RECORDING
Chapter Ten
Checkmate!
Sighing contentedly, not unlike a cat stretched in its favorite sunspot, Azusa set down her spoon and leaned back. If Ui's delicious cooking was enough to make the prudent Azusa express such quiet joy, it set Yui leaning her head on the table, her chestnut eyes glazed and her expression lethargic. Azusa frowned, wondering if Ui had slipped a dose of Versed in her oneechan's portion of ice cream.
"Thanks for dinner and dessert, Ui-chan," the sloe-haired girl smiled. "It was astonishingly good as always."
"That's why I'm here, Azusa-chan: to astonish you," Ui giggled. She leaned in a little, tilting her head. "Aw, oneechan, you're getting sorbet in your hair!"
"Great," Yui sighed, her voice dull with languidness. "Now my hair can enjoy it, too."
Azusa bit her lip, vainly fighting back laughter. It was so amusing to think that something like hair, a dead thing on your head, could enjoy sorbet. Ui-chan would officially be an extraordinary cook if even hair could enjoy her food. She was wondering what it would be like if her hair had nerve endings when the doorbell rang.
"Ah! That's Jun-chan!" Ui stood and ran to the door. Azusa stared after her, deliberating why Jun had come over. Yui lifted her head off the table and also watched the two friends greet each other. Ui donned her coat and came into the kitchen. "Coming, Azusa-chan?"
Coming where? the younger guitarist thought. Her mind stepped back over the last week in search of plans for Halloween the three of them made.
"You forgot, didn't you?" Jun dead-panned.
"N-no! Not really…" Azusa puffed up as Jun's hand came to her smiling mouth. "Stop laughing! How can I forget something I never had any memory of?"
"Er, that's kind of the whole point of forgetting…"
"We're going to Harajuku to do some shopping," Ui supplied. "We made plans for this three days ago, and you said you'd come."
Azusa thought back to Tuesday. She remembered being preoccupied over a hug Yui had given her before first period. Oh yeah. That hug had absolutely no precedent. I wasn't sad or anything. She just hugged me…for the sake of hugging, I guess…Azusa had wondered how the embrace applied to that once-mentioned game of Yui's. Does Yui-senpai think about the game as much as I do? She doubted that.
"Azu-nyan, why are you staring at me like that?" Yui giggled.
The noir-haired kouhai started, unaware she had been staring. As if in an attempt to undo that incident, she forced her eyes away from Yui. Neither of them noticed Ui's questioning brown eyes drifting from Azusa to Yui.
Jun tapped her foot impatiently. "Soooo…Are we gonna go?"
"I'm ready," Ui said faintly. A broody expression crossed her face as she took a pregnant pause. "Azusa-chan." Ui forced the name out, sounding like she had been hit in the stomach. "Are you going to go with us or stay with oneechan?"
Azusa considered her options. It was poor enough form to forget their plans; to blow them off would be worse. Her parents raised her to be better than that. But to stay the night with senpai again…Azusa looked at Yui — consciously this time — and felt her heart spring. Her stomach was throbbing against her ribs. It was the same feeling she got right before a concert, yet it felt totally alien to the kouhai.
"I want to stay with senpai," she blurted. Something inside her — a burning, tingling spark in her torso — urged her to say that.
"Yay!" Yui cheered, racing around the table to squeeze Azusa. "Now I have Azu-nyan to watch my DVD with!"
Ui looked disappointed. "Well…Maybe next time?"
"Yeah." Azusa nodded, which was difficult with Yui pressed close to her. "We can hang out at my house and play Trivial Pursuit or something." It seemed polite to do a raincheck.
Ui nodded, her expression still somber. She hesitated before heading out with Jun. The door closed behind them and there was a silence heavy with anticipation.
I think I lost the game, Azusa thought, settling closer to Yui. But this doesn't feel like losing. When I'm in senpai's arms I don't feel like I've lost anything.
"You…said you rented a DVD?" she whispered.
"Yep." The elder girl paused. "Well, actually, Ui rented Beowulf off Netflix for me."
"Beowulf…?" Azusa pulled back and looked at Yui. I didn't know Yui-senpai was into movies like that. A vague thought of third years reading Beowulf for lit classes scraped her mind. She frowned. "Hey, wait a second! You're just watching it so you don't have to read the book!"
"Not really. I'm taking British Literature next trimester." Yui got up and skipped over to the TV. "Ricchan and Mio-chan took Brit Lit in the spring trimester, and they say we're reading Beowulf first."
Azusa followed Yui into the TV room and seated herself next to the senpai on the floor. She personally thought it would be more fun to read the book and then watch the movie, if not for the simple joy of reading but to compare and contrast your view of the book with the producer's. But Yui was Yui, and she wasn't going to change. I hope the movie's good.
"…She doesn't know what she's doing," Ui sighed for the umpteenth time that night. "She just doesn't know what the devil she's doing."
Jun patiently sipped her hot chocolate. Ever since they boarded the train to Tokyo, Ui had gone on and on about Azusa's snap decision to stay with Yui. This turned into a rant about Yui's lack of common sense. Ui was very thorough in her lecture. She left no stone unturned. Eventually, though, she became repetitive and turned the same stones over and over. And Jun got the feeling she hadn't reached her point yet. Ui seemed wary to reach her point.
"Azusa-chan's not very gentle to oneechan," Ui continued, readjusting some hairs that had flown loose of her hairtie. "I mean, you should've seen her wake-up method last week!"
"She slung Yui-chan over her shoulder," Jun chuckled. "You told me about that." At first the account had surprised her; now, it amused her. She couldn't picture little Azusa carrying someone bigger and older than her.
"That was way too harsh for oneechan." Ui shook her head disapprovingly. "Azusa-chan could've woken her up without such unnecessary force."
Jun shrugged. "Maybe it was necessary to her. She probably wanted to save time. You know how wasting time aggravates Azusa-chan." Ui started to say something, but Jun sidestepped so she was facing her distressed friend in the busy Harajuku plaza. "Did you ever think maybe Azusa-chan did you a favor? Isn't it easier to wake up Yui-chan nowadays?"
"Yes." Ui's young face looked crestfallen, melancholic even. "But that's not the point."
"What is the point?"
Ui stared at her shoes, her brown eyes swimming in the city lights. A biting autumn wind ruffled her hair. The cacophony of cars, buses, and cityfolk blended into the background. Just as the point struck Jun, giving past events and conversations much more clarity, Ui solemnly stepped around her and continued onward. Jun ran after her and caught her by the arm. When Ui faced her once more the darker-haired girl proclaimed, "You love Yui-chan in…that way, don't you?"
By the way Ui's cheeks flushed and her mouth tightened, Jun could tell she'd hit it right on the mark. "I love her in every way," the ponytailed girl said quietly. They continued walking, Ui not daring to meet Jun's gaze.
"You love Yui-chan in that way, and you're afraid Azusa-chan will steal her from you."
That sentence caused fire to flare in Ui's head, scalding away her core of sensibility. She shoved her fists into her coat pockets, glaring. Suddenly she was as easy to read as a Dr. Seuss book. "I'm not afraid," she muttered. "I'm just worried about oneechan."
Jun snorted. "Codswallop. If you were really worried you wouldn't be going out."
"I couldn't blow you off!" Ui snapped. "Glad to see you appreciate it, though," she added snottily.
Jun could've pointed out that Ui was more than happy to blow her off last month when Yui came down with the flu. It was a good retort. But a better part of her told her not to say that. Instead she took a more indirect approach. "Why are you yelling at me?"
"Because you're getting on my nerves." Ui's voice broke. Jun saw her gruffly dash a sleeve across her eyes. Taking a deep breath, she said, "Look. Next spring oneechan's going away to JWU. Not only will I be home alone, all by myself, but I'll have this worry that oneechan won't make it at uni."
"And what does this have to do with Azusa-chan?"
"Everything! She's making oneechan grow up too fast! Oneechan doesn't need a girlfriend. She's got me."
Jun resisted the urge to smile. "You're jealous."
"I'm not jealous," said Ui with a sense of finality, as if she never got jealous.
"Everybody gets jealous, Ui-chan."
"Not me." She scowled at Jun. "Why are you smiling?"
"Because," Jun laughed, "I've never seen you get like this. You're actually being pigheaded. Usually Azusa-chan's the stubborn one." Jun knew that last sentence would whip Ui into shape. If she was jealous of Azusa, she would not want to lower herself to the guitarist's level.
"There's nothing wrong with being jealous," Jun sighed. "I understand you're worried about your sister going away. And now with Azusa-chan getting involved with her, it seems like she's going away even sooner." Ui took a deep breath and Jun patted her shoulder. "But Yui-chan will still need you. That will never change, no matter how involved she gets with Azusa-chan. There's still room in her heart for you."
Ui's face softened and she looked at her friend appreciatively. "Thanks, Jun-chan. That really helped me."
"U-uh! Well…I…" Jun blushed and looked away. Affection only embarrassed her when it was returned. "You're welcome."
This is really bad, Azusa thought, but Yui-senpai seems pretty into it. Ui once told her that Yui always got involved with movies, no matter how terrible they were. This was true right now. Yui, looking much like an American watching the Superbowl, pumped her fists and goaded Beowulf on.
"Alright! That did it!" Yui cheered. Azusa cringed as Beowulf punched out Grendel's eardrum. Sick. To fight his enemy equally, as all noble men do, Beowulf had stripped away all his armor, weapons, and clothes. Azusa rolled her eyes as yet another prop blocked out view of the hero's pintel. Not that she much wanted to see it, but the blocks were all so lame and cheesy. A sword, a cloud of steam, someone's head. Also, the movie was clearly CG, and it wasn't just Grendel. There was something digitally unnatural about the way Beowulf and his band of Geats moved. This is why it's better to read the book, Azusa thought. Because the movie just sucks.
"Great movie, huh, Azu-nyan?" Smiling brightly, Yui looked at her kouhai friend. The two of them were sitting on the floor, their backs to the couch.
"I'm sorry, but no," Azusa responded, pursing her lips. "It's just…stupid. It doesn't do the book any justice."
"Oh." At first Yui looked disappointed that the black-haired girl didn't share her enthusiasm for Beowulf the movie. Then she smiled and spoke, "So the book's better, huh?"
Azusa's burgundy eyes flicked away. "It probably is…" She was currently enrolled in American Lit — she had taken Japanese Lit last year — and the only decent movie she'd seen which was adapted from a book was Of Mice and Men.
"Ricchan says a lot of great literature is overrated," said Yui conversationally. "She hated Chaucer's Canterbury Tales."
The kouhai snorted. "That's because Ritsu-senpai thinks Akamatsu Ken is one of the cornerstones of Japanese literature. I'll bet she never even read anything by Ariyoshi Sawako or Abe Koubou."
"Mehh," Yui shrugged. "Who am I to expect everything out of one book or movie?"
Azusa regarded the TV screen, contemplating what the older girl had said. Who are any of us to expect everything? Was she, Nakano Azusa, arrogant for expecting Beowulf the movie to be Oscar material? Beowulf the book never won any awards.
She shook her head. Good God, look at me hanging on to everything this goofball says. She's the one who got a cold last year from wearing a spring yukata in the dead of winter. Without turning her head, she looked at Yui. The senpai was paying rapt attention to the encounter with Grendel's mother (who, Azusa noted with some amusement, was played by Angelina Jolie). Who am I to expect anything more from Yui-senpai? Azusa smiled, thinking, Yui-senpai has everything I need. I'm studious and she's laidback. Maybe we complete each other.
Yui giggled and her cheeks pinkened. "Azu-nyan, you're staring at me again."
"G-gomenasai!" Azusa squeaked, looking away.
Now it was Yui's turn to stare. Her father used to say that each track in Yui's mind ran maybe three seconds at most. Only this time the senpai's disconcertian did not dwindle. Every beat of her heart renewed the embarrassment afresh. I've never felt this way, she thought, touching her warm cheeks.
"Why are you staring at me?" Azusa squawked, scooting away a little.
"I'm…embarrassed…?"
"That's a reason to stop staring at me, Yui-senpai." Blushing, Azusa glowered at the TV. She didn't even know what was happening in the movie anymore. It's a crappy movie anyway. Her heart and stomach were acting up again. Azusa realized how badly she wanted to tell Yui about this feeling. Maybe the senpai was feeling the same way; she'd said she was embarrassed. That we're feeling the same way at the same time, the pigtailed girl thought, what does that mean?
That mental proof she'd worked out last week in geometry didn't lie.
Are we in love?
Azusa gasped and her eyes widened. Love. Terrified, she tried to push that word away, but it hung on like a pushy cat in your lap. The kouhai had always prided herself in being more rational than yer average. She could never be so frivolous as to fall in love.
And besides, Yui-senpai's a girl. This sort of stuff just doesn't happen! But Azusa knew it did. She remembered running an errand with her father to the hardware store, where they'd seen an eccentric woman who was pierced, tatted up, had pixie-short hair and lumbered around in a plaid flannel shirt. Azusa and Mr. Nakano had drawn their own conclusions about this woman — he had called her a dyke.
Fear beset every inch of Azusa's body and she shuddered. I am just like that woman! She pictured herself with short hair and flannel. The image horrified her more than that of Beowulf punching out Grendel's eardrum.
Yui cocked her head, watching Azusa shudder. The younger girl looked absolutely shell-shocked by something. Poor Azu-nyan, she thought, her fiery heart warming up for the kouhai. She's always so stressed out. Fortunately Yui knew how to make her relax. She inched closer to Azusa and wrapped her arms around her. Before Azusa knew it, the shuddering had stopped. She relaxed her shoulders. It was distressing, though, that she had calmed down. The only reason I calm down for her is because…is because…I'm gay for her!
"This so is not right," the kouhai grunted.
"What's not right?" Yui whispered.
"What I'm feeling right now."
The senpai sucked in her breath, feeling her heart accelerate. Zero to sixty was an understatement. She had a fierce anticipation for what was coming. It both excited her and frightened her. She pulled Azusa closer, finding comfort in how soft and cuddly her guitarist friend was.
"Yui," Azusa said quietly. 'Why do you always hug me?"
Little did she know, she was playing the game, moving her trusty queen-piece into play. Yui was in check.
Her heart still racing, Yui smiled, "Because you're so cute, Azu-nyan." Out of check.
"Really? Because lately I've thought there was another reason." Azusa shifted a bit so she was facing Yui. She brought her arms up around the senpai's shoulders. "The same reason, in fact, that you make me feel so relaxed." Rationality betrayed the second year in favor of emotion, which reached up through her chest and into her throat. "Please, Yui…senpai." It had struck her to call the brunette 'Yui-chan,' and that startled her. "Let's stop playing games and be honest."
"What are you saying, Azu-nyan?"
"I'm saying…" Azusa squeezed her eyes shut. When she opened them they swam in the TV light. She couldn't do this. She couldn't say it. "I know I was not very friendly when we first met. You were nice to me and I was not nice back. And that probably made you think that I didn't…that I wasn't…"
This was hopeless. Her heart was pounding hard and fast. She wasn't getting enough air. Her small hands twitched spasmodically.
"You maybe thought that I didn't like you, but the thing is…"
Oh, God. She was going to suffocate in the middle of her confession. Was that possible?
"But the thing is, maybe I didn't mean that at all. Maybe it turned out to mean…the completely opposite thing." Was she still speaking Japanese? Were sentences coming together?
"So, what I'm saying is, I wish I hadn't acted that way toward you. I wish I hadn't acted like I didn't love you or didn't care, because I really do…I really do…not feel like I seemed I might feel."
She looked at Yui with pleading eyes. She had tried, she really had. She was afraid it was the best she could do.
Yui's eyes were as full as Azusa's. "Azu-nyan…" She seemed to understand it was the best the kouhai could do. Azusa could smell her florid sweet girl smell. She felt like she might faint.
Yui's face was right there, beautiful and shadowy in the flickering light. Her lips were right there. With a courage possessed somewhere not within her body, Azusa leaned forward ever so slightly and kissed Yui. It was a kiss and a question.
The senpai answered the question by pulling Azusa closer. The two of them clinched, pressing their faces and chests and thighs together. Yui tilted her head, deepening the kiss. Azusa was shuddering again, but this time for a completely different reason. A falsetto groan escaped her throat, muffled by Yui's mouth. On the TV a battle raged, but both girls were oblivious. They could only hear each other. They could only smell, taste, and feel each other.
Out of a need to breathe, they broke off the kiss. A string of saliva was the only thing connecting them — it was difficult to tell where Azusa's ended and Yui's began. The kougai in her storm of emotions expected Yui to maybe crow something about how much fun kissing was. But actually the senpai looked how she felt: pleasantly stunned. I've never been this in sync with someone. Still shaking with pent-up emotion, Azusa rested her head on Yui's shoulder. The brunette sighed and leaned into her, her shiny brown eyes focused on the TV screen without seeing it. This experience and these feelings were beyond her usual actions and words. For the first time, she didn't know what to say.
"I never…I never…"
"Me neither," Azusa whispered.
Yui smiled, and her shock melted away. In its place burned such intense fiery passion that the senpai could hardly sit still. She started giggling. It occurred to her that Azusa had that same passion burning in her, but she was trying to keep a rein on it.
"What's so funny?" Azusa queried softly.
But Yui kept giggling, unable to work up a response. Her mirth confused and eventually enraged Azusa.
"Oi! How can you act in such a way after we…after we…" She gulped and lowered her chin.
"I don't know…Heeheehee…I'm just happy, I guess. Aren't you?"
"Of course I am!" But Azusa knew what Yui meant. Love didn't have to be serious all the time. Her shuddering seemed to dissipate and she found herself laughing as well. I can't believe she loves me after that confession! I probably looked and sounded like I was going to die! She laughed harder.
It had taken a week full of doubt and fear, but Azusa realized what the game was. It wasn't something people won or lost. It was something you played just for the fun of playing.