Mai walked into her dormitory and dropped her bag to the floor with a satisfying thump. Her hair fell down onto her eyes and over her face, settling while she bounced once, and twice, on her mattress, having jumped back onto it with gleeful abandon. Here she was on a Saturday afternoon. Her waitress uniform hung on the closet door. Mai looked at it, and laughed. She wasn't going to be needing that today. Not for the whole rest of the day... she lay, languishing in the feeling. Free from responsibility.
"Mai? Mai, what's wrong, are you okay?" Free from most responsibility, Mai mentally corrected herself..
"Fine, Mikoto." She answered to the worried gaze that slid into view, an inch from her nose.
"Good." Mikoto drew back slightly, smiling and nodding. Mai tilted her head to the side, and watched Mikoto mirror her movement. She laughed, suddenly and loudly, and wrapped a thoroughly unsuspecting Mikoto in a crushing embrace, nuzzling her chin into the join of her roommate's neck and shoulder and unable to stop giggling. After a while, though, her arms did relax, and she let Mikoto go. The younger girl sprang up like a thin sapling, blinking several times. She looked back at Mai.
"Did I do something good?"
"Uh, not exactly."
"Something bad, did I make you worry?"
"No, Mikoto, not that either. I'm just feeling good today."
"Then I am too!" Mikoto fell back down and wrapped her arms around Mai. The young woman smiled, but a small concern touched her eyes.
"Do you want to know why I'm feeling good today?"
Mikoto was silent for a moment, and Mai could almost see her face screwed up in thought. "Sure, okay."
"I'm going out tonight--" Mai could only say that much before she was interrupted, not entirely to her surprise.
"Really? Where're we going?"
"Er, I'm going to karaoke, with my brother and Akira; Tate, too."
"That's that place we all dressed up before, right?"
"Yeah, but we're not dressing up this time. That was only Midori's idea, we're just going to do the singing part."
"That was fun too! Mai sings with a nice voice, I want to hear it again."
"Erm, well..." Mai had started this conversation knowing full well that it would lead her here, but she still found no really good way to say what she wished. She sighed. There probably wasn't a good way, she thought, so she might as well try a way.
"You're going to have to stay here, Mikoto."
"What? I am here."
"I mean tonight, when I'm doing karaoke, you're not going to be able to come."
"I'm not? Is there something you want me to do instead?"
Mai closed her eyes and breathed deeply. Come on. She wasn't being vague or stepping around the issue or anything of the sort, but Mikoto was going to make this difficult without even trying. She sat up slowly, and Mikoto let go of her. Combing a few strands of hair from her face with a hand, she looked into Mikoto's quizzical eyes and tried to find the words to explain.
"No, Mikoto. You can do whatever you want, but I'm going out with Takumi and Akira and Tate. They... invited me today, for just us four. I'm..." Mai twisted her lip, and wondered why this was so hard to say. It was only the truth, and there was no reason Mikoto couldn't know, she would have to get used to it eventually. "I'm going on a date with Tate, while Takumi goes on a date with Akira, so you can't..." She choked up a bit on Mikoto's disappointed expression, but powered through. "You can't go."
"A date?"
Mai sighed, frustrated. "Yes, a date. Me, and him, two people. A date, with a boy. My boyfriend, a date with my boyfriend! We're going to go out and have fun, the two of us. It's just tonight, Mikoto, you'll be fine for a night."
"For tonight." Mikoto echoed, looking more thoughtful than sad. "You're going on a date with Tate tonight to have fun, the two of you."
"Yes."
"And tomorrow we can have fun again, the two of us?"
"Uh, sure."
"Okay. It's a date."
"Right, it's a--no!"
"No?"
"It's not a date, Mikoto!" Mai exclaimed, exasperated.
"We're not going to have fun tomorrow?" Mikoto said softly, bottom lip protruding.
"That's not it, Mikoto..." Mai tapped a finger to her head. "It's just... we're going to have fun, but it's not a date."
"Are dates more fun?" Mikoto asked, narrowing her eyes.
"No, dates aren't more fun, Mikoto, we'll have lots and lots of fun together."
"At karaoke?"
Mai winced, running her account figures through her mind. Yeah, she had the money, but she was loath to spend that frivolously when she was trying to save--even when faced with Mikoto's entreating expression! "No, not at karaoke, but we'll do something fun, I promise."
"So you can only have a date at karaoke?"
"Ah, no." Mai gnawed at the inside of her cheek, thinking. "A date is for a girl and a b..." Mai trailed off, thinking about her friend, Natsuki. Maybe a little less specific, then. "A date is for two people who really, really..." She stumbled again. Couldn't say "like," that would only land her right back in the same spot when Mikoto came back professing just that much like on her part, or asking piteously if Mai didn't like her that much. Couldn't say "love" either. Love was a pretty serious, after all, and just a date didn't need love. She was stuck. Mai fumed for a few minutes, thinking. "It's just... well, you'll figure it out eventually, Mikoto, it's not really possible to explain it that easily." Mai held up her hands, not quite shrugging.
Mikoto nodded slowly, obviously not happy about it, but she said, "Alright, Mai."
Mai considered herself lucky to get this much understanding from her roommate. "And I'll make you dinner before I go, okay? Whatever you want."
"Ra--?"
"Sure, ramen, why did I even ask?" Mai laughed. "At least your grocery list is easy to remember." She ruffled Mikoto's hair affectionately.
******************************************
Takumi stepped down from the stage, red as a beet and averting his eyes from Mai's face, while his sister did her absolute best not to laugh. Mai was definitely not going to laugh. Everybody might know that she wanted to, but she absolutely was not going to actually do it. Somewhere in his enthusiasm for treating his sister to something she liked, Mai suspected that Takumi had forgotten that he was rather unfond of karaoke, as shy and quiet as he was. Akira probably wasn't going to change his opinion very much, as she wasn't harboring any qualms about laughing, whatsoever.
"Geez, Akira-chan..."
"I'm not laughing at your voice, Takumi," she tried to explain between guffaws. "Just that, you know."
"Just what?"
"How you use it. Be a man, sing your heart out!"
"Be a man? More like Tate-san?" Takumi adopted a sly look.
"Eh, no, maybe not that..." Akira conceded.
"Hey hey, what's that supposed to mean?" Tate interrupted, looking indignant.
"Don't mind them, Yuuichi." Mai smiled at him from across the table. "That's just... one more flaw of yours that I'll have to learn to look past." She winked cheekily at him, and looked around the table. "I'm happy you all wanted to take me out, and I do love karaoke, but we can go someplace everybody would enjoy more next time."
"Nah, I'm having fun," Akira waved off her concerns. "Isn't this part of the experience too, anyway? I think it's my turn, now. Gotta show my boyfriend how it's done."
"Come on, Akira," Takumi protested.
"Pay attention, Taku-chi," she winked at him, and punched in the code for the song she wanted. Akira's voice wasn't bad, really, Mai thought, but it sure wasn't her voice that had Takumi turning scarlet as she launched into a slow love song--likely much softer in its original form than her rather rough rendition, but her eyes were soft as she kept them on Takumi throughout. Mai chuckled at her brother's expense, but also felt a little dribble of jealousy in her amusement. She idly found herself thinking about doing something along the same lines, and sneaked a darting glance at Yuuichi. He was bent over the song book, leafing through the pages. Mai immediately thought that was a little rude of him, before she realized that she wasn't really paying much attention to Akira either. Still, she thought, glancing between the singer and her brother, they weren't likely to notice what either she nor Yuuichi were doing right now. And Yuuichi was... Mai focused on him more intently. Could it be that he was thinking the same thoughts that she was, planning on coming out with a love song next, was that a look of purpose in his eyes? Er, then maybe she shouldn't sing one for her turn, and wait for his turn to come around again? Yes, that was it; she could just find some other song she liked, and wait for Yuuchi to surprise her. Mai smiled warmly at him, just as he was looking up. He seemed surprised to find her eyes on him, but he smiled back at her. Akira's song wound down, and he whispered to her,
"You having fun, Mai?"
"Sure am."
Akira stepped down from the stage and sat back down next to Mai. "And that's how you sing karaoke. Right, Mai-san?"
Mai jumped, not expecting her name to come up. "Ah, er, sure. Yeah, Takumi, you just have to get up on that stage and sing like it belongs to you."
"But it doesn't belong to me..."
"You paid for the time, and that makes it yours," Mai pointed out, and smiled slyly. "Maybe it'll motivate you to think that you're only paying for girlfriend to tease you right now? You could get that for free, you know!"
"Sis!" Takumi started to protest, but looked thoughtful. "You have a point."
"I usually do. Now all of you, watch and learn!" Mai smiled and pressed in her song. Nothing too special or fancy, just a pop tune about lazing around on a summer's day that she remembered being popular in middle school; she still knew the words by heart, so she didn't have to worry about that and she could just... let go. And she did. Hardly content with only singing, she used all the stage. She danced and met the eyes of her small audience, throwing out a wink and a flourish and letting the song lift her up. In the lights with the music flowing through her, the bass reverberating through her soul and the notes dancing through her heart, she could still be just a little girl, dreaming of being a famous singer. Mai dropped her burdens off before she stepped up to the microphone and let herself fly... and did her best to take everybody with her with her song. She noted with some pride as the melody faded that nobody had looked away while she was singing, every pair of eyes in the room captive to her performance.
"Did I do well enough?" She said, feigning bashfulness as she walked back to her seat. She basked in the appreciative silence for a moment before looking up at them.
"Eh, it doesn't matter," Yuuichi spoke up, leaning back in his chair. "Just another flaw I'll need to look past."
"Flaw!?" Mai said dangerously, glaring at her boyfriend. He caught her eye and his dispassionate attitude evaporated. Laughing nervously, he waved his hands in a pacifying gesture.
"Joking, I was only joking!"
"It wasn't funny." Mai sniffed, turning away.
"Come on, I was just trying to push a button. You're beautiful when you're angry, you know?"
"Nice try, Yuuichi, but you're not going to have it easy," Mai said, but she mollified and smiled at him, shaking her head with exaggerated exasperation.
Takumi jumped up for another try after that, and although he wasn't so bold as to return Akira's gesture, Mai was pleased to note that he was more confident this time. He certainly didn't have a bad voice, but the way his pitch and tone had wavered and warbled nervously on his first turn had ruined any niceness it may have had. He did better this time, even though Akira shouted, "louder!" a few times in the middle of it, earning her a few annoyed glances from Takumi. His irritation didn't last any longer than it took Akira to sweet talk him again. Yuuichi went up next, climbing the stage along with Mai's climbing expectations...
And then he stepped back down, having sung some some march-like song-- probably from some old anime, Mai thought with undue irritation--that had absolutely nothing romantic about it. She sighed, thinking that perhaps she shouldn't have gotten her hopes up so high in the first place. Mai realized that she'd been looking forward to his turn so much that she hadn't found another song she wanted to sing, so Akira went next while Takumi walked over to the phone to order a second round of drinks.
"You okay, Mai?" Yuuichi asked her, his eyebrow raised questioningly. Mai blinked, she hadn't thought her reaction had been visible. She smiled reassuringly.
"Fine, fine, why do you ask?"
"Oh, you just seemed kind of out of it, for a second..."
"Just your imagination. Hey, anything you want to hear me sing?"
"Me?" He yelped.
"Of course you, unless you have a mouse in your pocket?" She teased.
"Oh, uhm... n-no, nothing in particular."
"You sure?" Mai pressed.
"Nope, I don't really know all that many songs, just stuff from TV, mostly."
"Oh, well, I'll find something," Mai relented. She was a little disappointed, thinking that she had found a way to make a romantic song at least be Yuuichi's idea, but that hadn't worked either. Leafing through the book, she couldn't find the motivation to try one herself, either. The mood was gone, as they said. She frowned for a moment, but when Takumi sat back down, she calmed, and tried to brighten. There was still singing to do, that everybody had invited her to. She still liked to sing, so darn it, she would sing until her voice gave out!
"Okay, everybody, our time's winding down. Anybody want a little more?" Or until the time did, she amended... a couple of hours flew by surprisingly quick, in the end. She looked around. It was rather doubtful that she would get tired of singing until she ran out of money or had need of sleep, but it was probably good to set some limits. Yuuichi didn't look remarkably enthusiastic about staying, and Akira was as impossible to read as ever, but she certainly wasn't doing much to give the impression that she really wanted to stay, so Mai took her cue from them.
"Nah, I think I'm about all sung out, Takumi."
Akira and Tate nodded their agreement, and it looked to Mai as thought they'd been waiting for her lead before they gave their answers. It was a warm feeling, everybody being so nice to her tonight.
"All right," Takumi answered, and turned back to the phone.
"Well, did you have a good time, Mai? Takumi is sure hoping so." Akira smiled as she asked, stretching backwards on the bench.
"Oh yes, very much. This is the best time I've had in I don't know how long!" Mai answered, fairly sincerely. Looking at Yuuichi, she felt a little disappointment--this had been more like a friend's night out than a "date" for them, though Takumi and Akira had made the most of it--but she'd had fun, nonetheless.
"I'm glad, Mai," he said, smiling a little sheepishly, and Mai wondered how much of her thoughts he could read off of her face. Yuuichi was a sweet enough guy, but he'd never been all that surprisingly in tune with her moods, so she was probably getting concerned over nothing, she decided.
"Hey, Takumi?" Akira called out. Mai glanced over to see Akira watching them shrewdly.
"Yes?"
"Why don't we drop by the store to get... I don't know, get you a new apron or something."
"Eh? What for, and why now?"
"Because I said so, dummy."
"Isn't she the subtle one?" Yuuchi rolled his eyes, saying aloud what Mai was only going to think.
"About as subtle as my fist upside your head, ingrate," Akira grumbled.
"Ah, that is, thanks?" Yuuichi tried a different tack, unsure.
"Oh!" Takumi burst out, and when Mai and the other two looked at him he covered his mouth, flushing. Mai buried her face in her hands, and laughed.
"Let's just get going, guys," she said warmly. "Yuuichi and I can find time to be alone without you going apron-shopping, and I'm too tired tonight to take advantage of your offer." A small yawn crawled up her throat and escaped by way of verification. She'd known it was be a bad idea to work late Friday night, but that had been Akane's condition if she wanted Saturday off... man, a day off just didn't count for much if you still felt like you had to go to bed early.
"Ah, are you sure, Mai-san?" Akira said insistently. Mai looked apologetically at Yuuichi, but she nodded. "Thanks, Takumi, Akira, but if Yuuichi wants us to have some time alone, maybe he should ask me out himself next time?"
"I tried! You're always busy, Mai," he protested helplessly.
"I'm not right now. If my little brother can do it, you should be able to. Isn't that right, Akira-chan?"
"She had a point, you know," Akira tapped her chin thoughtfully. "If this thing--" she jerked her thumb at him, "Could work it out, I'm sure that you could put some more effort in."
"I feel a little put down by that, I'll have you know..." Takumi said quietly.
"I'll pick you up later, promise," Akira winked at him, and Takumi flushed again. She turned back to Mai. "Well, can't say we didn't try, but I guess we ought to leave it to you two to work out. Takumi and I are gonna head home, you two do whatever."
As it happened, "whatever" turned out to be home as well, and the four of them walked back to the school together. Yuuichi walked close to her, but he didn't make a move to hold her, or even clasp her hand, looking to unsure of his current standing with her. Mai winced inwardly, berating herself for what she'd said; she hadn't meant to be quite so harsh, but seeing Takumi and Akira so comfortable and... well, flirty with one another had made her want the same, and served to remind her of how distant she and her boyfriend were, really, after a disturbingly long amount of time.
Mai's room was closest, and her steps slowed as they passed it. Yuuchi noticed, and stopped. Eyes widening, Mai could have kicked herself. What if he was trying to invite her back to his room? Then she halted that thought. Why should he, anyway? He hadn't really done anything to warrant her going over... even so, Mai was curious what might have happened if she hadn't slowed her pace, but now that she had come to a stop with him, already, she couldn't make herself take it back.
"Ah, so... I had fun tonight, Yuuichi."
"I'm glad. I'll have to find an excuse to take you out again, soon."
"That would be nice," Mai replied softly. They stood for a few quiet heartbeats. Mai shifted her weight to first one foot, then the other, unsure of how to proceed.
"Er, I suppose I should say good night?" Yuuichi said, sounding like a question as he took half a step forward towards her.
"Ah, yeah. Good night." Mai said, not coming any closer to him. He seemed to lose his nerve for whatever he might have been trying to do, and just smiled his confident smile.
"See you tomorrow."
"Bye, Yuuichi."
They turned away from one another, Mai walking towards the building and he continuing down the path. She looked back once, and saw him with his hands jammed into his jeans pockets, scuffing his shoe on the ground. She sighed. Not exactly the way she had wanted to end her evening out, but... well, she'd gotten to sing, anyway, even if the date part hadn't gone so well. Mai walked up the stairs towards her room; she hadn't been lying about being tired, for sure, so she took the steps heavily and reached for her doorknob with relief. She opened the door and kicked her shoes to the side, yawning sleepily and rubbing at her eyes.
"Hey, Mikoto, I'm home!"
"Mama's home!" Mai stopped stock-still, eyes flying open and all thoughts of sleep evaporating at the sound of that mocking voice. "And I thought the kids would have all night to themselves, while she enjoyed the company of her gentleman friend."
Mai could only stare into the room. Nao sat at her dinner table, head resting on an arm laying folded on the surface. Her fingers drummed a little staccato with painted nails as her green eyes looked piercingly at into Mai's own. Mikoto sat blithely across from her, and her face held nothing more than pure happiness for Mai to see.
"Wha-what are you doing here?' Mai finally demanded.
"Ah, I think it's about time for me to say goodbye, Mikoto," Nao turned to face Mikoto instead of answering her. "When mama's away we might play, but she'll return and my hide she'll flay. I don't see how you can deal with it, little kitten." Nao rose lazily, looking more like a cat herself by the slow, leggy waltz she adopted on her way towards the door.
"Huh, you have to go?" Mikoto called after her, brow furrowed.
"Yes, yes she does, Mikoto." Mai answered for her, watching Nao warily.
"Now now, Mama Mai," Nao admonished, smiling sweetly. "As her owner, you need to take responsibility for what the cat drags in, she can't help her nature."
"I always throw out what trash she brings in, Nao, and there's nothing else to it." Mai grinned tightly at her.
"That's a good mother. Dinner was fabulous, by the way. I left you a tip on the counter. I can't imagine how hard it is for single mothers these days, and I have more money than I know what to do with, being young and free of responsibility and all that." Nao winked at her and, laughing gaily, slipped out the door. Laughing gaily, she slipped out the door. Mai looked over to the counter to see a few crumpled bills tossed out next to the sink. Conflict twisting at her stomach, Mai just sat down at her table.
"You're home! Did you have fun on your date?"
"Huh? Oh, yeah, right up until I got home. Mikoto, what was she doing here?"
"I was practicing my swing outside--you told me not to practice inside, remember?" Mikoto paused.
"Yeah, I remember, go on," Mai urged.
"So, I was outside when Nao left her and Aoi's room. Chie was inside there, too, and seemed mad at Nao, 'cuz she closed the door after her pretty hard. Nao looked mad, too, and I asked her what was wrong, but she wouldn't tell me. She asked me what I was doing and I told her Kendo, and she said she remembered you saying something about that before, and asked where you were. Um, well, she actually asked where my mama was, but I was pretty sure she was talking about you, so I told her you were out on a date. She just said, 'whatever,'" Mai almost laughed at Mikoto's impression of Nao's profession of nonchalance, until she remembered that they were talking about Nao, one of the people most removed from laughter in her mind. "And said something about finding somebody to go to dinner with. I said that if she didn't already have a plan, she could have some dinner with me. I mean, I didn't really want to give up any of the food you made for me, but this one time I figured I could eat a little less. Nao didn't eat much, though, so I still got a lot. She seemed to really like your cooking, though, and said so, and gave you a tip, just like you get at work--"
"Okay, okay, Mikoto, I get why she was here now." The younger girl wasn't showing any signs of stopping her narration, which was rather unlike her, usually content with short--even to the point of being vague--answers and explanations.
"I hope it was okay, Mai. I didn't do something wrong, did I?"
Mai struggled with that one. "No, not exactly, but you know that I don't like Nao, don't you?"
"Yeah, you two don't like each other very much. But Nao was pretty nice before you came, we just talked about Kendo and school and..." Mikoto trailed off, looking uncomfortable.
"And what?" Mai asked with an eyebrow arched, ever-more unpleasant possibilities playing through her thoughts.
"Um, that's a privacy thing, I think. Yup, definitely a privacy thing," she nodded firmly.
"Mikoto, what did she ask you to do for her?" Mai demanded. "I remember what privacy meant before, no privacy."
"Yes privacy," Mikoto answered stubbornly. "She didn't ask me to do anything, but we talked about things that... that I don't want to talk to you about. I promise it's nothing bad, but I'm still entitled to my privacy."
"And it's always that girl that makes you think so... are you sure, Mikoto?" Mai pressed. "She didn't want you to do anything, or tell you anything you think is strange?"
"No, Mai." Mikoto looked at her with pleading eyes, and Mai finally relented. Whatever it was, Mikoto would probably let it slip later, anyway. If Nao really hadn't told her to do anything or said anything Mikoto would think of as strange... there was probably nothing to worry about. Probably. Mai sighed. There was always something to worry about with that girl; what was her problem? You'd think that all the HiME had gone through would have settled her down a bit but, if anything, she seemed even more determined to take her shots at Mai now.
"Fine," Mai stood up, and eyed the dishes from dinner. There was no way she was going to understand a girl like Yuuki Nao, so why bother trying? "Guess I better wash up," she said brightly, trying to clear the atmosphere between her and her roommate a little bit. Mikoto stuck her arm between the dishes and Mai, though, and shook her head in a definite negation.
"I'll do it, Mai. I can clean up after myself and my guest," Mikoto affixed an uncharacteristically serious expression and gathered the dishes. She marched them over to the sink as Mai looked on, infinitely surprised at what might have been Mikoto's first volunteering for a household chore. Mikoto had never balked at helping out when Mai asked her too before, she even helped out cheerfully, but this jumping to keep Mai from working at all was a little different.
"Thanks, Mikoto," she said softly, a little unsure of herself in unfamiliar circumstances.
"No problem, Mai. It was really delicious."
"Thanks. Um, if you would, could you just leave the dishes drying so I can use them tomorrow? No need to put them away."
"Alright."
Mai watched Mikoto at the sink for a couple of minutes before shaking her head wonderingly and beginning to undress for bed. Maybe it was the Kendo? Maybe she could ask Yuuichi about it sometime, if they taught their members about doing work around the house, or properly repaying others kindness, or something. That was probably it, she decided; maybe this club would be good for something more than making Mai worry, after all. She fell back on her bed in her pajamas, and dozed lightly to the sound of running water and dishes clinking, until she was vaguely aware of a silence, and the feeling of Mikoto slipping into bed beside her, and then she fell into a deeper sleep. A strange dream pieced itself together over the course of the night. A scene of Mikoto teaching Yuuichi about what a date was, and how to properly wash Nao's mouth out with soap, and then Shiho burst in for some reason and wrapped Mai up in her hair and shook her around, yelling about how Mai shouldn't be a mother yet--no matter how big her breasts were, she was too young!--while Mai tried to argue that she wasn't a mother, and that she and Yuuichi hadn't even done anything yet... but then Nao came flying by in a cape with a sudsy smile and saved her from the octopus before carrying her away and dropping her into a fancy ball where her friends Chie, Aoi, and Yukino danced, and the executive director was there, too, and they were all in pretty, sparkly dresses and she looked around, wondering where the boyfriends Mikoto had talked about were, except that Natsuki was there too so she couldn't really wonder about that too much or she might get soapy artificial respiration from a spider and she hated spiders with all their hairy, jerky little legs and freaky mouthparts and...
Mai awoke with a shudder. For some strange reason as she climbed out of her dreamy murk, perhaps for her presence in that dream, Mai's first cohesive thought was where Nao might be. Was she still avoiding her own room, for whatever conflict had happened there? She tossed the thought aside as she became more alert. It was no concern of hers where that girl went, none at all. Her eyes rolled to the clock. It was four in the morning, and she groaned. She didn't fell remotely tired anymore, although Mikoto looked as though she wasn't going to wake up for a year, as dead to the world as she was. Abandoning any ideas of getting up and doing something constructive, mostly for not having a single idea of what she could do at four in the morning that could be considered "constructive," Mai lay in the dark and watching silently as the morning blossomed into the room with time, lightening the dark room through shades of nighttime blues and dusty grays until finally a cheery, sunshine-yellow bathed the air, all the while tossing her thoughts around like a juggler with his balls, thinking of her boyfriend and Mikoto and that damnable girl who kept intruding on her consciousness. Why had Mikoto had to let her in last night? Mai sighed. Singing and enjoying herself, how long ago had she been doing that? Hours ago, only hours, and she'd come back just to fall into the same trap of thinking and worrying that she had left. She exhaled explosively, venting her emotions in an impotent sigh. Wasn't everything supposed to be better now that all the unpleasantness with the HiME had ended? And yet, though she no longer had to worry about her own life or the lives of the people she cared about in quite the same immediate way, all of life's smaller worries were still there, and they added up. First the Headmaster had vanished, and the support for Mikoto's livelihood had gone with her. Somehow or another the board of directors had inherited her estate in the absence of blood relations, andand callously jerked themselves free from all of the Headmaster's obligations. At least, so had said a letter in place of Mikoto's usual monthly stipend. Mai had her suspicions about that, Mashiro had genuinely seemed to care for them, but if she had made some other allowances for Mikoto's well-being, they had been lost.
On top of that were Takumi's medical bills and his and her own livelihood... Mai sometimes felt as though she could pose in the Church windows and nobody would notice a thing, stretched so thinly that light would shine right through her. But still, Takumi was healthy now, and happy--and looking for a job, though this late in the year most students who had wanted to had found employment, and prospects were thin--and Mikoto was happy as well, which wasn't much of a change for the effervescent little girl, but she could still put Mai to smiling, which made everything pretty okay there. Stepping back like this and looking at everything objectively, it didn't seem as bad as she'd made it out to be. Money problems could never really measure up to the life of a loved one, now could it?
Maybe she was just used to being as fussy as an old mother hen, she conceded ruefully. Perhaps... Nao had a point, in all of her poking and baiting. Hmph. Thinking the one thought that could make her go sour now, she considered that facet of her life. Nao... that girl was really, if she thought about it, the only real blemish to her new try at being a normal girl. The only change Nao seemed to have made after the festival was gaining a newly awakened passion for tormenting her at every convenient turn, and even those not-so-convenient... though perhaps Mai wasn't helping matters; she treated Nao as coldly, and reciprocated with with just as much animosity, as she received. It was hard, though, to try to do anything else. That girl could pick at all of her insecurities with the uncanny precision of an expert marksman, and delighted in it. Mai never could find it in herself to ignore that, not after all that had happened.
The euphoria of a happy ending wore off too quickly after all. For so long she'd had to experience the rawest emotions her heart was been capable of producing, running purely on feeling. Fear and rage, loss and regret, yearning and sadness... a maelstrom, which in the calm of its eye had only one thought: if only I could have a normal life, if only I could know then what I know now, I could do everything right. That yearning for the simplicity of a school-girl's life was powerful, and it had probably anchored itself so fast in her soul that she hadn't noticed how swiftly she grabbed for it. She might not have been the only one. It seemed as though if the universe could just hit a "reset" button and fix everything that had gone so terribly wrong, couldn't she do the same? Couldn't she just go back to the way it was before everything had fallen apart, ignore everything that had happened, and it would be fixed?
Life wasn't so simple. It was a somber thought, but one she couldn't deny at this point. She'd gotten that second chance, but that's all it was. Considering her life since the Festival, she realized that she hadn't been treating it like a chance, at all. She had been treating it like a giant, cosmic band-aid that, if given the right amount of time, would make everything all better again without any help from her. As she had once thought, she was the girl that worked at her part-time job all the time, that cooked well, and that was Takumi's sister. That was who she had been for so long, she had simply continued being that person, despite everything that had happened to scream to her that she needed to live for herself. After all, if everything around her spoke that the Festival had never happened, why should she have to remember the painful lessons learned?
Mikoto stirred and started mumbling feebly about being hungry, jolting Mai from her spinning thoughts. She smiled, and instantly her thoughts filled with cooking. The feeling made her pause. For that brief moment, right after her thoughts had wandered and just before she had stopped them, her mind had been free of worries and negativity. Of course that had ended when Mai caught it, but she recognized it just the same. Mai pondered that as Mikoto's stirrings became more insistent. Strange. Mai wasn't sure if she was happy with the person she was, but in little ways, perhaps, it wasn't all that bad. Little steps. She could work on finding out who she really was and what she really wanted, while still being the girl with the part-time job who liked to cook, if that made her happy too... and it did. She liked to cook, and have Mikoto and other people appreciate it. Then she thought about going to work and putting on her uniform and about gossiping with Akane, and realized she liked that, too.
Yes, the mistake she had been making recently was falling too far back to who she had been. The same person who had weighed so heavily on Takumi's spirit and thought of Mikoto as a nuisance and hurt everybody by trying to take too much on herself, that was who she was reverting to. Today was a new day, however, a brand-new time to see what she could do about changing that.
"Wake up, Mikoto!" She used the burst of optimistic energy her thought pattern had given her to shout brightly at Mikoto and have the girl leap up in alarm and fall clumsily off of the bed in a heap of tangled limbs. There, she thought, a little selfishness and she could get up out of bed without fighting herself free of Mikoto's limbs. Plus, she got to have a little laugh at the confused look on Mikoto's sleepy face as it popped up over the edge of the mattress. Thinking about herself could be nice now and again, too. Mikoto smiled at her when her eyes focused enough, and Mai returned the expression beatifically.
"I'm hungry."
"Just hold tight, Mikoto, I'll have something ready in a little bit."
End of Part One.