of spirit. Still though, there was also defiance and pride in his eyes. As though he were trying to tell her, without words, that he knew very well that he was at her mercy, but that he would not beg, for anything.
She shook her head a little, not quite knowing what to make if that. In any case, she returned her attention to the woman. She went over to her and knelt by her. --I'm back.-- She said, taking out the 50cm container of water and giving it to her.
The woman took it, gazing at her in wonder. She said something like 'I was sure you weren't real'. She took off the lid and smelled the water, taking a sip first, Kes got the impression that she did so only to test that it was safe, before kneeling down on the floor by the cot and giving it to her son. The boy took it, but instead of drinking himself, nudged his sister awake and offered it to her. The girl was blurry and hardly awake, but he poured a few drops into her mouth and she seemed to perk up a little bit, enough to drink with his help. Soon, she was drinking more and smiling, though Kes could see now that the girl was sightless, completely.
The girl said something like 'Who's there?'
--My name is Kes, I'm here to help you.-- She gently sent the thought to the little girl.
The girl said something back to her. It was hard to make out, but she thought the girl might have said that her voice was pretty, or something like that. She seemed to tire out then though, and snuggle up in her brother's lap a little more, saying something to him sleepily that Kes couldn't make out.
--She can't see?-- Kes asked the woman.
The woman didn't reply at first. Then she said something that Kes took to mean something like 'She is my daughter', though Kes wasn't really sure what that meant in this context - the impressions she did get didn't quite make sense to her. She decided not to ask now though, because it wasn't really important. She got out the canteen (she'd taken a few sips on her way here for herself because she knew she needed water too) and offered it to her.
--Please drink some yourself, there's enough.-- She told her gently.
The woman looked to her children and then to Kes. Kes could tell she was grateful, but her mood was also withdrawn and still a little weary. She got the impression that the woman wanted to ask her why she would do this for them, but did not because she feared it might cause Kes to reconsider her actions.
--You want to ask me why I've helped you, don't you?-- Kes asked.
The woman looked to her a little startled. She asked something, it was something like 'do you know all of my thoughts?'.
Kes shook her head. --Only impressions, not very specific. I don't know your language either, so I can only really understand the basics of what you intend to say... though even that can be... challenging.-- She admitted.
The woman took another sip of water, seemingly more at ease with her now somehow. She asked something else then, something like 'Where do you come from? You are an...' She didn't understand the last part, it was something like... from above the sky? She must mean where the Caretaker lives, Kes considered. They were always taught that the Caretaker lived far above them, above their world.
--No, I am from here. From below the surface.-- Kes told her.
"Ocampa." The woman spoke the name of her people.
--You know about my people?-- Kes asked curiously.
The woman nodded yes, that she did. That it was well known that every once in a while, one of her people would come to the surface. Twice before, that she'd heard of.
--What happened to them?-- Kes asked.
The woman shook her head and said that she did not know and had never met one herself, until now.
--That's okay.-- Kes said. --I guess it's hardly important right now.-- She looked over and saw that the boy was drinking some of the water now too and that the girl had fallen back to sleep, but that it was a more contented sleep now. The boy was watching her with that same weary, curious look, but now there was... hope there, too. She picked up one of the two sacks of food she'd gotten and opened it, taking out a piece of fruit and a biscuit and giving it to the boy. --Here, eat. I have enough for your sister too, when she wakes up.-- She told him. He looked startled and a little amazed that she was talking to him without words somehow. But he nodded and almost reverently took the food.
He said something that Kes couldn't mistake. He said 'thank you'.
Kes smiled, happiness bubbling up inside her. Real happiness, like she hadn't felt in what felt like a very long time to her. --You're welcome-- She said, smiling and feeling a lot better. --I'm just happy I could help you.-- Then she turned back to the bag of food and got some more out and offered it to the woman. --Here, now you eat some too.-- She said, almost a little shyly. She knew that the woman wouldn't want to eat until her children had.
The woman smiled a little hesitantly to her and took the food. She took a bite and then looked from Kes to her sleeping daughter.
Kes looked at the girl too now. --She's adorable.-- Kes complemented the little girl. --What's her name?-- She asked.
"Lanam." The woman said softly.
--And you?-- She asked the boy.
"...Tresit." He said, not reluctantly exactly, but more like he wasn't really used to talking with other people, besides his family she guessed, and he didn't quite know how to go about it.
--Nice to meat you Tresit, my name is Kes.-- She told him.
"Kes." The boy repeated her name.
She laughed softly just a little, smiling again. --Yes, that's right.-- She said, turning to the boy's mother. --And... you?-- She asked, again, a little shyly.
"Shantoa Anara." The woman said, which Kes understood to mean 'My name is Anara.', or something close to that. She had the impression there was also a gender or social status association implied in the word 'shantoa' somehow, but wasn't sure what the connotation implied though, exactly.
--...it's a beautiful name.-- Kes told her simply.
Anara thanked her, then asked... if she could touch Kes's face.
Kes regarded her curiously a moment. The woman saw her, but... --Of course you can.-- Kes agreed, moving forward to allow the woman to do as she'd asked.
The woman's touch was gentle and soft and it sent shivers through Kes's body, her eyes fluttering closed a moment when Anara's finger's caressed her ear. --Your touch is... very gentle...-- Kes told her. --...your eyes...-- She began to say.
The woman sighed and dropped her hand from Kes's face. She spoke and told Kes that she could still see, but not clearly. All she could see was an indistinct figure. Her sight far away was better, but even still, not what it had been when she was a girl.
Kes was very curious about this woman's story, but decided not to ask. She looked tired.
Tresit spoke then, saying that he could see for them. Kes looked over to him. He asked her then how she got the food and water. Kes told him the story of going down into the city and stealing the food and water. She told him that she'd confused the two boys with her mental abilities too, but when he asked her to tell her more, she shook her head and told him that she didn't know herself.
He tried to stay awake, because it was apparent he wanted to ask her more, but Kes could tell he was loosing his battle to do so. She went over to him and touched his cheek. --You've been very brave for your family.-- She told him fondly. --It's time to rest...-- and she gently nudged him to slumber.
Anara asked what she had done.
--He was tired but... trying not to show it.-- She told her. --I just... gave him a small nudge to get him to sleep, that's all.--
Anara was quiet a moment. 'We are at your mercy...,' she told her softly. 'I fear that my family won't survive unless you stay.' She seemed like she wanted to ask more.
--You still want to know why I'm here, why I helped you, but... you're afraid that if you do ask, I'll realize that I don't have to, that you'd only... be a burden to me, isn't that right?-- Kes asked gently.
Anara looked at her sadly then, almost desperately, tears coming to her eyes. Kes reached over and gently wiped those tears away. 'I have nothing,' the woman said. 'I am nothing, I am weak. My son is healthy, but no one would have him.' She kept speaking, but Kes stilled her lips, gently touching them with one finger.
--You are not weak. The way you've kept going, for your self and for your children... a weak person wouldn't do that. Your daughter, she can't see, she's... she's no good to you for anything, is she? Not in a practical sense. In a practical sense, you shouldn't waist food and water on her, but you do, don't you? Is it really so hard to believe that I'd make the same choice?-- Kes asked gently.
Anara regarded her, but then looked over to Lanam. 'She's my daughter', she said. 'And there was no use in it anyway. I knew... I knew we would all die before long. It was better to have her with me for that long, than to not. You though, you are not my blood, they are not your blood... not even your people...'
--What difference does that make?-- Kes asked gently, really not knowing, but understanding that apparently it did to her, to her people.
Anara looked back to her in confusion. She just shook her head and said nothing, though the look in her eyes said a lot.
Kes yawned and smiled, a little embarrassed. --I think we could both use some sleep.-- She looked around and saw another cot with bedding on it, but then realized that her own bedding was still with her things, hidden on the other side of the city where she'd left them. --I... my things, I had to leave them. I don't have anywhere to sleep...-- She confessed, feeling out of sorts having to confess that.
Anara then offered to share her cot with her.
Reluctantly, Kes agreed. It was awkward for Kes, and she kept mostly silent as she took off her outer clothing, leaving herself in close-fitting while shorts and a sleeveless shirt and sat on the edge of the cot. Anara didn't seem to think anything of it at all though, and undressed without self-consciousness or worry. Kes watched in growing worry as Anara took all of her clothing off. She swallowed nervously, but couldn't look away. Anara was... exquisitely beautiful. Sleek, lean (her past lack of food and water apparent), but she also looked strong, too. Her skin looked so soft... Kes was shook from her musings when she saw Anara going to similarly disrobe her children and tuck them into bed together under their bedding ...Apparently, it was normal for Anara's people to sleep in the nude. Her would-be rapist must have simply been... in a hurry, she supposed. She shivered a little, thinking of that, then looked up, meeting Anara's eyes. Anara was looking at her questioningly and Kes got the idea that she was wondering something. She went over to the cot and sat with her, touching her shoulder.
Anara asked her why she was still dressed.
Kes considered telling her that her people usually wore undergarments to bed, but then thought that doing that might make Anara feel uncomfortable, so she shook her head. --Sorry, I was... lost in though.-- She told her, standing up and removing the rest of her clothes.
Anara didn't seem to notice that Kes was nervous or uneasy and simply got in under the covers and held them open to Kes in invitation. A little reluctantly, because she was more than a little incredulous that she was in a situation like this, Kes got in under the covers with the other woman. Anara wrapped her arms around her and snuggled in close, sighing and immediately falling away to sleep as though it were the most natural thing in the world.
For Kes, she found herself wishing it was that way for her. She'd... never lain with anyone like this. When she was younger, she'd shared a bed with Tae a few times, but they'd both been clothed and too young to think anything of it. Still, Kes remembered loving that feeling of being so close to her friend and wishing that Tae could sleep with her like that every night. Even then, though she hadn't known what it was, she'd been falling in love with her best friend.
Laying here with Anara though, was very far removed for her from those memories she had of Tae and her as children. This was... she found herself relaxing and smiling. It was a completely wonderful feeling. She snuggled up to Anara and found herself suddenly very comfortable with this turn of events. Laying with another woman like this, the feel of her soft skin, her breath, her hair, her scent... Anara had such a lovely scent. Like the desert in the morning, but more alive...
As inexplicable as it seemed to Kes in a way, in another way it made all the sense in the world. Even though, practically speaking, she knew it was a irrational thought, nevertheless, she felt like... like she'd found a home. She drifted off to sleep, content and at ease, feeling a sense of safety she'd lacked since what had happened to her in the city, and a sense of rightness that she'd lacked since she'd realized how she'd felt about Tae and that her people looked on that as something... something that they didn't want any part of.
She knew it was just a sleeping arrangement, and that the feelings she was having were probably one-sided,