RECORDING
Chapter Eleven
The One
Mr. Tainaka's mouth tightened at the sight of Tokudaiji, his daughter's psychology teacher. He was much younger than Mr. Tainaka, skinnier, and had more hair on his head. Tokudaiji had bulging blue hypnotic eyes and a semi-permanent frown on his face. He was dressed really nice, too. Mr. Tainaka wished he had something nicer to wear.
"Tokudaiji-san! I am truly sorry!" He started bowing frantically. "Trust me and my wife, we did not raise our daughter to behave that way!"
"No hard feelings, Tainaka-san," Tokudaiji said softly. He sounded uncomfortable.
"Just so you know," Mr. Tainaka continued, "we punished her. Severely. She's learned her lesson. But you may also punish her any way you see fit!"
Tokudaiji shook his head. "I didn't punish her. Ritsu-san's actually a very pleasant girl and a...decent if not laidback student."
Mrs. Tainaka smiled. "Really? Well, we're very happy to hear that." She wondered why she and her husband were here. Did Tokudaiji-san really have us come all the way to Sakura High School to tell them that Ritsu was a nice girl? "Is she doing okay in class? She never really tells us, so..."
"She does fairly well. She's a lot more outspoken than the others. She gets an A for participation. She's missing quite a few homework assignments, though, and those add up."
"Ah, sorry. Can she make those up somehow? Maybe do some extra credit work?"
"Maybe." Tokudaiji sighed, his face turned thoughtfully toward the ceiling. Then he addressed the parents again, looking for all in the world like U.S. President Obama reading off his teleprompters. "I'll be honest. The issue here isn't your daughter, really. It's more Akiyama-san."
"Mio-chan?" Mrs. Tainaka blinked. "Well, then, why didn't you call her parents? Why are we here?"
"It's the issue Ritsu-san has with Akiyama-san."
Mrs. Tainaka was really confused. What issue would Ritsu have with Mio? They were thick as thieves, the two of them. They could tease each other as harshly as they wanted to, and it was okay.
"Are you talking about how Ritsu teases Mio-chan? That's just what they do."
"Hm, yes. 'Teasing,' we could call it that..."
"Call what that?" Mr. Tainaka asked. He noticed Tokudaiji flinch when he spoke. The psychology teacher sounded confident enough when speaking to Mrs. Tainaka. Now that confidence shriveled up like a raisin in the sun.
"Ritsu-san's very aggressive when it comes to her...devotion to Akiyama-san. It was that very devotion, that unnatural attraction between two girl friends, that pushed her to say such crass things to me."
Mr. Tainaka's eyebrows knitted. He felt like he was missing something. Tokudaiji, he was quickly figuring out, was full of empty confidence. The poor bastard probably had nothing to live for save for the oblique sentences he tossed out. Mr. Tainaka hated to think that Tokudaiji may have been taking his anger about his shortcomings out on Ritsu. He didn't disagree with the psych teacher about Ritsu being devoted to Mio. It was the 'unnatural affection' and 'teasing' bits he didn't care for. Perhaps this was a more-than-platonic affection? And what about the teasing? A voice in the back of Mr. Tainaka's mind whispered, The very same teasing that pushed you and your wife to make Ritsu and Satoshi.
"Are you saying my daughter's a lesbian?" The words ripped from the old man's mouth in an angry roar. Tokudaiji squeaked frightfully and scooted his computer chair back against the wall. Encouraged by the teacher's milksoppery, Mr. Tainaka stood and leaned his powerful hands against the desk. "How dare you!"
"Uh, honey...?" Mrs. Tainaka whispered, touching his arm. Her husband, however, couldn't be stopped. He was, after all, where Ritsu got her temper from.
"How dare you disturb mine and my wife's relaxing day, pull us all the way out here just to tell us that our only daughter is a...is a...HOW DARE YOU!" He could feel hot pressure squeezing his head. He raised a fist. "I oughta punch your lights out, you creep!"
Tokudaiji's hands flew up to cover his face. He crunched his little shoulders up to his head. Suddenly Mr. Tainaka felt some of his anger dissipate. How pathetic, he thought, watching Tokudaiji cower in his chair. I can't hit this guy.
The psych teacher, seeing Mr. Tainaka relax his stance, smirked. "But I see you're not going to 'punch my lights out,' as you so crudely put it. I figured you were nought but talk."
"Slander my daughter and you might not talk again," the old man snarled. He laughed humorlessly. "And I figured you fought like a girl. Let's go," he snapped at Mrs. Tainaka, who promptly jumped up.
After they left Tokudaiji snorted like a scrawny cat that was beaten in a brawl. What a nice family, he thought. Probably should've called in Akiyama-san's family. If her father's anything like her, he probably would've been easier to deal with.
Mio's heart thundered as she watched Ritsu pace in front of the couch. The drummer had turned the lights on, making it all the easier to see her nervous silouhette. Mio didn't know what Ritsu was so anxious about telling her, but she knew it had to be the most important thing in their lives. The bassist just wished Ritsu could work up her nerve faster.
"Would you like to sit?" Mio offered.
"I don't think I can," Ritsu gasped. She was pacing an ultra-tight circle now. Watching her made the raven-haired girl dizzy.
"You don't have to be so nervous, Ritsu," she smiled. "It's just me."
No, it's not just you. You are so much more than just you. Ritsu's head was pounding heatedly. Her headband was squeezing it too tight. Even though her blazer was unbuttoned it still hung onto her, weighing down her shoulders, making it difficult to breathe. She took it off and threw it on the floor.
I wonder if she's pregnant? Mio thought. She'd watched a program on teenage pregnancy. There was a girl on the program who was so freaked out that she told absolutely no one. But she's probably not. If she had been sleeping with someone, she would've told me.
"Ritsu, what you want to tell me...it can't be worse than when I told you I threw a hammer through old man Wanatabe's window."
The drummer giggled, recalling that memory. Thirteen-year-old Mio running up to her, tearful, crying, "I threw a hammer at Wanatabe-jiichan!" Mio throwing a hammer. Ritsu had always wished she could have been there to see that. And what about the time she yelled at that one girl for putting my sticks through a pencil sharpener? That was hilarious. Ritsu was genuinely and fully laughing right now, and Mio was laughing with her. Good times. Such great times. The brunette was afraid that there would be no more good times with Mio if she told her the truth. She would never get to talk to Mio, make her laugh, tease her, see her frightened face, or get punched by her ever again.
"Oh, I can't do this..." she whimpered. She sank to a crouch on the floor. Her vision bended and blurred, and her head grew hot. She didn't want to cry in front of Mio, but she couldn't help herself. Ritsu was so consumed with misery that she wouldn't have been able to notice a dinosaur passing through her living room, let alone Mio crouching in front of her.
"Shh, it's okay." The bassist placed a gentle hand atop Ritsu's head.
"It's not okay," the drummer whimpered. Her inhibitions were being shed with her tears, such as it was when Ritsu cried with such abandon. It was going to come out, all of it, in the most inconvenient and ridiculous way. "It's really not okay, Mio!"
"Please, tell me." Ritsu gasped when she heard her friend snuffle. She hoped and wished she had imagined it. "You've had me worried all week, and I just..." Mio's alto voice faltered, and then buckled completely. "...can't take it anymore."
Ritsu forced herself to look at her best friend's gloomy face, her dove-colored eyes glimmering with tears. This wasn't cutesy crying. This was not moe-moe-kyuun. This was outright horrible. And it was the drummer's fault. I made Mio cry.
"I mean," Mio wept, "I know you were sad and everything, but..." She squeezed her eyes shut, unleashing another round of sobbing. Enormous tears squeezed out from her closed eyes and spilled down her cheeks. "...did you ever," she gulped, "stop to think about how I was feeling?"
No, I hadn't, Ritsu realized. She was so preoccupied with loving Mio and trying to sort out these complicated new emotions that she'd turned a blind eye to the object of her affections. The drummer was baffled. Love was supposed to be about going out of your way to do anything and everything for the person you loved. How could I be so selfish? "I'm sorry, Mio."
"It's alright," the bassist sniffled, looking away.
"I'm really, really sorry. I shouldn't have ignored your feelings the way I did. I don't want to do that to you, Mio."
"You don't have to apologize. Just please tell me what's wrong. I can help you."
Ritsu had a choice. She could muddle things up more, say, "No, you can't help me," and make Mio more worried and miserable. Or she could just face it. She could just march right into the ugly middle. If you don't, she told herself, you'll end up flat against the wall, creeping fearfully around the edge your whole life.
Her head was going to explode. She could feel that stupid headband muscling all of last week's pain and heartache into a solid core of agony in her forehead. She imagined it closing off much-needed arteries and veins in her brain. Could a girl suffer a stroke from wearing a too-tight headband? Ritsu frantically tore it off and flung it across the room. She could hear it knocking sharply off the farthest wall. However, she could not see it, for a sudden cascade of fuscous hair descended on her vision. She made no effort to part her bangs, just let them drape over her ocher eyes. She felt safer this way.
"The reason I've been acting this way..." She said it fast so she wouldn't be able to stop. "...is because last week I found out I like girls."
Ritsu couldn't see Mio's reaction, but she could hear it. The bassist's breathing was still erratic from crying, but it seemed to have calmed down a little. The drummer was overcome by intense fear and curiosity. She parted her bangs and looked at Mio. Her friend's blue-gray eyes glistened, but there were no tears.
"That was what...you were freaking out about...?" Mio asked softly.
Ritsu nodded. Well, that was only part of what had her freaked out.
Mio sighed with relief, resting her chin on her knees. So...No one died. Nobody was pregnant. Ritsu was having issues with her identity. Mio remembered what that felt like. She remembered sitting up at night, trying to discredit her sneaking fears that she was homosexual until she had run out of ways to discredit them. She remembered wanting to tell someone, to make it official, but it had been too scary. Her parents were loving and supportive, but they were also conservative. Mio remembered the deep sense of fraudulence listening to her mother talk about boys when the bassist had no interest in them. She oddly remembered Ritsu making no mention whatsoever of boys either. Mio and Ritsu were the only ones they had in each other's lives.
Mio spoke up. "That must have been insanely difficult for you to cope with."
The drummer exhaled and brushed her tears off her face. "You have no idea..."
"Yes, I do."
Ritsu looked up. Under her shadow of bangs Mio saw her hazel eyes glint with intrigue. "You do?"
Mio smiled wistfully. "I've wanted to tell someone what you just told me for years."
"Years?" the drummer exclaimed, her eyes wide. She parted her bangs into a cowlick. She felt a little ridiculous now with them down. She had always thought she looked like a bald man with a comb-over with them down. "How many years?"
Mio's eyes flickered toward the ceiling. The fact that she had to stop and think about it was appalling to Ritsu. "Maybe like four. Something like that."
The noir-haired girl watched as Ritsu settled into a sort of gloom. The drummer's eyes were hooded, and she stared broodily at the floor. She mashed her lips together and sighed.
"What's wrong?" Mio asked.
"I feel stupid. You've kept this to yourself for four years without shedding a tear, and here I am throwing a fit over one dumb little week." Mio opened her mouth to say something, but Ritsu continued, "I wasn't even aware that you were grappling with such a thing. And you did everything for me in my time of need." The tears came back to the drummer's round eyes; they glittered with them. "I'm such a terrible, selfish, stupid-"
"Stop. Please." Mio's eyes were shut tight. She appeared to be suffering. "You're not terrible or selfish or stupid. You were scared. I've been there before and you know it."
Ritsu would've cracked a joke about Mio being scared if what the bassist had said didn't sound so true. Maybe I was a little scared. Usually the drummer registered that things were scary before she felt scared. This time it was the opposite. And this time Mio was comforting Ritsu.
"Fear is such an irrational thing," the raven-haired girl said thoughtfully. "You could give up anything to send something scary away from you." She paused. "Say, do you remember when we went to that amusement park and I was afraid to get on that roller coaster?"
Ritsu nodded. They were ten when the brunette goaded Mio into riding the Baka Oni, which was the Japanese roller coaster equivalent of the Raging Bull at Six Flags Great America.
"Do you remember what you told me as we got on?"
The drummer really had to rack her brain for that memory. All she could remember about the Baka Oni was laughing at the picture of Mio one of the ride's stationary cameras had taken. Ritsu shook her head; she could not remember what she had said.
"The flip-side of fear is excitement."
Oh yeah. Suddenly memories of crazy stunts flooded Ritsu. Sliding down a rail at school. Teasing the neighbors' pitbull. Trying to crawl on top of the rungs of the monkey bars. Mio was horrified by these antics, but Ritsu got a rush out of them.
Maybe I could get a rush out of telling Mio how I really feel.
"Mio," she said slowly, "there's kinda something else that's had me scared."
"I had a feeling it wasn't just that," the bassist sighed. She tilted her head, resting her cheek on her knee. Ritsu looks so cute without her headband. For as long as Mio had known her, the drummer had always been very laidback - except for her headband. Ritsu always adamantly refused to be seen with her bangs down. Even at sleepovers Ritsu would sooner tie her bangs up and adopt the Pebbles Flintstone look than leave them down. She's so vain and conceited when it comes to her hair. That's kinda funny. Mio wondered why Ritsu didn't care much about her bangs now.
Presently the drummer awkwardly played with the hem of her skirt. She was blushing. "I kinda...love ...someone."
"You love someone?" Mio echoed in an excited voice. She smiled hugely. She was happy for her friend. She loved it that Ritsu loved someone. This was a problem the raven-haired bass player was more than eager to help with. Ritsu's never been so...tender and cautious when it comes to love. She might be more uptight than I thought. "Who is it?"
Ritsu averted her eyes and chewed the inside of her cheek. The headache was back full-force, but at least the headband wasn't containing it. She was scared again. Mio might have been alright with the coming out. But the winds could change once she found out she was the one Ritsu was gay for.
"I-it's..." she began hesitantly. Her voice was raw with agony. "It's y...y...y..."
"Yui?" Mio exclaimed and Ritsu flinched at how loud her normally quiet friend was. Grinning excitedly, Mio brought a fist to her palm. "That makes a lot of sense. You two would be great together." She made her wise eyebrows. "Heheh. I'd like to see what you guys' lack of organizational abilities would do to your future home." Then Mio was back to fussing about ecstatically. "And Yui's super-nice, so even if she doesn't love you back, she'll-"
"Get a grip, Mio! It's not Yui-chan!" Ritsu could feel that old buzz of energy in her limbs: the first familiar feeling she'd had all night. She was getting restless from dragging this out and beating around the bush. It was time to move on, with or without Mio by her side. Pushing her bangs away, for it was time to stop hiding in them like a coward, she cried, "I was trying to say that it's you that I love! You, Mio! Okay?"
She was still a coward, she decided, and let her tawny bangs fall back over her terrified topaz eyes. Now hailed the official grace period. Would Mio accept her feelings? Reject them? Return them? Ritsu was wishing she hadn't thrown away her headband now. How in the world could Mio bring herself to love the short girl with the funny comb-over bangs?
Mio's reaction was limited to one word, but Ritsu could hear the emotions that anchored her voice. "...Me?"
"Yes." Ritsu pushed her bangs back again, but stared at the floor. She waited for the bassist to say something. Knowing timid Mio, the drummer could be waiting for a week. Driven by her usual zippy impatience, she continued, "I think I always have, and I'm just now realizing it. That was why I always picked on you in primary school. Because I didn't know what else to do." Her hands were falling asleep. She readjusted them on her head. "You were always so...industrious and smart and pretty." All things that I'm not. I knew this was a bad idea. "A-and, uh...I realize that because of these aforementioned traits, you could have any girl you wanted...but I really just want you to have me." Her hands were completely numb and heavy. They felt like a dead person's hands. Ritsu forced herself to look at Mio, right at her pearly eyes. "In the band you're always the perfectionist - and I know you always have been. And I wonder if you ever get tired of standing so tall. I...I want to be the one to catch you if you fall." Those could be good lines for a song. "But...if you don't feel that way for me..." Oh God, this was so hard. "...I don't want us to stop being friends. I can't help how I feel about you, but we shouldn't - HUH?" she gasped, feeling Mio's hand on hers. The bassist was pushing Ritsu's hand away from her bangs, letting them fall. The skin-to-skin contact was titillating. Mio's hands were soft and gentle, but cold.
"Ricchan, I'm so sorry..." The bass player's voice was a choked whisper.
"Why are you apologizing?" Ritsu inquired. She also wanted to know why Mio was calling her by her childhood nickname.
"I've hurt you so much." The raven-haired girl brought a hand to her face. Her fingers slid across her moist eyelids until they were pinching the bridge of her nose. "I didn't know you were so scared and miserable for the last week because of me. If I'd known, I'd have...I'd have..."
"You'd have what?" Ritsu whispered, anxious for the answer.
Mio looked at Ritsu. Her slate-colored eyes were warmer and fuller than both their hearts put together. "I'd have answered your feelings sooner."
"A-answered them how...?"
She was adorable with her bangs down. Mio was struck with the urge to ruffle them. Smiling, she responded, "Answered them...something like this..." She leaned forward. Ritsu's heart launched into spin cycle. The drummer inclined her head toward Mio. She couldn't believe it. What she had wanted and needed but feared she would not get was about to happen. Mio's long pigeon-soft coal locks fell forward, touching Ritsu's face ever so gently. The drummer's head was in a whirl. She now had more energy than she knew what to do with.
At the moment supreme, however, Mio hesitated. It wasn't that she didn't want to kiss Ritsu. Actually, she wanted to very badly. It was just that she'd lost her nerve. So instead she cupped the drummer's face with one hand and planted a warm, passionate kiss on her cheek, right next to her mouth. A panicked purr fluttered from Ritsu's lips. It wasn't a lip-to-lip kiss, but it still sent her exuberant heart up over the moon. Her joy could've sent her beyond Pluto ten times. Even after Mio broke her kiss her face lingered next to Ritsu's. The brunette never in her life imagined she could feel so satisfied from such a pure gesture.
Mio's face glowed pleasantly as she finally pulled back. Smiling, she traced her left hand lightly up Ritsu's cheek through her bangs. "Maybe I've always loved you, too," she speculated softly. "We all need that person in our lives...That person who does more than complete you. That person who...who surprises and amazes you everyday. That person who stays with you no matter how bad you are or how tough the going is." Mio pushed Ritsu's bangs back, rubbing her head and exposing her swimming hazel eyes. "You're that person to me. You always have been." She leaned forward and smooched Ritsu's forehead. "You always will be." When she pulled back Ritsu could feel a torrent of love and affection beating from Mio's heart to hers. The bassist's ultramarine eyes expressed something more artistic, more poetic and lyrical than all the songs she had written. "You're the one, Ritsu."
"M-Mio..." The drummer had never heard her best friend say such incredible things. Mio was right about the one surprising you everyday. She had surprised Ritsu three times tonight.
Usually in situations like this Ritsu would make fun of Mio. Now she was speechless. That was another thing about the one person in your life: he or she could make you surprise yourself.
Mio stood up then, and readjusted her clothes. Then she gave Ritsu her hand and helped her up. The room was utterly silent as they faced each other, but their thoughts and their emotions filled their heads. It was the loudest silence either of them had ever heard. Ritsu wasn't aware that Mio was still holding her hand until the raven-haired girl slid her own hand up the drummer's arm until she was cupping her elbow. The gesture conveyed more tenderness and affection than Ritsu could even comprehend. She found herself melting into Mio, and let the taller girl take her in and surround her powerfully. There was suddenly no doubt, no fear, no questions. Just white noise.
"Do you want to go upstairs?" Mio asked. She heard a sharp intake of breath, felt Ritsu stiffen, and she laughed. Lightly rapping her knuckles against the drummer's head, she giggled, "Get your mind out of the gutter, Ricchan. I'd just rather have some privacy in case Sato-kun or your parents come home."
"P-privacy for what?" Ritsu stuttered.
"Just talking." Mio couldn't help laughing. It was just so cute, how nervous Ritsu was getting. "You don't want your family to see us like this, do you?"
Ritsu shook her head. No, she didn't. They would freak. Big time. But this seemed kind of like the milestone her mother would want to know about: when her daughter started dating. Should I tell Mom about this? Ritsu's heart, which had been soaring high moments before, crashed within the pits of her chest. That was a troubling thought. Mr. and Mrs. Tainaka loved Ritsu and Mio together, but they wouldn't love Ritsu and Mio together. The drummer opened her mouth to voice this qualm, but reconsidered. The two of them had been through enough to get to this point. They deserved the rest of the night to be happy.
"Hey," Ritsu grinned as they bounded up the stairs. "You called me Ricchan."
Mio's eyebrows slanted and her cheeks pinkened. "Er, yeah."
"You haven't called me that since we grew up." The drummer hugged her girlfriend's arm. "Will you call me that more often?"
The bass player was still blushing, but she smirked. "Only if you agree not to wear that headband as much."
For the first time in a while Ritsu was conscious of how her bangs fell over her eyes. She sheepishly pushed them back, gulping, "Never!" Then she back-tracked, "Wait. Do you actually like my hair down?"
"Yeah, I do," Mio nodded. She started giggling. "Not that you don't look seriously cute and funny trying to manually hold it back."
"Oi...!" Flustered, Ritsu brought her hands back down. Her bangs tumbled back down in their touseled way. She cocked her head. "Why the hell do you like my hair this way? It looks silly."
"No. Not silly at all." Mio came in close and rested her head against Ritsu's. "I can't describe it, but you look just adorable. You know? Charming."
"Hmph. Well, if you like it..."
They went into Ritsu's room. They laid side-by-side on the drummer's bed, flipping through a yearbook from their first year at Sakura High School and laughing over old times. It was just like before, only this time Ritsu could feel Mio rubbing a foot affectionately against hers. She found that both stimulating and relaxing.
Mio tilted her head, beaming as she studied her best friend's laughing face. She is awesome, she thought appreciatively. She wished she hadn't gotten scared earlier, when she was trying to kiss Ritsu. It had taken a lot of courage to say all those things, things that Mio had taken four years to work up the nerve to say. Ritsu deserved a good kiss on the mouth. She looks so happy. The bassist wanted to make her happier.
"Hey, Ricchan."
"Yeah?" Ritsu looked up.
Without hesitation, Mio leaned in and kissed the drummer deeply. It was such a kiss. It felt so good that it hurt when Mio pulled back, her eyes shining.
"W-what was that for?" Ritsu stuttered.
"For staying by my side all these years." Smiling, Mio nuzzled her girlfriend. "This is for being such a good friend." She gave Ritsu another, longer-lasting kiss. The bassist hummed sweetly. Then she rolled onto her side and the drummer cuddled up against her. It was late and the two of them were exhausted enough to sleep for a month. Somewhere between that moment and the start of her dream Ritsu could hear a line from a song she liked.
All your life you've been waiting for this moment to be free.