In Her Burning Eyes
Chapter Seven: The Cycle of Life and Death
Life really is all about maintaining balance. It's a sad but all too true part of the world we live in that when one thing begins... so too must another end...
--
Confrontation...
--
Another month had passed in a state of near bliss. Now a little more than eight months along, Usagi looked like she was ready to pop at any time but was nevertheless bustling about the shrine in her usual bossy, but loving, manner. This, however, was counteracted slightly by the presence of a new addition to the shrine. Grandpa, claiming that he would prefer I placed my motherly duties above my responsibilities at the Shrine, had taken on an apprentice to take his place as Shrine Master. It had taken three tries to find one that was accepting of our relationship but I was rather pleased with the results.
Hisame was a motherly sort of woman, seeming to radiate warmth and comfort despite her stern nature. She was also unique in that, unlike everyone else who had continued contact with Usagi, she proved immune to the princess's influence. While it did work wonders for preventing her overly selfish tantrums, the maternal nature of the woman's scoldings also served as a painful reminder of what Usagi had lost...
--
“Rei-chan please put the phone down... I... I just can't do this right now!”
“Well when will you be able to, huh? Five years? Ten? Hell, why not just wait sixty years, then you won't even have to bother!” She cringed as if I'd slapped her and my heart pained at the sight. “I'm sorry, Usa, I shouldn't have said that. But... despite how mad at them I am for how they acted, they deserve to know how you're doing.”
“It's okay, Rei-chan, I know I'm being stupid about this but... I'm scared. Even with how things are right now I still feel like they're a part of my life. If I tell them the truth about who we are...” her hands moved to rest on her swollen belly. I put the phone down and sat beside her on the bed, her head falling comfortably onto my shoulder. “If I tell them they might not want anything do with me anymore. I'd really have lost them...”
“It'd be their loss, Usa, not yours.” She sniffled and shook her head against my shoulder. “I'm serious! Anybody who really knows you and doesn't want be a part of your life has to have a few screws loose. You're perfect, Usa.” I could feel a little of the tension drain from her body. I didn't have to see her face to know she was smiling.
“You're so sweet to me, Rei-chan, I don't know where I'd be without you,” she said, snuggling a bit closer. “Still though, I can't shake the feeling that I'm the one that messed things up.”
“It's because you're still a child,” Hisame said suddenly, seeming to have materialized from thin air.
“Do you ever knock?!” I shouted, trying to pry a terrified Usagi's arms from around my neck.
“I tried it out once and decided that it's just not for me,” the gray haired woman said with a smirk.
“Well then I don't want to hear any complaints next time you walk in unannounced and catch an eyeful of Usagi butt!” I countered, earning a broad smile from the woman and a blush from the girl next to me.
“Yes, well... as I was saying you only feel the way you do because you're young. Because of your youth and inexperience you lack the foresight to see the big picture.”
“You blame everything on youth and inexperience,” Usagi said cattily, sticking her tongue out at the woman.
“And I'm usually right,” she said, reaching out to tousle the blonde's hair affectionately. “Look, what I'm trying to say here is that you should listen to your lover on this one. I've seen the two of you in my fire readings many times, even before I came to live here. Rei is like the guiding light that will lead the two of you to a very long and happy future, I'm certain of it. You'd do well to listen to her advice.” With that, the woman gathered up the clothes from the hamper and left the room.
“I... I'll do it,” Usagi said with finality after the woman had gone.
“It's okay, Usa, I trust you to do it when you're ready,” I said, a little worried about this sudden resolve. She shook her head.
“No, she's right. You've always done what's best for me. I'll tell them if... if you'll be there to do it with me...” I took her hand in mine and gave it a squeeze.
“Wouldn't have it any other way,” I said, leaning over to kiss her forehead. “Do you want to go now?” She shook her head again.
“The festival's tonight and I know we've both been looking forward to it, I haven't been to one in years.”
“Of course! Not only is this the first time we've ever gone to something like this together, but I'll get to see how yummy you look in a yukata. I could never resist something that adorable,” I said, pulling her a little closer.
“I love you Rei...”
“I love you too Usagi...”
--
“Hey, are you two lovebirds ready for... good lord do you two ever stop?!” Haruka shouted as the two of us scrambled for the sheets to cover ourselves. “She's eight months pregnant for hell's sake, that can't be healthy!” Michiru made no attempt to avert her eyes and unabashedly came over to sit on the bed.
“Oh hush, it's perfectly healthy and I think it's so romantic!” the aqua haired woman said, clasping her hands together and swooning.
“Rei-chan! After all this time why haven't we got a lock for the door?!” Usagi wailed from the pile of sheets and pillows she was hiding under.
“Do you two mind?!” I shouted, noticing the women were making no attempt to leave and were instead making themselves comfortable.
“No, not at all, please continue,” Michiru said, giggling behind her hand. I stared at her in open mouthed shock before turning to Haruka.
“I hope you're happy, you've gone and completely corrupted her!”
“Don't look at me!” Haruka said, waving her hands defensively. “She's always been a closet hentai!” The two of them quickly broke into an argument about who was more perverted, one which I was content to watch from the safety of the covers until I felt Usagi nudging me.
“Rei-chan,” she whispered, one hand escaping her fortress to point towards the pile of clothes on the floor. Nodding, I slowly crept out of the bed with the sheet pressed to my body for cover. Too late I realized that Michiru was sitting on part of it and was tugged off balance by the unexpected resistance and toppled to the floor. I don't know how long I laid there, bare naked and face ablaze before Hisame decided to pop into the room.
“Oh dear!” the woman gasped, setting the stunned silence off into an eruption of laughter. I tried desperately to recall a more humiliating moment in my life to ease the embarrassment but came up with nothing.
“And you said Chibi-chan got her klutziness from me!”
“Usa!”
--
My nude acrobatics were momentarily forgotten during the scramble to get ready when Hisame reminded us of the time. Michiru managed to make short work of the normally arduous and complaint filled process of dressing Usagi. The woman claiming she had lots of practice from helping Haruka with hers. Bright pink and butterfly printed, it expanded greatly around her swollen belly making her pregnancy even more noticeable. Finished with a touch of makeup and her hair in it's usual odangos around matching colored stones, she looked absolutely gorgeous. By contrast I felt rather ordinary in my unadorned maroon yukata, that is until I saw the two of us together and quickly decided we matched up perfectly.
--
“Seriously Rei, how do you stay so fit?” Haruka asked as she weaved through traffic towards the fairgrounds, albeit at a much easier pace than before Michiru had threatened her with celibacy if she didn't slow down. “Every time I see you you're just lounging with Usako.”
“She tortures me every morning with horrible stretching and exercise,” Usagi sniffled from beside me. “She's like a slave driver! No mercy for the poor pregnant girl...”
“You'll thank me when you're not torn in half and bedridden from squeezing out that little cutie in your belly,” I said with a chuckle.
“Yeah, well, I still say you've always loved to pick on me,” she said, pinching my arm slightly.
“Of course, it was the best way to get close to you without having you realize I was in love with you.” She started giggling to herself. “What?”
“Nothing,” she said, leaning over to kiss my cheek. “I'm just happy I ended up with my hentai-chan.”
“Before you two start going at it in the backseat, which is surprisingly comfortable by the way,” Haruka said with a wolfish grin, “I just thought you'd like to know that we're here.”
--
“I hate him!” Usagi said with finality.
“He's just doing his job, Usa.”
“I still hate him! It's not fair!” she continued, crossing her arms tightly and glaring at me.
“Wait, you didn't actually expect to be able to go on the fast rides, did you? You're eight months pregnant, you should be happy they let you ride anything!” Her glare softened slightly. “Besides, I just remembered you telling me a long time ago that...”
“Hey, you know you're supposed to make out while this thing's going, right?” Haruka called out from above us, her and Michiru's gondola having already reached the top of the Ferris Wheel. Usagi looked up first, then outwards, then down over the edge, then slowly, ever so slowly, she turned to look at me.
“...you're scared of heights.” She let out and ear splitting shriek and all but threw herself onto my lap, burying her face in my chest. “Honestly, Usa, how could you forget something like this?” I asked incredulously, stroking her hair in hopes of calming her.
“Rei-chan we have to get off!”
“I don't think they'll just stop it to let us off, Usa, and if you're like this it shouldn't be too bad, right?”
“It's not that!” she wailed.
“What else could possibly be wrong?”
“I don't think I can pull myself off of your lap and...” she turned her face up, tears streaming down her cheeks, “...I have to pee!”
“Let us off this damn thing!”
--
“I told you, I'm not mad so please come out of there,” I said to the bathroom stall door.
“Yes you are. You've been looking forward to this for weeks and I ruined everything!” came her sniffled reply.
“How many times have we had this conversation, Usa? How many times do I have to tell you've never ruined anything? How many times do I have to tell you that I love you no matter what?” I asked desperately, just barely stopping myself from leaning my forehead against the door. “I've said it all so many times that I'm sure you know it by heart so I'm not going to stand here repeating myself. There's a food court right across from this place, I'll be waiting there for you with a treat when you're ready to come out. I love you Usa...” With that, I turned and left, making my way across to the food area to buy a few candy apples and settled in to wait.
“Rei?” a voice asked from behind me. Surprised that Usagi had recovered so quickly I turned, my heart skipping a beat when I saw who it was.
“Mrs. Tsukino...” I managed after a few drawn out moments. I noticed Usagi coming from the restrooms over the woman's shoulder and prayed she wouldn't notice me. She did, and with her eyes cast downward she managed to walk right passed her mother without even noticing the woman.
“Rei-chan, I'm so sorry I... oh candy apples! You're the best Rei-chan!” she squealed, waddling over to give me a quick peck on the lips before taking one of the treats from my trembling fingers. I stood there completely stunned as Usagi took several bites, smiling happily and totally oblivious to the disaster that stood not three feet behind her.
“Usagi...” The name was barely whispered but it resounded in my ears like a thunderclap. Usagi's eyes went wide and the treat she was holding fell to the ground as she started trembling, tears beginning to slide down her cheeks. She shook her head, eyes pleading with mine, begging me to tell her it that it wasn't who she thought it was. “I've missed you...”
--
Atonement...
--
Usagi had tried to flee and, being eight months pregnant, only succeeded in making it to the darkened lot behind the food court before I was able to get my arms around her and calm her down. A glare at her mother told the woman to keep quiet long enough for me to get Usagi back into a manageable state. Ten minutes of encouraging and loving whispers gave her the courage to turn and face the woman which unfortunately only caused her to break down once more. I cursed myself for my inability to act quickly enough to prevent this mess. This was way too important to start off this badly...
--
“Maybe I should go...” the woman muttered, the heartbreak in her voice was almost as unbearable as Usagi's own misery.
“Wait!” I was surprised to discover it hadn't been me to call out to her. I looked down to see Usagi gazing up at me, a hint of confidence peeking through in her tear filled eyes. She tilted her face up and gave me a gentle kiss before leaning in to whisper a quiet “thank you” into my ear. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths before turning to face the woman.
“Usagi I...” the woman began but Usagi cut her off with a raised hand.
“You hurt me... You have no idea how hard it was to work up the courage to talk to you about what had happened and you treated me like I was garbage! You let him insult me and my lover repeatedly and even... you didn't even say a word after he hit Rei-chan! I never expected you to be happy with what had happened but I still expected you to accept me! To love me...
“Usagi...”
“Let me finish!” she shouted, causing the woman to take a step back. “But you didn't... you didn't do either of those things! You just stood there and watched like it didn't even matter! You didn't try to stop us when we left... you didn't even call to say you were sorry... or to ask how we were doing. You didn't care... you don't love me...” she broke off, breaking down fully into sobs.
“That's... that's not true! I wanted so much... so much to tell you that it was okay but your father... and I did call! I called right after you left and told Rei's grandfather...”
“He's my grandfather too!” Usagi shouted suddenly, taking us both by surprise. “He welcomed me with open arms and love! Not some excuse eight months later after running into me by accident! He accepted us...”
“I'm sorry Usagi... I've never regretted anything more in my life than my own cowardice this past year. I was so afraid that anything I could say would only push you away further. I didn't want that to happen... I didn't want to lose you completely! That's the truth, I swear it!”
“That... that's...”
“That's exactly how she felt,” I finished for her. The two locked eyes for a long moment before the woman ran forward and embraced her daughter.
–
Over an hour and a half had passed while the two of them caught each other up on what things had been like. It was pretty touch and go in the beginning, but after they'd gotten everything out of their systems it was almost like they'd never been apart... almost.
–
“Well, the two of you have certainly had an... interesting year,” the woman said when Usagi finally paused to take a breath.
“A wonderful year despite all the hangups,” I said, giving Usagi's hand a squeeze. Though everything appeared calm on the surface there was still one matter that had yet to be discussed. It was a question that I, and I'm sure Usagi as well, had been bracing for since the woman made her presence known.
“There's just one thing I want to know... and I'm not sure how uncomfortable a subject this is with your relationship and all...” the woman started. I felt Usagi's hand go rigid in my own and I was sure her heart skipped a beat as well. “The father...”
“Rei... I can't!” Usagi whispered frantically into my ear, all the progress she'd made in steadying herself going right out the window. It wasn't the question itself that was so difficult, it was what must come if she were to answer it honestly. I'd been with Ami when she'd told her mother who we were, Ami herself having been the one to insist on telling her since she was Usagi's doctor and would be delivering the baby. It had gone over fairly well too, the woman having already had some suspicions. However, the two of them were calm, rational people... the same could not be said about Usagi and her mother.
“It's... well... it's complicated,” I started, hoping to be able to ease Usagi's nerves enough to go through with it.
“Do you... not know?” she asked, clearly uncomfortable with the idea of there being more than one possibility.
“It's not that,” I said evenly, I could feel Usagi beginning to tremble with pent up emotion.
“Does he not want to claim responsibility or something? Because you know there are tests you can...”
“It's Rei!” Usagi shouted suddenly.
“I know that's what you say with your relationship and all but I mean the real...” Usagi rose to her feet and shook her head.
“I know what you mean, mom! It's Rei... Rei-chan got me pregnant...” The woman stared at her daughter for a moment before a strike of realization hit her.
“You don't mean... that's impossible!”
“I know it's crazy but you have to...” Usagi started, pleading with her eyes.
“Rei's a man?!” the woman exclaimed, looking at me with her eyes practically bugging out of her skull.
“...believe me when... what now?”
“But... but... she's so pretty! I never would have guessed she was a...” the woman was leaning to the side, seemingly trying to look through the fold of my yukata.
“I'm a girl, damn it!” I shouted, slapping a hand to my forehead. Despite the horribly tense and gut wrenching situation I couldn't help but laugh as I shook my head. With these two I really shouldn't have expected any different.
“Okay, you've really lost me now, Usagi,” the woman said, scratching at the side of her head. Usagi turned to me and whimpered, I could tell she was getting close to the breaking point.
“Just tell her,” I offered quietly.
“Tell me what? You're starting to worry me sweetie...” Usagi slowly turned and faced the woman, taking several deep breaths before she started.
“This baby is ours... Rei-chan is the only person I've ever slept with,” she said slowly.
“But that's...”
“Please just let me talk mom, you have no idea how hard this is for me!” The woman nodded, looking a little stunned at the serious tone in her daughter's voice. “It's something I've kept from you for several years now, a secret that me, Rei-chan, and our friends have had to keep from everybody because knowing it would have put you in danger...” I was holding my breath as she spoke, waiting to step in just in case she faltered. “It's something... so unbelievable but you have to trust me... you have to take me seriously. Can you promise me you will?”
“I promise sweetheart. You can tell me anything,” the woman said firmly, clearly taken in by her normally flighty daughter's resolve.
“You see... all of us... we're really...” she paused, a look of horror flashing across her face as she turned to face me. I cursed inwardly, having thought she was going to be able to do it on her own. “Rei-chan... we have a problem here...” she groaned and clutched at her belly. Disappointment quickly turned to worry and I rushed to her side, joined instantly by her mother. The second my fingers made contact with hers our fukus erupted around us, hers in swirl of rainbow colored light and mine in a whorl of flame. Mrs. Tsukino suddenly straightened up and tapped at her chin with a finger for a moment.
“Ah, so you and your friends are the Senshi...” she said thoughtfully, just before her eyes rolled up into her head and she collapsed flat on her back.
“Make that two problems... the baby... she's coming!”
--
The completed circle...
--
“Well, since you're not answering I'm guessing you've already gone off to bed. I wish I didn't have to tell you like this but... congratulations Great Grandpa! Well, probably by the time you hear this anyway, they told us it's going to start any minute now so this is likely the last time I'll have free for the next... 18 or so years of my life!” I said with a laugh. “We really wish you could have been here, we were going to ask you to bless the baby but I guess it'll have to wait until tomorrow. Oh! It looks like they're calling for me so I have to go soon. I just... I wanted to tell you that I'm so grateful for you always being there for me, I can't even imagine what my life would have been like had you not been there to take care of me. I love you grandpa...” Sighing, I flipped my communicator closed.
“So it's true...” Every muscle in my body clenched tight as I turned to see Mr. Tsukino standing in the hallway. My eyes narrowed.
“You have some nerve showing your face around here,” I said evenly.
“I know I don't have any right after the way I disgraced myself but...” with a pained look he lowered himself to his knees and bowed low to the ground in front of me.
“You know, I actually used to look up to you. I admired you as the competent father I never got to have... but it doesn't matter anymore. You're begging forgiveness from the wrong person, I don't care about you one way or the other... but Usagi does.” He cringed at the mention of her name. “That's right, your beautiful, absolutely perfect daughter that you treated like garbage still has a place for you in that all forgiving heart of hers. She's the one you need to seek forgiveness from... but not today... this is our day. You can find us at the shrine once things have settled down.” With that, I turned around and walked away.
--
“I love you grandpa...” came Rei's last words followed by the beep of the answering machine. The old man smiled as he replayed the message a third time, tears sparkling in his eyes.
“Such a sweet child...” he whispered to himself, a surge of pride swelling through him at the thought of helping raise such a strong young woman. He took a long slow walk around the living room, stopping to gaze at each of the pictures adorning the wall. He took his time when he reached the photo of his daughter holding Rei on the day she was born, so proud of the little miracle she'd produced. “For good reason too!” he chuckled. He then made his way to the newer photos, laughing outright at the photo of him and Usagi passed out amidst a pile of junk food wrappers. Then finally, to a picture he'd snapped of Rei holding her lover from behind as they gazed out the window in their room. “Made this tired old man's day when you finally opened your hearts to each other...” he said, letting out a tired sigh as he rubbed the tears from his eyes and left the room to get ready for bed.
--
“Rei! I've been calling you for five minutes, do you want this baby or not?!” Dr. Mizuno scolded when I finally arrived at the room. I quickly donned a hospital gown over my fuku and stripped off my gloves to wash my hands.
“Grandpa?” Usagi gasped as another contraction seized her body. I shook my head sadly as I walked over to her and kissed her forehead.
“No answer, but I left a message,” I said, taking her hand in mine.
“That's too... oh god this hurts!”
“How far along is she?” I asked, grimacing as my hand was practically crushed as another contraction tore through her. A quick look between Usagi's propped up legs brought a smile to the doctors face.
“From the looks of things she's ready to come out! How about you two, you ready to become mommies?”
“Yes! Yes! Damn it! Now get on with it!” Usagi shrieked. We groaned in unison as another contraction hit her and was transferred into me through our clasped hands. After it passed, however, I was met with an odd warmth in my fingers that was quickly spreading down my hand and into my arm.
“Usa... do you feel that?”
--
Hisame sat in front of the alter gazing at two sets of flames, one beginning to dwindle while the other blazed ever brighter. A sad smile formed on her face, knowing that things must end just as they must begin anew.
--
“The little person shredding my insides as she tries to claw her way out? Yeah, I freaking think I feel it!” she shouted, glaring at me through her pain filled haze.
“She's crowning, go ahead and give me a big push.”
“Ow ow ow ow ow!” she groaned as she made the attempt. I could feel it. I could feel her pain deep down in the pit of my stomach. “Rei, it hurts! It hurts so much and it's all your fault!” I smiled, tears rolling down my cheeks.
“I know sweetie... but I'm going to help. Focus on me, Usa, I'll share your pain... we'll do this together.”
“Rei, what are you...” I leaned down and kissed her, pulling away slowly so I held her gaze with my own. As violet locked with crystal blue the connection strengthened and a bond stronger than anything we'd ever felt washed over us. “Rei... how did you...” I shook my head.
“Give me another big one sweetie, you're doing wonderfully.”
“I don't know, Usa, but let's not worry about that now... let's have a baby.” With tears to match my own she nodded and with my support, gave another long hard push.
“I love you so much, Rei...”
“I love you too, Usa... so much...”
“One more push should do it...”
--
And so it was that as the baby girl, so full of wonder and curiosity, opened her eyes for the first time... An old man, content at the end of his many years, closed his for the last...
–
Fin...