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part four:
LOVE YOU? BUT IT'S ONLY BEEN A DAY...
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5:58 PM the same day; continued
right from where we left off last time...
"I'm sorry." Amy whispered. "I... I don't know what I..." She looked around a little panicky, trying to get her bearings.
Suddenly needing some space, she got off the bed, irrationally afraid of what might happen if she didn't. She started to pace a little erratically, her mind clearly running a mile a minute. What would Buffy think of her? What did she think of herself? What had she just done? Why? Things were going so well, now they were all ruined! Those and a hundred other thoughts buzzed in her mind.
"Amy. Amy." Buffy said, getting to her feet and reaching out to lightly touch Amy's arm. "It's o.k., I-" But Amy pulled away as if her touch had burned her and the words died in Buffy's throat.
"Buffy, I'm, um..." Amy looked away again. "Please don't hate me." She asked in a quiet, beseeching voice as she looked back at her.
"I don't." Buffy assured with surety, again trying to touch Amy's arm to convey that. Amy jumped a little, but didn't pull away this time, which made Buffy feel a lot better. [She's... She's just freaked out a little, that's all. Nothing to worry about.] Buffy nervously reasoned in half-hearted relief, having been afraid she might have tripped into some kind of religious phobia or something equally as wigged, and that Amy would blame her, and, well, then some definite badness would ensue.
"I don't know why I did it, I.." Amy started crying again and sought comfort in Buffy's welcoming arms. "You just felt so, it felt.. I, I'm I..." She started to sob.
"Hey. Hey, it's all right. You didn't do anything that was wrong." Buffy assured confidently as she held on. "It's o.k., really it is." She tried a little desperately to calm her friend down and reassure her.
"It.. It is?" Amy looked to her again, her eyes still watery.
"Yeah. Of course it is." Buffy smiled in assurance.
"You're not, you're not weirded out by this?" Amy asked.
"No, of course I'm not."
"Why not?!" Amy asked, all of the sudden overcome with feelings of being exposed and vulnerable.
"Why not?" Buffy questioned slowly, not quite understanding this twist in the conversation fast enough. "I, um.."
"You, you've, you're..." Amy trailed.
"Well, yeah." Buffy admitted, a little awkwardly, now catching on.
"Then you... Then when we met you where like... it was to... it was a trick?"
Buffy just stared for a moment, bewildered, until recognition dawned. "No! God! No!" She exclaimed defensively, pulling away from Amy and feeling very exposed and hurt herself at the moment.
"Well it feels like it was. I mean you didn't tell me you were. It's-"
"No! It's not like that – Jeeze Amy, you... You really think I would...?" She started to cry. "I wouldn't do that, Amy." Buffy looked away.
"Then what?!" Amy pressed.
"'Then what' is that I like you." Buffy countered. "You're fun to be around. You're... And it's not that easy you know!" Buffy said. "I mean didn't... How was I supposed to...? What did you want me to do?" She asked. "Be wearing some shirt that says 'Beware! I'm a lesbian'? Is that it?"
"Well that would have been..."
"And you kissed me!" Buffy exclaimed. She was feeling a little outraged that Amy seemed to be trying to make her feel guilty about this. "I didn't... Look, it wasn't some plot! It wasn't some psycho pick-up line, o.k.?! It wasn't for a date or, or, I wasn't expecting that! I'm just like any other person, I, people, I mean, it's like... God! I don't know... I mean, can't I just make a friend? Is it so wrong to just meet someone and be friends with them?!"
Amy looked pale "...I'm sorry I... I didn't mean, I mean I..."
"No. It's o.k...." Buffy halted her, quickly coming to her senses upon seeing Amy's reaction. "I didn't mean you did something wrong, or..."
"No, I did! You're right! You didn't do anything, I did! Here you were, being... and I just jump you!... You must think I'm so pathetic..." Amy trailed off, going over to the desk chair and burying her head in her hands, her mind just not finding anywhere for her thoughts to go.
"No. I mean yeah, I wasn't expecting you to..." Buffy tried haltingly as she followed Amy and knelt down in front of her. "I mean, that doesn't mean I... Look." Buffy said, bringing her hand to Amy's cheek and coaxing her to look up "Did you see me pulling away?" She smiled. "If you wanna kiss me, you're totally someone I'd want to be kissed by."
Silence. "Really?"
"Yeah, really." Buffy said, moving forward and kissing Amy's hand, then looking up into her eyes.
Amy looked back, and once again, she didn't see any deception there. She didn't see someone who would try to play with her and, and what she saw was someone she could trust. Someone she did trust, the same person who made her feel safe, who listened to her. She saw her friend.
Tentatively, Amy brought her hand and up to lightly caress Buffy's cheek, and she smiled. "Are you sure you weren't just trying to get me into bed with you when we met?" She asked with amusement, never taking her eyes from Buffy.
Smiling, Buffy brought her hand up and cradled the hand that touched her cheek, brining her lips in to lightly kiss the palm of that hand.
"I'm sure." Buffy's voice just a bit deeper, she smiled to Amy a little. "But that doesn't mean I'd turn down the invitation if you asked me." She found her face heating just a little at saying that.
Amy's mouth was suddenly very dry, and words were just not there, as what Buffy had just said registered on her.
"...That's... That's good to know..." Amy said blankly, causing Buffy to giggle a little bit from the blank look her friend wore.
"Hey, what's funny?" Amy questioned, coming out of her daze.
"You are, silly." Buffy said, touching Amy's lips lightly with the tip of her finger.
Amy chucked a little at this. "Well, then I guess we make a really good couple then... Together we make a silly goof."
"Ohhh." Buffy moaned. "That joke never leaves this room, o.k.?" She looked up at Amy with a silly look on her face.
"O.k.." Amy said simply.
"O.k.." Buffy agreed, laying her head on Amy's lap.
"So... Is tonight a date then?" Amy asked out of the blue.
Buffy's head rose up and she sat back on her knees, looking up at Amy.
"Tonight?" Buffy asked in question.
"Yeah. Tonight? At the Bronze? Is it a date?" Amy asked.
"Um, well." Buffy got a lop sided grin on her face. "If you want it to be?"
Amy smiled and got down onto the floor with Buffy, then leaned in and kissed her.
Buffy was spellbound, the deepening kiss blanking out most other thought as her heart just started to soar and the blood seemed to drain out of her head all together too quickly.
As the kiss slowly ended, and their lips parted, Amy stayed close, her breath softly ticking Buffy's face as she said "I want it to be."
Buffy just sat there for a bit, looking into Amy's eyes. "O.k." She said softly.
"So it's a date then?" Amy said, stroking Buffy's cheek.
"It's a date." Buffy smiled.
At which Amy smiled back and then tucked her head into Buffy's shoulder and let Buffy's arms hold her. "Good." She sighed, feeling pleased with herself.
"Yeah..." Buffy said a bit euphorically. "Hey Amy?"
"Yeah?"
"This position would be a lot more comfortable on the bed, you know." She pointed out, referring to the fact that they were on the floor at the moment.
"Now see?" Amy said playfully, yet also a little unsteadily, into Buffy's shirt collar. "I knew you just wanted to get me into bed." She moved her hand and up and teasingly slid it over Buffy's left breast.
Giving a little half squawk, half-whimpering sound, Buffy removed the offending hand and said affectionately. "My but you have a dirty mind."
"Would you want me to?" Amy asked hungrily. "Have a dirty mind?" She started to kiss Buffy's neck softly. "Because I could be convinced I think..."
Having a very hard time concentrating now, Buffy said "I... I want... I..." Did she? She might not have that much time left after all, and it had been so long since she'd, so long...
"I love you." Amy whispered fervently into Buffy's ear.
"You lo-?" Buffy started.
"I want... I want to show you." Amy ran her hands over Buffy's body, through her hair, down her side, bringing one to her thigh, the other to her face, tangled in her hair. "I want... To be close.." She breathed into Buffy's ear. "To you..." She kissed her and realized she was laying down. Buffy was lying under her, her thigh was between Buffy's legs, and it felt so right. Her mind was on fire, and all she could think of was Buffy. Wanting to stay with her, be with her, prove that she loved her...
"Amy..." Buffy whispered, almost groaned. She could hardly believe this was happening, it was like some wonderful erotic dream she did not want to wake up from. [Amy, she loves me.] She thought dreamily.
Hearing her name, Amy was in a haze of sensation, and she moved over and up a little so their eyes could meet, and once they did, Amy was lost all over again. And soon they were kissing, again and again. Softly, lightly, deeply, until they were both breathing hard and out of breath.
Amy rolled off of Buffy and they both just lay there breathing for a moment.
"Wow." Buffy breathed simply, in wonder.
"Yeah. Wow..." Amy said looking blankly at the ceiling, her mind racing, her body humming, and her hormones barely under control.
"That was..." Buffy stated to say as Amy rolled over on her side and Buffy saw her looking at her.
"We could you know?" Amy offered in half tentative, half lust-filled tones. "Get into bed together. I want to." She said quickly, running her hand over Buffy's stomach and liking the athletic musculature she found there.
"Amy..." Buffy whispered, turning over onto her side and looking her in the eyes. "We.. We shouldn't." She said, kicking herself mentally even as she said the words. "It's too soon. We just met this morning and..." the words trailed off as she started to stare at Amy's lips.
"That doesn't matter." Amy said ardently, getting up and crawling back over to Buffy. "Don't you want to?...Don't you wan.." She looked down into Buffy's eyes and her voice caught.
"I want to." Buffy said, simply being honest. "I want you... More than anything." [But.] Her internal voice had to point out. [No matter what I want... It wouldn't be right to just make love with her as soon as possible because I could be killed soon. At the very least, she deserves to know what she's getting into...]
Tears started to form in Amy's eyes, and she collapsed onto Buffy, burying her head in her shoulder as she had before, a bright smile on her face. "I love you." Amy said again softly, almost in amazement at the words, relishing the feel of Buffy's arms wrapping around her.
A pause. "I love you too." Buffy said it like a promise, and to her it was. It was a solemn oath that she would protect the heart of this one girl who seemed to give it to her so freely, for as long as she could anyway.
On hearing this, Amy stopped breathing and just froze where she was in Buffy's arms. Disbelief, fear, longing, desire, love... sanctuary... These were the thoughts and feelings racing through her. But of all this, one thing she new with perfect clarity, she really wanted to kiss Buffy again. To feel that warmth again, now that she knew she was wanted.
And so she did, moving slowly until their eyes met and her lips brushed over Buffy's lightly, and just as she was about to dip in, those lips rose up to meet hers, Buffy's hand tangling in her hair. It was such a heady feeling, and one Amy was soon to lose herself in.
This was a slow, languid kiss, and when Buffy felt Amy's tongue seeking hers, she welcomed it eagerly. The kiss turned into a long string of kisses, deep and longing, only broken long enough to suck in hasty gasps of air.
Finally, exhausted and overwhelmed by the intensity, Amy collapsed onto Buffy's shoulder and half hummed, half groaned in satisfaction next to her ear.
"So." Buffy said rather breathlessly "Can I consider you my girlfriend then?"
Amy started to giggle helplessly at this, and she finally sat up a little so she could look Buffy in the eyes again. "Yes." She said as she bent down to kiss the tip of Buffy's nose "You can consider me your girlfriend... As long as I can consider you mine."
"Oh, I think I just amply demonstrated that I'm yours alright." Buffy said rather wryly, thinking of how easily Amy seemed to be able to have her way with her.
Chuckling into Buffy's hair, Amy said a little bashfully "I guess you did, huh? Who knew I had it in me?" She said, almost in wonderment, at what she realized she'd just done.
"Well, I don't know the answer to that, I just know I really liked finding out for myself." Buffy replied, with a bit of a saucy grin.
"Oh, you did, huh?" Amy said, nipping a little playfully at Buffy's ear.
"What? You couldn't tell?" Buffy asked just as playfully.
"Um, well.." Amy said shyly. "Yeah, I could tell." She finished softly.
"Good." Buffy spoke just as softly.
"Good." Amy repeated contentedly, holding Buffy to her almost possessively.
"It... It might be a problem though." Buffy pointed out, with a bit of worry, as something occurred to her.
That got Amy's attention. "What might be?" She looked at Buffy, not understanding, and now a little fearful.
"Us." Buffy said. "At the Bronze."
"At the..."
"People. Lots of people. They don't react well--" Buffy began.
"To people like us." Amy finished, recognition dawning on her. The evidence clearly stating she was a person like that for sure now.
"Yeah... Is that a problem?" Buffy asked.
"I... I don't know." Amy answered honestly, rolling off of Buffy and sitting against the bed, looking up at the ceiling as she tried to think. "Is it a problem for you?" She asked, looking over at Buffy who had gotten up and was sitting cross-legged in front of her.
"Not really." Buffy answered. "I mean yeah, it's not easy to deal with sometimes. Sometimes it can be a real bitch." Buffy confessed, her mind drifting back to some rather unpleasant memories. "But it's my life, you know? I'm not about to let them stop me from being who I am if I can help it." She said resolutely as she locked eyes with Amy. "Especially not when I have a chance at being myself with someone as completely wonderful as you are." She said, with quiet honesty and feeling.
Silence. "That was... That..." Amy went over and hugged Buffy soundly. "You are the best person I know." She whispered. "And by far the most romantic." She pulled back and locked playful eyes on Buffy. "And so beautiful and brave." She said softly, tracing the angle of Buffy's face. [And you're mine.] She thought as a smile grew on her face.
"I don't care." Amy stated simply.
"You don't...?"
"I don't." Amy affirmed. "I don't care. You're mine, and I won't let anyone make me pretend you're not."
Buffy got a kind'a weird cocky grin on her face that seemed to hint of danger. "Well, o.k. then." She agreed, getting to her feet and offering Amy a hand up. "I guess we better get ready to go then. Cordelia's expecting me soon you know."
"Oh, and won't that be a fun time." Amy drolly assessed as she took Buffy's hand and got to her feet.
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to be continued in part five...
MY NAME IS BUFFY AND I AM A VAMPIRE SLAYER WHO DATES
see you next time!