Story: Unwarranted Lip Kissing (all chapters)

I couldn’t believe it. It couldn’t be happening. Four years with someone and they just break your heart for no reason! This couldn’t be real, no way. My life was totally, completely, and utterly over
It happened about forty-six hours ago. My girlfriend broke up with me. We were happy, nothing was wrong. Except clearly something was. I felt messed up and broken. Aren’t girls supposed catch on to that sort of thing? I thought hard about what I could have done. I wandered endlessly through the lost corridors of my memories. Moment after moment of what I had shared with her. Every eternal second of ecstasy. All the times of anger, and confusion. I couldn’t find anything. Any logical explanation was either lost or hiding from me like a child seeking shelter from an imaginary monster. I wished more than anything I could talk to the memory of what I had done wrong. Ask it to show itself and come out of hiding.

I sat motionless in my bed, my position the same in my mind as in my body in the place where I sat, unmoving. Empty, defenseless, and naked. I was unaware of the time. It meant nothing to me. I was oblivious of the fact that my best friend Andy was knocking on the door of my apartment. Nothing mattered. Without her, my life was like my mind, blank. I paid no attention to my friends standing in front of me.

"Jesse, Jesse hello? Anybody there," I could hear my friends attempted shouting at waking me from my stupor. My best-friend Andy in particular was very loud.

"Jesse, sweetie, you gotta tell us whats wrong. Baby, wake up!" I felt a hard slap against my leg. It wouldn’t have hurt so much had the blow not hit my bare flesh. I was like an open book to be read, or in this case slapped. I let out a grunt of a combination of pain and acknowledgement.

"She’s alive," my friend Gabe yelled sarcastically from the small group in front of my bed.

" We almost really did think something had happened to you, you’ve never been completely out of contact for two days. What happened?" My eyes had been closed for so long, it was time to open them. As I did so I saw my friends; Gabe, Andy, Dani, and Teri all in front of me.

"Shut up Gabe, of course I’m alive." I answered in a tone of the utmost annoyance.

"Jesse, honey, whats so wrong to keep you in a daze like that? It can’t- not- oh I'm so sorry!" Andy flung her arms around me. My other friends caught onto what had happened in the following seconds. I couldn’t take anymore. Before I knew it I was sobbing the hardest I ever had in my life. It felt good to cry, especially with my friends crying along for me. After a few minutes of dramatic crying and hugging, I realized I was shivering.

"Damn, you guys are really fucking cold!" I yelled in their ears. They quickly got off the bed and rushed around my dirty room, looking for blankets.

" Your room really is a mess! I can’t move unless I step on some clothes or something." Andy noticed while searching for something to cover me up with.

"Yeah, well, you know me. Enough time on my own and in one place equals trash everywhere." As I spoke these words I realized two things. One, that my room really was a total mess. Two, I desperately was in need of a shower. Sitting in a bed for almost two days was enough to make any woman feel ripe.

"I’m gonna go take a shower." I announced and hurried off to the bathroom.

Feeling the hot water run down my back was beyond peaceful or calming. For me taking a shower was alwaysa cleansing ritual of sorts. But this was so much more. I felt like I was connected to a force that could not be touched or felt or heard. Something inside of me, telling me that it was alright. Suddenly, a cold washed over me. I had been in the shower for too long. I wanted the warm back. I needed it. For now it seemed the only keeping me alive. But it didn’t come back. Now a different force was telling me to move on. I didn’t want to move on. The child of my memories was hiding, I wanted to crawl up and hide too.

"Jesse! Are you alright in there? Do you want us to make you some food? You must be hungry." As she said this, I felt a sudden rush. I wasn't just hungry, I was starving. I needed to eat something fast. I dashed out of the bathroom in my towel. I was shaking with hunger, my towel slipped down my body, I didn't care, I was desperate for food.

"I need to eat something now!" I practically yelled to my friends.

"OK, we'll make you some food. What do you-" she needed to stop talking.

" I DON'T CARE JUST MAKE ME SOMETHING!!" now I was yelling, and very loud might I add.

"Have you been crying?" my friend Gabe asked.

"What? Oh, yeah, I guess I have." I felt tears wet my face. I pulled on my favorite pajama pants, a tank-top, and my big, furry, red robe.

After an eternity of waiting, a huge platter of golden toast, fluffy pancakes, a juicy apple, and yummy scrambled eggs was placed in front of me. My friend Dani had made me a feast. No one could cook like she could.

"Thanks, Dani. Thanks you everyone. Sorry I went a little crazy back there," I said, embarrassed. Murmurs of, "No, problem," and "it's okay" came from the quiet mouths of my friends. I couldn't wait any longer. I lunged for my food-covered plate. In minutes the feast Dani had prepared for me had vanished.

"Wow, you were hungry. I've never seen you eat like that." Gabe mumbled behind sheets of long, dark, brown hair.

" Well, I don't think you've ever seen me eat something after not eating for almost two days. I don't think I have seen me eating after not eating for two days, but only because I haven't not eaten for two days." I replied leaning back in my chair, eyes closed. The whole sentence really hadn't made any sense, and I wasn't the only one who had picked up on that fact.

"That's some very interesting logic, I always knew you were strange, my knowledge of your strangeness continues to grow every day," Andy commented from my left.

"What should we do now," she continued," We could talk or," I interrupted her string of suggestions with a glance that I knew terrified her and would have terrified any other person.

"Okay, no talking, got it. How about a movie and popcorn? Or maybe shopping?" on her last note she sounded a little too hopeful. I cruelly denied that hope. I didn't want her to be happy when I was miserable.

"I think some movies will be good. Yeah, yes to the movies, but no to the popcorn, not for me any way. I've just eaten enough to hold me over for a week or more." After these sentences, I didn't have the will to speak anymore.

We watched movies all night and into the morning. I only knew this because when I woke up, the T.V. was still on playing some romantic comedy. Unfortunately, I passed out during the first ten minutes of the second movie. I checked the clock, concealed by a veil that was Gabe's long hair. She had fallen asleep at the very edge of the bed. I carefully moved her hair aside so as not to wake her. It was true I didn't want her or anyone to be happy. I was feeling worse than I ever had, ever. Although, I couldn't touch dreams. Dreams are the sanctuary of a person's mind. Besides, dreams aren't always happy. Maybe, she was suffering a torture only hell could deliver whilst locked away in her dreams. A slight giggle slipped from her lips, and a little smile appeared on her soft face. Dammit, she was happy. I wanted to smack that smile off her face, that sweet, little smile.

I heard a clattering of pans in the kitchen. I snuck towards the kitchen making sure to overcome my klutziness in an attempt to conceal myself from whomever was in there. As I entered I saw Dani preparing something. Whatever it was, it smelled good. I crept behind her and as I did I could hear her humming a little tune.

"Boo!" I whispered in her ear, trying to surprise her. It worked. She screamed and dropped the bowl of whatever it was was she had been stirring. She turned slowly and the look on her face was one of ultimate shock.

"Jesse Luna Rae, if you EVER do that again I will kill you!" She yelled at me, even thought I was three inches away from her.

"Sorry, Dani, couldn't help it." I apologized with a shrug an a short embrace.

"You should know how easily I am scared." She noted with a short sigh of frustration.

"I do know, I just like scaring you anyhow." I replied with a grin that seemed to make everything better. We heard the sleepy moans of our friends coming from my bedroom/living room area. My apartment was small, and I like space so I moved my bed into the living room, and the bedroom was an office.

"Whats going on in the kitchen," one of my friends yelled, " and is something burning?"

"Oh crap," Dani whispered to herself, " I was supposed to be making you guys breakfast, and I was before you scared me half to death!" she stopped there, and hastily tried to remake whatever it was she had been preparing. I turned my attention to the puddle of what looked like omelet batter on the floor. Thankfully my kitchen floor is linoleum so most things clean up easily.

After getting rid of the mess I had made I went into where the others were situated, to reassure them that everything was alright. My friends had strewn themselves randomly all over my bed. All in their clothes from the day before, when everything was wrong.

"What happened in the kitchen?" my friend Teri inquired behind a huge mess of auburn curls.

"I scared Dani while she was trying to surprise us all with breakfast" I replied.

"Well, that doesn't seem like the nicest thing to do, scaring one of your best friends while she is trying to fix you up with some delicious food, now does it?" The question came from her lips followed by an expectant expression I hated and had always found annoying. And yet, I remember always being envious of Teri, from the second I met her.

Andy had tried to set me up with her at a classy bar about two years ago. We tried dating, but after a particularly bad date, we knew we just weren't for each other. She was attractive, one of the most beautiful women I had ever met. Her luscious red-brown curly hair. The eyes that sparkled like gold coins with a tint of bronze. Teri's flawless skin without so much as one single blemish. Yes, Teri was attractive, but something in her attitude still to this day aggravates me from time to time. Her bossiness. Teri had always tried to control everyone around her. I, on the other hand, never planned anything. Everything was always casual, smooth....

"Jesse? Can you hear me?" I broke off from my thoughts. My child of memories would have to wait for us to play in the past again, some other time.

"What? Sorry, I was just thinking, did you say something Teri? I could tell my friends were all staring at me. I knew they all thought I was moping.

"Why are you all staring at me? I'm fine!" I cried at them, begging them to stop badgering me with their silent eyes. A tear slithered out of the corner of my eye. It was like a snake, a snake trying to glide it's way down my cheek to get my friends' attention.

"See? You're not fine, your crying." Teri spoke with her obnoxious mouth.

"No, seriously guys, I'm alright! It was just a stray tear, okay? I tried to convince them that I was okay. I don't think I really got through.

"I need some air. I'll be outside." I could feel my friends stares on my back. I needed to be alone.

The cool air felt so good. Taking ahot shower was a shelter from al that was going on in my life. Standing out here, alone was telling myself to move on. Yeah, it hurt, but it was just a place in time. I felt like I was just now waking up from a dream, a wonderful dream. That wonderful experience was over, and I had to continue my life with those memories.

My silent realization was interupted by the sound of the sliding door as it opened and closed behind me. I turned to see Gabe standing beside me on my little balcony hanging over the side of my apartment. Of all of my friends that were comforting me, I was glad it was Gabe that was out here now. She, more than all of my friends knew what I was going through, what I was feeling. Her wife of about six years had left her two years ago. I didn't know her very well at the time. Even so, I remember that she had confined herself in her room for days, and didn't leave the house or talk to anyone at all for a few weeks. Gabe was always, up until her seperation and recovery, a strong and dominant woman. I think she just didn't want anyone to see her broken like that. Dani and she went back to when they were in in middle and high school. I remember when it happend Dani was really worried and tried to talk to Gabe, but Gabe didn't want to be talked to. I couldn't cut myself off from people that long. I'm not strong enough. But now that I think about it maybe turning to my friends early was good....

All of us have known eachother either in person or by talk fr a long time. Except Teri, we all went to the same middle school and high school. Andy and I were and have been bestfriends since then. Dani and Gabe were really close. Andu knew Dani pretty well and introduced me to her and Gabe, but it didn't really stick until a few years after. Gabe is the oldest of all of us. She got married to Celeste at nineteen. Now, at twenty-eight Gabe is shy and rarely shows people the person she once was.

"It feels nice, the cold air. You're lucky you have this to wake you up. Thats why you came out here, right?" I knew Gabe would know how I was feeling.

"Mostly, yeah," I didn't feeling like opening up, letting her guess felt easier.

"Whats the non-mostly part? I think I know what it is, but tell me anyway, please?" her delivery of the question made me giggle to myself.

"Well, I left you guys in there 'cause Teri's voice was driving me up the wall." at that moment laughing was inevitable. Seconds after my remark about Teri's voice we were hurting with laughter. Although, the moment of happiness was all too brief. Before I knew it, laughing turned to tears and I was sobbing into Gabe's shoulder. At first, she was reluctant, I could feel her jerk away momentarily. This might have been too familar for her to handle all at once. Then she was just holding me, and everything was gone.

"Hey, whoa, It's ok, Jess , its okay, you're okay. Shhh.." Gabe whispered softly in my ear. I could feel her gently stroking my back; it felt amazing. Being able to cry without restraint, and having someone comforting you at the same time. It was a completely different feeling from the one I had felt last night with everyone. Because Gabe knew more than anyone of my closest friend how badly a heart can be broken.

"Whats going on?" Andy had come through the door, "Are you okay, Jesse?" her voice sounded alarmed and scared.

"We're okay, " Gabe said, I could feel her mouth something like, "Go away, leave her alone!!" With a quiet shutting of the door, I knew Andy had gone back inside, and was relieved.

"Are you gonna be all right? I'm still here for you, I was just asking,"

"i'm gonna be okay, just stay with me a little longer please." A little longer wasn't going to feel longer. I knew I couldn't ask to stay with her forever, but right now, I wanted to. She knew more than anyone what I was going through.

"Okay, I'll stay, but we both know I can't be here with you forever. You know that, right?"

Yes, I do. Don't remind me, please, I thought to myself, hoping that somehow she would hear my thoughts. I let go of the one thing at the moment I really wanted. I went back inside to face reality, again.

"Jesse, oh my god are you okay? Andy told us she saw you crying," Teri asked frantically. God, Teri shut your ranting mouth you talk more than a chipmunk on crack! for the second time in the last five minutes I prayed my thoughts would reach that whom they were focused on. I didn't say it though, saying that would probably cause some kind of emotional scene, which I so didnt need. Instead I said, "Just shut up Teri, all I need to be okay is some peace and quiet."

And so, over the next few days it continued that way. My closest friends were with me through all of the pain and tears that were the start of recovery. As the days went by group trips to fun places increased, and the tears slowly, almost too slowly, decreased.

On not so special day, we decided to go to the pool on top of Andy's condo. Surprisingly it was quite crowded. I had always loved pools. Mostly because I loved water but pools were always good grounds for people watching. Parents teaching their children how to swim. Seeing those children struggle through their fears of drowning and death. Silly, teenage girls trying to get a tan, gabbing about shopping and television. And lastly, young, beautiful women in bikinis stretched out on towel draped, white, plastic lawn chairs. Before, Hayley I remember those were my favorite subjects to watch. Then, with her she was my subject, my one and only. If all of the beautiful women in my city were to show up in bikinis, she would still be the only thing I would watch. She was always the most beautiful woman in my eyes, my love-blinded eyes. Her hair cropped short and ginger colored. The blue eyes that sparkled just a little brighter every time you saw her. The freckles that were strewn here and there around her nose and under her eyes. She was short and slender. She always felt so fragile, so easily breakable to me. It was one of the things I loved most about her. And now, that was gone...

People watching was fun and enjoyable, but for a limited amount of time. Swimming, on the other hand could occupy me for all time. The poetic feeling of weightlessness. The cool temperature engulfs you. Feeling as if an element truly wants to help you. I was so lost in my admiration of water that I could not hear Andy ask me if I was alright. A slight nudge removed me, and I was back.

"W-What? I'm fine. Huh? Sorry Andy, did you ask me something?" I was too out of it to form more of an answer than that little mumble.

"I was just asking if you were gonna do more than just sit there and space out. I never thought anything would stop you from taking an opportunity to swim." After that, I saw a look I didn't see very often see on Andy's face. A very wise look of inner reflection. Like she was looking back on all of what we had gone through together down to the very first day we met. The day we met, was an interesting day...

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Jesse! You don't wanna miss your first day of high school do you?" shouted my mother from down the stairs.

"I'm coming mom! Just hang on a second!" I replied in the annoyed tone I talked to my mother with most of the time then. I ran down the stairs of our old house off of 13th and Myer. Memories were the foundation of that house. My great, great grandfather had built that house and it had sheltered nothing but descendants of the Rae family since then. The greenish-gray outside, and the sky blue walls the colored the whole inside. My room had been sponge-painted with a dark purple, it was the only room that had changed in the house. My grandma told me when I was young that the walls were painted blue, because great, great, grandfather loved the sky, and aviation. He always wanted to fly since he was a little boy, and thats when he started the little aeroplane company that financed our family for the most part. I had never wanted to work there, but that like the walls of my room, was the only thing that hadn't kept with tradition. My mother and father, and brother had all worked there. I had wanted to study art instead. I was always the different one in my family.

"Finally, you're ready, I thought graduation would have already passed and you STILL wouldn't have been done getting ready. Well, head out to the bus stop or you won't even make it to graduation." my mom could never wait one moment for me to get ready in the morning. I hated it. The first day of high school is a big day and I needed to look just right. Of course, just right then and just right now are totally different universes.

I remember just barely getting on the bus, and standing in the doorway to first period as the bell rang. With all of the other students sitting expectantly in their seats, giggling the girl who was late. Andy had been in most of my classes all four years of high school. She had been in a side seat near the back of the classroom. The teacher, Mr. Nakev standing at 6'2'' in front of the class chuckling to himself along with the rest of the class. My hair had been totally messed up in my effort to make it to class on time, which was foiled.

"Take your seat miss," he said politely "so that I may take attendance." It was a little creepy how polite this guy was, it was like Stepford, but a man. For a good portion of that year I remember being a little scared of my english teacher which was a bit of a shame, I always loved english.

"Okay, sorry for being late by the way" I added with a slightly embarassed apologetic smile.

"It's quite alright, seeing as it's the first week of school late students will be safe, but try not to make a habit of it, please." he finished with another eerily happy smile.

I took a seat in one of the last two available seats. It was a row over and behind Andy's seat. Mr. Nakev started the "Welcome to High School" speech and that occupied the time for the rest of first period. I remember Andy kept looking back at me, and could hardly stop giggling. After class was dissmissed to second period I took her aside out in the hallway and asked her what was so funny.

"So whats the deal? Why were you laughing at me like, all of class?" I was a little annoyed with her for being laughed at for a reason beyond my knowledge, I'd like to be humilated within my own knowledge if at all.

"It was just that you were exactly what I expected from the person who would last arrive in class today, and I couldn't get over how funny that was. Its not like you had anything written on your forehead or whatever." She giggled yet again.

"Oh, well what do you mean? "Exactly what you expected"?" I was confused. We started towards second period, and she explained.

"Well, the messy hair, the unkept overall look of you, I thought the uncanny similarity between you and what I had pictured just hilarious." Again with a chuckle. That was beginning to get on my nerves.

"Hmmm, I see. Well not a lot, but I kind of get it. You like to use long words don't you?" I noted at the end. And to my surprise she exploded in a fit of cackling laughter. That then, set me off. We were late to second period, and arrived still howling with laughter.

"Is something so terribley funny to make you so late?" said Mrs. Steeply through bright red rhinestone encrested horn-rimmed glasses. Her facial expression that very clearly resembled a hawk made us go even further off the edge and we were on the floor in excruciating pain from a fit of laughter that wouldn't stop. We were friends from then on, and have been ever since then.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

After visting briefly with my memories yet again in the last few days I was ready to dive out of reality, and into the water. I jumped up, and as I did so startled Andy who was next to me. I ran and dove into the cool, refreshing water full-speed.