Story: Beyond My Knowing (all chapters)

[Author's notes: Chapter Summary: Kes travels through the desert of the surface world and finds a city. The Kazon who live there abduct her, though she manages to escape. She's about to go home again and give up, when she happens upon Anara, a Kazon woman who's been made an outcast for her worsening eyesight. Anara has two children, Tresit and Lanam, and all three are starving. Kes can't leave them, so she goes back into danger to find food and water for them.]

Chapter 1: When At First I See The Sun

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Up through tunnels of rock and stone, she emerged onto the surface of the world. In the sky above, were thousands of dots of light, far away. The world was dark, and the only light besides the stars was her flashlight. She set it on the ground and used her arms to push herself up out of the break in the rocks she'd found.

Getting up on her knees and setting her pack of supplies down beside her, she looked around. There was no one to be seen, no signs of life, and no sun in the sky. The sun was only supposed to be visible through half the day though, she'd studied everything about the surface she could find. Seen all her people's writings, stories, and legends, as well as the videos the caretaker had provided her people that were from the before time, when they used to live here, under this sky. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath of air and smiled to herself. Then, with excitement, she reached over and turned off her light, then got to her feet and looked up into the sky at the stars.

"It's beautiful..." She said softly to herself.

It was warm too, she noticed, and the breeze smelled so... different than the air she was used to. There was nothing of water in it, just dust and dryness. Her heart sank a little. What if she were alone here? What if, besides seeing the stars and the sun for herself, there would be nothing for her up here? No way to survive, nothing to survive for. Then, she would have to go back, wouldn't she? Either that or die of thirst.

It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to go back home, she admitted to herself. She'd known starting out that that was probably what she would have to do - at least, if the stories she'd been told of the surface where true. Still, she hadn't been able to help hoping that she'd find something up here. Something to answer the questions in her, some way to be... free. So she wasn't about to go back - not yet, not until she had to. Not until she'd seen for herself that there really was nothing else in life for her.

She picked up her things, turned on the flashlight, and walked out over the rocks into the night.

Soon, the terrain turned from rocks to sand and she knew this must be the great desert the world had been left as in the before time when disaster had come and the Caretaker had saved her ancestors by secreting them down into the world and building them a place to live - a sanctuary.

She looked off into the distance and could see nothing but the darkness, stretching on before her. She decided then that it would be best to find a good place to sleep until the sun came and she could truly see the world around her in more than just the glimpses her flashlight afforded her.

She walked around the rocks for a ways, felt the night air start to turn cooler. It would probably get cooler still, without the sun's warmth. She soon found a small rock ledge with a place underneath that looked about her size. She took out her sleeping gear and settled in for the night, taking only a small sip of her water. She had enough food and water with her to last a month, if she were careful. If she couldn't find water or food out here in that time, she'd have to go back.

Her bedding set, she snuggled in for the night and fell off to sleep easily.

Her dreams were peaceful and hopeful. Upon waking, she couldn't remember them clearly, only that Tae had been there with her and they'd been happy. She wiped the sleep from her eyes and sat up and thought about her dream. She drew her legs up to her and felt a few tears come to her eyes. Then lay her head down on her knees and closed her eyes against them, thinking how foolish she still probably was. She'd thought it was possible to have a future with her best friend, and now she still thought it was possible to have a future on the barren surface of her planet. Maybe she was simply setting herself up for disappointment again? Or maybe... maybe her people were right, and those like her were defective in some way after all. She'd never thought so before, but... maybe this was the proof?

It was then that she felt and saw the first rays of the day's sunlight. Her head lifted and she wiped the remaining tears from her eyes. She got to her knees and then, on her hands and knees, crawled a meter or so to emerge out from under the rock ledge she'd been sleeping under. What she saw took her breath away. She sat down on the cool rock then, gathering her blanket around herself, and just watched the sunrise for a while. Before too long, she thought, the sun would rise over the horizon and she would see it for herself with her own two eyes for the first time. A smile welled up from deep inside her at the thought, and, she concluded that, even if her people were right about those like her, that it didn't matter really, that she had to be true to who she was... even if that meant she made choices that would turn out to be foolish ones.

Her hopefulness much refreshed, she went back and went about packing up her things, taking a small drink of water and then putting away the canteen. She emerged from under the rock ledge and got to her feet, standing and looking at the sunrise again. She looked around her in all directions then, and saw only expansive desert and rock formations. It was a beautiful sight, yes, but she saw no signs of life or moisture anywhere.

She then took a deep breath and picked up her backpack and put it around her shoulders, then started walking, choosing a direction that somehow felt like the right one to her (though she was at a loss to explain why that direction seemed like the one to chose over others).

Her path took her across an open expanse of dry shale and rocks. And, of course, after walking on the uneven ground for a time, the sun came up over the horizon and she smiled to see it, despite that it meant that the temperature would likely increase greatly before the day was done.

And as the day went on, she kept walking on and on, stopping once for to have a sparse meal of from her dried food provisions and another sip of water. She reminded herself that her supplies were limited and so she would need to ration them to make them last as long as possible. She'd been right, the sun had brought much more heat - but so far it energized her, felt good on her skin.

She got up and set her sights on the far horizon again and kept walking. The longer she walked though, the more that energized feeling started to give way to an uncomfortable feeling instead, like it was too much of a good thing. As the day wore on into the afternoon, she started to sweat and to really feel the effects of so much exposure to the sun. Fatigue began to settle in and, since it was becoming increasingly clear to her that to keep going through heat like this would be a very bad idea, she made the practical decision to change course a little and go over to a rock formation that looked like it might offer shade from the sun.

With relief, she sat down some half hour later in the shade and took off the clothing that had started to feel stifling and heavy. Her head felt light and a little fuzzy, not unlike the time Tae had convinced her to try some wine she'd stolen from her parents, so she took another sip of water and lay down to rest. She hadn't expected to, but, almost the moment she closed her eyes, she fell into a deep sleep.

She dreamt she was in a place full of green, growing things, and there was a spring of fresh, clean water to drink. Tae was there, like she always seemed to be in her dreams. They talked, like they always had, about everything and nothing at all. The world around them started to feel cool again, and as it got cooler, Tae just seemed to fade away from her. Kes reached out after her, but then remembered herself and opened her eyes.

She sighed and forced down the emotion that she felt inside her yet again. It was irrational to purposefully cause herself such anguish, she knew that... still, she couldn't help wondering, for the thousandth time, what would have happened if she'd told her best friend that she loved her? Loved her, and not as a friend would, but... as much more, and far more deeply.

It was useless though, wasn't it? And she found herself wondering if, just maybe, the real reason she'd come up here was to... to die. If, when it came time to chose, and her food and water were nearing all gone, when that happened, would she turn back? Or would she just... keep walking...? A chill ran over her skin, thinking such a thought. She didn't think she would do that, but what if, when it came down to it, she would anyway?

"I could never be that foolish... could I?" She wondered aloud to the silent desert.

But the world around her was in twilight, and there was enough light to see by, so she put her clothes back on, picked her things up, and decided to do some more walking while she had the opportunity to do so in such a pleasant and temperate climate. She would worry about her choice when and if she had to make it. She still held out hope that there might be another way.

She walked until it was pitch dark and she was too tired, and then she set up her camp right where she was, as she didn't really have another viable choice for a campsite, and she went to sleep.

The morning came swiftly, and, thankfully, if she had dreamt of anything that night, she couldn't remember even a wisp of it upon waking. She'd woken with the first rays of sunlight. She took a sip of water and ate two small nuts, then packed up her few possessions and started to walk.

Just as the temperature was getting to the point where she knew, because she was starting to sweat a little again, that it would be best for her to stop soon (sweat wasted water that she couldn't afford to waste), she came over a rise and saw it. A settlement! "People do live here..." She spoke aloud with wonder and grateful relief.

Immediately, her mind was alive with questions. Who were they? How did they live up here? Were they her people? She'd only heard of a few other cases of one of her people coming to the surface, but was it possible some had, generations before her, and made this place to live? And if they weren't he people, then who were they? Would they be welcoming, or would they send her away? Those questions and more.

It was still a long walk down there though, one that would have to wait until the sun went down. She'd been making sure to always keep within fairly close walking distance of shade if she could help it, and so she went over to find a place to lay down through the day and wait for the weather to cool again.

She found herself sitting there, again imagining what her parents' reaction would be to the goodbye message she'd left them. It made her sad to think of what she must be putting them through. She thought of best friend as well. What Tae's reaction would be? ...would she cry? She'd imagined many times what it would have been like if Tae shared her feelings. What it would be like to share a house with her... to share a bed... a life... She knew it was impractical - that it didn't make very much sense even... after all, she and Tae would never be able to have a child together. Most anyone she asked would tell her that - probably tell her she was genetically defective for even wanting something like that - she was sure of it. It didn't make sense. It made a lot more sense just to keep her feelings hidden, to go along and merry Daggin, the boy in her circle of friends who liked her.

She'd considered just giving in and settling for what people told her that her life should be. After all, Daggin was nice. Fair to look at. They were friends. She liked him, very much. But... she didn't love him. When she tried to picture a life with him - living in the same house, sharing a bed, having a family - all she felt was depression and sadness. She wasn't sure why she felt that way exactly, why she was different, she simply knew that she was - that her heart was telling her that Tae was who she wanted, who she belonged with.

The trouble was of course, that Tae did not want her. It was obvious to see - even though she wished it wasn't. Her eyes lit up when she saw they boy who she was going to merry soon. She talked about him constantly, and about wanting children and how she was looking forward to being a mother. Kes had played along and artfully dodged questions about her own hopes for the future, mostly by talking about her beliefs. About the legends of her people's lost mental abilities, and how they shouldn't depend on the Caretaker, how there had to be more to life. And she believed those things, Tae did too. It was what she and her friends all had in common, that they didn't like the status quo. They'd built a garden outside of the city to show others that there were other things in the world than what the Caretaker provided them - things they could do for themselves.

Tae thought she just had high ideals and big dreams. And she supposed that might be partly true, but the whole truth was that she would have traded all her high ideals and big dreams to simply have Tae return her feelings.

She wasn't the only Ocampa to have feelings like this for someone of the same gender of course. And some of them, a comparatively small number, did end up marrying. No one stopped them. But mostly, she supposed, if one of her people had feelings like hers, they would simply take the path of least resistance and marry someone they didn't love, just to be accepted. Because those few number of her people who did follow their hearts? They were shunned, one and all. No one talked to them. No one was their friend. All they had were each other. And Kes could have easily lived with that. If all she had was Tae and no one else, she was sure she'd be very happy with that in fact. Even if her parents were among those to shun her, she wouldn't have minded so much.

The simple fact was though, that that just was not to be. And so, what she was left with were those big dreams and high ideals that Tae thought were so important to her. She smiled a little to herself. Well, they were important... they just didn't make her feel any heartbroken.

She didn't know what the evening and the coming days would bring - who she would find in the settlement in the valley beyond that was at the foot of the mountains of rock - but if she couldn't have love, then, at least she was about to have adventure.

She felt excited and happy - really, truly, hopeful, for the first time. Her feelings had always been half-hearted before now - but now she'd seen the proof. Proof that there was more to life. The possibility of more - of a life beyond what she knew. A life unknown to her, and so a life that could be full of possibilities. That something wonderful and unexpected could happen. Something she'd never see coming.

It was true, her dreams, those possibilities, they could turn out to be hollow for all she knew. But maybe they wouldn't. And for now, that 'maybe' was just what she'd needed to lift her spirits and get her to realize that maybe there really could be a life for her, even without Tae in it.

Because... when she'd accidentally seen Tae and her fiance kissing that night by the water, she'd just known. Known that staying friends with her after that would just be too painful for her. That she couldn't stay. That she had to make a new life for herself. Somehow.

And now, now it looked like she just might be on the verge of succeeding in that.

At some point, she dozed off and only woke up when the sun had already set. The light was already dimming, and the air already cool. She'd lost around an hour of time when she could have been walking.

As things turned out, the settlement was quite a bit farther away than Kes would have guessed, so it wasn't until evening the next day that she approached the outskirts of the small city in the desert. The shade from the mountains behind the city meant that twilight there came earlier. It was, Kes considered, probably one of the reasons they built the city here, so that they could take advantage of that shading effect to make the days more bearable.

The city, as she approached, smelled of dust and oil and other scents she didn't recognized. She heard the sounds of machinery and the dim, indistinct sound of voices. Some of them raised in anger. This made her hesitate. But it didn't stop her from entering the city and investigating further. The first of the inhabitants she saw were a pair of men. They were definitely not of her people. Their shin was much darker and had a reddish hue. They had very differently shaped foreheads, sharper features, and did... very unusual things to their hair. They were curious to look at.

The men were laughing and joking with one another and it looked like they were in high spirits. That gave her hope and the courage to go approach them. After all, she supposed she was going to need to introduce herself sooner or later, and these two, at least, seemed friendly.

She did think to set her things down in a place they would be hidden though, just in case they were hostile. This way her things couldn't be stolen and she would be able to run faster without the weight slowing her down if it came to that.

She came out of hiding and called out to them. They stopped and looked at her curiously, one saying something to the other. Kes came up to them, keeping out of arm's reach to be on the safe side (they really were a lot bigger than she was, and that was especially apparent now that she was closer to them - that, and their physique seemed very muscular as well, which meant they must be very physically strong).

She greeted them aloud, but they replied in words that were foreign to her. Another language? But, of course another race of people might speak another language, she considered. So, if spoken words wouldn't work, she decided she would try speaking to them telepathically.

--My name is Kes, I'm a visitor. I'm friendly.-- She told them.

One said something to his friend, the only word she understood was 'Ocampa'. The other looked at her and thought something at her. It was hard to make out, their minds and thoughts were so foreign to her, but it sounded like 'Come with us now.' or something like that.

Somehow though, despite that they weren't looking at her with hostility, she got the impression from the slight contact with their minds that she'd needed to communicate with them, that she shouldn't trust these men. --I think I should go...-- She said, backing away.

One of them made a grab for her. She managed to avoid it and started to run. They caught up with her very quickly though - they were so fast, had longer legs, and she was still tired from walking.

One grabbed her by the collar and, laughing shoved her towards his friend and said something. The other one began to tie her hands behind her back.

--Stop! What are you doing? I've done nothing to you!-- She told them as she uselessly struggled to get away from them. She'd been right though, they were incredibly strong. She didn't have a hope of breaking the grip of the man who was holding her, he seemed as unyielding as stone.

The other, the one who had caught her, smacked her across the face. It stung, and she bled from the corner of her lip, but she knew he undoubtedly could have hit her much, much harder. He thought something at her then that she understood to be something like 'Silence' and 'Female', though how her gender mattered, she didn't know, though she got the feeling he was using her gender in a derogatory way somehow, as little sense as that made to her.

She did remain silent though. It was really apparent that speaking again wasn't going to do anything more productive than struggling against her captors. She resigned herself that she'd just have to wait for an opportunity to escape at some point, hopefully soon...

What happened next was that she was thrown like a sack over one of the men's shoulder and carried. Her head was over the man's back so she could see the way behind them, but not where they were going. Though that hardly mattered much because she'd never been in the city before. As they walked, other people of the men's race noticed her. Some commented to others they were with, some laughed, but none did anything. Once, a woman looked to her with sympathy or concern. Kes mentally asked her for help, but the woman looked surprised and then turned away and left. After that, she despaired that anyone here would help her, so she resigned herself to silence and patience for now.

By the time her captors brought her to their destination, her spirits had well and truly faltered and a creeping despair was setting in. Her situation felt hopeless. A cruel end to a life that seemed more pointless and wasted by the moment. She fought against those feelings stubbornly of course, but her struggle was a losing one, and she knew it. If anything was going to change, she would have to do what these men had done, and seize what she wanted. Freedom, yes, but for what? The surface world, now, hardly seemed like it could be a home to her, let alone a positive new direction for her life. But, she told herself, thoughts like that wouldn't do her any good until she was free. So she kept paying attention to her surroundings as much as she could, hoping to find something, some chance.

The place they were going was a house. There was a woman there, and a child, a young boy who could hardly walk yet. She was nursing him and looked to Kes with surprise, but did not say anything. The men were talking with one another, nether apparently giving a thought to the woman or the child. One of them said something and the other laughed. It was hard, but Kes had been trying to use her telepathy to understand the meaning of what they were saying to one another. They were talking about her as if she had value to them in some way, and they were pleased with that, but that was all she could make out.

They took her to a room and lay her down ungently on a mat on the floor. One of them said something to the other and left, laughing. The one who remained tied her feet with rope like he had her hands and looked at her. When she met his eyes, he seemed to get upset and got to his feet and kicked her in the belly, saying something contempt-full as he left.

The blow to her abs had hurt and she coughed, trying to get her breath back as she lay herself up against the wall and looked around the room. The room was bare but for a small window higher up that let some light through and some metallic barrels stacked against the far side of the room. Something about them gave Kes the idea that they had water in them, though she couldn't tell precisely why she was sure that they did.

Now that she was alone though, she sat about trying to free herself from the ropes. After a long time trying though, it became apparent to her that her captor had simply tied the knots too well. She managed to get over to the door and found it locked. Her hopes of escape defeated for now, she went back to the mat on the floor and curled up to sleep, trying to think of nothing at all, for no other reason than there was nothing she wanted to think about at the moment. Whatever pleasant memories were hers, or whatever hopes she still had, would only make her current situation seem all the more worse by comparison, and any unpleasant thoughts she had, of which there were plenty to chose from, would likewise be unhelpful. The only useful thing she could think to do now was to sleep and conserve her energy for later and hope her situation wouldn't be quite so bleak upon waking.

When she did fall to sleep, her dreams were fitful and confused. She woke up feeling groggy and still tired.

It was morning when she awoke, sunlight streaming brightly into the room from the small window near the ceiling. She sat back against the wall and tried to still her mind. No one came, and she was left by herself. When mid-day came, the woman came in to get some water and gave her a little, and some hard biscuits that Kes actually liked the taste of. She tried to engage the woman in conversation, but was studiously ignored. Kes got the feeling that she did feel sorry for her, somewhat, but not enough, obviously, for her to act or even talk with her. Perhaps, she considered, it was simply easier for her that way. She was getting the distinct impression that women, females, were not treated well in this society for some reason. It made very little sense to her, but it was the obvious conclusion.

After the woman's visit, there was nothing. The men did not come back. She heard muffled voices from outside or in the house at different times, but that was all. She couldn't fathom why the two men might do this. Simply tie her up and leave her in a room. What could they possibly think they would gain by it? She had gotten the impression that they thought there was something valuable about her to them, something they could gain from her, but it all made so little sense.

The day turned into evening then into night and still nothing. She slept, her dreams again troubled and worrisome. She was rudely awoken this time by a nudge to her shoulder with a man's boot. She blinked her eyes open. The man was telling her to do something, and grabbed her by the hair and dragged her up to sitting when she didn't respond to his words with anything but a tired, confused, and weary look. The other man was there too, and a third man who was looking her over appraisingly as the two men who'd locked her away in here talked to him.

Kes paid attention to them and slowly it dawned on her from the mental impressions she was able to glean that the men were trying to exchange her to this third man for something else. They meant to... barter her. It was a disgusting realization and she felt hate for these men well up inside her. To treat someone like they were a thing? She'd never even heard of so horrible a thing! Her people didn't even have a concept for something like that.

She met the man's eyes who was appraising her defiantly and he noticed right away, and reacted angrily, backhanding the man next to him. The man who was holding her hair pressed her head to the floor and said something angrily to her. Telling her to show.... deference, that's what it was. Apparently for a female to look one of the men in this society in the eyes as she had would cause a violent reaction. Not that she would have done differently, she considered.

The man, after what Kes took to be a negotiation over price, purchased her and took her with him (again, thrown over his shoulder like a sack) to his resistance. Kes's mind was hard at work trying to figure out a way to escape. She paid attention to everything. But got no closer to a solution to her problem. Now that this man had purchased her, he undoubtedly meant to do something with her, use her for some purpose. What purpose, she didn't care to think about, but she was determined to find a way of escape before she could learn of it, if at all possible. As she was carried into the man's residence, she considered that she might even try to find a way to end her own life if it came to that. At least then she could deprive the man of whatever he thought to gain from her.

She found though, that despite thinking about the possibility once before in the desert, that she really did not want to end her life. Not as long as she could help it. She supposed that was the difference between idly wondering about something and thinking you might actually have a reason to do it in a real situation.

This man's house was bigger than the other man's, but no one else seemed to live there. He took her to a bedroom and threw her on the bed. He looked at her in a way that set Kes on edge more than she had ever been in her life. It was an ugly look, but full of... lust, avarice. Those were rare emotions among her people, and certainly she'd never met anyone who had them anywhere near to this degree. He got on the bed and undid his pants. She could see... She'd never seen a male... aroused like that before. She'd seen males of her own kind without clothes before when she and her friends went swimming, but...

He was speaking to her. Her senses were heightened with fear and the start of real panic, and somehow that let her understand him better. He was saying that there were many fewer women than men here because it was a... bad place for them in some way. That he had a son, but he was a young man now and that his former mate had died somehow. That it had been a time since he'd... done what he was about to do, and that... that she would enjoy it too if she was... pleasant to him. He said he was going to untie her feet, but not her arms. As he untied her feet though, she kicked him hard in the face, three times before he stopped her. She hadn't even thought about it, she'd just acted because she couldn't not act.

He growled at her and was on top of her then. He hit her and yelled at her and started to... grope her. Anger and fury warred inside her with fear and sheer panic. She struggled against him, but it was doing no good. Like the other men, he was simply much to physically strong for her to resist. Something was happening though, there was a burning behind her eyes, in her mind, her skin felt like there was something prickling inside, like sparks. Somehow, without thought or reason, she projected the feeling inside her to the man on top of her who was trying to rape her.

And he stopped. He stopped and was silent a moment, and then he screamed and recoiled from her as though she had burned him. He tumbled to the floor, waving his arms around him like mad, trying to fend off something that wasn't there.

Kes stared at him for a long second, her mind trying to make sense of what was happening. But when the second past, she got up and left quickly. There were weapons by the front door that included a few knives. She picked one up on her way out and, once outside, hurried to an alleyway and hid behind some empty containers that were there, determinedly working the knife to cut herself free. Her mind was racing, but she was operating mostly on panic fueled instinct. Her heart was racing too, and she was alert for any sound that might mean pursuit or danger. She got herself free and left, keeping to the alleyways for a while until she found a good place to hide where she could be relatively sure she wouldn't be found. She made herself fit into the small space and lay there.

She would wait for dark, find her things, and then leave the city. That wasn't even a question. She couldn't stay here. There was no way she could stay here.

Her mind wouldn't quiet itself and she couldn't bring herself to sleep in this place, even though she was all but completely certain she wouldn't be found. She lay there, awake, through the day. She was hungry and thirsty. She assessed that she had enough supplies, though not many more, to make it back home if she left at the first opportunity during the evening twilight hours.

By the time twilight came, she had managed to calm her mind and racing thoughts enough to really think again. She'd gone over it in her mind. The man had tried to forcefully mate with her... rape. She shuddered thinking about what could have happened, glad her imagination really had no true concept of what that might be. Among her people, males never did such things. In fact, the few instances of rape that had occurred in her people's history had been of females raping a male. During the elogium, a woman's physical strength was heightened as were her emotions. In rare cases, when the woman desired a mate who did not return her feelings, she would force herself on him. The punishment for that was that the woman would never see her child after it was born and would be kept in confinement for the rest of her life. There was little crime among her people. The occasional theft or rare instance of fighting were the only crimes that happened with any regularity. Once, two generations ago, there had apparently been a murder, though Kes didn't know any details about it. In any case, the point was, that she was coming to the conclusion that her own people were remarkably kind by comparison to the people she'd found here on the surface. And that was sad, but there was nothing she could do to change her situation, nothing she could see at least. She couldn't stay here... so she'd have to go home. Maybe... maybe she could even find someone... not Tae of course, but... maybe she could find someone else? It made her feel cold inside and bereft to think about it.. to think that Tae might... shun her, when she found out... Before, she hadn't even allowed herself to think of that possibility... but now...

The trouble was, of course, before she could even really consider that, she'd have to get home first, and she didn't really know precisely which way to go to find her way back. She was turned around in the city, which looked different during twilight than during the day. And besides that, retracing the way she'd come, if she could do it, might be dangerous. Better to keep to the alleyways and shadows. Once she got out of the city, she would have the position of the mountain cliffs in relation to the city to give her the general direction from which she'd come. Once she was out of the city and on her way, she would just have to find familiar landmarks that she'd walked by on her way here, which she was confident she'd be able to do. The only problem was retrieving her supplies. She began to formulate a plan for that though - she'd make her way out of the city by the safest way that she could find, then come back around and enter the city the way she had the first time, bypassing the interior public areas and streets as much as possible. No one had seen her entering the city the first time, they wouldn't a second. She could collect her supplies and leave. It would be a risk of course, but one she had not choice but to take - without those supplies, the desert would mean certain death for her.

That decided in her mind, which was now clear, she sat about slowly and cautiously making her way out of the city, keeping her direction by always keeping the mountain cliffs in view ahead of her. The city, while not nearly the size of the one in which her people lived, wasn't small, and by the time she got to the outskirts of it, true night had fallen and very soon she wouldn't be able to see her way. She prudently decided to find a safe place to sleep until morning. She was very tired, she realized, and the lack of food and water wasn't doing anything to keep her energy up either.

She ended up climbing up on top of a house to sleep. The roof was mostly slanted, but had flat places. She couldn't imagine anyone would have a reason to come up here, and she was certain she wouldn't be visible from the street. She would have to be careful coming down of course, but she felt it was worth the risk because she couldn't be sure anywhere she found to sleep at ground level would be safe from a passerby finding her by chance while she slept. And she had no desire at all to repeat her experience with the people of this city. She might not get away a second time.

As she lay down on the hard surface of the roof, no bedding to make it comfortable, she started to really think through what had happened. What she had done to get away from the man who'd been trying to rape her... she'd always believed the stories. The ones that told of her ancestors having mental powers that were much greater than those her people currently had. Was that what had happened? That, in a moment of panic, she'd been able to tap into those abilities in order to defend herself? She couldn't think of any other explanation that would account for it.

As she fell off to sleep, too tired to stay awake, she found herself wondering just what else she might be able to do with those abilities...

The morning came, harsh and bright and windy. She awoke feeling groggy and still tired, but the wind and the sun wouldn't let her sleep, nor, her mind told her, would it be a good idea to try. She had to find her way out of this place. Looking to the horizon, she was relieved to see that the sun must only have risen thirty or so minutes ago. From where she was, she couldn't look down on the street below, but she could look out over the city around her. Farther off, she saw taller buildings. And over towards the mountain, she saw heavy machinery and people starting at laborious work. She guessed they were taking things from the planet to use for some reason. What reason, she didn't know, but at least now she knew not to head towards that area. She listened, and the city was starting to wake, but she didn't hear any voices close by, so she decided to, cautiously, make her way down from the roof she was on.

Landing softly on her feet in the alleyway beside the house, she began to again make her way silently from the city. She ended up in the foothills of mountains far afield of the mining operations towards the center of the mountain cliffs. She thought to use them for cover to make her way around the city and find the familiar landmarks she hoped to locate.

As she was making her way through the rocks though, she happened upon a small make-shift dwelling. She immediately hid and was going to make her way around it, giving it a wide berth, and she would have, except that she started to hear soft crying or sobbing from inside - a child, a girl she thought. Her heart immediately went out to her and she wanted to help. But that instinct was battled by caution. The child surely had parents, and would they not do to her what others of these people had, and try to make property of her?

Still though, she couldn't quite bring herself to leave, knowing the child might be in danger, that she could possibly even die if she left her. These were a hard and unforgiving people, if her experiences with them could be used as an actuate measure of them. Would they leave a child to suffer? To die? Before her earlier experiences, she would have said no, that no one would be able to do such a thing. Now, she wasn't nearly so sure.

And so, with a sigh, she took out the knife she'd stolen, tightened her hands into fists, her jaw set in weary tension, as she crept closer to the make-shift home. She stopped part of the way there though and listened more. Watched. Then something occurred to her, and she closed her eyes and focused her concentration inwardly, trying to extend her telepathic senses outward around her, towards the house. She'd never done something like that before on purpose, but she knew that she often just seemed to know that people were where she was heading. Especially with her friends or family, she could sense them from some distance away sometimes. Not their thoughts, just... a feeling.

As her senses settled in to try this new task she had set for them, impressions did indeed start to form. There were two people inside... no, three. A woman and... the little girl, and a male, but young, only a child. And... they were all so weak, in pain... They were dying! As soon as she realized that, she was on her feet, putting away the knife, and heading towards the house. No matter what the people of this race had tried to do to her, this woman was innocent as far as she knew, and certainly, she could never bring herself to simply walk away and let two children die. She would never forgive herself for doing something like that. Never.

She entered the house and saw the young woman she'd sensed from afar holding a young girl in her arms. The girl, who looked only maybe three or four months old, was still crying, but softly. The woman, who looked maybe half a year older than Kes if that (young to have had two children) was trying to comfort her. There was a cot by the wall and the boy, who looked more than a half a year old (maybe eight or nine months even?), was laying on it, sweating and in pain, only half awake. The woman turned to her and spoke. Kes understood her to be asking who was there and telling her that they had nothing of value.

Kes was struck speechless by the scene and the hopelessness and sorrow she sensed from the woman. Her heart went out to this woman and her child, and she immediately felt foolish for having thought her own situation so dire at times. After a moment though, she moved her feet into the room. --I mean no harm-- she spoke softly, gently to the woman, mind to mind. She knelt down next to her. --And some people are woefully misinformed about what value really is...--

The woman said something else... asked if she... if she were seeing things, hearing things that weren't really there. She said that her vision wasn't good, that maybe it had betrayed her more than ever before, now that she was at the end.

--I am not a vision, my name is Kes. And... and I think I am here to help you. What can I do to help you?-- She asked softly, touching the woman's cheek lightly to assure her that she was real.

The woman looked into Kes's eyes a moment as if she couldn't quite believe what Kes was telling her. But then, Kes sensed that she came to the conclusion that she had little left to lose. She spoke, and Kes understood her to say that her children needed water and food, she... she begged Kes for her help.

Kes was again struck speechless for a moment. But then she nodded 'yes' and told her. --I don't have those things with me, but I will find some for you and bring it back. I promise. Don't lose hope.-- She told her.

The woman said something. Kes had a hard time making it out, but she thought that it was something like... hope won't help them, only water. She smiled a little sadly at the harsh practicality of that.

She considered asking if someone else would be coming to help them, if she had a husband that would be back for them. It could be dangerous for her if that were to be the case after all. But she felt somehow that she didn't need to ask. That she knew the answer all ready. This woman had no one. No one but her, now.

--Then I guess I should be going. I'll be back as quickly as I can.-- She told her, getting up.

At the door, she stopped and looked back at the woman. She was tired, a little sweaty, and thin, almost emaciated from not having enough to eat or dink, but... she was beautiful. Something in the shape of her jaw, even reminded her a little like Tae somehow. Kes swallowed a little and chided herself for thinking something like that, then left.

Still, something in her eyes, in her voice... just spoke to Kes somehow. She... she wanted to get to know this woman better.

But the woman had been right to be practical. If Kes couldn't find food and water for her and her children, nothing else would matter. And those were tasks that were not going to be easy for her to do. She could, she supposed, go back to her own supplies. It would be enough to take the edge off their hunger and thirst a little at least. But if she did that, it would probably be late evening before she got back. She wasn't a healer, so she didn't know if it was safe to leave them that long though. If one or more of them might die by the time she returned.

That meant she was going to have to get what she needed to get from the city itself. And she couldn't ask for it, she'd have to steal it. She had surprisingly little problem with the idea of that in this case. The woman and her children needed it, and the people in this place obviously wouldn't simply give this woman and her children what they needed, otherwise the woman would have asked for the food and water and been supplied it like anyone with even the smallest amount of kindness would do. If these people were so cruel as to deny food and water to dying children, then they deserved to have it stolen from them - they deserved a lot worse probably, but that wasn't really something Kes could or would really want to do anything about.

As she snuck down into the city, she found herself thinking of how she could be an effective thief. Because if she failed, chances were she wouldn't get a second chance and might well be captured as she had before. She shivered a little in revulsion thinking of what had happened to her and what almost had. It wasn't lost on her what she was risking of course, but she felt she couldn't do otherwise.

She wasn't faster on her feet or nearly as strong as the people here. All she had for assets were stealth, whatever cleverness she might possess, and her mental abilities (which were all but untested for anything like her current endeavor). If she could use her abilities to do what she had to the man who had attempted to rape her to others whenever she wished, or even something less severe like causing confusion or putting someone to sleep, then she would have a good advantage. The trouble was, when she'd done what she'd done, she'd been in a state of primal panic. She wasn't at all sure how she'd done what she had, or if she could do it again if she needed to and wasn't in a situation that would cause her to panic like she had before.

The best thing for her to do would be to avoid any situation where she would need to find out if she could rely on those abilities one way or another. Of course she knew she might be forced to rely on her abilities anyway, but she was going to attempt to use stealth and cleverness first.

When she got to the city proper, she was relieved to find not many people about. Of those that were, most were not men in their prime. Most of those, apparently, had gone to work at the mines. Still, she was very careful to avoid being seen. She used her ability as she had at the woman's home in the foothills to check homes to find if they were inhabited or if those that lived in them were away. Before long, she found one that seemed like it belonged to someone who had wealth compared to others here and thought it would be a good one to take a chance on. The back door had been left open and there was no one inside.

Cautiously, Kes crept inside and looked around for food or water. She found it. Hard biscuits and a kind of dried fruit that she didn't know what to make of but that smelled nice anyway. The water, she found, was kept in a locked room, as it had been in her abductor's home. She managed to find two smaller containers of it though. One a canteen and one, about 50cm tall, in the cooking area. That was just as well, it would be all she could safely carry anyway. More and it would weigh her down and make her too slow. She took the things, and a second knife from the kitchen which she hid in her boot, and made to leave.

She was surprised at the back door though, to see two young boys approaching. They were surprised to see her too and stared a moment. One of them said something to her though in a demanding voice, stepping forwards towards her threateningly. The second boy followed the first one's lead a moment later.

Kes narrowed her eyes and thought she might as well try to use her abilities. She might be able to outrun these boys, might, but they could raise an alarm and then who knew what would happen. All she had were two knives and no practice at all in using them as weapons. Besides, she didn't want to hurt anyone, really, if she could avoid that.

--I'm not really here, you're seeing things-- She mentally said to them, focusing her intention on clouding their thoughts.

The boys' eyes went wide and they looked startled again.

--You... you forgot something, something important, where you came from. Someone might steal it if you don't get it back.-- She told them, trying to speak to them beneath the level of words, willing them to believe it.

They didn't seem to, but they did look confused. She kept at it, moving to the side, towards the alley she'd come from. One of the boys fainted and the other one looked dazed. She darted away and hid in the alley. She watched as the boy who was still conscious slowly came out of his daze and looked around in confusion, asking aloud what had happened. If someone was there. He saw his friend on the ground and knelt down by his side, shaking him and telling him to wake. The boy did wake and was similarly confused.

Kes smiled to herself in relief. What she'd done had worked. She wasn't sure how, but it had. She rubbed her neck under her ears though, feeling her own thoughts a little hazy as well. Her neck ached a little too. She tried to snap herself out of it though and clear her mind. Thinking of the danger she was still in and how urgently she needed to be on her way, both for her own sake and for the woman and children she'd promised to help, helped greatly to focus her thoughts. She made her way again out of the city, still being prudently cautious and making sure to stay as out of sight as possible.

As she was leaving the city, she had a scare though. She came very close to rounding a corner right into the path of an older male who was walking with a boy. She'd caught herself in time to hide though. Still, as she made her way back to the foothills and retraced her path back to the make-shift house among the stones, her heart was beating fast and her nerves felt on edge.

Before she'd come to this place, she'd never once in her life felt under threat of physical harm before. Now she felt like that almost constantly. She decided she very much did not care for the feeling, not at all.

When Kes returned to the house and came through the door, the woman she'd met before was still there on the make-shift stool she'd been sitting on before. Only now, both her children were on the cot. The girl sleeping fitfully, but the boy sitting up against the wall, the girl's head laid in his lap. He looked over at her and she almost expected to see what she'd seen on those other boys' faces: Anger and challenge - she half thought that was somehow a inborn trait for the males of this race of people. But the boy only looked at her with curiosity and not just a little guarded weariness of spirit. Still though, there was also defiance and pride in his eyes. As though he were trying to tell her, without words, that he knew very well that he was at her mercy, but that he would not beg, for anything.

She shook her head a little, not quite knowing what to make if that. In any case, she returned her attention to the woman. She went over to her and knelt by her. --I'm back.-- She said, taking out the 50cm container of water and giving it to her.

The woman took it, gazing at her in wonder. She said something like 'I was sure you weren't real'. She took off the lid and smelled the water, taking a sip first, Kes got the impression that she did so only to test that it was safe, before kneeling down on the floor by the cot and giving it to her son. The boy took it, but instead of drinking himself, nudged his sister awake and offered it to her. The girl was blurry and hardly awake, but he poured a few drops into her mouth and she seemed to perk up a little bit, enough to drink with his help. Soon, she was drinking more and smiling, though Kes could see now that the girl was sightless, completely.

The girl said something like 'Who's there?'

--My name is Kes, I'm here to help you.-- She gently sent the thought to the little girl.

The girl said something back to her. It was hard to make out, but she thought the girl might have said that her voice was pretty, or something like that. She seemed to tire out then though, and snuggle up in her brother's lap a little more, saying something to him sleepily that Kes couldn't make out.

--She can't see?-- Kes asked the woman.

The woman didn't reply at first. Then she said something that Kes took to mean something like 'She is my daughter', though Kes wasn't really sure what that meant in this context - the impressions she did get didn't quite make sense to her. She decided not to ask now though, because it wasn't really important. She got out the canteen (she'd taken a few sips on her way here for herself because she knew she needed water too) and offered it to her.

--Please drink some yourself, there's enough.-- She told her gently.

The woman looked to her children and then to Kes. Kes could tell she was grateful, but her mood was also withdrawn and still a little weary. She got the impression that the woman wanted to ask her why she would do this for them, but did not because she feared it might cause Kes to reconsider her actions.

--You want to ask me why I've helped you, don't you?-- Kes asked.

The woman looked to her a little startled. She asked something, it was something like 'do you know all of my thoughts?'.

Kes shook her head. --Only impressions, not very specific. I don't know your language either, so I can only really understand the basics of what you intend to say... though even that can be... challenging.-- She admitted.

The woman took another sip of water, seemingly more at ease with her now somehow. She asked something else then, something like 'Where do you come from? You are an...' She didn't understand the last part, it was something like... from above the sky? She must mean where the Caretaker lives, Kes considered. They were always taught that the Caretaker lived far above them, above their world.

--No, I am from here. From below the surface.-- Kes told her.

"Ocampa." The woman spoke the name of her people.

--You know about my people?-- Kes asked curiously.

The woman nodded yes, that she did. That it was well known that every once in a while, one of her people would come to the surface. Twice before, that she'd heard of.

--What happened to them?-- Kes asked.

The woman shook her head and said that she did not know and had never met one herself, until now.

--That's okay.-- Kes said. --I guess it's hardly important right now.-- She looked over and saw that the boy was drinking some of the water now too and that the girl had fallen back to sleep, but that it was a more contented sleep now. The boy was watching her with that same weary, curious look, but now there was... hope there, too. She picked up one of the two sacks of food she'd gotten and opened it, taking out a piece of fruit and a biscuit and giving it to the boy. --Here, eat. I have enough for your sister too, when she wakes up.-- She told him. He looked startled and a little amazed that she was talking to him without words somehow. But he nodded and almost reverently took the food.

He said something that Kes couldn't mistake. He said 'thank you'.

Kes smiled, happiness bubbling up inside her. Real happiness, like she hadn't felt in what felt like a very long time to her. --You're welcome-- She said, smiling and feeling a lot better. --I'm just happy I could help you.-- Then she turned back to the bag of food and got some more out and offered it to the woman. --Here, now you eat some too.-- She said, almost a little shyly. She knew that the woman wouldn't want to eat until her children had.

The woman smiled a little hesitantly to her and took the food. She took a bite and then looked from Kes to her sleeping daughter.

Kes looked at the girl too now. --She's adorable.-- Kes complemented the little girl. --What's her name?-- She asked.

"Lanam." The woman said softly.

--And you?-- She asked the boy.

"...Tresit." He said, not reluctantly exactly, but more like he wasn't really used to talking with other people, besides his family she guessed, and he didn't quite know how to go about it.

--Nice to meat you Tresit, my name is Kes.-- She told him.

"Kes." The boy repeated her name.

She laughed softly just a little, smiling again. --Yes, that's right.-- She said, turning to the boy's mother. --And... you?-- She asked, again, a little shyly.

"Shantoa Anara." The woman said, which Kes understood to mean 'My name is Anara.', or something close to that. She had the impression there was also a gender or social status association implied in the word 'shantoa' somehow, but wasn't sure what the connotation implied though, exactly.

--...it's a beautiful name.-- Kes told her simply.

Anara thanked her, then asked... if she could touch Kes's face.

Kes regarded her curiously a moment. The woman saw her, but... --Of course you can.-- Kes agreed, moving forward to allow the woman to do as she'd asked.

The woman's touch was gentle and soft and it sent shivers through Kes's body, her eyes fluttering closed a moment when Anara's finger's caressed her ear. --Your touch is... very gentle...-- Kes told her. --...your eyes...-- She began to say.

The woman sighed and dropped her hand from Kes's face. She spoke and told Kes that she could still see, but not clearly. All she could see was an indistinct figure. Her sight far away was better, but even still, not what it had been when she was a girl.

Kes was very curious about this woman's story, but decided not to ask. She looked tired.

Tresit spoke then, saying that he could see for them. Kes looked over to him. He asked her then how she got the food and water. Kes told him the story of going down into the city and stealing the food and water. She told him that she'd confused the two boys with her mental abilities too, but when he asked her to tell her more, she shook her head and told him that she didn't know herself.

He tried to stay awake, because it was apparent he wanted to ask her more, but Kes could tell he was loosing his battle to do so. She went over to him and touched his cheek. --You've been very brave for your family.-- She told him fondly. --It's time to rest...-- and she gently nudged him to slumber.

Anara asked what she had done.

--He was tired but... trying not to show it.-- She told her. --I just... gave him a small nudge to get him to sleep, that's all.--

Anara was quiet a moment. 'We are at your mercy...,' she told her softly. 'I fear that my family won't survive unless you stay.' She seemed like she wanted to ask more.

--You still want to know why I'm here, why I helped you, but... you're afraid that if you do ask, I'll realize that I don't have to, that you'd only... be a burden to me, isn't that right?-- Kes asked gently.

Anara looked at her sadly then, almost desperately, tears coming to her eyes. Kes reached over and gently wiped those tears away. 'I have nothing,' the woman said. 'I am nothing, I am weak. My son is healthy, but no one would have him.' She kept speaking, but Kes stilled her lips, gently touching them with one finger.

--You are not weak. The way you've kept going, for your self and for your children... a weak person wouldn't do that. Your daughter, she can't see, she's... she's no good to you for anything, is she? Not in a practical sense. In a practical sense, you shouldn't waist food and water on her, but you do, don't you? Is it really so hard to believe that I'd make the same choice?-- Kes asked gently.

Anara regarded her, but then looked over to Lanam. 'She's my daughter', she said. 'And there was no use in it anyway. I knew... I knew we would all die before long. It was better to have her with me for that long, than to not. You though, you are not my blood, they are not your blood... not even your people...'

--What difference does that make?-- Kes asked gently, really not knowing, but understanding that apparently it did to her, to her people.

Anara looked back to her in confusion. She just shook her head and said nothing, though the look in her eyes said a lot.

Kes yawned and smiled, a little embarrassed. --I think we could both use some sleep.-- She looked around and saw another cot with bedding on it, but then realized that her own bedding was still with her things, hidden on the other side of the city where she'd left them. --I... my things, I had to leave them. I don't have anywhere to sleep...-- She confessed, feeling out of sorts having to confess that.

Anara then offered to share her cot with her.

Reluctantly, Kes agreed. It was awkward for Kes, and she kept mostly silent as she took off her outer clothing, leaving herself in close-fitting while shorts and a sleeveless shirt and sat on the edge of the cot. Anara didn't seem to think anything of it at all though, and undressed without self-consciousness or worry. Kes watched in growing worry as Anara took all of her clothing off. She swallowed nervously, but couldn't look away. Anara was... exquisitely beautiful. Sleek, lean (her past lack of food and water apparent), but she also looked strong, too. Her skin looked so soft... Kes was shook from her musings when she saw Anara going to similarly disrobe her children and tuck them into bed together under their bedding ...Apparently, it was normal for Anara's people to sleep in the nude. Her would-be rapist must have simply been... in a hurry, she supposed. She shivered a little, thinking of that, then looked up, meeting Anara's eyes. Anara was looking at her questioningly and Kes got the idea that she was wondering something. She went over to the cot and sat with her, touching her shoulder.

Anara asked her why she was still dressed.

Kes considered telling her that her people usually wore undergarments to bed, but then thought that doing that might make Anara feel uncomfortable, so she shook her head. --Sorry, I was... lost in though.-- She told her, standing up and removing the rest of her clothes.

Anara didn't seem to notice that Kes was nervous or uneasy and simply got in under the covers and held them open to Kes in invitation. A little reluctantly, because she was more than a little incredulous that she was in a situation like this, Kes got in under the covers with the other woman. Anara wrapped her arms around her and snuggled in close, sighing and immediately falling away to sleep as though it were the most natural thing in the world.

For Kes, she found herself wishing it was that way for her. She'd... never lain with anyone like this. When she was younger, she'd shared a bed with Tae a few times, but they'd both been clothed and too young to think anything of it. Still, Kes remembered loving that feeling of being so close to her friend and wishing that Tae could sleep with her like that every night. Even then, though she hadn't known what it was, she'd been falling in love with her best friend.

Laying here with Anara though, was very far removed for her from those memories she had of Tae and her as children. This was... she found herself relaxing and smiling. It was a completely wonderful feeling. She snuggled up to Anara and found herself suddenly very comfortable with this turn of events. Laying with another woman like this, the feel of her soft skin, her breath, her hair, her scent... Anara had such a lovely scent. Like the desert in the morning, but more alive...

As inexplicable as it seemed to Kes in a way, in another way it made all the sense in the world. Even though, practically speaking, she knew it was a irrational thought, nevertheless, she felt like... like she'd found a home. She drifted off to sleep, content and at ease, feeling a sense of safety she'd lacked since what had happened to her in the city, and a sense of rightness that she'd lacked since she'd realized how she'd felt about Tae and that her people looked on that as something... something that they didn't want any part of.

She knew it was just a sleeping arrangement, and that the feelings she was having were probably one-sided,

Chapter 2

Title: By The Water\'s Edge

[Author's notes: Chapter Summary: Kes, having saved Anara and her family from starvation, decides to stay with them to keep them safe. Kes and Anara talk and grow closer, learning about one another. Kes risks going back to the Kazon city again to retrieve the traveling supplies she'd hidden there before, this time with Anara's son, Tresit, coming along.]

Chapter 2: By The Water's Edge

---------------------------

In the morning, Kes woke with the first rays of sun and found that Anara was laying half on top of her and she was stuck, not physically, but, if she moved, she might wake her. Kes's arms were around Anara's back, Anara's head resting next to hers. The weight of her felt... so nice. And the scent of her hair was heady and wonderful. Kes found herself tracing her fingers over the soft skin of Anara's slim but firmly muscular biceps. The warmth and sheer comfort she felt went to her head a little and she found herself simply snuggling up to her a little more and closing her eyes, content just to lay like this until Anara woke on her own.

Not that much later though, Kes heard Lanam stirring and making fussy sorts of noises like she wasn't quite awake and was scared of something in her dreams. Anara woke up immediately and got out of bed automatically, going over to her and picking her up, taking her with her back to the cot she and Kes shared and rocking her in her arms, saying soft, comforting words to her. Kes had sat up and watched this, and now came up behind her and rested her head on Anara's shoulder, wrapping her arms around her. --She's so cute and adorable like this, isn't she?-- Kes asked softly.

Anara replied, said something, and Kes understood her clearly. What she said meant 'She lights my way in life'.

Tresit stirred in bed then, sitting up and blearily wiping his eyes. He looked over to them, confusion written plainly on his face. He didn't speak though, and got up, going to find his shirt. He was still a little unsteady on his feet though, Kes could tell. She got up from bed and put on the shorts and sleeveless undershirt she'd planned to wear to sleep last night and then went over to get some water. She brought the 50cm container to Tresit. --Drink.-- She told him gently, bringing the canteen over to Anara and Lanam.

Tresit didn't drink or speak, he just watched. Once Lanam had drank some of the water, then he did, but only a little. He got up and brought it back to her, still not saying anything. Kes took it and drank a few sips herself. Lanam slowly seemed to wake up and greet her mother happily. She didn't say she was hungry, but Anara asked her if she was. Lanam said that it was okay, that she didn't need food. 'We have plenty now' Tresit told her, bringing her one of the dried fruits.

Lanam asked him why. He said something like 'because a kind guardian spirit watches over us now, because you've been such a good sister, and made our lives so happy'. Kes was immediately touched by the thoughtful words, though she did have a hard time with what he meant by 'guardian spirit', if those were even the words he used. She knew he was referring to her though, she could tell that much.

"Sharaya Kes." Anara said gently. Which Kes understood to mean 'her name is Kes', but again, there were connotations in the word 'sharaya' she wasn't at all sure of. She got the idea though, that 'sharaya' was a more respected term than 'shantoa' was. Silently, Kes wished that she could understand their language more.

An hour later, Tresit, who was still mostly quiet, had taken his sister, who was happy and liked to talk about anything, outside to play a game. Kes had watched them for a few minutes. It apparently involved one laying stones out on the ground and then the other would guess what it was supposed to be. Tresit, Kes could tell, was completely committed to his sister. He was, Kes was pleased to find, patient and exceedingly kind with her.

Inside the home however, Anara went over to the cot they'd shared before. She was wearing a length of dull white fabric wrapped around herself and tied at the waist. She looked beautiful and exotic to Kes's eyes and she had to keep reminding herself not to stare at Anara's body. Anara asked her then to please sit with her on the cot.

Kes did, sitting facing her, crossing her legs in front of her and regarding Anara with interest. Anara moved forwards and touched her face. She said that her people have not believed in guardian spirits (or whatever she meant) since long ago, but that she was... very grateful to Kes, that without what she had done, and done by putting herself in danger, she and her children would have died. Then she asked what Kes's plans were, what she was going to do now?

--I'll stay with you.-- She told her softly, and she could see the relief on Anara's face as she told her that. --If you want me to, I will - at least until I'm not needed anymore. Then, um, well, I was going to go home, after...-- She hesitated and shook her head, smiling a little. --It's not important. Besides, you're good company.-- She told her honestly.

Anara smiled a little wistfully to her. 'You don't even know me, or my children,' she said. 'I wish I could do something to repay you.'

--Then... then sit and talk with me. Tell me about yourself. What your life has been like. All my life, I've wondered what was out there, beyond the world that I knew. You're the first one I've met who...-- She shook her head again. --I'm just, I'm happy I met you, that's all.-- She told her honestly.

Anara regarded her curiously then, as if she were trying to figure out what to make of her. A small, soft, hesitant smile came to her lips after a moment though. 'I wish I could see your face.' She said.

Kes moved forward and took her hand gently and brought it to her face. --Here.-- She said.

Anara caressed her face, apparently trying to form a better picture in her mind. She shook her head and let her hand drop. She started to tell her story then. She said that when she was a small girl, she had brothers. That her family was... Kes couldn't understand the word she used then at all.

--Wait.-- Kes said. --It's... it's hard for me to understand. I... I wonder if I could... you see, there might be a way for me to understand you more. To learn your language, and what the words mean. But...--

'But what?' Anara asked.

--But I would have to... um, to sort of touch your mind. I've never done anything quite like it before, but I think I might be able to learn your language that way, if you'd let me try...?-- She asked, mostly going on instinct that it was possible at all.

Anara seemed to think it over a moment. Then she said that yes, of course, that she could hardly deny her a request like that.

--No, I don't want you to say yes because you think you owe me something. Only say yes... if you're truly comfortable with what I'm asking you for.-- Kes told her.

Anara seemed to think about it a moment, then she nodded, and said that she was comfortable with it. That she trusted her.

Kes smiled a little softly at that, then wished that she felt as confident in herself with this as Anara seemed to be. Hesitantly, she came over closer to the other woman and brought her hands to Anara's cheeks, then forward into her hair. --Just relax, alright?-- Kes said to her gently.

She could sense Anara doing as she asked. Not fighting her at all as she went into her mind. She focused on language and understanding. She caught flashes of memories, from when Anara was a little girl and her mother played word games with her to teach her to speak. Remembered watching Anara's father, stern but noble, talk as their family ate. Telling them of his day. She remembered two brothers, one mean spirited, the other her defender.

The memories were mostly just impressions, vague and fleeting, but a few of them came through clearer. Kes tried to avoid seeing them, to focus on learning the language of... the Kazon. That was what Anara's people were called. They weren't from this world, instead they'd come here, all the way from another planet, to mine for the materials in the ground.

It was working, she was understanding.

It was hard, and tiring, but finally, the understanding simply seemed to slide into place within her. "I understand..." She said softly, speaking in the Kazon language, opening her eyes and looking into Anara's eyes as they also fluttered open.

"That was... I could feel you, in my mind. You... you really are as kind as you seem, aren't you? I could feel it..." Anara said softly, looking down at her lands and shaking her head a little before meeting Kes's eyes. "I've... I've never met anyone like you before, Kes."

Kes smiled. "Thank you." She said.

"I... you speak now, so it worked?" Anara asked.

Kes nodded. "It did." She said aloud. "So many new concepts though, I think it's going to take me a while to get used to."

"You are a wonder." Anara said softly.

Kes smiled, a little shyly. "Thank you." She answered softly, yawning. "But, I'm also tired from doing that..." She admitted.

"Then... then lay your head on my lap, and I'll tell you what you asked of me... My children say that I'm a very good story teller." She offered with a little of a hesitant smile.

"Then I'm sure you are." Kes told her, doing as she said and laying her head down on Anara's lap.

"...When I was a young girl..." Anara started.

"You had a kind mother, a stern yet noble father, and two brothers. One, your protector, the other, your tormentor..." Kes said softly. "I tried to avoid it, but I... I saw some of your memories. Mostly, they were vague. But I remember that much, at least. Though not very much else. Other than that... you liked to dance, and you loved your family more than anything."

"...yes." Anara said softly. "Yes, what you say is true..." She told her. Kes looked up and saw that Anara was crying a little, soundlessly. She got up and wiped the tears from her eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Anara... I..." Kes began, but Anara took her hand in hers and took it from her cheek.

"Do not be sorry." Anara told her softly. "It's only, it's been so long since... since I've spoken to anyone like this. About them. I tell my children stories of them at times, but... it's not the same. To have someone else who remembers them too, if only a little. It's a relief." She said gently. "You shouldn't apologize for that. If anything... I should thank you, sharaya Kes."

'sharaya', Kes understood what that word meant now. It was a term given to a woman who had proven herself brave by facing trials, risking danger. "If I am sharaya, then so are you, Anara. For you are certainly very brave." Kes told her, caressing her cheek and squeezing her hand.

Anara smiled a little falteringly. "You are mistaken, but charmingly so." Anara told her. "Now... you should rest. You still want to hear my story, don't you?" Anara asked. Kes swallowed. She wanted to kiss Anara, she realized. She fought the instinct as she had many, many times with her friend Tae before and instead did as she was asked and lay her head again on Anara's lap and was silent, waiting.

"I named Tresit for my father, and Lanam for my husband's mother." She said, and Kes knew now that that was tradition for the mother to name the children, and to name them for distinguished ancestors. "My father was a well respected warrior... won many battles. The maj thought highly of him and gave him command of one of our smaller outposts. It was there that I had my childhood. I had a good home. My brothers, as you said, they were as night and day. Ralka, the eldest, always wanted to follow in our father's footsteps, while Tulk, he fell in with a group of boys. A cruel and mean-hearted group of beastlings, all of them.

"Once, when I was nine years old, I..." But her words trailed off as Kes's eyes flew open and she sat up.

"Nine years?" She asked softly.

"Yes... why is that important?" Anara asked confused.

"Um, may I ask, what age are you now?" She asked her.

"Nineteen years, and some months, I think it would be. Why?" Anara asked.

Kes shook her head in wonder a little. "My people don't live so long, usually only seven or eight years at most." Kes told her. "How... how long do your people live for?" She asked.

Anara regarded her with undisguised surprise. "I... most don't live past forty years. Some to forty-five or so." She told her. "Kes... how old are you?"

"One and a half years." Kes told her. "I thought... I thought you were perhaps a month or two older, four of five at most, I never thought..." She looked at Anara in wonder. "And, Lanam, Tresit?" She asked.

"Lanam is four years, Tresit six years..." Anara told her quietly. "...how could it be...?"

"That I am younger than Lanam?" Kes shook her head. "How... how do you count years?" She asked, but then realized that she already knew, and that, though there was a difference, it only meant that an Ocampan year was a little less than a month longer. "No, wait, I already know that. It's not that, your people really do age that much slower than mine." She looked over to Anara, not quite sure what to make of this news, if it was important or not. It certainly felt like it was.

"Oh, Kes..." Anara caressed her cheek and Kes smiled at the contact, feeling comforted. "That's why you seemed so... innocent, isn't it?" She asked. "It's strange though, you seem just as old as I am, in other ways. We certainly look..."

"We look the same age." Kes finished for her.

"We do..." Anara told her gently, caressing her face again a little. "And you seem... don't worry about it, though. Come, let me tell you more of my story."

Kes brought her hand up to touch the hand that was caressing her. She closed her eyes and smiled. "Alright." She agreed, laying her head back down in Anara's lap and closing her eyes again as Anara began again to tell her stories from her childhood, of the small adventures she'd had with her brother, Ralka, and how he would fight for her against Tulk and his gang of beastlings.

She thought about the age difference between them, of how much Anara must have seen and witnessed, having lived for such a long time. How she would continue to live on long after Kes herself was dead. It seemed fantastic - what would she do, she thought, if she were able to live that impossibly long a life? And more, she wondered, would Anara treat her differently? Now that she knew she was... younger than her own children? It was an unpleasant thought, because... because she found she would very much prefer it if Anara regarded her as an equal, as a grown woman. By her people's standards, she was one. Though she wouldn't be considered fully adult until she had a child. By Anara's standards though... what would she see? For more than one reason, Kes wanted her to see her as the adult she considered herself to be... for one reason in particular. That, though she knew she might be hoping again for something that was simply not to be, she was... becoming very attracted to this woman. She wanted to get to know her more. Wanted... to be with her. Even if all they did was sleep together like they had last night, she thought, she could live with that.

As Anara told her story, she stroked Kes's hair, her scalp, in slow circles. It felt so nice, that soon, before she could stop herself, she'd fallen off to sleep again.

She woke to the sound of children laughing some minutes later. She blinked in surprise, because she hadn't meant to fall asleep. She got up and looked around, a little confused. She heard Anara laugh softly, just a little, and she looked over next to her. She'd still been sleeping on the other woman's lap, and she looked amused. "What?" Kes asked, finding that Anara had a very charming smile and a musical way of laughing that made her feel happy to hear it.

"Only that you are very cute." Anara told her. "And so are they."

A little blankly, Kes looked over and saw Lanam and Tresit, playing at wrestling. Tresit was obviously letting his little sister win and having fun doing so. Kes smiled fondly. "You're right, they are." She agreed.

"I... hadn't thought I'd see them like this again." She said back, just as fondly, coming over behind Kes and wrapping her arms around her waist from behind. "Thank you. I wish I had some way to repay you..." She lay her head on Kes's shoulder.

"You don't have to." Kes said, a little of a happy laugh coming to her as well as she watched the two children together. "Watching you all happy again, it's more than payment enough."

"...are you sure of that?" Anara asked softly, a little hesitation in her voice that Kes could only just detect.

"Of course I am. Why? What do you mean?" She asked, turning around a little in Anara's arms so their eyes could meet.

Anara just smiled a little and shook her head. "No. It's... it's nothing." She said.

"Oh. Alright..." Kes answered. "I'm sorry I fell asleep on you like that." She said. "I really did want to hear the rest of your story." She told her.

"It's alright. You were tired. You..." She shook her head. "Never mind." She smiled a little. Kes somehow got the impression that... Anara had liked the way she'd looked while she'd been sleeping, but was too shy to say so. That charmed and worried Kes both. Worried, because she shouldn't know that. Was she picking up Anara's thoughts without meaning to?

If she was, it was the first time she'd noticed herself doing that. She didn't want to do that again without permission. Her people believed very strongly that using telepathy like that was wrong. Kes shook her head a little. "Um, sorry. I should go, get my supplies. If... I'm going to stay here with you, they'll be useful to have. You, um, you do still want me to stay with you, don't you?" Kes asked.

Anara caressed her face again. "Of course I do. I want..." She shook her head. "Just be safe, Kes. Return to me..."

"Don't worry, I will." She told her, caressing her face a little in return, as much as she dared without seeming overly familiar.

"I will go with you." Tresit spoke up. Having gotten up from his and his sister's bed, he was coming over stand before them.

"Oh, thank you, Tresit. But I don't think..." She looked to Anara for guidance.

"Take him with you." Anara said.

"It's my duty to go. My father would be ashamed of me if I let you go into danger without me." He told her with determination.

"Where... where is your father?" Kes asked, looking from Tresit to Anara.

"He's..." Anara started to say.

"He died bravely, a... a noble death. Yes, mother?" Tresit said, a little vulnerability in his voice that he tried to cover with bravery of his own.

"Yes, my son speaks truly. A noble death, so we were told." She said softly.

"Oh, I'm sorry. What happened?" She asked Anara and Tresit both, looking between them.

"A campaign." Anara began. "He was conscripted to service. A rival sect wanted to take this planet from us. He and my brothers went to fight. Only one of my brothers returned. Tulk."

"...I see." Kes remembered, and was sure Anara would have rather that if only one among the three were to have returned, Tulk would have been her last choice.

"We had no one left, but him. No family." Anara said.

"He is no family of mine." Tresit protested.

"Tresit..." Anara spoke, then shook her head, looking from Lanam, who was listening to them talk intently, to Kes. "Can we talk of this... another time? Please, Kes?"

"Of course." Kes agreed easily, understanding that there were things that Anara did not want to say in front of the young Lanam... though, Kes supposed that, as hard as it was for her to believe, Lanam had actually lived for more than twice her lifetime so far. It was hard to accept. The girl still seemed so much like the child she appeared to be. Kes would have thought that, despite outward appearances, if the children were really so old, that they would act as adults would. It didn't make sense. The only explanation she could think of was that perhaps Anara was lying to her for seem reason, or mistaken somehow, but those explanations didn't seem very likely at all. She especially couldn't bring herself to think Anara would do something like that, or that she'd even have a reason to. She'd been inside her mind, after all, and she hadn't sensed anything that would tell her that Anara wasn't trustworthy. "Well, we should go, before the sun heats the air too much. That is, if you still want to come with me?" She asked Tresit a little playfully.

"Of course I do." He told her, looking to his mother for permission.

Anara nodded to him, and he tried to hide his smile.

"Let's be going then." She went to Anara and hugged her goodbye. "Don't worry, I'll bring him back to you safe and sound, I promise." She whispered to the other woman.

"I know you will." Anara said softly, though Kes couldn't mistake the undercurrent of fear and worry that were there none the less.

Kes got up and dressed fully. Tresit, seeing her do so, did the same. He saw her knifes and looked impressed.

"Be brave, big brother. I love you, heart and blood." Lanam told him.

Tresit smiled to her, though she couldn't see it, so he caressed her cheek fondly. "Heart and blood, little sister. Always." he told her.

Anara went to her son then and got to her knees and hugged him. "My noble son." She said, the emotion in her voice plain. "I am so proud of you. As I always have been. Be safe."

"I will be. I will come back." He told her.

Anara smiled falteringly, looking from him up to Kes, obviously holding back tears. Kes smiled fondly to her. How could it be that this woman tugged on her heart so, in such a short time? She swallowed her emotion and held out her hand to Tresit. "Let's go then."

He nodded and took her hand, and they left.

They were quiet at first as they walked towards the rocks.

"I like your daggers." Tresit said as they climbed over some stones in their way.

"Oh, um, thank you." Kes replied.

"I have one too. It was my father's ...Would you like to see it?" He asked.

Kes paused and sat on one of the rocks. "If you want to show me, alright." She smiled a little. She supposed some things were common between Kazon and Ocampa boys after all. Not that she could say exactly what that thing that they had in common was, but she could remember Daggin saying something to her in almost the exact same way when she was a young girl, about a new toy his father had given him. A spinning top that made noise when it whirled around. She'd never heard another girl sound quite the same way.

He took it out and held it out to her, handle first. "The handle has our family's symbol on it. He told me once, he got it from his father, and his father got it from his. All the way back to when we were slaves, maybe even before, he didn't know."

"It's very well taken care of, for something so old." Kes told him, wondering about what he'd said about his people having been slaves, but deciding not to ask just now.

"I know. My mother told me, father used to clean it once a week, in a certain way. That she used to like to watch him do that. Because he looked... at peace." He told her. "I don't remember him very well. I think I can remember his face sometimes. But, I clean this once a week, like he did. Mother showed me how to." He explained.

"I... I'm sure your father would be very proud of you." Kes told him, handing the knife back.

Tresit was silent at that, looking down at the knife.

"You don't think so?" Kes asked.

He shook his head. "I failed." He said. "I wasn't strong enough."

"Wasn't strong enough for what?" Kes asked.

He looked up at her, a little bit of anger in his eyes. "Isn't it obvious?" He asked. "Come on. We should go." He said.

She got up and followed him, catching up with him easily. "You mean, because you couldn't provide for them, is that it?" She asked.

He nodded 'yes' without saying anything.

"Wouldn't it be your uncle who failed, rather than you? He's a grown up, you're not." Kes put forward.

"...he offered to take me in." Tresit told her.

"Your uncle?"

Tresit nodded. "Only me though. That's what mother didn't want my sister to know. He... he wanted me to let them die. I would not... He said I was stupid, stupid like mother, like his brother, and my father. And that I deserved to die with them."

Kes said nothing, though she felt a wave of anger and revulsion go through her, more revulsion even than she had felt towards the man who'd tried to rape her and make her his property. Her mind still could not grasp why that man had wanted to rape her, why they would treat her like property like they had, and this... this was even more incomprehensible to her. Leaving children, family even, to starve to death? Hadn't Anara said that blood relation was important to the Kazon? "...Anara said that blood relationships, they are very important to your people. Your uncle, he wasn't punished for abandoning you like that?" Kes asked.

"No." Tresit almost spat. "He should have been though, he should have been killed. I would... I swore to him that I would prove him wrong. That I would keep mother and Lanam alive, that I would become a man, and then I would show him how wrong he was. In combat. He laughed at me. Kicked me to the ground, and turned away. He was right though, in the end. I couldn't do it. I was weak. If it wasn't for you, they would be dead, if not today, then tomorrow. Me too."

Kes stopped, her hands clenched into fists. She calmed herself with effort and went to sit down on a rock. "You are not weak, Tresit. He his. A grown man, afraid to even try to look after his own family. And you, you were just a boy, younger than you are now." She tried deliberately not to think of the difference in Ocampa and Kazon aging that she'd just discovered an hour ago. "And you were brave enough to try."

Tresit looked at her in confusion. "That doesn't matter though. All that matters, is that I would have let them die, and it would have been for nothing. My uncle... he would have still been alive."

"...You would have still been alive, if you'd gone with him... would you make a different choice, now? Even if I hadn't happened by, and you'd have died with them? Even if it was inevitable that you would die? Would you have done it any differently?" She asked.

"No, of course not!" He said, almost as though she were accusing him of something horrible.

"So why is it better that he would have lived when you wouldn't have?" Kes asked. "If you wouldn't want to have a life like his anyway? If you think... that living a life like his would be worse than dying?"

"I... I guess I never thought about it like that." Tresit admitted.

"Your father died, in a battle he wasn't able to win... right?" Kes asked softly. "But you're proud of him for that?"

"...Yes." Tresit told her.

"Then... wouldn't he be proud of you? For doing the same thing? For fighting a battle, even if you couldn't win? And... and seeing it to the end?" She asked. Somehow... somehow, she understood, this was the right thing to say. The thing Tresit needed to hear. She wasn't quite sure how she knew that, but she did know it. Maybe... maybe she'd gained more than language when she'd touched Anara's mind like she had. It... it certainly felt like she had. Though she couldn't quite put a name to what that meant.

Tresit was quiet a moment, looking down at the ground between them. But, then he raised his head and met her eyes. "You're right. He... he would be proud of me, wouldn't he?" He said, a little wonder in his voice. Kes could tell, he honestly hadn't thought his father would have been proud of him before.

"And besides. Now you have a second chance, right? And I'm here to help you." She told him. "Okay?"

"Okay." He said. "But... but I'm going to pay you back one day, sharaya. One day, I'll save you from something, maybe."

Kes smiled to him. "Maybe you will." She said, sitting up and offering him her hand to hold.

He took it and they headed off again.

They had to release their hands soon of course, so they could climb over and between the rocks.

It took a while, but eventually they made their way around the outskirts of the city perimeter, beyond the expanse of open desert that ringed the city, to where Kes had first made her approach to the city when she'd come here.

The buildings made a wall here, and no one moved about within seeing distance, at least not that either of them could see. This part of town had abandoned buildings in it, Kes noted, and wasn't in very good repair, compared to other areas she'd seen.

The two of them made their way into the city without problems and Kes went to retrieve her pack, relieved when she found it still there and without anything missing. She opened it up and offered her canteen to Tresit. "Take a sip from this."

He did so, but a small one, she noted, before handing it back to her. "Thank you." He said softly. He had his dagger in his hand and, even while he'd been drinking, he remained very serious looking, his eyes keen, looking for danger. She could relate to that, of course, but where it was a matter of survival for her, she could tell, for him, it was also a matter of pride. She wasn't quite sure what she thought of that, though she could tell, even Anara had pride like this, though of a different, much more understated sort. So she thought, it was probably a cultural trait for the Kazon people. Her own people didn't even really have a concept like that, that she could tell, or, if they did, it was much different.

"You're welcome." She smiled. Taking a similarly small sip herself. She closed her eyes and sensed for anyone nearby. There were people, but none of them close enough to be a threat, probably. "We should go back now."

He nodded. "Yes." He said.

He was nervous, under the pride. She could tell that now. Perhaps even more nervous than she was. She wondered, momentarily, why that was, what had happened to him to make him so on edge like this in the city? He certainly wasn't like that at home with his mother and sister; there, he was relaxed and happy, even quite cute and playful where his sister was concerned. She didn't ask about it though. Maybe she would later, but not today. She'd just buoyed his spirits before, she didn't want to bring up possibly bad memories for him right on the heals of that.

They silently left the city and made it back to the rock line without being seen. She could tell, Tresit's heart was beating fast and when they got behind the rocks, he leaned against one and visibly tried to get himself to relax.

Kes didn't say anything, but patiently waited with him, allowing herself the time to relax too. It was only a minute though, before Kes saw Tresit's hands ball into fists as he stood away from the rock and looked to her. "Let's go, okay?" He said.

"Okay." Kes agreed easily, again not saying anything else.

They were half way back when Tresit broke the silence. "I tried to do what you did, you know." He finally said.

"What's that?" Kes asked gently.

"To steal food, water. Before, mother would... would beg, in the streets, for food. Or take jobs, cleaning, things like that, if she could get them. But then, her sight got worse... she couldn't work anymore. I could have worked. In the mines. But... the only job they would give someone my age... it would be very dangerous. Mother made me swear on father's memory that I wouldn't work there, no matter what. So, I started to steal things. I thought I was good at it, but it only took four times for me to get caught. They beat me for what I'd done. Shamed me... Laughed... I made it back home, but I... I past out as soon as I came through the door. I was sick, a fever, and my leg was hurt besides..." He told her, his words trailing off.

"That's horrible." Kes commented.

"I healed, but, by the time I was well enough to walk, our supplies had run out. I couldn't move from hunger and thirst. I tried to, but I couldn't. That's... that's when you came." He confessed.

"I'm glad I could be there for you." Kes told him.

"Me too. If only for mother and Lanam. But... that's not why I told you those things... for sympathy." He said.

"...Why, then?" Kes asked softly. She could tell that, for him, telling her those things had not been an easy thing for him. That he was still ashamed of his failure, even though her words might have helped him to get over that somewhat.

He looked over to her as they made their way from between two rocks. "So you'll know. What can happen." He looked away again, towards where they were going. "That it's not safe, in the city. You have, whatever kind of power it is you have, I guess... and maybe that means... that you won't be caught like I was. But, in case it doesn't mean that, I just wanted you to know." He looked over to her. "So you'll be careful."

Kes sighed. "Thank you..." She said softly. "But, you don't ever need to worry that I won't be careful. I have my own story... not all that different form yours, in some ways..."

"Oh..." Was all he said.

He didn't ask what her story was, and she was grateful for that, actually. It wasn't something she liked to think about for one thing, and for another... she didn't want to give this sweet little boy anything else to worry about. It was plain to see, he already had more than enough to contend with as it was.

"I have an idea." Kes said. "When we get back, can you teach me that game you were playing? With Lanam? Where you made different shapes like that? I thought they were beautiful." She told him.

He smiled a little. "Yeah, I guess so. It's a good game." He told her. "Mother invented it for us. Lanam can do it, because she can feel the rocks we use, even if she can't see them... There are four other games too, but that one's my favorite."

They talked a little more after that, mostly about small things, lighter topics. By the time they got back, the sun was starting to really get hot and Kes was grateful to get inside under the shade of the make-shift house that was already becoming familiar to her.

They heard soft singing from inside as they came in. Kes paused by the door to listen while Tresit went in and sat down by his mother and sister without saying a word. Kes watched on as her and Anara's eyes met and Anara smiled just a little shyly to her. Kes smiled a little back too, but she was mostly more than a little lost in the soft melody she was hearing. Anara was singing to her sleeping daughter, a song about how the wind blew over everything and saw so many things on it's never-ending journey.

Kes had never felt the wind until she'd come to the surface. Not really. There were breezes, drafts in the caves, but no wind - listening to Anara's song, she made it sound like one of the most beautiful, special things in all the world.

When the song was over, Kes went inside and sat on the floor before the other woman, smiling softly up to her. "That was beautiful." Kes told her softly.

"Thank you..." Anara spoke. "I'm glad you're back." She said, reaching over and taking her son's hand, squeezing it a little to show that she, of course, meant him also.

The three of them stayed in and talked after that, waiting out the sun. Before long though, Tresit yawned and went to lay down and rest. He and his sister, very understandably, still hadn't gotten all their strength back. Kes and Anara ended up sitting facing one another on the cot she and Anara had shared last night and talking.

"What's it like, down in your city below the ground?" Anara was asking, after they'd moved on from talking about Lanam growing up. They'd both stayed away from the more unpleasant topics so far, and Kes was glad of that. Not that she wanted not to know, or to hide those things about herself; it was more that, after her talks with Tresit, she'd had enough of those topics for one day. That, and she was having such a nice time with Anara, just talking like this, she wanted it to stay that way for a while. She'd never been able to talk like this with anyone else but Tae, and she'd very much missed it.

Kes smiled softly. "Well, it's not nearly this dry for one thing." Kes told her. "Though, I'm finding, the desert... has it's own charms." She told her, flirting a little without having meant to. She'd done that with Tae sometimes too, even though she'd tried not to - not that it mattered, Tae had always seemed not to notice it for what it was in any case.

Anara smiled a little shyly to her at that though. "So, you have plenty of water then?" She asked.

"Mm, yes. The Caretaker provides us everything we need." She told her.

"The being in the array, you mean. I've seen it once, when I came to this world with my husband and our family." Anara told her.

"...you've actually seen the Caretaker?" Kes asked, a little incredulous.

Anara shook her head. "Only the array, his home. I don't know of anyone whose actually met the being who lives there. Though there is a story, from many years ago. That, soon after the uprising where my people threw off slavery, an overconfident maj went to the array with his ships and demanded it's owner's surrender. The battle was entirely one-sided. Two ships were destroyed, the third fled to tell the tale."

"...I see." Kes replied, thinking on that a moment. Again the mention of slavery; she determined to ask Anara about that at some point soon.

"Why do you think this Caretaker of yours hid your people away, in the first place?" Anara asked.

"The stories tell us that, long ago, there was a great disaster. That the surface of our world became uninhabitable, and that the Caretaker came to us then, and that he led our people to safety, built the cities for us. Once, our world was green and full of life, but, even now, no longer." Kes told her. "It's said that without the Caretaker, we all would have perished here. How is it that your people don't? How is it you have water and fruit?"

"It's brought in from off-world. We only stay here for the mining." Anara told her. "You're right, noting grows here. Something in the atmosphere prevents it - makes it impossible for life to thrive here."

"I've often wondered what caused the disaster that came to our world... but no one knows, or has any idea what happened." Kes explained.

"Were your people technologically advanced, back then?" Anara asked. "I've heard of worlds where such advancements have caused planet-wide disasters - whole races of people can go extinct that way."

Kes shook her head. "As far as I know, our people had no technology at all in the time before. The stories say that we lived among the trees, in harmony with the natural world. Though, it is true that those stories have been past down through the years so many times, we really have no way of knowing what's true and what's not."

"...I suppose then, if that's true, the only way it could have happened would have been that another race caused it, or that it was some sort of naturally occurring phenomenon. The Caretaker himself might even have been the cause." Anara told her.

"The Caretaker? But... why?" Kes asked. "Surely, if he had, why would he then have stayed so long to help us?"

Anara shrugged. "Who can say? Maybe he has something to gain in it somehow? Or, maybe he fought an enemy here, and this was the result? Or maybe he was simply careless and regrets it? Whatever the truth of it is, I can tell you that I've never heard of a planet that was green and verdant as yours was suddenly turning into a desert before, nor have I heard of anyone else encountering a being like your Caretaker. I admit, I'm not especially well-traveled or knowledgeable, but it seems a suspicious coincidence that two unheard of events should happen one after the other, without there being a connection."

Kes was silent a few moments as she thought about that. "I suppose you could be right." She smiled a little modestly. "I doubt either of us will ever be able to ask him though, no matter how much I might like the opportunity to, so I guess it doesn't really matter."

"No, I suppose not." Anara agreed. "So, back to my question? What is it like, where you're from? What was your life like?" She asked.

Kes was glad she didn't ask the other, obvious, next question: 'and why did you leave?'. "What's it like...? Very peaceful, mostly. Content, you could say. As I said, the Caretaker gives us everything we need, and most of my people are content with that." She told her honestly.

"Not you, though?" Anara asked intuitively.

Kes smiled at that. "No, not me, you're right. My friends and I, we believed in doing things for ourselves. We started growing plants, gardens of them, in the caves. We made medicines with them, ate food we grew ourselves. And we practiced with our mental abilities. We, I believed, that our abilities used to be much greater than what they are now. The legends of my people say that they were."

"From my own experience with you, I certainly wouldn't be surprised if that were true." Anara told her.

"Some of the adults didn't like what we were doing, but they made no effort to stop us..." And Kes again thought how different her people and Anara's seemed to be. Although, she'd already conceded that any race of people who had Anara and her children for members must have it's positive, even wonderful, aspects, as well. It was just, perhaps they were hidden. Of, perhaps Anara, Tresit, and Lanam were simply... happy exceptions. Much like... much like she herself was, she supposed. She had traits that most of the rest of her people didn't possess - it wasn't a stretch at all for her to imagine the same might be true for others, of other races of people.

They talked a while longer, until the sun started to set in fact. Lanam and Tresit had woken, and they'd all had a sparse meal together, conserving food and water, not eating much more than they needed, though Kes ached inside to be able to offer Anara and her children more. She considered taking them back with her, below ground, but didn't mention the idea. She wanted to think on it a while longer, and she had time because they wouldn't be strong enough to make the trip for a few days yet probably. She didn't want to think her only reason for being reluctant was that she didn't want to face Tae again, though she knew that might be part of it. She knew though, too, that she didn't want to give up on life up here on her own away from her people either, now that she'd found a place for herself. The truth was, that she... no, the real truth was... she liked having Anara to herself... it was selfish, but it was what she felt...

As the sun sat, Kes found herself outside with Tresit and Lanam, playing their game of making designs of rocks in the sand. As they did, Anara made up stories about the shapes they made. Then Lanam asked Kes if she knew any stories too, and Kes tried to do what Anara had, with, she thought, probably not as much success. When Anara had told her that her children thought her a good story teller, she'd been right, Kes had come to agree that she was. She had such a beautiful voice too - soft, but a little deeper sounding than she was used to women sounding among her own people. Kes was sure, she'd never tire of listening to it.

As the last rays of sunlight were dimming, Kes again found herself talking, this time in soft, hushed voices, with Anara. Tresit and Lanam had already fallen asleep and the two of them were keeping their voices soft and quiet so as not to wake them.

"So, Tae, Daggin, Lona, and I went down by the water's edge. Farran was off with the girl he liked, so he hadn't come with us. It's forbidden to swim in the aquifer, either because it's believed not to be safe, or because my people believe it goes against the Caretaker's wishes, or some combination of the two reasons. I'd never heard of anyone getting hurt doing it though. Tae and I went down there when we were much younger in fact, and it was wonderful. This was Lona's first time though, and she was so nervous of the water! I'd never seen her that way. She was usually the bravest of all of us. Or she liked to talk like she was, I think. It was her idea to start the gardens, you know. Her and her Daggin's. They're brother and sister, in case I forgot to tell you." Kes was telling her about one of her favorite memories growing up.

"Describe them to me. What do they look like?" Anara asked.

"Alright. Lona has hair that's almost the color of mine, maybe a little lighter. She's taller than I am, the tallest of all five of us, and kind of... graceful, in how she moves. Her hair is longer, and bushy, and she has dark eyes that are actually kind of mysterious to look at. Like you can never quite guess what's on her mind, but you always would think it was something of the greatest importance. Or something profound, you know?" Kes chuckled a little then. "When we would read each others' thoughts though, practicing our mental abilities, I found out, she's really not like that at all. She's actually very... logical. Thoughtful, yes, but... down to earth, in a way. I always found her comforting to be around though, because she always kept an open mind about things." Kes related. In fact, Lona had been the only one she'd told about her feelings for Tae. One evening, when they'd been the only two still tending the gardens they'd started with their friends. Lona had told her that it didn't make very much sense to her, but that she didn't see anything wrong with feeling that way, and that she thought it was wrong of their people to all but ostracize people for something like that. She'd also agreed with her though, that Tae almost certainly wouldn't return her feelings. She'd asked Kes then, 'don't you want to have children, though?'. Kes has told her that it really wasn't important to her (though the truth was, at that point, she hadn't even thought about it, hardly at all). And Lona had said 'Now see? That's why I don't really understand it.' Kes wasn't sure she understood it either, not really. But, she also knew, she couldn't and didn't want to change to be another way.

"Daggin, her brother," She continued. "He has short, light brown hair. He's a little taller than I am. Intelligent, patient, outspoken, and... kind of opinionated. But, in a good way, I think. Tae and I met him before we met his sister. Lona was kind of a mystery to us back then - always going off places, we never knew where. Daggin, on the other hand, tended to stay near home. He was always getting into arguments with the adults though, sometimes about even minor things. But it was nice having someone who believed things so strongly, believed a lot of the same things I did." She explained.

"And... Tae?" Anara asked, paying rapt attention as Kes spoke.

"Tae... I always thought she was the most beautiful person I'd ever met. She has dark hair, bright green eyes... her skin is darker than most of my people, almost the color of the sand... she and I used to talk, just... all the time. I never got tired of talking with her. I..." Her voice hitched a little and she had to stop herself because she was sure she might start crying if she kept talking like this. "You know, I'd really like it if we could talk about something else for a while, I, um, if you don't mind that is?" She asked softly, looking down at her hands.

Anara reached out and covered one of her hands with one of hers. "Of course." She said. "So... what happened?" She asked.

Kes smiled a little at that. "In the water, you mean?" She'd almost forgotten she'd been telling a story.

Anara nodded 'yes'.

Kes giggled a little. "Lona wouldn't go in very deep with the rest of us. But her brother was probably better in the water than I was. Tae said we should try to see who could get to the bottom of the water and back up to the surface the fastest. Daggin and I both said okay, so we tried it. Tae and I got down there and back up at about the same time, but Daggin didn't surface at all. We waited a few moments, and Lona looked so nervous. Right as Tae was saying we should go down and look for him, Lona went running into the water and dove down after him. Tae and I were so stunned we didn't move for a moment or two, then we looked at each other and went down after her.

"When we caught up to her, she wasn't doing very well, so we both helped her back to the surface. She was totally despondent by that point, convinced Daggin was dead... it really wasn't so funny, I guess. Not that part at least. But what did make me laugh was the very next moment, Daggin came up over by where Lona had been. He'd found some lavender colored crystal on the bottom of the lake and was going to give it to his sister. He knew she liked pretty things like that, because she made artwork from them. I think he was more surprised than anyone when Lona charged right at him and knocked him down. I think he was in more danger of drowning from that than anything else. I don't think I've ever seen Lona so mad at anyone, before or since. She wouldn't talk to him for days after."

Anara was laughing by now, trying hard to keep quiet enough not to wake her children, and Kes, now that she was done telling the story, laughed a little with her also, though she also felt really wistful too, thinking about that time. Until that moment, she hadn't realized just how much she'd been missing her friends... especially Tae. She remembered they'd both had to pull Lona off of her brother and she'd shrugged them off and stalked away moodily, rebuffing Kes when she'd gone after her to try to calm her down. It took a while, but Lona eventually calmed down and got over it so that a week after it had happened, they'd all been able to laugh about it, even Lona. Though Kes was sure that after that, Daggin was going to think twice before doing anything that would make his sister mad at him like that ever again.

"I wish I could meet them. Your friends." Anara said.

"...Maybe you will, one day." Kes replied.

Anara looked at her with interest, but didn't say anything. "Kes...?"

"Yes?" Kes asked.

Anara looked like she was about to say something, but then shook her head. "You... you have a very sweet laugh."

Kes smiled at that. "Thank you..." She said. "So do you." She took Anara's hand in hers and squeezed it a little. "I... we should sleep now, probably - don't you think?" She asked.

"I was thinking the same thing." Anara replied.

"...I... have my bedding now. You... we don't have to share this cot..." She started to offer, even though sleeping separately from Anara was just about the very last thing she wanted to do in the world right then.

"No... that is... I'd... I'd like it if you'd sleep with me, Kes... I've... I've missed that. Having someone..." Her words trailed off and she withdrew her hand from Kes's, looking down at the cot between them. "If it's too much to ask though..."

"No! No, of... of course it's not." Kes said a little haltingly. Her emotions now feeling very close to the surface. "I... I enjoyed sleeping next to you, Anara. Very much so." Kes admitted quietly.

Anara smiled softly to her. "Good..." She got up a little and went about undressing. Kes watched silently for a long moment, swallowing a feeling of nervous anticipation and... the beginnings of arousal. She sighed and went about undressing herself, casting an occasional glance at Anara as she did.

When she was done, she moved off of the cot to let Anara get in under the blanket, Anara holding the blanket open for her in invitation. Kes swallowed a sudden nervous impulse toward hesitation and crawled into the bed next to her.

Anara silently welcomed her into her arms and kissed her forehead before snuggling up to her and holding her close in her arms. Kes was only too eager to return the embrace, wrapping her arms around the other woman and moving as close to her as she could, sighing a little in content happiness and closing her eyes.

They didn't speak, and Kes felt no need to say anything. She felt warm inside though, in a way that had nothing to do with temperature. It was a feeling that she thought, she'd been missing her entire life.

---------------------------

See you next time...

Chapter 3

Title: What Love Knows, My Lips May Never Speak

[Author's notes: Chapter Summary: Romance blooms between Kes and Anara as Kes contemplates bringing Anara and her family back with her to the underground Ocampan city she came from.]

Chapter 3: What Love Knows, My Lips May Never Speak

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When Kes awoke the next morning, she felt fingers trailing through her hair... She opened her eyes and met Anara's nearly unseeing pale red eyes looking back into hers. The look in them took her breath away a little. "Anara..." She spoke.

Anara shook her head and smiled a little. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been..." She started to apologize, laying down beside her.

"No, it's alright..." Kes hastened to reassure her, turning onto her side to face her. "Only..." She touched her face. "Why were you...?" She asked softly.

"I was trying to imagine... what you looked like." Anara told her, though Kes had the feeling her sleeping companion wasn't being completely honest.

"Is... is that all?" Kes had to ask, though she wasn't at all convinced it was smart for her to press on.

"...No..." Anara spoke, turning over to lay on her back and gaze sightlessly up at the ceiling.

"...Then what?" Kes asked.

"I... you... desire me. My sight is... but it's... it's obvious to see..." She admitted softly. Left unsaid was that maybe Anara thought that was the reason Kes was doing what she was for her and her children. And... there might be some truth to that, but it wasn't the main reason... just the main reason why she liked sharing her bed so much. Which, maybe was bad enough, she considered.

"Oh..." Was all Kes could say. She felt shame and dread close around her heart like a hand was gripping it...

"It's... for many other races, I know, it's common enough... many times, it's even what's normal and expected... not for my people, but..." Anara trailed off.

"What... what is it like for your people?" Kes found herself asking, hoping to forestall what she thought might be coming.

"It... doesn't happen. With men, yes, it can - there is no taboo against it and it's usually accepted. With women... if it does happen, the women who do it would know better than to let anyone know of it." She told her. "I... that is to say, I never considered... but..."

"It's alright... and... I should have told you that I felt this way before... before I shared a bed with you like this..." Kes admitted, embarrassed and guilty.

"Oh no, no... I..." Anara sat up and looked down at her hands. Then they heard the children begin to stir.

"We... we can talk about this later." Kes told her, getting up to sit beside her.

"Yes, later... but..." Anara moved in and... Kes's world was thrown upside-down... Soft lips on her, kissing her... a tongue, entering her mouth... she responded, she couldn't help herself... like she'd been starving, dying of thirst, and only now been given water. Then it stopped, and Kes couldn't think. "You should know... I'm not averse to the idea." She heard Anara's voice say.

Anara got up out of bed and went to see to her children. Kes stared blankly after her, her hand coming up to touch her lips. She felt herself smile a little, a light felt like it was blooming in her heart and she felt like laughing. Her cheeks felt hot, and she felt herself fall back onto the cot, her eyes staring as unseeingly as Anara's ever had. She was happy... in fact, she felt like she actually understood the word happy in a way she never had before...

"Wow..." She heard herself say in just a soft whisper.

Before she could think anymore about it though, Lanam was climbing up onto the cot to get on top of her and ask why she was laying there and not saying anything. Kes laughed and swept the little girl up in her arms. She got up and sat her down on the floor, telling her she'd get dressed and then they could all play a game again.

All morning they behaved just like... like a happy family, really. Kes kept stealing glances at Anara, who didn't seem to be acting as if anything had changed between them of consequence at all. She maybe smiled to her a little more, or spoke with a little more warmth to her than before... or maybe, Kes thought, she was only imagining it. The kiss though, and what Anara had said to her afterwards, kept playing out over and over again in her mind, and every time they did, Kes felt happy all over again.

Before long though, it was the time that Kes had been planning for the previous day. An hour past when all the men would be gone to work in the mines. The sun hadn't gotten really hot yet, and wouldn't for a few more hours yet. The cliffs had just ceased giving most of the city their shade. It was time to go back, to find more provisions. If she was going to provide for Anara and her family, it would be best to have a reserve stock of food and water. And if, after she discussed it with Anara, they decided to leave and go back to the Ocampan city where she'd come from, then, ideally, they'd wait a few days at least until Anara and her children were better fed and in better health before going, and they'd need to be well stocked with provisions for all of them for the trip as well.

All of which meant she and Tresit would be going down to the city again. She wanted to go alone, but she knew enough to know that Tresit would be badly hurt if she didn't let him go with her. That he wouldn't understand, and that Anara might even not like her so much for making her son so miserable if she even tried to convince him that he should stay... even though she knew very well that he should stay.

She thought about it more though, and made up her mind that she should at least take Anara aside and ask her if there was a way they could convince Tresit to stay this time without harming his sense of self-worth.

So it was, a little later, in hushed tones, Kes asked her question. "I was thinking that I need to go get more supplies for us today." She told her.

"Can't... can't that wait for a while?" Anara asked, sounding apprehensive of the idea.

That warmed Kes's heart, that Anara was concerned about her like that. It was definitely a good sign. Kes shook her head though. "We should have some in reserve, and you and your children still need to get your strength back. It's not a good time to be rationing so much as we are." She explained, holding back on her idea to take them home with her for now. That was a much longer conversation that she'd save for later in the evening when there was more time to have it... Assuming, of course, that she'd make it back this time. She planned to. She was determined to. But she also knew her luck might run out. That was why she was determined to at least ask what she was going to ask next.

"I suppose so..." Anara agreed deferentially.

"It's just..." Kes went on. "Is there a way, something we can say... so Tresit won't feel like he has to come with me this time?" She asked. "It's dangerous, and... I can do it by myself. There's no need for him to take a risk like that too." She told her, hoping Anara would have a good answer for her. "Besides, if we're both caught, then there'd be no one..."

Anara was quiet a moment. "...I know there's truth to that... and I worry for him too, more than I can ever tell him... but no. If you go, he must too. It is... simply the way of things..." She told her softly.

"But..." Kes started to say.

Anara brought a finger to touch her lips, though she seemed a little shy in doing so. "It would disgrace him. I have been the one to raise him, so he is... gentler than most males would be, but he is still a male... he would not forgive this easily."

Kes wanted to say 'but he would still be alive', but she felt that would just make this harder and hurt Anara more to say aloud what she must already know. No, this wasn't an argument she was going to win, she could tell that... she hadn't really thought it would be... she'd just... had to try. "Alight... I just, I had to ask." Kes told her softly, looking more than a little longingly into Anara's eyes, and knowing Anara wouldn't know, wouldn't see. The idea of... of Tresit being hurt, and it being her fault... she couldn't stand to think of it. Not only was she growing more fond of him and his sister by the minute, but the idea of causing Anara that much pain, it wasn't something she could face thinking about over-much. And she didn't really understand why Tresit had to go with her... she understood enough to know that it was true, to sense his and his mother's feelings about it, but... that didn't mean she felt she could ever understand this, not really, not in her heart.

"It... does you honor that you did..." Anara told her softly, almost shyly.

"Thanks..." Kes replied, feeling a little unsure of herself.

"Kes..." Anara spoke.

"Yes?" Kes replied curiously.

"I would... offer myself to you, upon your return... If you... wanted to claim me... that is... you... I would find it... very agreeable... to be yours..." She finished sounding as shy and deferential as Kes had ever heard her.

Kes felt her cheeks, her whole body, warm at that. "I... would like that... I'd like to be yours too, Anara." Kes told her softly.

Anara looked up at her, a look of... almost wonder on her face, or maybe it was shock? "...Mine?" She asked, the word carrying volumes.

Kes touched her cheek softly. "Yours..." Kes confirmed, her emotions feeling too close all of the sudden.

Anara touched her hand reverently and Kes, feeling confused and flustered and overwhelmed... in a good way, but still, she felt like she wanted to run away, at least for a little while.

Anara was smiling shyly to herself. "I... never considered that..." She admitted softy.

"Then... I'll, um, leave you to... consider..." Kes told her softly, getting up. "And don't... I'll keep him safe, with my life, I promise I'll bring him back to you if... if it's possible. I swear I will..." She caressed her hair and Anara looked up at her, a brave smile on her lips. A look that told Kes that... Anara had faith in her. Anara's hand touched hers and Kes felt the weight of it, the weight of he belief in her... but liked how it felt all the same.

She let her hand drop and walked over to where Tresit was telling his sister a story. She knelt down beside them. "I'm going to go find more supplies in the city..." She spoke.

"I'll go with you again." Tresit spoke, getting up and going to get his knife, which he'd left a ways away. He always did that, kept it away from his sister to make sure she couldn't accidentally hurt herself by handling it.

They got ready, made what few preparations they needed to, and said goodbyes to Anara and Lanam (hugs were involved).

As they walked, Kes was silent and caught up in her own thoughts, and Tresit somehow sensed that she didn't want to talk.

Kes had to think what a wonder it was, and what a gift... that someone like Anara, who had suffered so much in her life, had given her such faith, and opened her heart to her the way she was.

The other part... The part about... claiming her... Kes knew from what she'd gathered from Anara's mind what that meant. It was how Kazon were married. A man would claim a woman, give her a token, usually a family heirloom that she could wear on her body, and if no other man challenged his claim and defeated him in a fight in two days time, the man could claim her (or bed her, in other words) and they were married. So what Anara had done was basically to ask her to be her wife...

It wasn't exactly the same thing though. In Kazon society, a woman was, in more ways than not, considered like property - subservient to their husband's will and desires. That's what Anara had offered her... ownership of her. That's why Kes had felt she had to offer her the same in return, to let her know that she didn't want to own her, that she wanted to be her wife - with the meaning that would have in Ocampa society, not in Kazon society.

Among the Ocampa, even though they would be largely ostracized, at least no one would say they couldn't be together. No one would think they were like... objects, just because of their gender. No one would doubt that they were married just like anyone else. After all, why else would two women (or two men) take on the burden of being all but outcasts if they didn't love each other that much?

"...You want to claim her, don't you?" Tresit finally spoke as they walked.

Kes stopped and looked at him. She was a little taken aback, but managed to hide it quickly. "...Not exactly... but yes." Kes admitted. "How did you know?" She asked.

"It's easy to see..." Tresit told her softly. "I don't know much about... things like that. But I know enough to tell." He told her, looking like he was thinking very hard about the subject, trying to figure it out. "What did it mean, 'not exactly'?" He asked.

Kes sighed and continued walking with him, making their way through the rocks. "Well... it's different where I come from. People don't claim each other... it's more like... friends, just... a lot closer friends. For men and women, there's children involved."

"But not for women and women?" Tresit asked.

"Well, Anara already has you and Lanam, so obviously there are this time, but usually no - we couldn't." Kes told him.

"Oh... well, if you wanted to, couldn't you just, you know, ask a man to..." Tresit shook his head. "Do whatever it is that happens to make a child?"

"I never thought about it. I... suppose so though." Kes admitted.

"Well... however it works... I want you to know, that I think it's good." He told her. "You make her happy... more than Lanam and I do, even... I think you should claim her... or whatever the other word for it is." He told her.

"...You do?" She asked softly.

"Of course. Why not?" He asked. "If it's because you're not Kazon, I don't think that should matter. Some people think it does - my uncle hates other races. I think he's wrong though. I think he's wrong about everything and right about nothing." He pronounced bitterly. "...And I think father would have wanted mother to have someone to protect her, if he couldn't anymore."

Kes smiled fondly. "She's got you, you know." She told him softly.

"...I'm not enough. It's obvious I'm not, and I was stupid to think I could be. I'm small, and young... I'll grow to be strong one day, if I survive that long, but... that's not today. And even then, it... I'm her son. It's not the same. It's not enough." He told her.

Kes's smile stayed right where it was. "I'm honored." She told him.

"...Good." Was all he said back.

She felt a little like laughing, but stubbornly kept herself from doing it. She was sure Tresit would be offended - especially if she told him how cute he was being about all this. Instead she refocused herself on being watchful. They were getting closer to the city perimeter now.

They weren't going in the long way around like they had to fetch her supplies, they were taking a more direct route. It gave them better cover, in fact - though where they were entering was closer to the mines - and so more densely populated and with no abandoned buildings. On their previous sojourn, she'd asked Tresit about why there were any abandoned buildings at all, and he hadn't known. He'd asked Anara about it when they got back though, and Kes had heard the answer too - the mines had been moved four times over the years, when it was more profitable to do so. That part of the city where Kes had first entered that had the abandoned buildings, that was too far from where the mines were now and also not close to the space port, so people had moved to be closer to where they worked and left the buildings abandoned.

Once inside the city, they made their way cautiously through the streets and alleyways, Kes always in the lead, using her telepathic senses to warn them of when someone approached. It was a big advantage, but one Kes wasn't over-eager to rely too heavily on. She still guided them by the least conspicuous routs she could find and kept to the shadows as much as possible.

Luck was with her, and, before long, she found a house that looked fairly nice where no one was home.

They entered and started looking around. Kes went to the kitchen while Tresit looked around the rest of the house. The kitchen didn't yield any treasures this time though, just some plates and a cooking pan with a few morsels of food carelessly left uneaten. Kes was going to scrape them up with her fingers to eat when she heard a loud, sharp noise and went rushing from the room to find Tresit.

She found him by a storeroom door, knife in hand. "Sorry..." He said, looking ashamed of himself.

He'd used his knife to force the lock on the door and it had made that loud noise when it broke. "Never mind, we have to go - now." She took his hand and pulled him along behind.

"But..." He was protesting, looking back. The storeroom had been rich, but Kes wasn't about to risk someone coming into the house to investigate the noise - even the seconds it would take to grab something from inside were too much of a menace for her to risk.

"We can't stay. It's too much of a risk." Kes whispered.

He was silent and followed along without protest. They hurried down a back alley behind the house, just in time to miss an old man and a boy coming up the house's front door.

"They'll probably take what we were going to steal." Tresit told her jadedly.

That should have been surprising, but it wasn't. Whether or not it was true in this case, by this point, Kes wouldn't have put much past the people who lived in the city - the men anyway.

"Come on, we'll just find another house a few blocks away." Kes told him, purposefully avoiding addressing what had happened. She didn't want to embarrass him, and besides... She had a feeling he felt bad enough and didn't need her to admonish him not to make the same mistake again - his own shame would do a better job of it than anything she could say anyway.

In the house she found next, they found no locked storeroom - no anything, at least at first. Kes could smell the hint of water in the air though, so she knew it was there somewhere. She was going to give up and move on to the next house nevertheless, when Tresit found the secret door in the floor and opened it. It wasn't even locked - the owner apparently relying on the hidden location to protect his supplies.

Kes smiled and congratulated her companion on his success, secretly glad he'd been the one to find it - she was sure it would do his already wounded self-confidence a lot more good than anything she could have said in the way of comfort.

They loaded themselves up with as much food and water as they could safely carry without it slowing them down too much, and left.

Making their way back out of the city and home was a slow and tiring ordeal. More for Tresit, who was still recovering from nearly having starved to death, than for Kes. She didn't offer to carry more of the burden though, because it seemed obvious to her he wouldn't want her to ask that... even though she was still at something of a loss as to why the Kazon saw things that way. She did understand that they did see it that way though, and that was enough for her to respect their ways when she could (at least when it came to Anara and her children).

When they made it out of the city and Kes could relax her guard some, she found herself thinking about Anara again, where, while they'd been in the city, she'd purposefully forced herself not to, for fear it would be too distracting for her. She'd been right, because now that she was thinking about her again, she definitely was distracted by it.

A wife... The idea just seemed to sing in her head and make her feel a little light-headed with the feelings it brought up inside her. Of course, if she said yes and accepted the marriage proposal (or the Kazon equivalent of a marriage proposal, she supposed), then she'd have to give up on the idea of Tae completely... Of course, practically speaking, she'd done that not long after she'd seen Tae kissing her boyfriend like she had... she'd done it again when she'd decided to leave, and more than a few times since then. Practically speaking, she knew there was no chance and she'd accepted that.

Her heart, on the other hand, was... more stubborn. It was, perhaps, a failing for her people. Ocampa paired for life, and, once they developed feelings like that for a prospective wife or husband, it was often very hard for them to get over them if it didn't work out (it was, by far, the most common cause of crime in her society... it even inspired suicide in some cases, though that was a taboo in the extreme, so it didn't happen often). Still though, she'd felt that stubborn feeling melting ever since she'd met Anara, and in the wake of Anara's kiss and the things she had said after... it was all but faded away now. It still felt like a loss though, like a hole in her heart would be left if she let all hope (even the irrational kind) die away completely. She was going to do it though, it wasn't really even a choice. She couldn't even imagine herself saying no to Anara, and could only think of one reason why she might...

Once that question was answered though, she'd say yes and she'd do her best to forget any notion she ever had of her and Tae being together ...This was her chance at happiness - a happiness she'd never known could feel so sweet and good and wonderful... she wasn't going to miss it.

After a little while, Tresit started talking again, asking her questions about where she came from, and mostly about her family and why she'd left.

"I wanted to see what else there was to life... If there was anything more for us than the life I knew. And... Well, there was another reason too." She admitted.

"What?" Tresit asked.

Kes just smiled. "It's... not something I really want to talk about right now." Kes admitted as they made their way over some rocks. The house wasn't far ahead now. It was still too painful for her to want to talk about Tae out loud... Maybe she could, once things were more certain with Anara, but not before.

"Oh... there are some things that are just like that, I guess." Tresit said. "Some things... words just don't help... I understand."

Kes regarded him thoughtfully at that, but didn't say anything back. They walked the rest of the way in silence.

She found herself wondering, not for the first time by any means, what her parents would say... what they would think of her life now. What they would have said, if she'd told them her secret. If she'd told them about her feelings for her best friend... would they have told her to leave? She still didn't have an answer, of course. She wanted to think there was a chance they might be proud of her though... She supposed, if she took Anara back home with her, she'd have her answer, wouldn't she?

At least then she'd know. Did her parents really lover her? Were her friends really her friends? Growing up, once she'd realized how she was different than most other people, it had been a lonely thing, not knowing that about anyone. At least, she knew, she had known that about Lona, towards the end. And that was something she treasured greatly, even now.

When they got back to the house, Kes took some water for herself, took off some of her outer clothing, and laid down to rest. Tresit was more hungry than tired, so he and his family set out some food to eat. Kes heard Tresit telling them a little of what had happened on their outing, notably downplaying what had happened with the storeroom on their first try, and Kes found herself falling off to sleep as she listened to them.

When she woke up from her nap, Anara was sitting on the edge of the cot looking out of the front door watching Lanam and Tresit who were out front in the shade playing a word game with each other. The look on her face was a fond one, although she knew Anara must not be able to see them very clearly, even though they were a ways away and, farsighted as she was, she'd be able to see them better than if they were up close.

Kes sat up. "I bet you miss being able to see them..." She spoke quietly. Anara's seeing problems were degenerative - they'd started some time ago, and gotten worse month by month.

"I do..." Anara said, turning to look towards her with a small smile on her lips.

Kes touched her arm, sliding her hand down to cover one of hers. She closed her eyes and tried to do something. When she opened them, Anara gasped.

"I can see..." Anara spoke in reverent tones. "A miracle... how..." She shook her head, but didn't finish her question, she just fell silent and watched her children play.

"It was an idea I had just now, I thought... maybe I could, so I tried to let you see though my eyes..." Kes told her softly.

"...It's incredible..." Anara spoke, still sounding more than a little awed. "I could never see this well, even in my youth. Everything is so clear and sharp... and bright... Thank you..."

"You're welcome..." Kes replied, feeling a little shy.

A few tears were falling from Anara's eyes, and Kes sensed them somehow through the bond she'd opened between their senses. She blinked and stopped what she was doing, moving to wipe the tears from Anara's eyes. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to make you sad." She told her regretfully.

"You didn't... Not at all..." Anara replied, sounding younger than Kes had ever heard her sound.

"Oh..." Kes replied, smiling a little to herself. "In that case, anytime you want me to do that again, just let me..." Her words ended as Anara kissed her again. Kes felt her eyes flutter closed, her senses drinking in every sensation, and her thoughts all gone away. She felt Anara's hands, one in her hair, the other on her neck, knew her own hands were moving around to encircle Anara's waist. She felt their bodies become closer to one another, and she knew it was... perfect...

The kiss ended and Kes still couldn't think. She blinked her eyes open, and felt the world in a way she hadn't quite ever done before. Everything felt just a little bit more... real to her somehow. She couldn't explain it, and she didn't want to try.

"I thought about what you said... and I do want... I want to claim you, Kes. I want... I want us to claim each other." Anara told her with soft, shy-sounding sincerity.

Kes forced her mind to work again. "I... I want that too. It's only... I have to hear you say the words... I have to know that..." She closed her eyes and smiled a little to herself, trying to steady her nerves. "I just can't seem to think rationally with you so close." She spoke. "But... if... If you..." She closed her eyes and tried to force herself to ask the question. "You know that... I'd stay anyway. I wouldn't leave you on your own, even if... even if no claiming ever happened between us. I need you to know that. I need you to.... I need to know that you want this between us... that it's not just because I can provide for your children. That it's not just... because you think it's what I expect in return, because... because it's not." Kes told her softly. "I'd do it anyway." And she knew that she would, that what she'd said was completely true.

Anara was silent for a few (very long-seeming) moments. "I... um, I... that is..." Her voice trailed off and she didn't say anything else.

Kes felt the weight of that silence hit her like a blow from the dark. "Anara..." She didn't want to think... "Anara, what's wrong? Talk to me, please talk to me...?" Kes asked.

"...I don't know..." Anara finally said.

"...Don't know what?" Kes asked, now feeling confused.

"I don't know why." Anara told her, looking up to face her again, even though Kes knew she must not be able to see her as more than an indistinct blurry shape. "Why I feel like I do... for you... Maybe... maybe what you say is part of it, or maybe not. Does it really matter?" She asked softly. "Is... isn't it enough that I do want to be with you? That... that I want to be yours?" She asked further.

"But... it is what you want though?" Kes asked. "You don't feel it's... an obligation of any sort?"

Anara shook her head. "No. Not an obligation, not at all... I want you... Very much I do... I... it feels... right... I... do not tell Tresit or Lanam, but, while I loved my husband, I think that I did love him at least... but I feel... more... much more for you than I did for him. It feels like... what I'd imagined love would be like, when I was a little girl and knew no better, but, growing up, never found to be true... It feels like... like I'll die if I don't..." She reached out to touch Kes's hand. "Like I'll die if I can't touch you..." Anara confessed in such a soft voice Kes could barely hear it.

Kes moved forward and kissed her, not thinking, not analyzing what Anara had said, just kissing her...

They moved closer, kissed more, touched more, and Kes was pulling her down on top of her and she felt Anara's body on top of her and a thrill unlike anything she'd ever felt before went through her. She found herself rolling Anara around onto her back and just touching her, kissing her... maybe... maybe even claiming her, if you looked at it like a Kazon would. Anara was a little hesitant to assert herself at first, but as Kes continued to kiss and touch her, Anara became more emboldened. She responded to her touch with... hunger... She wanted more... she didn't know what to do exactly, but she knew that it would involve taking off their clothes.

With some effort, she stopped herself, biting her lip and leaning her forehead on Anara's.

"What's wrong?" Anara asked softly. "Was... was I too forward?" She asked.

"What do you...? Oh, no, of course not... you can be as forward as you want. I like it that you are." Kes told her with a smile, sighing and laying down over her, so she could see out to where the children were. They'd moved further away and were playing that game with making shapes from rocks. Kes imagined that maybe Tresit had seen what was starting to happen between them and acted to give them more privacy. Still, would it be enough?

"What is it then?" Anara asked shyly.

"Is um, is it appropriate? With, I mean, with Tresit and Lanam so close..." She started to say.

"Why wouldn't it be?" Anara asked, confused.

"Well... if we were back home where I came from, we'd... have our own room. This... would be private." Kes told her shyly.

"Oh..." Anara said. "I don't... there isn't one here. A room. I..." She sounded a little panicked. "Does that mean... I mean..." She sighed and ran a hand through her hair in frustration.

"I take it... it's not..." Kes started to say.

"A taboo in my culture? No... maybe things like that would be, maybe they even were at one time, I can't say... but my people, we were slaves for so long... Never had much space to live in. Crammed together too close. If we didn't do this sort of thing where we could, we'd have had trouble carrying on our race." Anara said, smiling a little bemusedly.

"You said that before, that your people were slaves... tell me about it?" Kes asked softly.

"Oh, well... alright... Once, in this part of space, there was a... well respected, wealthy race of people, called the Trabe. They lived in luxury, had things like art and culture... they traded with other planets, colonized other worlds, and grew fatter and more lazy by the day... The reason why, of course, was because they had my people to do all their hard work and menial tasks for them. We fought against each other, our society long divided into sects with grievances against one another going back so long no one remembers how they started. It's why the Trabe were able to subjugate us so readily in the first place, I'd imagine. We were the first world they colonized, the first other race they met, and, I suppose, we failed to win their respect. Still, over the years, our anger grew and grew until, one day, the grudges we had against one another seemed a smaller and smaller thing in comparison to what was being done to us. We finally banded together and set aside our differences - overthrew the Trabe, and took what was theirs for our own... Most of them are dead now, some of them scattered to the stars, reduced to vagrants. Any Kazon ship that comes across them will usually... usually kill them, one and all. Once the Trabe were defeated, of course, the old rivalries and grudges didn't take long to come back. Even now, somewhere out there among the stars I imagine, Kazon are killing other Kazon... I imagine you know this by now, but while my people can have nobility to them - where we are capable of it, at least... in large part, we are... a hard people, with little kindness in our hearts. I think it's understandable... if a sad and pitiable way to end up for us. My father was a good man I think, and my husband too... there is good in my people, even though it may be hard to see sometimes..." Anara finished.

"All I have to do is look at you and the children you've raised to know that's true..." Kes told her.

Anara smiled. "Thank you."

"You're welcome..." Kes replied.

"...I want to be your wife." Anara told her softly, turning her over onto her back and getting on top of her, touching her face. "I want it very much. Very... very much."

"I'd... like that too..." Kes replied.

"How are a couple married in your culture?" Anara asked hopefully.

"Our... parents would usually stand with us, before our friends, and... there would be words spoken, and then we'd be given a house. All that is really required though, would be the house. If two people have a house together, and sleep in the same bed, in my culture at least, then they're married." Kes told her softly.

"Then... does that mean we already are?" Anara asked softly.

"You... would have to say that your home is mine as well, and I would have to accept. If we did that, then yes... you'd be my wife. In Ocampa society, at least." Kes told her with a small smile on her lips. "What about... for your people? I think... we'd have to give each other tokens?"

"Mm, yes. The man gives the woman a token... but really, that's... only an affectation... to ensure others know... In our case, others of my kind wouldn't respect any tokens we give to each other, so they would be mostly useless. Although I wouldn't object to exchanging them anyway, I suppose. It's not important to me though. The important part for to me... is to do what it is we'd want them to know about. For it to be real... you simply... claim me." She told her. "And I... I would claim you as well."

Kes closed her eyes. Her heart was beating so fast, and she wanted so much to just accept what Anara wanted from her right now. "I..." Kes swallowed. "Are you sure this is alright? For the children, I mean?" Kes asked softly. It wasn't something she really knew anything about, after all. Normally, before doing this with... if she took a husband like a normal Ocampa woman would, then Martis, her mother, would have talked with her and told her what she needed to do with him. How a woman went about this. For people like her though, she supposed that might never have happened anyway. Her mother might have rejected her for marrying another woman, then she and her wife would just have to figure things out on their own. She didn't even know what a husband and a wife did together, let alone a wife and a wife - she certainly didn't know what affect it would have on a child to see it. She imagined... maybe if she had seen what her parents did together, then at least she'd have a better idea what to do now. Still, maybe there was a good reason why it was considered such a private thing for her people? Then again, maybe it was like the exploration of their telepathic abilities or growing their own crops? Things her people didn't do and couldn't give a good reason for not doing other than 'the Caretaker's will'. Well, Kes had never seen any books of rules that the Caretaker had given them, any indication at all that he desired anything from them but their continued existence. From what she could tell, her ancestors had likely just guessed at what they were supposed to do and it had probably kept going through the generations because no one stopped to ask if their forbearers had guessed correctly or not. And besides, if it was commonplace among Anara's people, it probably wasn't anything to worry about... then again, Anara's people hadn't exactly left her with the best impression of them on the whole, had they? ...No, the truth was, she just didn't know, didn't have nearly enough information to make an informed decision. What she did have however, was a solid belief in Anara's good character, and so she felt she would just have to trust in Anara to make the best decision for her children.

Anara sighed. "I've seen my parents couple many time. My brothers and I used to watch them and make jokes... The worse that could happen is that they might make fun of us for sounding funny. My brothers and I never dared do so to father's face, but you're much less intimidating than he was. You may have to endure some teasing... but Tresit has seen myself and his father doing this, he will recognize it for what it is and know that we aren't to be disturbed."

Kes smiled to her and gathered her courage, trusting that Anara knew what was best about this. "I... can live with that." She replied, moving up to close the distance between their lips and kiss her soon-to-be wife.

The kiss lasted long, blissful moments, and Kes was fast losing all sense again, when Anara stopped. "First... I need to say, to offer to you... my house is yours now too, if you want it?"

Kes smiled, her thoughts hazy with a yearning she didn't understand but didn't have any desire to deny. "I want it, I want you... I feel like I've been waiting all my life for this." She told her with quiet, serene honesty.

Anara moved down and kissed her. Kes kissed back of course. Both their hands freely exploring their partner's body. They took their time, both acclimating to this new experience, and, at least for Kes, she was in no hurry to rush this... in part because, as much as her body and heart were telling her how right this was, her mind still had doubts in her ability to... perform correctly.

She comforted herself in knowing that Anara at least had never done this before either, not with another woman at any rate, and surely there had to be a difference. Maybe a big difference... Her hands felt under Anara's clothing to her waist and Anara... growled to her. Then her clothes were being taken off... slowly, yes, but with such sensual delight in each purposeful touch. The sensations bloomed all throughout Kes's body, making her feel so hot inside she could hardly believe she didn't burn. Her body was just buzzing with want and needs she had no names for... to where, when she was at last free of her clothing, she couldn't stop herself, she rolled Anara over onto her back and kissed her, took her clothes away with a thrumming sort of urgency burning through her and kissed and touched her skin, her neck, then lower, to her chest... her nipples, hard and waiting...

Anara continued to growl in her chest softly, the vibrations soothing somehow to Kes's ears, but those sounds also seemed to be calling to her too, telling her the woman below her wanted her, wanted her as much as she wanted Anara. What followed from there was Kes moving down lower... what capacity for reasoned thought she still had seemed to leave her from that point on, which was probably a good thing because it also meant she lost her doubts too.

How much later it was when her thoughts finally, grudgingly returned, she couldn't say, all she knew was that she felt so just... right with herself now. And so different. Maybe... maybe this is what it felt like to be an adult? She wondered that as she snuggled in just that little bit closer and kissed her new wife's neck, just under her ear. By the traditions of her people, a person wasn't considered truly and adult until they had children, and, since she and Anara had just been married, now she did, so, she supposed, she would be considered and adult. Though... she didn't really want to care about that, becasue, by that way of judging adulthood, others of her people, the ones like her, who couldn't have children together, would never be considered adults, even until they died of old age... It wasn't an especially happy topic to think about at a time like this though, so she deliberately put it out of her mind and put her attention back where she most wanted it to be, with Anara.

"How do you feel?" Kes asked Anara softly. She didn't get a reply, and realized her wife had fallen off to sleep. She had a very contented and happy smile on her lips though, so Kes took that as a good sign that it had gone well.

She got up a little and thought to look for where the children were. Her eyes found Lanam and Tresit on their bed, taking a nap like their mother was. That wasn't uncommon. They were still recovering their energy from their near starvation, after all, and they took naps often. She sighed and laid back down, snuggling up to her wife again. Her wife. She really, really liked the sound of that... She even liked the thought of having children too. These two children in particular, at least. Tresit, while still baffling in some ways, had really worked his way into her heart. He was very different than the other Kazon males she'd met, in the ways that mattered at least, and he'd defied his uncle to take care of his mother and sister, and that probably endeared him to her the most. And little Lanam, who's warm smile and trusting heart had won her over right from the start... she was always cheerful, and always made her smile, and that was such a gift. It was bizarre of course, that they were both so much older than she was. She still didn't really understand how it was possible. They even still seemed like children in most ways, though Tresit had displayed a certain emotional wisdom at times that she would expect from someone so old. They didn't have an adult's understanding of the world though, or an adult's fully developed intelligence. They still seemed to look at the world as children would... The only thing she could guess was that the Kazon must simply develop their minds at a much slower rate.

She'd noticed that, about all of them, even Anara. That they just seemed to... learn things more slowly. Where she'd learned almost everything about Kazon culture from them (she didn't understand the underlying reasons for some of if it yet, but she knew how a Kazon would be expected to act, how they spoke, what was important to them, what wasn't, what would offend, what would flatter, how to make them laugh, what to say and not to say, and so on), where as Anara had picked up much less about Ocampan ways from her than Kes would have expected for how long they'd known each other. It had been surprising to her, though she hadn't let on of course. She had to surmise that her own people just naturally learned things a lot faster than did the Kazon... she supposed they would have to, living so much shorter lives... Lanam, for example, still didn't have full command of the language or know how to calculate sums. Any Ocampa child would know how to speak before birth and know sums nearly as soon as they were introduced to the concept, higher mathematical concepts soon after. She could also tell that their memories didn't always work. They tended to forget things a lot... Kes had never even heard of the concept of forgetting before. No Ocampa ever forgot anything, except perhaps some things during their first days of awareness inside their mother. After that, Kes could remember precisely every word her mother had said from then until her birth. It had only taken her five days to learn the language completely.

The difference didn't bother her at all, but it did occupy her thoughts sometimes as an area of curiosity...

Anara shifted and snuggled up closer to her, and Kes was suddenly overwhelmed by her memories of their marriage... How Anara's skin felt under her hands, against her body, how Anara's fingers felt when they traced down the line of her spine, eliciting such pleasure as she had never known before... How it felt to make love to her, to taste the liquid from her vaginal opening as she climaxed... to have Anara's head between her legs, feel her tongue do all those things to her... to touch her, to find new ways to please her... how amazing her breasts felt to touch... She found her hand caressing one, even as she thought of it, and found herself remembering vividly what it had felt like to use her mouth on it, her tongue... to go further... to make her cry out softly in pleasure, her name spoken so sensually, with such need, from her wife's lips...

She wanted to do it again... Many, many, many times...

She moved, as if drawn by an invisible force that she couldn't name but that she knew to be a part of her, to place her lips to her wife's chest, to kiss her skin, use her tongue, then take one of her nipples into her mouth and suckle just lightly on it. The attention caused Anara to wake and cradle her softly to her.

Her wife's hand running through her hair. Kes moved away from the tempting breasts and up to join her lips to Anara's for a kiss. "How do you feel?" Kes asked again softly once the kiss parted.

Anara smiled peacefully. "The best I have ever felt, because of you..." Anara replied. Her smile quirked a little in amusement. "I think I've discovered why our males forbid the women of my kind to do this with one another..."

"Why is that?" Kes asked curiously.

"Because if they did, then we wouldn't want to do this at all with them anymore." She replied thoughtfully.

"Wouldn't you still need to though? To further your race?" Kes asked playfully.

"I suppose..." Anara replied absently. "But we'd never want to be claimed as a man's wife, at least. There... is no comparison..." She said, her expression one of deep satisfaction.

Kes smiled to herself and snuggled up to her wife, pleased by the very flattering praise. She had to wonder about Anara's words though. If there was truth to them, and, if so, how much... Maybe it was that way for her own people too, and any woman, having experienced making love to both a man and a woman in turn, would choose the woman as a spouse? Could it be yet another of those traditions past down from their ancestors that simply didn't make sense because they'd done it incorrectly the first times and no one had thought or had the courage to correct the error sense? Or, at least, not enough people. And was it the same for men? Or would a man chose a woman over a man more often given the equivalent choice? It would explain the difficulty, particularly among the Kazon, if that were true... Still, it seemed just as likely that many women would chose a man over a woman in that situation - that it was simply a difference from person to person. Why would there be a difference like that though? Given the same set of circumstances, why would one person chose one way and another chose a different way?

Most of her people didn't believe that a person's life continued somehow after they died. Some did. Daggin was convinced that there was some form of life after death. He believed the old tales that said that when you died, you, the essence of your self, became part of the air and could travel anywhere you wished, even out among the stars. Those stories were largely thought of as nonsense by most Ocampas, but some still believed in them, just like some still believed the stories about their ancestors having fantastic mental abilities... abilities like the ones Kes had discovered that she had within her since coming to the surface. How much more would her abilities develop if she practiced them further? Could she become like their ancestors in the stories? And if she could, did that mean that the stories about life in the air after death could be true too? Perhaps... perhaps a person could even come back to where they'd come from after journeying through the air and among the stars for a time? Perhaps they could be born again? It would certainly explain the difference from person to person. It would certainly explain why she and her friends had been so different than the average ...Then again, there could just as easily be another explanation... or maybe even no true explanation at all? Was it necessary that there be an explanation? For anything?

When she thought about it after all, what was there that she could actually fully explain to herself? Why was water necessary for life? Why not some other substance? Why not sand? How did water keep you alive when nothing else could? What was it about water that intrinsically had that effect? It was just a molecule, after all, not significantly different than any other type of molecule in any way that would explain the phenomenon of life, at least not in any way that Ocampan science could determine. And even just the act of walking. Energy originating from your brain traveled through your nervous system and gave instructions to your body to operate in very precise ways - thousands of small intuitive calculations your mind made with sensory input without any difficulty - and it added up to a step and another step and walking. But how could you explain how those variables added up to that result? You could see that they did, you could see how they interacted with one another to produce the result, but not how the equation was able to work in the first place. Not what made the equation work, when any of a billion other very similar equations would not work. You just had to accept that it did work, and no other equation would in it's place. There was no explanation yet found, there wasn't even enough information to form so much as a vaguely convincing theory...

It was similar to falling in love... For her the equation of man plus woman equals love did not function, where as the equation of woman plus woman equals love did - with results that were so spectacularly beyond explanation she couldn't even fathom how to ask the question accurately. Yet within that one equation that worked, there had turned out to be at least two subset equations that would work. Kes plus Tae equals love worked... or, perhaps it didn't, even though it felt so much like it would have functioned perfectly, given the chance. Kes plus Anara equals love, that worked perfectly from both sides though... But, sooner or later, it would prove impermanent - like walking, like water, and like life - wouldn't it?

Did that mean her people were right and life ended after death? Or did it simply change? Water didn't end, it simply changed shape after all. Couldn't life do the same? Could love?

"Anara..." Kes asked softly. "What do the Kazon believe happens to a person when they die?"

"...Our legends say that, when we die, The Eight reclaim us. Many believe it still, though many care not for the old ways, say they are hollow, after our people fell to the Trabe, who believed in different gods. Some even say that The Eight were too weak, and that only by abandoning our worship of them did we break free from the Trabe. Some say we are stronger without gods, and that if we become strong enough, perhaps we can become gods ourselves when we die. Others have taken to adopting the gods of other races, stronger races. The Krowtonans, for instance." Anara explained, matching Kes's soft speech.

"And... what do you believe?" Kes asked in return.

"I... have always liked the old legends. My mother believed them. She believed that... though she only told me this and never my brothers or my father, that we had been enslaved by the Trabe because we had abandoned our gods, and not the reverse. The Eight... they were in balance, originally. Four female, four male. Each representing a different aspect of nature on our home-world... Stone, soil, light, darkness, water, air, flora, and fauna... and the Kazon they made as their caretakers." She explained.

"I take it things didn't go the way they planned..." Kes replied.

"Very much they didn't..." Anara answered. "We abused our world... became as a blight upon it, so that it became stark and barren. And we, a stark and barren people to live upon such a world. We lost our balance with nature, and... between men and women. Few know that part of the legend, it is mostly past from mother to daughter, or so my mother told me... My mother used to pray to The Eight every day, as I do still... Perhaps they listened after all? Perhaps... perhaps they guided you to me..." She spoke the last of that shyly.

Kes smiled softly. "Perhaps they did..." She wondered if these eight gods and goddesses could be real... but she had no real information to go on, so she had no way of even forming a theory, all she could do was to form fanciful conjecture and imagine that it might be true.

"Do your people have deities?" Anara asked curiously.

"Mm, no, we don't... some of us believe, have believed since the time before, that, when we die, the core, the essence of us, becomes part of the air... That we can then travel out among the stars, to find new places to live. If that's true, I think it may even be that some of us return, to live other lives among our people." Kes told her. "Most of my people don't believe such stories anymore though - most think we simply cease to exist when we die."

"Mm... a depressing way to think." Anara replied.

"I always thought so too. It's never seemed like it could really be true to me though... I just... if it were true that we just fade away, I'd think, I don't know, that we'd act differently somehow. That we'd be different... And, logically, it just... um, well... I don't think that string of reasoning follows through to anywhere. The only way it makes sense is... if nothing makes sense and everything is meaningless... and that just doesn't seem right... Especially with so much meaning everywhere I look... Especially... especially when I look at you." She finished softly.

Anara's eyes, even unseeing as they were, had an intense look to them. Her wife moved in and kissed her, moved herself so she was partly on top of her, and Kes's hands traveled over her skin, her eyes fluttered closed, and every part of her came alive in anticipation of what was to come. It, this, was by far the best feeling she'd ever felt... The kiss parted, and Anara spoke softly to her: "I love you..." Before kissing her again.

In her mind, Kes thought she really should say it back, but Anara wasn't really giving her an opening, and she was anything but regretful of that, so she just let the thought go and assumed she'd probably be saying it soon enough at some point... If she had her way, after all, they were going to do this more than once before they fell off to sleep again.

Claiming, and being claimed, where turning out to be, by far, her favorite pass-times...

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See you next time...

Chapter 4

Title: While We\'re Dreaming

[Author's notes: Chapter Summary: Being newly married, Kes faces her most daunting challenge yet: explaining it all to her newly adopted four-year-old daughter when she asks some all-too-pointed questions. More, once she offers to take her new family back underground to safety, she still has to tell Anara about the girl she loved once. All that, and words spoken carelessly in the dead of night may bring about a tragedy worse than anything they've faced so far.]

Chapter 4: While We're Dreaming

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"So, does that mean... you're my mother too?" Lanam asked her softly.

Anara was sitting on what was now her and Kes's bed, and Tresit was sitting on the floor before her. Kes was sitting on Lanam and Tresit's bed, with Lanam sitting in her lap. She and Anara had been explaining to Lanam and Tresit that the two of them were married now, and what that meant. Tresit seemed content with it, not having many questions (he might even have been somewhat pleased, though it was hard to tell). Lanam, however, was very curious, as usual.

Kes looked to Anara for her cue on how to answer the question. "I, um..."

"Yes, that's... that's just what it means..." Anara spoke up, sounding shy but pleased in saying it.

Kes smiled to her at that, warmed by it. And a little daunted to be suddenly named a mother too, honestly, but... in a good way.

"Oh... okay..." Lanam replied. "I didn't know girls could marry other girls." She said thoughtfully. "Maybe I can too one day. It'd be better than marrying a boy." She clearly said it to tease her brother as much as for any other reason she may or may not have had.

"Should I take offense at that?" Tresit asked in a half-heartedly playfully way.

"You're my brother, it doesn't count." Lanam countered smartly.

"It's a long way away anyway, we don't have to worry about that sort of thing yet." Tresit said distractedly. Kes regarded him and saw he looked... disheartened. For a split second, Kes was worried that maybe he wasn't as alright with her and Anara's marriage as she'd though, but then she put together that she'd seen him look like that before, a couple other times. And her mind quickly made the connection that it was always when the subject of the future came up. Planning for the future. Why would he react like that to planning for the future? Kes resolved to find out soon.

"Why not?" Lanam asked. "And I wasn't worrying, it's a happy thing. Like mother and, um, other mother? Like they were doing before." She said. "Whatever they did, it made them happy. I thought it sounded pretty." She was blind, so of course she hadn't seen, just heard.

"You thought so?" Kes asked curiously.

"Uh-huh." Lanam replied. "What was it you were doing anyway?" She asked. She'd asked that once before too (it had been the first question she'd asked, in fact), but Kes had managed to dodge answering it that time. She should have known she wasn't going to escape so easily. She really wished they'd had their own room. Last night she she'd thought Anara was right about it not mattering that much, but now she wasn't sure about it at all. Now she understood perfectly why parents were intimate with each other in another room (because they were cowardly about facing their children in the morning - and as far as reasons for cowardice, Kes now counted this one as a very justified reason).

"They had sex." Tresit said, sounding as if he found the whole thing about as interesting as rocks in the desert. "Mother and father used to do it too, I saw them. It's different for a woman and a woman though - with mother and father, it was more like wrestling or something, except father was always on top and always seemed to win. I don't understand it, really. Kes and mother looked kind of like they were wrestling too, but with more... hugging and petting each other I guess... And they took turns winning."

"...Well, I, um, I wouldn't call it winning, really..." Kes replied, now formally the most embarrassed she'd ever been in her entire life. She pushed through it though. "It's called making love..." Kes spoke softly, gathering her courage. As long as Tresit and Lanam were going to talk about this, she thought she owed it to them to make sure they knew what was true and what wasn't. And of course she couldn't let them think that making love was like wrestling...

"So Tresit was wrong? It's not sex? It's making love?" Lanam asked, confused.

"Well, no, it's still that too... It's not dissimilar to the difference between Tresit being a boy and him being your brother. He's a boy both ways, but him being your brother too means you love each other, because you're family." Kes explained patiently.

"But that doesn't make sense. Tresit and I don't have sex." Lanam pointed out. "And what's 'not dissimilar' mean?"

"When two things are alike, but not all the way." Tresit replied helpfully.

"Oh..." Lanam replied. "What about my question though?" She asked Kes.

Kes groaned a little inside her head, looking to Anara who didn't seem bothered or concerned by any of this, but also didn't seem to be in any hurry to help her either (it was Anara being deferential again - Kes mostly hadn't seen any particular problem in her doing that before because she had no intentions of taking advantage of her for it so it didn't seem like it would be an issue, but now she could see how it could just possibly be a problem for her sometimes). Tresit looked bored and impatient, and was also unlikely to be any further help (she just hoped he was done making it any worse). "Well... love is like that too. There are different ways you can love someone, Lanam. You love Anara in a different way than you love Tresit, because Anara is your mother and Tresit your brother. When you grow up and have a wife or a husband, you'll love them in a third way. A way like... they're the closest person in the world too you, your best friend, and more than that... and what you'll want, more than anything, is to... It's hard to explain it, really..." She admitted softly. "It's just a feeling you get. A wonderful feeling. You can't mistake it, or deny it... and I hope you'd never have a reason to want to. And Tresit's right - you aren't an adult yet... When you grow up into an adult, your body changes, and so does the way you think and look at the world... it'll make more sense then."

"But... what if I don't want to change how I think?" Lanam asked.

Anara smiled softly. "You may as well wish for tomorrow to never come, and today to last forever." Kes was absurdly grateful that Anara had chosen to join the conversation again.

"You say that a lot." Lanam accused her mother.

"It's true, none the less." Anara replied serenely.

"Well... maybe it's just one of those things I won't understand until I'm older then." Lanam replied.

Anara smiled again. "That may be so."

Lanam yawned. "I'm thirsty."

Kes laughed. Apparently, and mercifully, that was the end of the question and answer session. She exhaled in relief and caught a slightly teasing look in Anara's eyes and had to quirk a small smile to her. Why did that look in her eyes make her want to kiss Anara again? --Maybe it's one of those things I won't ever understand, not in a way I can explain at least-- She thought to herself ruefully. Still though, she certainly wouldn't have it any other way...

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After that morning's arduous discussion, Kes hadn't felt up to having another heavy conversation again so soon, and so put off discussing the possibility of taking... well, they actually here her family now, weren't they? (and what an wonderful and amazing feeling that was)... of taking her family back with her under the surface of Ocampa, back to the home she'd left.

They had a meal and Kes spent the day with Anara entertaining Lanam mostly, who, as usual, had no trouble making her smile constantly with the innocent joy she brought to even the most mundane of activates. Tresit, on the other hand, had requested to be left alone, first to practice with his knife, and later, when it got too hot, to sit by himself and do this kind of mediation his father had done - when she'd asked him about it, he'd confessed to her that he didn't know if he was doing it right, but he wanted to keep trying anyway, because his father had told him it made a warrior strong and focused his mind. Kes thought that, maybe at some point, she'd ask him to teach her the mediation too... more to be closer to him than any other reason (though it did spark her curiosity somewhat too). Kes was still kind of worried about him, honestly, and felt like he needed someone to talk to about something (she still didn't know what).

Later that day, in the afternoon, Tresit had taken his sister under the shade at the front of their house to tell her stories, while Kes and Anara had taken Kes's bed roll out to the shade of some nearby rocks to sit together. Tresit and Lanam were clearly visible to them, and they could hear the children's voices well enough to catch every other word or so if they tried.

She and Anara had been talking a little at first, but it had mostly just evolved into sharing a string of kissing, which Kes didn't mind at all. It was definitely relaxing her all over. It had gotten to the point where she'd lain Anara down and was partly on top of her as they continued to kiss and explore one another's bodies again. She didn't feel like she was going to lose herself completely just yet, but she felt that feeling, tempting her more and more, when she realized she'd probably put off having this conversation long enough. So, with a sigh, she stopped kissing her new wife and lay down beside her, snuggling up with her.

"What is it, my wife?" Anara asked her softly. "What made you halt so?"

"There's just... something I've been meaning to talk with you about, that's all. Something important." Kes explained softly, kissing Anara's skin lightly.

"What... what is it?" Anara asked, her nearly sightless eyes fluttering closed.

"What would you think of... coming back with me? To where I came from, I mean... To the Ocampan city?" Kes asked. "It... would be much safer for us... for... for our family."

There was a cry then from Lanam and she and Anara both sat up in fright right away. "What happened? Kes, is she-?'

"It's alright." Kes interrupted, exhaling in relief as the fear that had welled up within her subsided. "She only hurt a toe. Tresit is seeing to her. Should... should we go over too?" She asked.

Anara sighed, clearly forcing her nerves down with deliberate intention. "No... no... It happens sometimes." Anara replied softly, laying her head on Kes's shoulder and leaning against her for comfort. Kes wrapped an arm around her waist and held her hand. "Normally, she is careful, but, at times, she gets over-excited and forgets herself... Lanam doesn't like it when we make too much of a fuss over her about these things though. It makes her feel badly, to need help so much... Tresit would call to us if we were needed. He takes no chances with his sister's well being... He never has. He's so much like my brother Ralka in that way... Always her protector..."

"I've noticed that." Kes replied softly. "He does you proud. They both do..."

"...Thank you..." Anara replied. "It's... it's nice to hear someone praise them. Before you came, I'd..." She closed her eyes and a few tears fell from her eyes. Kes turned and wiped them away gently. "Of course..." Anara spoke again. "Of course I'll go with you, of course we will... I would follow you anywhere. I am yours, Kes, with all my heart..." Anara told her devotedly, moving to kiss her ardently.

Kes returned the kiss just as ardently, melting into her, that tempting feeling starting to feel like it was too big for her to contain. Anara's words were like music in her blood, under her skin, in her head. "With all my heart, I'm yours too..." Kes echoed the words, feeling just as devoted. Anara was her wife, her family, the one she loved and would always love. She felt that and knew it had settled into her bones and heart to stay. The way she felt, she knew now, understood it in a way she couldn't have before marrying Anara, just why it was there were so very few instances of divorce among her people.

In the background, she heard Lanam laughing at something her brother said, and what little tension she still had over Lanam's outcry before eased away, and she felt that feeling begin to overcome her again. "I want..." Kes broke off kissing her wife breathlessly. "I..."

"Whatever it is, my wife, my answer will always be yes..." Anara told her, pulling her back down to kiss with her again.

--I want to be closer...-- Kes told her, mind to mind. --I want to try to share... share thoughts, what we feel... do you want me to try?-- Kes asked, even as she was stubbornly trying to remain cognizant enough to do this in the face of where Anara's hands were going.

--Yes, of course yes, yes to everything... yours... always yours...-- Kes heard Anara's thoughts, felt how much trust Anara had for her and was amazed by it. She opened the doors between them, a little at first, and felt Anara's wonder at what she was feeling, felt her sense of awe and love and devotion that she had for her. It worried her a little at first, but as she opened things up between them more fully, her worries fell away... Anara's feelings for her were completely genuine. She loved her, the same way Kes loved Anara. Just the same way. It wasn't because Kes had saved her, or anything else, it was just... because... that great, wonderful, nameless because...

Kes felt herself rolled over onto her back, the last of her clothes being urgently removed by her wife. A thrill of desire went through them both. Kes could feel what Anara felt, and she could feel that Anara felt what she felt too, heard her thoughts... Kes couldn't help herself, she went deeper, and then it was like she felt Anara's touch as though she were in Anara's body too, and Anara in her skin too, in her body, sharing every touch too...

All coherent thought was gone for her now, just feeling and want and love. When they both cried out in pleasure at their first release, Kes could hardly tell where her own pleasure began and where Anara's ended. The feeling was... simply incredible...

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How long it was later when she finally was able to form words in her head again, it was impossible for her to know. She had been breathing hard, and she was only now regaining her breath. She had her head buried in the crook of Anara's shoulder, the scent of her hair and her skin was strong and magnetic feeling, the memories of their lovemaking feeling like they were wrapping her up inside them... She'd never appreciated her identic memory nearly as much as she was appreciating it since the first time she and Anara had made love, and now she appreciated it all the more... Every touch, every exquisite sensation, it was all still hers, all but that one element that could never be captured by memory, that one, that best thing that she could only feel when she and her wife touched... She kissed that skin again and again and sighed and smiled and snuggled up closer. She still felt Anara, their minds were still bridged, and she could tell Anara was still lost in a haze of desire and... awe...

She gently brushed her thoughts over her wife's mind and cooed to her, comforting her and soothing her. She could feel Anara blink her eyes and start to come back to herself. --Anara?-- Kes asked softly.

--There are no words...-- She heard Anara's thoughts answer her, turning to her and capturing her lips in soft, unhurried kisses.

Kes felt warmth and belonging wash over both of them, and just kissed her back. Kes found herself on her back again, with Anara over her, and it felt so good... she wanted to keep going, make love again... never stop... but she could tell how tired Anara was, and she knew she was tired herself, and they both needed water and food and to check on Lanam and Tresit. Anara sighed. --How is it possible you can be so perfect?--

Kes smiled, warmed and flattered beyond words. --Likewise...--- She simply replied, gazing up into Anara's all but sightless eyes with wonder.

She felt Anara's skin heat at the praise and felt her amazement. --How can you say that and mean it so completely?-- She asked, honestly not understanding.

"...Your eyes, you mean?" Kes asked aloud. She could sense that, despite that she would not say so aloud, some part of her wife had taken it to heart when her people had cast her out as 'defective'. Her husband, before he'd died, when her loss of sight was starting to really asset itself, when Lanam had been born... He hadn't cast his daughter out to die as many Kazon males would, hadn't divorced her as unfit, as would have been his right, as, again, many others would have in his place, but... his desire for her had waned, and, in the quality of his voice, she could tell... he'd thought less of her. Been... at least partly, ashamed of his daughter. And that had hurt, but Anara had never let that hurt show, because he had done more than many others would have in his place. He had kept her, kept Lanam, though many around him had called him a fool to do so. How could she be ungrateful for that? So she'd buried her hurt, because she knew that it was useless to do otherwise. Anara... never would have dreamed before, that she would find a lover who saw her as perfect. She hadn't really let herself believe that even Kes could look at her like that, at least, not until they'd shared their thoughts and feelings this way, not until Anara had seen and felt what was in Kes's heart and mind herself...

--Defective... unworthy... in your eyes, I'm not those things at all though, am I?-- Anara asked.

--No.-- Kes replied. --Very... very much the opposite, in fact.-- She moved to kiss her and caress her face.

And Kes could tell that Anara knew what she meant, through their link, even though she would have had trouble explaining it in words. --I like this... being so close to you...-- Anara spoke. --Is it... is it possible to stay always this way? Always connected?--

Kes thought about it. --I don't know...-- She finally told her. --It seems to be working well, to have worked well, undoubtedly so, but, I think we should pull back for now, to make sure there are no side-effects...-- Kes replied, worried that maybe she'd gone too far, too fast, and doubting her own, still largely untested abilities... "...and to make sure it's really what we both want..." She was honest about her other reason too. This feeling was... very, very tempting, and she felt like she needed perspective right now to process it...

--I...-- "Of course, whatever you need." Anara spoke aloud, and there was such deep fondness in her voice that Kes sucked in her breath a little in surprise and delight. She could likewise feel that the trust and belief that Anara had had for her before had been increased even more, and had grounded itself down very deeply indeed. --Yours, always yours...-- Kes heard the thought and smiled, feeling very secure in her marriage, her love for Anara returned without reservation, and that, it turned out, was the very best sort of feeling to have, she was finding.

Kes moved in and kissed her again. "We should go check on the children." Kes spoke softly, withdrawing from her wife's mind fully.

Anara gasped and passed out. Panic welled up inside of her, and Kes reached out with her mind and her hands. She saw immediately what was wrong, and was relieved beyond words to know that it wasn't serious. She soothed Anara's mind, healed the strain and fatigue she found within it as much as she was able, gave her what strength she could, and in seconds, Anara was blinking her eyes open again. --What happened?-- Anara asked in her mind.

"I went too fast... and, um, you were too tired..." Kes told her softly, regret and apology strong in her words. "I'm so sorry, Anara..."

"It's all right, it didn't hurt... I just... fell asleep." Anara told her, sounding confused.

"I'm going more slowly this time, moving our minds apart... There was no damage, I think you were just tired... and surprised..." Kes told her solicitously. "Or your mind was. I think we both need to practice doing this, become more accustomed to it. To each others thoughts, before we seriously consider making our connection permanent."

"Of course, whatever is needed." Anara replied without worry, snuggling up to her and kissing her cheek softly, her devotion unwavering.

Kes smiled, feeling a little shy somehow, and moved to kiss her wife once more. She had that feeling again, the one that tempted her to kiss and touch and make love and lose herself in those feeling again, and, if anything, it was stronger now, but... also more familiar, more a friend whom she was beginning to know well. As things were now, the nagging sense of growing physical exhaustion was too at odds with her desire though, so she was able to easily place that very pleasant feeling into the back of her mind for now, knowing that it would be there for her again whenever the opportunity next presented itself to indulge in it. She looked over and saw that Lanam was gently tossing little pebbles at Tresit and asking him silly questions. Tresit was sitting in place, not moving, and calmly answering the questions factually. She absently connected her sight to Anara's and let her wife see what she saw. Anara gasped a little in wonder at what she still saw as something of a miracle. "What do you think they're up to over there?" Kes asked curiously of the scene.

Anara smiled fondly. "...It's something new... but I think Tresit is having Lanam try to distract his focus while he meditates. My guess is that he's trying to improve his ability to concentrate and focus. It's similar to an exercise adult Kazon males do in their training, if more innocent."

"What's the original version?" Kes asked curiously.

"The ones sitting like Tresit is would have dirt and sand thrown at them, and they'd be yelled at and mocked, even be pissed on by the other men, or have refuse thrown at them." Anara told her with clear distaste in her voice.

"Does it start a lot of fights?" Kes asked - thinking of the Kazon males she'd met in the city, she could hardly imagine it wouldn't.

Anara shook her head. "It's rare. To strike back would be to show yourself as weak, and invite more abuse. More shame. I am... grateful, that Tresit does not have to go through such things. It is one of the few things I was grateful for in all of this, before you came to us." She finished softly.

Kes felt it through the low level link they had again from the shared sight she was giving her wife, that Anara had seen the effects of some of the things her brother, Ralka, had had to endure in his training as a boy, and she had felt impotent fury that she could do nothing to spare him those things when all he ever seemed to do was to protect her. That she could do nothing to protect him in return had always nagged at her; though, of course, as she'd grown older, she'd come to accept it more that it was simply the way her people were... Still, the feeling had never left her memory.

Kes wanted to say something to Anara about what she sensed, but she also sensed that Anara would not want to talk about it right now. So she sighed instead. "We should get dressed and go have a meal with them." She offered.

"Alright..." Anara smiled and closed her eyes, letting Kes know silently that she could disconnect her vision from hers now (it was nice to do while stationary, but could quickly become impractically disorienting if Anara were in motion). Kes did so, and they helped each other get dressed. While making love, they had used their tongues to clean one another of the evidence of their activities so that there wouldn't be a mess (and wouldn't waste moisture). Apparently, that was a Kazon custom, but one that Kes had liked. She had no idea of course if her own people did anything similar.

Once dressed, Kes stood and held out her hand to her wife. Anara took the offered hand and stood, leaning close to her and they walked across the hot sand back to the shade of their home... or, what was their home for now. "When should we tell the children about our plans?" Kes asked softly.

"...Before sleep would be a good time, I think." Anara replied.

"You seem nervous somehow?" Kes asked softly.

"I... It's only, do you think your people will accept me? Accept Tresit and Lanam?" Anara asked.

Kes sighed. "No, they won't. They won't accept me, either. Socially, we will be outcasts. But they will leave us alone, and we will have a house. We'll be safe and always have enough to eat and drink. We won't have to steal to survive, and Tresit won't have to risk his life with me while we do it."

"That sounds wonderful..." Anara replied dreamily.

Kes smiled to herself and squeezed Anara's hand a little. "I... guess it's true though, that I don't really know how they'll react... There's... never been an outsider come to live with us before... except for the sick that the Caretaker has sent to us lately, but you and Lanam and Tresit would not have been sent by the Caretaker. Still, I don't believe they would turn us back. It's... just not our way."

"I believe that... any race that produced someone like you must have many very appealing qualities." Anara told her softly.

They went back, met their children, and had a meal together. What followed was a lazy evening. This was the time of day that the heat's effects tended to really take their toll and make you tired. Once the air started to cool, there would be a time of renewed energy and then sleep.

It was during that time that Anara and Kes decided to tell their children about the plans they'd made.

"What's it like in the Ocampa city?" Lanam was asking curiously. "Are there kids my age there?"

Kes sighed. That was a difficult question, because, of course, Lanam would be older than about a third of the adults, and Tresit older then two-thirds of them. But that wasn't a topic she was going to tackle until she had to. "There will be children there, yes... but... none of them may be allowed to play with you. It's..."

"But why?" Lanam asked plaintively. "Is it... because I can't see?" She asked softly.

"Lanam, no..." Tresit tried to stop her.

"No, you think I don't know, but I do..." She spoke solemnly, her voice sounding small. Kes had never heard this usually very cheerful girl sound like this. "I know it's my fault. That uncle sent us away because of me..."

Fury washed over Tresit's face and he stood. "No! That's not true! He sent us away because he's a coward! ...He's the disgrace, not you." He said, going over to his sister and sitting behind her and hugging her. "You... you can't believe that it is your fault, Lanam..."

"...okay..." Lanam replied shyly.

"Tresit is right, you are very precious, to all of us..." Anara spoke softly, moving to be closer to her children. "It was not your fault, and... in any case, it... no longer matters who's fault it was. We will never see your uncle Tulk again. And we will have a home, be safe, and not have to worry about food or water again."

Lanam seemed to relax as her mother stroked her hair.

"And besides, that you or Anara can't see isn't the reason. My people wouldn't think it was any more important than I do, and I don't think it makes any difference at all." Kes told her softly.

"Then what is the reason?" Tresit asked in a quiet, serious voice.

Kes looked to Anara with regret. "Because of me. Because I married a woman, and not a man." Kes told them softly. "People like me, they don't stop us from following our hearts, they simply... don't like to talk to us. Because they think we're... defective, or because they don't think it's the Caretaker's will."

Tresit growled a little in the back of his throat. "Defective. I hate that word - more than any other word, I hate that word."

"I don't like it much either." Kes replied.

"Is that why you left then?" Lanam asked, curious. "Because they were being mean?"

That caught Anara and Tresit's attention both. "No... No, that's not why." Kes answered.

"Then why?" Lanam asked, kindness and innocence in her voice.

Kes smiled a little. "Because... I was in love with someone. And she didn't love me back, she loved someone else." She looked over to Anara to see her reaction. She hadn't told her wife about Tae yet. Or, at least, not that she'd had feeling like that for her. She had meant too, it was only, she'd gotten... detracted, by Anara's lips. And she'd honestly forgotten about it until now. She would have liked to talk about this with Anara in private (or, at least, as close to privacy as they could have), but she couldn't bring herself to not give Lanam an honest reply right now. "Her name is Tae, she... was my best friend. I... saw her kissing the boy she liked, and I couldn't... I just couldn't stand to stay, so I left."

Anara moved to hold her hand. "Then she was a fool, and I'm... very grateful to her for it."

Lanam giggled. "I like it when they talk like that. It's pretty." She said.

Tresit sighed. "I suppose it is." He agreed reluctantly. "I would like to lay down for a while to think on this..."

"You... haven't decided you want to go?" Anara asked, sounding unsure of herself. Kes moved to pick Lanam up in her arms and carry her over to her and Anara's bed to sit down. Anara came along and wordlessly snuggled up to her, resting her head on Kes's shoulder for comfort.

"I will go." Tresit said, getting up and going to lay on his and Lanam's bed, looking thoughtful. "Wherever my family goes, I will go. I simply..." He closed his eyes. "I have things I must consider." He said. Kes got the feeling that he was trying to act like he thought a Kazon male should act again, and wished he didn't have to feel that kind of weight on his shoulders.

She looked after him, wondering what he was thinking about and wishing she could simply look into his mind to find out... Technically, she could of course, but she never wanted to do anything like that without permission, and she didn't want to ask Tresit for his.

"Tell me a story about where we're going? Please mother?" Lanam asked Kes, looking up to her from between her and Anara.

Kes felt her skin heat a little at being called mother. She liked it. "All right. Of course."

Kes told them the story of how she, Lona, and Tae started their gardens. How it had been Lona's idea, and she'd started it on her own, but then she'd offered some berries she'd grown to her and Tae - they were the best tasting thing Kes had ever eaten, and Kes had asked how she'd gotten them, and it had gone from there. Lona's brother, Daggin, had found out about it a couple days later when Lona offered him some of the barriers too (Lona wasn't the kind of person who very often said things about herself without being specifically asked or without others finding out another way), he and his best friend Farran had joined in as a result. Then later Mers, the boy Lona liked, had joined their group too. Since then, a few others had joined as well, but Kes's favorite memories of it were probably when they were just starting out - just her Lona, and Tae - so that's the story she told.

...It wasn't that she hadn't liked Daggin, Farran, and Mers, she had, she did, it was only... she'd never liked that she had to guard herself, pretend, around them more, or that, Daggin especially, expected her to be someone she wasn't. Tae and Lona had had some of those kinds of expectations too, but it had still been easier to pretend she was normal when it had just been them.

Later that night, once Lanam had gotten tired and Anara had put her to bed with Tresit, Kes began to take her clothes off as she watched her wife come back to their bed. "Let me do that..." Anara asked, sitting down with her in bed.

"Alright..." Kes agreed easily with a smile, letting Anara take her clothes off for her, her eyes on her wife in rapt fascination as she did.

Once she did, Anara let her do the same for her and then Anara pushed her down onto her back and was on top of her, her lips claiming hers, her hands were one in her hair and the other caressing one of her breasts. It was unusual for Anara to be quite this forward so soon, but Kes found herself liking it very much. She wrapped her hands around Anara, one on her back, the other in playing in her wife's long hair. Anara seemed very intent on her and Kes brushed her mind over her wife's... something was bothering her, but she sensed Anara didn't want to talk or share thoughts quite yet, so Kes contented herself with simply letting Anara make love to her and resigned herself to thoroughly enjoying the feelings Anara was bringing out in her.

She didn't go very deeply at all with their mental connection, just a vague sharing of feeling and sensation. She felt how much Anara desired and wanted and loved her... and when Anara's fingers traveled down between her thighs and took possession of her, Kes felt her thoughts all fall away again and welcomed it eagerly. Kissing, touching, knowing one another again...

Some unknown time later, Kes found herself laying on top again, her breath coming hard as she and her wife traded lazy kisses and soft caresses. Her mind was starting to think in words again, and she realized then that she knew what it was that was bothering Anara. "You were thinking about Tae, weren't you? That's why..." Kes started to say softly as she cuddled up to her wife and lay her head down on her shoulder.

Anara sighed and ran her hand through Kes's hair a moment before replying. "Tell me about her?" She asked back just as softly, an undercurrent of uncertainty in her voice.

"...Her family lived in the house next to mine, growing up. I suppose they still do. Though... Tae might not anymore, not if she's married to... not if she's married. Then... she'd have her own house." Kes started to explain. She had no intention of downplaying the truth or leaving anything out. Anara deserved to know - to know everything about her. After all... they belonged to each other now. She belonged to Anara, and, to her, that meant every part of her did, even... even this. "Our parents were friends too. We're almost the same age, she's just two days older. I heard our parents talking about her before I was even born, and I met her only one hour and ten minutes after my birth. Besides my parents, she's the first person I ever talked with. It was always so just... completely easy to talk with her. Like with you. You're the only other person I've ever had that with. Of course I fell in love with her... I didn't realize that's what it was until I was much older, my five-month birthday was when it happened in fact... I remember thinking... why didn't I know that before? Why didn't I realize it in my first month of life...?"

"You remember that far back into your childhood? You... were able to talk at such a young age?" Anara asked, clearly amazed, and also clearly trying to stop Kes from going on.

Kes was happy for the distraction though, and only too happy to answer if it meant delaying the rest of this conversation a little while longer. "Yes. All Ocampa can. And our memories... we don't, we can't forget anything. I've noticed it's different with your people of course." Kes told her.

"Most races can't do what you can. I've never heard of one that could, in fact." Anara spoke.

"How many races do you know of?" Kes asked curiously.

"I..." Anara was silent. "Around twenty-five, I think. I'm not sure." She smiled to herself. "But I suppose I would be sure if I were an Ocampa, wouldn't I?"

"Mm, yes, I suppose..." Kes agreed absently, her thoughts back on what she would say next about Tae.

"Does it... bother you? That I can't... that can't do the same things - think, remember - the way one of your own race can? Do I seem... unintelligent to you?" Anara asked.

"What?" Kes was startled by the question. "That's... that doesn't..." She sighed. "Why would you ask that? I love you, Anara... I wasn't lying when I said... that to me, you're perfect. I find you very intelligent, and, as I said, I love talking with you... I love it just as much as I love... being with you... I do agree with Tresit though. I hate the word defective. I don't even think it's a real concept. I think it's just another way for people who don't like what's different or new to try to shape the world around them into something... comforting. Something safe and familiar and known. It's completely irrational... and more than that, it's cruel. You've seen who I am, you've seen, felt, how I feel about you... you must know, I just... there's no part of me that looks at you and sees those things. You're perfect Anara, in my eyes you are... and I think, in reality you are too."

Anara moved over and rolled Kes onto her back and kissed her soundly. So much so that Kes was a little dazed when Anara caressed her hair and looked down at her unseeingly with a shy smile on her lips. "You are a miracle..." Anara told her, laying down beside her and cuddling up to her devotedly.

"...So are you..." Kes told her, her hands one playing through her hair and tracing down her arm. "You don't have to worry about me with her. With Tae, I mean... I wouldn't have married you if there was any doubt inside of me about that."

"I know that... It's only... I want to know about her... nothing more. I don't doubt you. I don't think I could ever doubt you..." She told her, the faith she had in her very evident in her voice. What was unsaid though, Kes thought, was that it wasn't so easy for her to have faith in herself... to not doubt herself... That's what this was partly about, Kes was coming to realize. But, if Anara needed more assurances of her own worth as a person, Kes was very willing to continue to provide them at every given opportunity.

Kes moved up to kiss her wife's lips. Anara responded and kissed her back, that lasting for minutes on end until Kes could feel her wife start to relax more. When that happened, Anara broke off the kiss and looked down at her sightlessly. "I want to be close to you again, to share our hearts again... as we did before..." Anara told her softly. "Please, Kes? Will you?" She asked hopefully.

--Yes... of course we can do that...-- She replied telepathically, smiling to herself. Perhaps this was the best way after all? She considered.

She looked up into Anara's eyes, nearly sightless as they were, and let her mind do what it had before... what she'd been so tempted to let it do again ever since the last time. It was so easy and felt so good, to be entwined with her wife this way, to share like this...

--Would you... would you like me to show you?-- Kes asked. --I can show her to you... if you want?--

--...Yes, I want to know-- Anara replied.

In bed, they snuggled up together and closed their eyes and Kes showed Anara her memories of Tae, or highlights of them at least, imprints... The day of her birth when they first met. When they took their first steps together. A day when they talked about the future for the first time when they'd promised to always be friends. The day when they first met Lona and Daggin. The day they went swimming for the first time. The day Kes realized she was in love. The day she realized what it meant that she was in love with someone of the same gender. A day when Tae slept over at her house and they spent all night talking and never went to sleep (they were very tired the next day). The first time she tried in earnest to really show Tae how she felt about her and how Tae didn't seem to notice at all. The day Tae told her that Daggin liked her (Kes had honestly not noticed before that). The day Tae told her about the boy she liked. The day she'd confessed her feelings for Tae to Lona. The day Kes spent with Tae trying again to see if there was any chance that she would or could feel the same way about her and again had no success. The day she'd sat looking out over the water just thinking and Tae had come along and sat down with her and they'd talked and Tae had told her that Daggin was beginning to think that she wasn't interested in him at all and asked her if she had another boy she liked and how she'd made an excuse and left and found someplace where she could be alone to cry and scream where no one could hear... And, finally, the day she'd seen Tae kissing... him... and how she'd felt something inside of her break at that... how she couldn't stand to stay...

--...I want to hate her for how much she hurt you...-- Anara finally said.

--It's not her fault. It's no one's... and it worked out in the end, didn't it?-- Kes told her, moving to kiss her with fondness, love, and a return of the devotion she knew Anara felt for her.

--It did.-- Anara replied as they continued to kiss.

Kes felt so close to Anara right now. She'd just shared her most private hurts with her and Anara had only accepted them and her and soothed her troubles as she had. It was an amazing gift... And more than that, she could feel Anara's passion and love for her and it was the most wonderful, life-affirming, amazing feeling she'd ever felt. That feeling of yearning inside of her welled up with almost startling intensity and it thrilled her as she turned her lover over onto her back and began to make love to her again. The world outside of the bed, the worlds of the past and the future all fell away in that familiar way until everything she felt was Anara... the feel of her skin, the taste of her lips, the perfect swell of her breasts, the way her wife's fingers felt like poetry on her skin, they way Anara seemed to know just the right ways to touch her to make her feel so much bliss...

---------------------------

Later in the night, after they'd made love again several times, they'd laid there just talking in their minds for how long Kes didn't know. At one point, she got up to get them some water, and when she came back, Anara seemed troubled by something. --What is it?-- She asked softly as she sat down and folded her knees under her as she offered her wife the water.

They drank and Kes put the canteen down by the side of their cot, then turned around and cradled her wife in her arms and caressed her soothingly, kissing her just softly. --You can tell me... whatever it is, you can...-- Kes offered softly.

--...There is something... you have the right to know...-- Anara spoke. "It's not easy for me..." She spoke aloud.

"Would it... be easier if we spoke aloud?" Kes asked softly.

"...Maybe..." Anara spoke softly.

"Whatever you need. We don't even have to talk about it if you want, now or ever." Kes replied solicitously.

Anara sighed and snuggled up to her more. "Just hold me like this... If you do, I'll be brave enough." Anara told her.

Kes was silent and did as she was asked, and waited.

"I have another child... younger than Lanam... his name is Vastu..." Anara spoke softly.

Kes was surprised, of course, but didn't speak or question.

"I gave birth to him only weeks before my husband was slain..." Anara told her. "Tulk, my brother, has him now..." There was a silence between them then. "Please, say something...?" She asked.

"...Why haven't you told me before?" Kes asked softly.

"Because... I am ashamed and... afraid for him. And because I didn't, do not, want Lanam to know that she has another brother... it would only hurt her." Anara confessed.

"But Tresit, he knows?" Kes asked. It made sense that he would, but she had to ask anyway.

"Of course. Lanam was too young, she doesn't remember him, but Tresit was old enough." Anara told her. "I... didn't feel I had a choice though. I had no means of caring for him, many times I wished Tresit would have stayed too... if only so that he might live." And it was true, Kes considered. If Anara had had another child to feed, she and her family almost surely would have been dead from starvation by the time Kes happened by. She likely never would have even noticed they were there... The thought made her feel cold and sad inside. "It was... only good fortune... amazing, wonderful good fortune that brought you too me, to us, in time..."

"...There's something else, isn't there?" Kes asked softly. They were talking aloud, but their minds were still connected. She could still sense very easily that Anara was holding something else back. It would be easy for her to look to find out what that was with her mind, but she, of course, would never let herself do that. What she had, the trust she had with her wife, had fast become the most precious thing to her, and she held it sacred in her heart.

"Yes... Tulk... I fear for what kind of man he will raise my son to be. I wonder... I almost think that maybe death would have been better for him than that... but I could never... he's my son..." Tears were falling from Anara's eyes now.

Kes held her and spoke soft comforts to her in her mind. "...Anara, why though? What... what aren't you saying?" She asked after a time.

"...I believe... I believe Tulk... that he was responsible... that he killed Ralka, and my husband..." Anara spoke what she had never dared voice before aloud for the first time.

It was then Kes sensed it - Tresit was awake, he'd heard every word... Kes only sensed it because at Anara's confession, a wave of intense anger and hatred welled up inside the small boy, so strong that Kes couldn't help but feel it. "W... But why though?" Kes asked softly, almost meekly. "His own brothers? ...His family? Surely..."

"He is capable of it." Anara replied. "Believe me, he is..." Kes saw a flash of bitter memory across her wife's thoughts of a time when she was much younger and Tulk had... Kes shivered a little at seeing it. "And he had profited by it. He inherited, and would probably have gained my husbands position as well, had he not made the mistake of offending the maj once too often. He always hated Ralka, and me as well for always taking his side, nor were he and my husband at all friends..."

Kes was revolted. How could such a man come from the same family as someone so wonderful as Anara? Be her brother? It sickened her to think about him. "Oh, Anara..." Kes spoke. --Please, let me in? Let me offer you comfort?-- She asked telepathically.

--...Yes, please yes...-- Anara replied. And Kes closed her eyes and opened the bond between them as fully as she could, let her feelings and her love for her wife wrap around Anara and sooth her, comfort her... They ended up kissing a few times, but no more than that. And Kes felt Tresit's thoughts still in turmoil. She considered trying to talk with him about it, but she could easily tell her adoptive son wouldn't want it. It saddened her, but she felt she couldn't go against his wishes, not for something so deeply personal as this must be for him. Besides, she had shielded Anara from sensing her son's anger through their bond, because she didn't want Anara to have to carry that at a time like this too, and she knew that neither Anara nor Tresit would want Lanam to find out. In any case, Tresit seemed to be dealing with it, quelling his anger and holding his sister closer for comfort. She decided she would talk to him later when they were alone and he'd had some time to let it settle. So, instead, she settled in together with her wife and Kes could tell, Anara was feeling much better by the time sleep claimed them both.

The story did not end there though, for in their dreams, Kes found herself sitting on a cliff outside of the Ocampan city where she'd grown up. It was an isolated place where she'd rarely taken anyone else. Only Lona once or twice, because she knew Lona was like her in that way - that she liked to have time to just... not talk, not think, and simply be.

She wasn't alone this time either. But when she looked over next to her, it wasn't Lona she saw, but Anara...

--It's beautiful...-- Anara spoke in wonder. --I've never seen so much water so close before...-- Kes got the impression of a time when Anara had seen oceans of water once, but... from high above.

--Soon, we can come here together if you want...? and not just in my memories...-- Kes offered.

Anara moved closer and rested her head on Kes's shoulder and Kes wrapped her arm around her and they just sat there together for how long Kes didn't know. But, at some point, Anara moved to kiss her and Kes responded... It felt like magic.

---------------------------

Snuggled up close with her wife, Kes was startled away the next morning by Lanam's cry. She got up so fast she ended up getting tangled in the blanket and falling out of the cot, crying out herself when her hip hit the floor a little sharply. "Ouch..." She murmured her herself, shaking her head and realizing what had happened. She turned to look at her crying daughter who was sniffling and calling out, asking what was happening.

"Kes? Kes, what's wrong?! What's happened?!" Anara asked, getting up. "Where did you go?" She asked, getting out of bed and tripping herself. Kes scrambled to catch her when she fell. She sighed in relief. "Are you... are you alright?" Kes asked.

"Fine... I'm fine. Never mind me, what-"

"Lanam's fine, Tresit's..." She looked around to be sure. "gone somewhere, I..." She sat her wife down and went to go scoop the sniffling Lanam up in her arms and bring her to Anara. "Shh, Lanam, I'm here, we both are." Kes cooed, handing her to Anara who held her close.

"But Tresit, where's brother gone?" Lanam pleaded. "He's never gone when I get up, he never is!" She told them urgently.

"That's true, he... oh Kes, what could have-"

"Oh no..." Kes spoke quietly.

"What, what is it? What do you know?" Anara asked urgently, holding Lanam to her so her daughter's head rested on her shoulder.

"Last night, he heard us. When - he heard what we said. Maybe... maybe he just needed some time to himself?" Kes ventured.

"...If..." Anara wiped some welling tears of her own from her eyes. "If what you say is true, then it's... it's much worse than that, Kes. So much worse... All my fault. I've dreaded it so long... I should have never spoke it aloud, never..." She spoke in a broken sort of despondent way.

"Anara... Anara, you have to tell me." Kes prompted, moving close and touching her face and shoulder consolingly. She longed to hold her, hold them both, but she knew that whatever Anara was afraid Tresit had done was more important than that now.

"He's gone to kill him. He's gone to kill his uncle. I knew, if he ever found out, his honor would make him do this... He's... he's just a boy though, Tulk will... will surely kill him." And as the words hit her, they hit Lanam too and she started crying, wailing really, inconsolably.

"I'm going to find him, I swear I... I'll bring him back." Kes told her, feeling the panic and urgency well up inside her. "Take... just take care of Lanam while I'm gone, and try to quiet her. It's... you know it's not safe that she's so loud." She told her, though she hated that she had to say it.

"I will." Anara told her. "Please, Kes... save him for me, please..."

Kes was already up and getting her clothes on, finding her knife, and seeing Tresit's knife was missing. "Just, this isn't your fault, Anara. It's not, and, and it won't matter anyway, because I'll bring, I'll bring him back. I will because it, it just has to happen that way." She told Anara, her mind denying that it could happen any other way, even though her heart knew otherwise. When she was dressed, she ran out of the house as fast as she could, her mind packed with not only her own fears and urgency and guilt, but Anara's too. They were still bonded, and it was all Kes could do to focus through it on the thing that both she and her wife needed now... to have their child back - to have him still be alive.

As she ran, distance made the bond between her and Anara more distant seeming too, but it was still there, and Kes held on to it for strength. And more, Anara knew precisely where her wicked brother's house was, and she knew the streets of the city better than Kes did, so Kes used Anara's memory to guide her unerringly to her destination, and used her own telepathic abilities to warn her of anyone who was in her way so she could avoid them.

It was still early in the day and the sun was just starting to truly light the world again. Tresit was younger, had smaller legs, and would have had to have moved much more slowly and carefully to avoid being caught than the quick and all but unceasing pace Kes's longer legs, urgency, and preemptive telepathic scanning allowed her to move, so she held out hope of arriving in time.

When she arrived at the house, there was a man walking up to the door. Kes didn't feel she had enough time to stop though, and if he went inside then she'd have to contend with him anyway. So, before he saw her, she reached deep and forced her way into the man's mind. He turned to see her, and she made him fall unconscious. She was breathing hard, and doing what she'd just done caused her to tire further, made her head feel a just little fuzzy also, but being bonded with Anara seemed to be giving her at least somewhat more energy. Or, she believed it was anyway, she wasn't really sure if it was or if it was just her imagination telling her it was.

Either way, she wasted no time in going past the fallen man and into Tulk's house. There was a woman in the kitchen who saw her and backed away in fright. --Be quiet, or I'll come back and kill you.-- Kes told her telepathically. She didn't really mean it, but she didn't want to use any more energy making her fall unconscious too and hoped frightening her would be enough to keep her from calling out for help.

The woman looked very afraid of her, and Kes felt guilty for doing it, but, if that woman where were a mother, she would understand.

Kes went past the kitchen, up the stairs, and heard the sounds of a struggle. She burst into Tulk's bedroom and saw an older Kazon boy holding Tresit down, about to stab him with his own knife. "Murderer!" The boy accused Tresit. The boy's mind was too filled with fury to let her quiet it quickly like she'd been able to do with the man before, so Kes did the only other thing she could think of to do that she was sure would work. She reached deep inside herself and did what she hadn't wanted or needed to do again before now, and she found that place inside her that had lashed out at the man who had tried to force himself on her before and she lashed out at the boy, burning his mind and making him drop the knife. He cried out in pain and fell off Tresit, curling into a defensive ball and sobbing.

Kes stood there, feeling in shock. Had she really just done that to a young boy? She'd had to though, to save her son, hadn't she? She stopped what she was doing and the boy fainted. She met Tresit's wide, scared eyes, then looked over at the bed. A man was laying there, it had to be Tulk. He was bloody and dead. What had happened here?

"Father?" She heard a small voice call out.

Snapped out of her frozen state, Kes turned and went back into the hall and saw a young boy, younger than Lanam, in the hallway. A young girl hurried out of the room and gathered the boy up in her arms protectively. "Please, he is only a small boy." The woman pleaded. "I'm just a girl... We can't hurt you." The girl pleaded.

"I... I won't hurt you." Kes told them.

Tresit came out into the hallway then and looked at the two. "B... brother?" Tresit spoke. "Cousin Thalla?"

"T... Tresit? Little Tresit?" Thalla questioned meekly. "Is... is it really you? You... you killed father?"

Tresit's voice hardened. "He killed my father and our uncle, Ralka. I was right to do it." He told her.

The words looked as a blow on the girl's face. "No, it's not true..." Thalla whimpered, holding the little boy who must be Anara's third child, Vastu, in her arms closer, though he was noticeably struggling to squirm free.

"It is true!" Tresit accused. "Now give my brother to me. He belongs with me, not you." He told her, advancing on her.

Kes heard a man's shout from outside. Someone must have seen the man she'd left on the street. "Tresit, no, we have to go - now!" She told him, tugging him back.

"But, my brother!" Tresit protested defiantly.

"If we try to take him with us, we'll be caught and he'll be killed too." Kes told him. She didn't know if that was true or not, but she wasn't willing to risk that it might be, and saying it seemed to work.

"I..." Tresit nodded that he accepted her argument and let her take his hand and lead him away. "I will be back for him, Thalla. Remember that I will!" Tresit called back to her.

Kes led him down the stairs. She caught the woman she'd past before's eyes as she did, but quickly turned away and lead Tresit out the back way. She hurried them through the city, not saying anything as they went, but feeling all of not only her own roiling emotions, but Anara's as well. Still, Tresit was safe and they were coming home, and that was such a relief to both her and her wife that the rest didn't seem quite as bad as Kes suspected it really was.

Kes hurried Tresit on at an almost frantic pace, though she was nearly paranoid in how careful she was to keep out of sight of others (not that paranoia wasn't justified at the moment, because Kes was very certain that it was completely justified). At last though, they made it out of the city and into the foothills among the rocks where Kes finally collapsed on her feet, breathing hard, leaning her back against one of the rocks, and taking long, steadying breaths.

Her nerves were more jagged that she was sure they'd ever been and she felt the residual effects of all the fear she's felt and still felt all through her body. Her thoughts were a jumble and she felt like she might pass out, but was trying very hard not to. She couldn't afford to do that now, not until she got Tresit home again to Anara. She could sleep then. For now, she just needed to rest a while to get back enough energy and clear her thought enough to keep going.

"Kes, mother, are you... are you hurt?" Tresit asked.

Kes closed her eyes and took a long deliberate breath, getting her thoughts together enough to where she could look over to him and meet his eyes and try to smile kindly just a little to assure him that she was going to be alright. "I'm... I'm fine, you don't have to worry, elshyash." She told him, using the Kazon word for 'honored son' and touching his face a little - like Anara would sometimes, she realized. She felt Anara here with her so strongly now, like she was almost speaking through her, and Kes was happy to just let her by this point.

He let out a breath, relieved. "I... am sorry, for the danger I put you in today... I didn't mean for it to happen like this." Tresit told her softly.

"...What did happen? Before I got there?" Kes asked, in accord with Anara in wanting to know the answer.

"I don't know if it was honorable, to kill a man while he slept, but... I am not a fool. I could not have done it otherwise... My father's memory was honored, his soul is with the Eight, and now he can slumber peacefully. His murder made right." Tresit told her, looking... very proud of himself. Kes couldn't really understand that, feeling that way about... about killing someone. Even someone horrible like Tulk. But Anara understood, and she could feel that... her wife was very proud of her son for what he'd done.

She couldn't deny Anara the words that came from her lips next. "My son... I am proud, my elshyash." She touched his face again.

He looked relieved at her words, and Kes could just sense his mood enough to realize that he hadn't been as sure as he'd sounded that what he'd done was a good or noble thing at all. Kes remembered looking at the dead man in the bed, covered in blood from all the times Tresit must have stabbed him to make sure he died, and imagined how it must have been for Tresit to see that and know he'd done that with his own hands. She felt tears fall down her cheeks and she wiped them away and smiled at him. "Come on, we should get going." She told him, even though the truth was that she wasn't nearly as content with all that had happened as Tresit or Anara were... Even though she wondered a little, in a place inside her mind that she wasn't letting Anara see, whether she'd ever be able to look at Tresit again as the same innocent little boy she'd though of him as before what had happened, before... what he had done.

"Of course." He agreed. He'd been breathing hard too when they stopped, and Kes could tell he was a lot more tired than she was. Physically anyway. Mentally, Kes felt like she'd be happy to never go back to that horrible city ever again... She knew she'd have to, at least a couple more times though, to get supplies.

They walked on in silence for a while. "We have to go back for him, for my brother. Will you help me?"

Kes didn't answer right away, she just kept walking. "I want to talk about all of this with Anara before we do anything. I'm... I think I just need to sleep for a while. I can't really think that well right now." She told him in a soft voice. Anara sensed that she was tired too and thankfully was just sending supportive and loving thoughts her way.

"...I understand." Tresit told her, sounding reluctant.

Kes looked over to him. "Promise you won't go without me? Please?" She asked him, almost pleaded, really. Even after what she had seen, even if she'd never think of him in the same way again, Kes knew that she still loved him anyway. Loved him very, very much...

"...I won't. Not unless you refuse to go. That is all that I can promise." Tresit replied.

Well, she supposed that would have to be enough then, for now.

The rest was a problem for later.

She kept walking, not letting go of Tresit's hand all the way back to their house.

---------------------------

See you next time...

Chapter 5

Title: A Small God, Lost In The Night

[Author's notes: Chapter Summary: Anara tells the story of the family that became the first rulers of her people, and how their descendants fell from grace long ago. Kes and Anara's bond deepens, even as they have to deal with the consequences of Tulk's death at Tresit's hands, and the implications of Tresit's promise to Thalla.]

Chapter 5: A Small God, Lost In The Night

---------------------------

Her thoughts were pleasantly foggy later when she woke alone in her and Anara's cot. Anara was with their children on the other cot, entertaining them as she often did. As she began to tell them a story, Kes snuggled with the blanket a little more and sighed, smiling a little to herself, content to stay where she was for now and listen to the story too. Anara's voice was so beautiful...

"Long before the Kazon people existed, before the Eight, there were Two." Anara began her story. "They were Kazeron, god of the darkness, and his sister, Kazerel, goddess of the light. Like all siblings, like the both of you my darling ones, Kazeron and Kazerel liked to play games, and they danced and sang songs and, one day, they thought to try to make beings other than themselves. Their great and terrible powers crashed together in a storm of creation, and from it were born the second Two. They were Zonara, goddess of life, and Jalaris, god of fire.

"Like their older siblings, Zonara and Jalaris, in time, came to think that they could do what their older brother and sister had done, and so they brought their powers together and so was born the world of Kaze - of fire and of life. And of Kaze, so also were born Razal, god of stone and earth, and Harasail, goddess of water and sky. And, in time, in their turn, Razal and Harasail brought forth the youngest of the Eight sibling: Perila, goddess of the forest, and Kajet, god of animals.

"Life on Kaze was peaceful, but stagnant, with no one to whom the siblings could relate to very deeply, so they decided to come together and create a new form of life - one that came from all of them equally. And so the Kazon people were born. And so we each need that which we were born from to survive: light, darkness, fire, life, stone, soil, water, air, the fruit of the forest, and the flesh of animals. All must be present for us to live, and all must be in balance for our people to truly thrive. So too, do we need both men and women to live together, in balance, just as the Eight have always done. And so, the Eight set this responsibility before us, to tend to the world they created and gave us to live upon, to always keep it in balance, and to always honor their examples to us." Anara finished.

"And those like my uncle don't." Tresit said softly. "Even more of a reason it was good that I took his life from him..."

"...If uncle is gone, does that mean we can live in father's house again? Will father come back home? Or, uncle Ralka?" Lanam asked hopefully.

"...I wish it did mean that, Lanam, but... that's..." Anara couldn't say anymore.

"It doesn't work that way, little sister. Maybe it should, but it doesn't." Tresit told her, saying what their mother didn't want to.

"But it did happen in the story. The one you told us, about the family and the lost ketlit? Remember, they came back?" She insisted. "You said so." She told her mom.

"I did, but..." Anara again didn't have the words.

"Tell us the story next, momma, please?" Lanam asked hopefully.

Anara sighed. "I can do that." She told her softly.

"I like the story." Lanam said. "Don't you like it, Tresit?" She asked her brother.

"...It's a good story, of course I like it too." Tresit told her kindly, doing something that made her giggle a little. Kes couldn't tell what because her eyes were still closed, and she didn't want to open them and risk disrupting the storytelling with their concern for her.

"Tell the story, mother, please?" Lanam asked.

"All right, I will." Anara replied gently, and she began. "Once, when Kaze was green and bountiful and still blessed by it's creators, and all our people lived there and were not scattered among the stars... On a hill, near the edge of the forests of unknown lands, a family lived in a meager house - a father, a mother, a son, a daughter. One day, when the children were... actually about the ages the two of you both are now, they went off exploring in the woods and they found a small ketlit, hurt and alone. They wanted to help him, but didn't know how, so the brother took the ketlit up in his arms and they brought it back to their parents.

"The family had little, but what they had, they shared, and they nursed the lost ketlit back to health, day by day. They shared their home, and treated the ketlit as though he were of their family as well. In the fullness of time, this newest member of their family grew strong once again, and all seemed well... That is, until one dark day, when the earth shook, the sky poured torrents of water, and a mighty wind threatened to blow their house down.

"The family sought to flee the house and seek safety in the forest where the trees might be able to protect them, but it was not to be, for the little girl soon realized that the ketlit they all loved was not with them and must still be back in the house, and so she left her family and went back for him. Her brother, seeing her run back to the house, went back for her, and so, of course, their parent had no choice but to turn to try to save their children... the wind had no mercy in her that day though, for the house fell and the family were struck dead in the tumbling wood and stone.

"The story was not done though, for, soon, the skies parted, the earth stilled, the winds calmed, the sun again shone down it's benevolence on the land... and the family, by a power beyond their knowing, were brought back to life to stand there upon the hill, together and whole. They hugged each other and cried and gave thanks to the Eight for their lives, and, before them, the ketlit they had taken in emerged from the rubble of their house and spoke to them in reply.

"He told them that he was, in reality, Kazeron, god of the darkness. He explained that, as he had watched the tide of Kaze's history, he had seen the Kazon people, whom he and his siblings had created, ignore the land, and start to lose their way. In the darkness that was the unknown future to come, he told them that he had seen portents that spoke ill of the Kazon's ultimate fate. He told them that his sister who lit the way from the past towards the future, ever hopeful as she always was, had set before him a challenge: That he descend down from the heavens above and take the form of a small and helpless animal, that he place himself at the mercy of those whose hearts he doubted, and that, in this way, would they both come to know the truth of the Kazon's heart.

"And he told them that he had seen that truth in them, and that, because of that, he and his siblings would set them as guardians of his sister's hope. Kazerel, his sister, came down from the sky and stood beside him, and Kazeron showed them his true face. And then the Six remaining gods and goddesses all gathered around them and gave the family their blessings. And so it was that the first majs were named. Rokin and Cajel, the parents of the children who had found Kazeron in the woods that day. And so the title would pass down to their children, and their children's children..." Anara finished.

"See?" Lanam pointed out. "Father and uncle could come back. They were good, like the family in the story were. It could happen."

Kes opened her eyed and turned a little so she could see, keeping the blankets over for warmth, and she saw Anara smiling to their daughter and kissing her forehead. "I can't say for certain that they won't." She told them. "Who among us can know such things until they happen?" She told her softly.

"I think it could happen." Lanam said. "Mother Kes came and saved us, and it was just like that too. She has powers like the Eight do in the story even."

"If it did happen," Tresit said. "Then wouldn't Kes not be our mother anymore, because mother and father would have been married first. Is that what you want to happen?"

"That's dumb." Lanam said. "Why couldn't they just share? Mother always says that's the right thing to do, even when there isn't very much water or food."

"...Marriages are different." Tresit explained. "There can't be three people, only Two. It's like the story - Two, Two, Two, and Two - no Threes. It isn't allowed. Even now, with the Eight betrayed, it's still punished with death. Even a maj can't do that without his sect taking his life for it and his name being cursed forever. The Eight would be angry and take father away from us again, even if they did bring him back."

"Then, then..." Lanam looked frustrated, like she was trying to think really hard of something to tell Tresit so he would be wrong (Lanam liked it when she could make her brother admit she was right and he wasn't), but she didn't seem to be having much success this time.

"It's alright, you don't have to worry, Lanam." Anara told her.

"I know!" Lanam said. "Father and uncle could be the Two, a different Two. Then there's no problem, see?" She told Tresit like she'd just figured out something really impressive and she expected him to acknowledge it's impressiveness.

Tresit, in fact, did look kind of flummoxed, and he was actually blushing a little too. "Well, it probably wouldn't happen anyway..." He tailed off.

"But it could, you don't know it won't." Lanam countered.

"Fine, I don't know it won't." Tresit admitted. He usually did let Lanam have her way for things like this, Kes had noticed.

Kes had to smile. Lanam really could be clever sometimes, and she was flattered that she would want her and Anara to stay together, even if her father came back. It made her feel so good to know that she'd accepted her as her parent so much already. It could have easily gone the other way and Lanam could have wished her to be with her uncle Ralka instead. She sighed and looked over at Tresit, smiling as Lanam tackled him and they wrestled in bed a little (not seriously at all of course).

Her and her wife's eyes met then, and Anara smiled shyly to her, getting up from their children's bed and walking over to her. She knew Anara could only see her as an indistinct shape, but, even so, Anara had been able to tell that she was awake and looking at her. Kes realized it was because their mental bond was still there, just a little. It had been, even while she'd been sleeping. She remembered it, just vaguely, that Anara had been there with her even when she'd been sleeping.

As Anara knelt down by the cot beside her, Kes strengthened their bond a little more, and mentally spoke to her. --Good morning, inraya... I love you.-- Kes told her, reaching out to touch her face in a soft caress. 'Inraya' was the Kazon word that meant approximately 'one whom I honor above all, to whom I will always belong'. It was a term of endearment that a wife would traditionally use towards her husband, who would, if he were so inclined, reply by addressing her as 'omraya', which meant approximately 'one who belongs only to me, to whom I will always give my protection'. Kes supposed she could use 'omraya' herself, but that just didn't feel right to her. She knew she would protect Anara with all that she had in her if needed, but she didn't like that using the other word would imply some kind of superiority on her part, even ownership, because she'd seen for herself what a typical Kazon male probably thought of as 'belongs to' and she in no way wanted to imply to her wife that she had any feelings remotely like that towards her. Using 'inraya', to Kes, was a symbol that they would always belong to one another, equally, and that was what she wanted their relationship to always be.

Anara touched her face in return, running a hand through her hair and moving in to kiss her. --Inraya... This love for you is boundless...-- Anara spoke back to her through their link. The words were a romantic phrase used in early Kazon poetry, referencing an epic poem Anara's mother used to recite to her when she was a girl. The full verse went 'This love for you is boundless. This cause is yours to keep. Our eyes upon the heavens, the skies for us must weep.' The poem was about a love story between one of the early majs of Kaze and the woman he loved from a rival sect, written against a backdrop of a time of great unrest. Through their link, Kes knew, her wife had never been moved to say things like that to her husband (who was never one for poetry) when he'd been alive, and it made Kes glad that she could be that for her - that she could be a person with whom Anara could share her most secret self, without fear of rejection.

"I think we should go play a game outside now, Lanam." Tresit told his sister in a somewhat hushed voice.

"Why?" Lanam asked.

Their kiss broke and Kes smiled against her wife's lips in amusement, Anara doing likewise.

"Never mind that now, just come with me, and I'll tell you why later." Tresit told her.

"If you say so." Lanam agreed. "Just don't forget, okay?" She made sure to tell him.

"I won't, now come sister." Tresit said, taking his sister outside to play in the afternoon shade. It was that time of day when the sun was waning and the temperature was becoming more comfortable again.

Kes giggled. "They're so cute sometimes." She told her.

"They truly are." Anara replied, giving her another brief kiss and then getting up, Kes shifting in bed to give her room to sit, and then cozying up to her once she had.

They kissed again for long minutes on end, neither in any hurry to do anything else or say anything else.

Finally though, Anara stopped and sighed. Kes cupped her chin gently and ran her hand up her forearm from where she'd been resting it over Anara's hand. "What is it?" Kes asked softly, not really quite ready to consider all the many things it could be. She'd been deliberately not thinking very much about what had happened in the morning after they'd both been woken up by Lanam's cries for her missing brother.

"I could... I could feel it, Kes." Anara told her softly. "When... what you thought, looking at Tresit, after he had... done what he had done... After you saw the proof of his actions." She confessed. "You couldn't hide those feelings from me."

"...I'm sorry." Kes told her, caressing her cheek again and then bringing her hands to her wife's shoulder.

"Please beloved, I could never seek to shame you... I only..." Anara trailed off, unable to find the words.

"You can tell me. Whatever it is, Anara, you can tell me." Kes told her, kissing her just softly for a moment again. "I promise, you can tell me anything and I will always love you just the same. My sacred oath, upon my blood and bones, forever." She told her, using a Kazon pledge that basically meant that Anara had a right to... chop her to into very small pieces and feed those pieces to nearby animals if she went back on her word. It was kind of a grizzly thing to say, but Kes knew that Anara would be moved by a promise like that.

Anara smiled to her shyly, running a hand through her hair and making a small humming sound. "My life for you, my... my soul for you..." Anara told her, devotion clear and bright in her words.

"...and mine for you..." Kes told her, kissing her again.

The kiss was long and sweet and much more a promise than a seduction; though, of course, it would always be that too, Kes knew.

The kiss broke, and they were both breathing just a little bit deeper. "...Tell me." Kes spoke softly.

"...Can you forgive him? Our... our son, I saw... I saw how you loved him before. How you loved them both without even having to try... it's one of the reasons it was so easy to trust you and love you, one of the many reasons why I loved you without even having to try. Is it still the same? Do you... do you love him the same, or... do you... feel ashamed for him...? Has... has he lost honor in your eyes?" She asked.

Kes's eyes had widened as her wife had asked those last questions. She closed her eyes then, and knew she had to give her an answer. She looked inside herself for one. "I will always love him, Anara... he's my son. If not by blood, then, in every other way he feels like he's my child." She opened her eyes and touched her hands to her wife's cheeks. "It was... hard for me to see what he'd done. But... I... I've nearly killed twice now. I would... I would kill - for you, or for them? If there was... no other way, then I know that I would if I were able to because I'd have to... but... I just, it's true that I don't see this the same way you do. I don't... I don't see honor in it, or... or something to be proud of. It just... makes me feel sad... like it's tragedy, of whatever scale, or quality, or necessity, but still a tragedy. It's... I wish it hadn't happened, that it wasn't like this... that your brother Tulk had been a better man, a better brother to you, in some way... There's not an easy answer though, and I know that wishes like that are of no substance or reason, but my feelings are mine, and they're for you, and for them... It might not be what you'd want of me, but it's what I have, and I can... only hope that it's enough?"

"Inraya..." Anara spoke gently, moving forward to touch her forehead to Kes's, her hands laying at the back of the base of Kes's neck.

"I will always love him, and he hasn't... he hasn't lost honor to me, but..." Kes sighed. "I suppose I'll just... be very happy to go back under the surface with you, with them, so that this... So that he won't have to worry about things like vengeance again."

Anara moved forward and kissed her again then, Kes letting the blankets drop from her chest. --You are so beautiful...-- Anara told her, thoughts to thoughts, as Kes gratefully returned the kiss, relieved to have the difficult issue resolved between them. Relieved that Anara accepted her still. It had been hard to talk about, but Kes knew in her heart it was good that Anara had made her confront her feelings and share her heavy heart with her. She knew that, because, somehow, her heart felt so much lighter now for having told her.

Anara moved forward against her then, one hand traveling upward to cup one of Kes's breasts. --Lay for me?-- She asked a little shyly.

--I'm yours. My heart and soul... for you...-- Kes replied, letting her wife lay her down on their cot before her so that she could claim her once again. Their lips met again for a long string of kisses, Kes tangling one hand in Anara's long curly hair.

When she whimpered a little, trying to work Anara's clothing off, her wife pulled away, slowly at first, and sat up straddling her. Kes looked up at her in question as Anara smiled down to her and began to take off her clothes as Kes looked on. Kes's hands traveled up to slide over the skin of her thighs and Kes swallowed, her heart beating faster in her chest and her body alive with want and anticipation of the passion to come... She loved being married, even more than she'd ever imagined she would.

When Anara was as unencumbered as she, her wife lowered herself down over her again and they kissed, Kes's hands going one to one of her wife's breasts, the other to her back. Her body arched a little against Anara's, seeking more closeness. Their mental bond deepened as they continued to make love, it happening even without Kes consciously thinking about doing it. She could feel Anara wanted it, wanted to fall into each other again and share their feelings and perspectives all over again as they had before. Kes wanted that too, so much it was almost overwhelming, and it felt so very good when their bond bloomed again in full.

They made love three times over until tiredness made them stop and they snuggled together under the blankets, Kes very contentedly kissing the skin on her wife's neck while they held hands and held each other close. Anara was smiling and humming just softly, both of them feeling very thoroughly satisfied. Kes stilled her kisses after a time and lay her head down, snuggling all the closer with her wife, her eyes closed and breathing soft.

They lay like that for Kes was pleasantly unaware of how long, but, at one point, she heard Tresit bring his sister inside and put her to bed to rest, her having tired herself out, and him telling her that he was going to go outside and meditate for a while before he came in again, and that then they'd have a meal together.

The mention of a meal reminded Kes, and, by the extension of their mental bond, Anara as well, that she would need to go out for another round of thieving soon in order prepare for their exodus across the desert and down under the surface. Kes sighed, not really wanting to think about it until she had to, because she knew Tresit would want to go with her, and that he'd also want to steal his little brother back while they were in the city. Kes could easily tell that Anara was as well aware of that as she, and further, she could tell how conflicted and secretly hopeful her wife was at the idea of having her lost son back. Kes could hardly blame her of course, she remembered that cute little boy she'd seen in the hallway in his cousin's arms and her heart all too easily went out to him. He was her son now too, after all - Tresit and Lanam's brother - she couldn't help feeling that way... Still, it was dangerous... she didn't like to think how dangerous it might actually be.

--Anara...?-- Kes asked.

--Yes?-- Anara answered, her thoughts soft and full of adoration for her, despite their shared undercurrent of worry.

--The story you told, about the first majs?--

--What about it?-- Anara asked.

--Just... if that, or something like it, really happened, then... how did it all go wrong for them? For your people?-- Kes asked, thoughtful.

--I don't know if the story is true either, or even partly true, but... it is an accepted fact of our history that a line of majs who, at least claimed linage with Rokin and Cajel from the legend, ruled our united people for many generations...-- Anara began thoughtfully, now playing the story teller again as she so often had. Kes snuggled just a small bit closer to her and kissed the skin of her neck lightly, encouraging her to continue.

--At one point, their line came to be ruled by a maj named Umral, who was... a reformer. He claimed that the Eight spoke to him and commanded him to build great cities in their names. He conscripted or compelled in some way many, if not most, of our people to build these cities for him. He worked them too hard though, it seemed, for they all rose up against him in the end and slew him and his family in one night of blood and death. It also hadn't helped him that he hadn't had a wife, or even a husband; as you know, my people are superstitious about such things. And, for one of his age and position, it was... very unusual.-- She went on. --In any case, as you might guess, that was the day the sects began to rise with us. Many argued that they should be the next maj, and, in time, factions gathered together and, when a peace could not be found between them, the first great war in our history began... Kaze emmerged from that war a broken world, with far too many dead and eleven nations standing where once was only one.

--My mother told me that this was the great breaking point when we lost balance with the Eight, with our world... She told me that she thought Umral wrong to have worked his people so hard, and that he broke faith with the Eight in his own right to not marry, but that what the people had done in response was much, much worse. They ravaged the lands in their wars... It was from the seeds of that first great war that the dark times came many generations later. Our world no longer green and kind, no longer in any sort of balance, the Eight having abandoned us for our foolishness and cruelty. An then, as you're aware, the Trabe came, and we were... lost to them.

--In the end though, if the Trabe had truly wished to keep us at their mercy, then they would have been better served to learn our history, for they made Umral's mistake - they made worse than his mistake. And they paid his price, as my people again rose up and slew their tormentors in a night of blood and death.-- Anara spoke. --But, of course, as my mother said, we are making Umral's usurpers' mistake all over again unto this very day... I have no doubt, if my people continue down that road as they have been, then Kazeron's warning may well come true one day... and we will all be lost in darkness, a dead race, even as we seek to visit that very fate upon the Trabe for their crimes against us.-- Anara finished, having lost herself a little in her emotions.

Kes was silent for a time. --...There's hope though.-- She finally said. --For all of Kazeron's darkness, isn't it always matched by Kazerel's light? And, even though Kazeron... he told them that he saw that horrible future for them, but he still wanted to change it. If... your people really do come from them, from Kazerel and Kazeron, and the other Six that came after them, then how can the Kazon be as bad as it seems?-- Kes asked. --When I lay here with you, safe and loved, having found a place to belong at last, and someone to belong to... how can I believe that a people you came from are so terrible as that? ... Kazerel's faith in you hasn't died, not as long as you live, Anara... it can't have...-- Kes told her with soft sincerity and total faith that her words had to be true.

Anara had no words to reply with, but Kes was more than happy to be rolled over onto her back and kissed as thoroughly as Anara was kissing her. They kissed for long, timeless minutes, pleasantly absent of much thought at all, simply enjoying each other and the love they'd come to share, not taking it any further than that this time.

After a time, their fervor for one another again faded and they settled back together, Anara snuggled above Kes this time in a reverse of their previous positions. --Thank you.-- Anara told Kes softly at one point. --Your words meant so much to me...--

Kes merely kissed her skin again in response and told her in something less and yet more than words how she felt.

Soon, Tresit came back in and they both knew they had to get up to share the day's last meal with their children. Kes had eaten something after she'd brought Tresit back that morning, and been given water when she'd returned, but that's all she'd had all day. She hadn't realized it so much when she'd been laying with her wife in bed, but now that she wasn't in Anara's arms anymore, she realized she really did want a meal and she was grateful that they were going to eat soon.

Once she and Anara had helped each other dress again, Kes sat on the floor with her new family and they ate together. They talked about light subjects, Tresit thankfully not bringing up the morning's events, and Lanam strangely quiet. So quiet, that Kes was actually a little concerned, and she knew that Anara was too.

When they'd got back, Lanam had hugged her brother and not let go for a long time. She'd also treated Kes as though she was even more her hero than she had been before. Lanam had asked questions later of course, and they'd told her what had happened... though, they'd still left out the part about little Vastu. Kes wasn't sure that was the right thing anymore, and she turned to Anara and asked her silently through their bond if they should tell her.

Anara was conflicted, but, in the end, she didn't want to tell Lanam and then have it turn out that she'd never be able to see Vastu at all. Kes understood that of course, and agreed it was the best thing... though she was still less than sure, just like Anara was.

They were finishing up their still less than completely filling meal, Tresit volunteering to put things away, when Lanam got up and went back to her and Tresit's bed. Kes followed after her and knelt down beside her bed, feeling helpless to do anything but that. She reached out and touched her daughter's face and hair a little. "You're... so quiet, Lanam... Daughter, is something wrong?" She asked.

Tears escaped Lanam's eyes and she all but threw herself forward, Kes taking her up and setting her down in her lap as Anara came over to sit next to her. "Momma..." Lanam said to her as Kes held her close and felt like she might cry too any moment. Anara wrapped her arms around them from behind and lay her head on Kes's shoulder.

"It'll be alright, my asasha... we'll be alright." Kes told her softly. 'Asasha' was a Kazon word for 'treasured and beloved daughter'.

Tresit came over and sat on the edge of the bed, looking worried but unsure of what he could do or say to help. His and Kes's eyes met and Kes could see the guilt hiding there - he thought this was his fault. What made it worse for him was that, whether it was because what he'd done was wrong or not, he was the reason why Lanam was upset and they both knew that was true. Still, she offered him an encouraging look as she softly repeated "We'll be alright, I promise."

He looked grateful to her for having said it, and Kes offered him a small smile in response.

Lanam seemed to slowly calm down and move back from clinging to her to dry her tears. Kes touched her hair and cupped her chin lightly, Lanam nuzzling her hand a little and closing her eyes. "Daughter, what's wrong? Please, will you tell me?" Kes asked softly.

"I don't know..." Lanam replied in a small voice.

"...Are you scared?" Kes asked, making a guess from the jumble of feelings she couldn't help but vaguely sensing from her. "Maybe, um... maybe about going to sleep and Tresit not being there when you wake up? Are you worried it could happen again?" She asked, meeting Tresit's eyes again and seeing the renewed guilt there.

"Maybe, I guess." Lanam admitted, sounding a little embarrassed to admit to it. "I thought... I thought maybe he'd go away, like father, that you'd go away too..."

"I'll always try very hard to make sure that doesn't ever happen. I promise." Kes told her gently.

Lanam didn't say anything, she just hugged her again. "...I love you, momma." Lanam told her softly at last.

"...I love you too, asasha. We all do, so much." Kes told her.

Lanam sniffed and sat back again, realizing she couldn't stay where she was forever. Kes handed her over to Anara then. "Momma." Lanam said again, snuggling up to Anara for another hug and sounding in much improved spirits. Anara soon got up with their daughter in her arms and sat on her and Tresit's cot, starting to sing one of her people's songs in a soft but so beautiful voice.

Anara reached out and took Tresit's hand, and Kes took Tresit's other hand as Tresit started to sing the song too. Kes joined in too and lay her head against Anara's thigh on the cot.

They sang two more songs until Lanam was fading fast and nearly asleep. "We are always here for you, we are family and we love you with all our hearts, asasha." Anara cooed to her in a very soft voice, handing Lanam over to her brother who took her in his arms and hugged her as Anara left the cot and sat down on the floor with Kes, reaching out to hold her hand.

Tresit and Anara helped Lanam out of her clothes, Tresit getting undressed too, and then putting her to bed. He sat up then and looked to Kes, knowing, of course, that eye contact would mean nothing to Anara who wouldn't know he was doing it, and he spoke. "Mother, mother... I... I am ashamed to have frightened her. I promise, I'll try very hard never to do it again."

"We accept your word, beloved elshyash." Anara replied, touching his cheek fondly. His and Kes's eyes met and Kes nodded to him to signal that she agreed with Anara too.

He swallowed and nodded, looking unsure of himself but gratified to have their faith. "...um, good night then." He told them softly.

"Goodnight, elshyash." Kes replied.

He got under the blanket and let Lanam snuggle up to him like she usually did. She and Anara lingered there a moment, Anara squeezing Kes's hand and leaning against her shoulder. After a few moments passed, Kes nudged her wife and they got up together and went to their own cot, helping each other undress and then getting into bed together.

--You were so wonderful with them...-- Anara told her, wrapping Kes in her arms as she snuggled in for sleep together.

--...before I'd met you, I'd never really thought about having a family... I'd never let myself see that far into what my future might be. Some... some female couples among my people do have children. They make bargains with male couples to accomplish it. For instance, agreeing that the child would be given to the male couple if male, or the female couple if female - or whatever other bargain the couple in question want to agree to. I found that out when Lona took me to visit with some of them one day on the outskirts of the city in the area they've gathered and made their home. Lona'd been sad that I wouldn't be able to have children like she could, so she'd investigated it. She was so happy for me when she'd found that my attraction to females instead of males didn't have to mean I would be childless. But, by that time, I was too scared that Tae would reject me that I didn't... I pretended to be happy for Lona's sake, but, really, I didn't let myself think about it...

--What I mean to say is... I like it. I like... being a mother. It makes me so happy that I can share it with you, Anara.-- Kes finished.

--...I love being able to share it with you too...-- Anara told her back softly. --When Lanam hugged you just now, I can't... I can't even describe how good that felt... and to feel through our link how much you care for her, for both of them... and for me... I've... I've had to take care of them alone for so long... It's so much better in every way to have you with me. Life seems... so perfect, just because you're with me... Even with the problems we face, it's perfect...--

Kes kissed her neck then --For... for me too...-- Kes told her softly, nearly overwhelmed with emotion from what Anara had told her.

They didn't say anything else to one another that night, they just held each other close and fell off to sleep, only to find themselves on that cliff in the Ocampa city again, holing hands and looking out over the water. In the dream, Kes met her wife's eyes and saw Anara smile to her. In their dreams, after all, Anara could see her perfectly.

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The next morning, Kes and her wife woke up to the soft sound of singing. Kes blinked open her eyes and turned in their cot, Anara sleepily wrapping her arms around her from behind and snuggling close to her, clearly not fully awake. Kes smiled happily, both because Anara was being so cute, and because Tresit and Lanam were too. Tresit was sitting cross-legged on his and his sister's cot with Lanam in his lap, and they were singing a song. It was an easy, simple song meant for children about staying strong against slavery and oppression. It was one of Lanam's favorites - probably more because it was cheerful, upbeat, and rhymed a lot, than because of the words themselves.

Kes just let herself relax, watch, and share her eyes with her wife through their bond so Anara could see them too. Anara inhaled in surprise just a little against her skin, smiling and relaxing with her and watching the scene before them, neither of them saying anything, even over their mental bond, just enjoying the moment for all that it was.

When the song ended, Tresit's eyes found hers and he looked guilty. "I'm sorry if we woke you early." He told them.

"Please, don't be." Kes answered, getting up. "I liked your song very much, so did Anara." Kes told them both.

"Momma always likes it when we sing, brother." Lanam spoke up happily, again correcting her brother because that was one of her favorite things to do.

"Which mother?" Tresit teased her back.

"Both!" Lanam answered quickly. "Momma Kes just said so. You should pay attention more."

Tresit just laughed. "My sister, who's wisdom shall always endure. Whatever would I do without her?"

Lanam laughed and squirmed around to go on a tickle attack against him. Anara had gotten up to sitting and was laying her head on Kes's shoulder from behind, their sight sharing still going on, and both mothers laughed as Lanam's attack dissolved into another wrestling match between their children. It was a forgone conclusion that Tresit would let Lanam win of course, but it was still thoroughly entertaining to watch.

Anara sighed happily and kissed the skin of Kes's shoulder, then moved up to her neck. Kes sucked in a breath and closed her eyes when she got to her ear. It felt really good. --I want to, but this probably isn't the right time...-- Kes teased her over their mental link.

Anara stopped and giggled a little, pulling her down onto the bed with her in a heap and tickling her. "Four can play this game." Anara told a surprised Kes who playfully defended herself. They ended up wrestling too, and she decided to follow Tresit's example and let her wife win in the end.

So it was that, both of them breathing hard, Anara's nearly sightless eyes were soon looking down on her, Kes's wrists pinned to the bed. Both of them were smiling and Kes felt a wave of heat under her skin when her eyes trailed to her wife's chest. She swallowed. "Um, we... should probably have breakfast now, you know?" She ventured. --Unless you can't hold yourself back...?-- She teased over their mental link.

Anara smiled, her eyes, nearly sightless though they were, easily conveying that she was strongly tempted to take Kes up on her implied challenge. Still, Kes knew her wife wasn't about to miss a breakfast with their children, and, truth told, Kes didn't want to miss that either, especially after what had happened yesterday... it felt, and she could easily tell through their link that it felt this way to Anara too, like, after yesterday, they needed to be there for Tresit and Lanam even more. So Anara let her go, helping her up. --It's better you have some time to let the anticipation build up while we eat, that way you'll have energy from the food, and heat from the waiting.-- She told her softly as she moved to kiss her.

Kes let herself be kissed and had to admit that she was fairly burning inside from it. When the kiss ended, she swallowed and felt hot all over.

She and her wife helped each other get dressed together. While they did, Tresit offered to go and set things out for them, Lanam following after him and wanting to help him. Kes and Anara sat on their cot together, Kes holding her wife loosely around her waist from behind, and watched for the minute or two it took the children to set up the indoor picnic breakfast. Kes mused to herself that soon they'd be back with her people and have a house with a table to eat at, and plenty of food and water on that table.

She felt Anara's thoughts caressing her own in a way they'd both learned how to do recently, their mental link becoming more and more second nature to them. Kes hummed a little at how nice it felt, the two of them getting up, hand in hand, to go have their meal together with their children.

The meal was very nice, and, happily, Lanam seemed to be getting back to her normal, cheerful, inquisitive self, asking more questions about where they were going to live. Seemingly, she'd latched on to the idea of going to live in a new place even more now, because she'd realized it would mean that her family would be safe and wouldn't be taken from her anymore that it already had been.

After breakfast was over though, Anara asked Tresit to take his sister out to play for a while, while the temperature was still cool. Tresit was noticeably reluctant, meeting Kes's eyes in a way that she could tell was meant to say that he wouldn't wait forever to keep his word and go back for his brother. Kes nodded to him in resignation. That seemed to satisfy him and he led his sister outside by the hand to play games. Anara then lead Kes by the hand back to their cot to do something else entirely, the anticipation of which was already putting Kes in a much improved state of mind... and also helping her not to think so much about what the day ahead might hold.

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Later that morning, after a few rounds of thoroughly satisfying love making, Kes found herself on top of her life, just kissing and in no real hurry at all to stop.

The sound of Lanam laughing came floating in from outside though, and they could hear Tresit's laugh in response too, quieter, but still with the quality of joy to it. Kes might have been able to keep kissing her wife, but that she felt Anara's focus on the very pleasant activity wane a little and sensed the reason why through their bond. Kes sighed softly and stopped kissing her, laying herself down over her, Anara's arms sliding down to rest on her lower back. Kes snuggled in close to her and closed her eyes. --You're worried...-- She spoke to her though their link. Speaking this way had become as natural to them as talking aloud by now... Maybe... maybe even more so.

--...You aren't...?-- Anara asked back, knowing, of course, that Kes was just as worried as she.

--You know I am... I guess I just haven't been in a hurry to... really think about it. That's all...-- Kes admitted.

--...You don't have to feel responsible for this.-- Anara told her gently, bringing a hand up along her body to touch her face. Kes nuzzled against the hand and held it with one of her own. --He's going to go after his brother whether you go with him or not. If anyone is to blame...--

--No, don't think that.-- Kes countered. --You couldn't have know...--

--Yes, I could... it's only... with you, when I'm with you... it's so...--

--Are you saying that I'm a very distracting influence?-- Kes asked, smiling a little at saying it.

Anara smiled too. --Something like that maybe. I feel so safe... I didn't think, when I should have... If I hadn't spoken it aloud...--

--...Maybe something good, something really good will come of it? If I have anything to say about it, we'll... have Vastu back.-- Kes told her encouragingly.

--...and what about Thalla...? What about Artem, and Miteza?--Anara asked softly, feeling guilt. --My brother was not a good man, but he was their father, Miteza's husband. Even lacking my... my defect, it's not an easy thing much of the time, for a woman and her children to make their way when her husband dies. Out here on a mining world, even less so. And, if word gets out that Tulk was killed in his sleep by a six year old boy...? After so many deaths in his family already... My people can be superstitious about such things, perhaps somewhat rightly so in this case...--

--They'll think he was weak, and that his children must be too...-- Kes finished, realizing what her wife was getting at. --They might be shunned.--

--It's a real danger for them, yes...-- Anara admitted. --Artem is old enough that he should be able to make his way, but, having been raised by my brother, I have doubts he will be as loyal to his family as Tresit has been. And, without him, if Miteza is not able to find another husband soon, it will be very hard for her and her daughter alone... Women, even men to a somewhat lesser extent, who are past a certain age and unmarried for a long time, for whatever reason, are still often looked on badly... I was not yet of that age when my husband was killed, I am still not, but Miteza would be of that age by now, or close enough to it...--

--...What do you know about her?-- Kes asked. --About Miteza?-- She asked, picturing the frightened woman in the kitchen she'd... threatened to kill.

--...I don't know her well. She was always very quiet... she never talked much, even to other women, as far as I knew...--

--...They're a part of our family too.-- Kes spoke what she knew Anara was thinking beneath what she'd been saying.

--...They are.-- Anara replied.

Tulk's death was their fault, and family was family... The only trouble was, of course, neither one of them was quite sure what they could do to make this right.

Kes did want to make it right though, if she could.

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See you next time...

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