Celestia returned to her room after a quiet walk alone in the castle gardens. She was surprised that Nina wasn’t there. Nina had always been waiting for her, and she noticed her absence with a feeling of disquiet.
Hearing screams and loud noise outside, she rushed out to the balcony and looked down. Surrounded by people holding torches, there was a prone body in the courtyard, broken and battered, twisted beyond recognition.
A shot of terror pierced her heart as she realized it was Nina. She ran through the castle, cursing the human dress she wore every step of the way for holding her up. Once she had been swift, strong, dignified... Now she lumbered through the halls like an oversized bear, hating the trappings of human life. Terrified by the prospect of losing a fragile human life, one so precious to her...
She finally made it outside, and pushed through the gathered people to see Nina lying in a pool of blood.
“Call a doctor!” Celestia cried, “Don’t just stand there!” Some of the crowd blended into the night now that the Queen had arrived, not wanting to be related to the death of her maid. Celestia knelt down beside Nina and took her hand.
“Nina, Nina, what happened?” Nina opened her eyes a little, and gave Celestia’s hand a squeeze.
“It’s better... this way...” Nina said, “Let me go, Celestia. If you had seen what I’ve seen, you would understand.”
“What are you talking about?” Celestia said, “Seen what? Nina, you’re not making any sense...”
The doctor arrived, and the crowd moved to let him in. He gestured to two young men, who brought a stretcher in. They carefully lifted Nina onto it and took her away.
“Your Grace, let us go to somewhere a little more private,” the doctor suggested, and Celestia followed him in a daze. Had Nina jumped, and why? What had she seen to frighten her so? Was she ill? Would she live?
They went to the doctor’s room, and the young men laid Nina on the bed. Celestia moved closer, wanting to talk to Nina, to understand what was going on, but the doctor shook his head.
“Let me see,” he said, “Then you can have your time.”
It seemed like forever as he looked her over. Nina cried out at the pain a couple of times, but was surprisingly quiet as the doctor examined her.
“Speak with her for a while,” the doctor said, his face grave. “Then we will talk.” He slipped away into another room, giving them their privacy.
“Nina, what’s...” Celestia started, but Nina cut her off.
“Wait,” Nina said, “I know I... don’t have much time. So let me say what needs to be said... To confess my sins to you, Celestia...”
“You can’t die,” Celestia said, “You can’t leave me alone in this place!”
“I must,” Nina said, “You’ve... become strong. You don’t need me any more. I can see that. It’s okay, it’s the way things should be... But what I have done to you, Celestia, in order to keep you...” Tears rolled from her eyes onto the pillow, and she made no effort to stop them.
“Nina, whatever you have done, we can fix it...” Celestia said, “If you have been seeing somebody else, I will understand...”
“I murdered Talia and Loran.” Nina said. Celestia’s eyes grew wide.
“What did they do to you?” Celestia asked, “If they did something...”
“Their only crime was knowing too much...” Nina said. She closed her eyes for a second, and Celestia was frightened that she would not open them again, but she did.
“Celestia, I lied to you. Ravanna is alive. I helped her escape from here when she was about to be executed. She leads the Elves now. When... when I went to Navarre, I saw her. I was so afraid that they would speak of her, that I panicked and killed Talia and Loran on the journey home. I dumped Talia’s body in some kind of pool... and a spirit appeared. A spirit that showed me the depths of how far I would go for you. Murder... betrayal, jealousy... I have been haunted by Talia and Loran since they died... The only way... to end this destiny... is to die now, and repent. I have done such terrible things... I have lied to you, the love of my life, afraid that I would lose you... I’ve murdered two people in cold blood... and I would kill again for you, I know I would...”
“Nina....” Celestia was dumbstruck. Ravanna was alive? Ravanna, the beautiful love of her life that she had buried in her heart for all time? She hated herself for feeling hope at the bedside of Nina, and hated herself for knowing that Nina’s death would be all her fault. She was the one who had let herself be vulnerable, had let Nina in even though she knew she had not let go of Ravanna. Nina had known, and competed with Ravanna who she knew was still alive...
“You lied to me,” Celestia said, her head spinning. There was so much to process... the little lies, the moments spent together. The times Nina looked away when she had looked at her... knowing that if Celestia knew Ravanna was still alive she wouldn’t take a second look at her.
“I’m so sorry,” Nina said, sobbing. It caused her great pain as she heaved with the tears, but she seemed not to care. Celestia was crying too, her mind a whirlwind of conflicting emotions.
“It was my fault,” Celestia said, “Ravanna was... is... my everything. You knew you didn’t stand a chance against her... Yet you wanted to love me anyway.”
“More than anything,” Nina sobbed, “It’s all been a terrible lie... Everything you felt for me was based upon a lie... None of it was real...”
“That’s not true.” Celestia said, “I always had a place in my heart for Ravanna and I always will, but I love you! Even knowing what you’ve done...”
“I am a terrible person,” Nina said, “I never deserved to have eyes like yours look at me as they did. I cheated and lied to get what I wanted... Became a murderer to keep the falsehoods in place...”
She felt a soft kiss on her lips as Celestia leaned down and kissed her, and she opened her eyes, the tears springing anew.
“But what about Rav...” Nina started.
“Ravanna is not here,” Celestia said, “She has a path of her own, and she cannot be here right now. Perhaps someday we will meet again, but right here, right now... I love you, Nina. I wish... I could have expressed it enough that you believed it... and then all this never would have happened.”
Nina closed her eyes, “If only I’d been honest... from the start...”
“It’s okay,” Celestia said, “While I don’t condone your actions, I understand them. I am so sorry for being the cause of such pain for you...”
“I am the cause of this pain,” Nina said, “I’m a jealous, selfish person. I wanted you to love me more than anything - more than Ravanna, more than Solaris. But it’s okay now... I can’t hurt anybody else to keep you...”
“You’re going to be all right, Nina,” Celestia said, “We’ll fix this somehow. Perhaps I can persuade Argall to...”
“No,” Nina said, “My legs are twisted beyond repair, and I know... I’m bleeding inside. I feel so tired... It’s okay, though. Now that I’ve told you everything, I feel at peace for the first time in all these years...” She closed her eyes. Celestia sat on the edge of the bed and held her hand, feeling her pulse and listening to her soft breaths.
The doctor came back in, “She will probably not make it through the night, Your Grace,” he said, “She has extensive internal injuries. There’s nothing I can do to stop the bleeding... only ease her pain a little as she passes.”
Celestia wept anew, taking a handkerchief from the doctor and sobbing into it as he tried to soothe her. Eventually she stopped, but her eyes were red and her chest hurt.
“Your Grace, you should rest,” the doctor said, “I will send a messenger if anything changes.”
“No, I want to stay here,” Celestia said, “By her side... until the end.”
“As you wish,” he said.
As she sat in the candlelight, she mulled over everything Nina had told her. She felt regret at not spending more time with Nina, guilt at keeping a place in her heart for Ravanna. She did not even realize how much she had held a torch for the woman she had lost until now. A hundred years together was hard to put aside, but in not doing so, she had lost the present. Nina was lost to her now, just another memory to keep alongside her thoughts of Ravanna.
Nina woke after a few hours... “Cel...” she called weakly.
“I’m here,” Celestia said, taking her hand, “I’m here for you... I love you...”
“Thank you...” Nina said, “Love... you...”
It was only a few hours more until her breathing slowed for the final time and her pulse grew weaker and weaker to the point where Celestia could barely feel it. Nina was going to the sleep beyond sleep, away from her, forever. She thought there was no more room in her heart for sorrow after Ravanna had died, but there was, and she was going to have to grieve again, even as she learned her last grief had been premature. She had lost her child for nothing, but grief had come again, more real than ever...
There was a knock on the door, and it opened. Solaris came in, escorted by one of the maids.
“He’s been calling for you and Nina,” she said, “I can’t quiet him. He seems so disturbed...”
“You can go,” Celestia said, “Leave him with me.”
Solaris ran over to her, crying, and she took him in her arms, “You feel it, don’t you?” she said, “The passing of somebody you love...”
“Aunt Nina is... going to the place beyond, isn’t she?” Solaris asked, his eyes wide and filled with tears.
“Yes, Solaris, she is. Her journey here is over. She belongs in the arms of Nature now.” Celestia soothed him as he cried. She reached over for Nina’s wrist and found her cold to the touch. She had died while Celestia had been comforting Solaris, and Celestia felt regret at having missed the actual moment of her passing. She had always been distracted, always been away, distant... and she hadn’t even been there for Nina’s last breath.
~
Celestia stood shrouded in black as they buried Nina. It was a tradition to burn bodies in the human lands, except for those of nobles, but Argall had seen her grief and made an exception, for which she was grateful. Burning bodies went against the way of her beliefs, in which the body returned to the ground and became a part of the trees and plants. They buried her in the forest clearing where they had first made love, away from the castle, which pleased Argall enough -- it was quite the scandal that the Queen’s favorite serving girl had committed suicide and rumors had swept the castle.
Celestia had told nobody of the murders of Talia and Loran, and that was a secret she intended to keep. There was nothing to be served by telling anybody, no justice to be had - Nina was gone and the matter was closed.
Gone. Dead. Dead as Ravanna had been dead, but Ravanna was still alive. Out there, in the Elven lands, Ravanna still drew breath, but Nina would have no such miracle. The finality of seeing Nina lowered into the ground closed that chapter in Celestia’s life forever. It had been so much different when she had heard of Ravanna’s death, it had been a distant, faraway thing and a piece of her understood she had perhaps never truly believed it. She had felt Ravanna’s presence all around her, in the forest, in the wind... But Nina... Nina was gone from all things. Her presence no longer existed in the world. Celestia’s bed was cold and empty. Nobody welcomed her when she returned to her room at night. Argall had offered Celestia her choice of the maids, perhaps thinking she would take another lover, but that would never happen and so she did her own chores. Solaris and the other Elven children became her life, teaching them, educating them in the ways of their homeland. She only hoped it would be enough to help them make a choice when the storm of war came... to fight for or against their people.
“Ravanna,” Celestia said, standing out on the balcony of her room, “I wonder if you still think of me, because I still think of you. I wonder what you would think of me now after all I’ve done. I’ve loved another woman, lived another life, had a fine son... Will there still be a place for me in your heart... when I eventually come home?”
The wind rustled, as if in response, and Celestia went back to her room to sleep, curled up alone in the bed she used to share with Nina.
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