Story: Memories (chapter 15)

The Smyth home seemed so empty had a overall feel of just something being lost in it’s hallways. The place normal quietness the place had, now seemed ten times more, no one seemed to speak or anything. Each hall and every room in the place, felt as cold as a dark winter’s night.

Susan had been home for now over four days, but it really felt more like an eternity than just that short amount of time. The normally dreary feeling of her new home had turned to one that was full of bitterness and resentfulness that she was starting to have, as her parents had already made all the arrangements for her to leave for the Catholic school in about ten days away..

Quite a few times over these four days passed, The girl had over heard them both talking as if almost as if she was already sent off as they planned the last few details out. The way that they talked about everything like this, was something that was not at all surprising to her. She was adopted by them, yes, but she had to admit that she never felt like she was wanted. The other truths behind the reasons she was actually adopted... was just a clear indication of Mrs. Smyth’s ways.

The girl made it as easy for herself as she could, staying away from her parents as much as she could... yet the hurt caused by just being the now most hated person in this family, was not lost on her.

Without Alice there, she just stayed up in her room for most of those days, her emotions jumping between crying uncontrollably and getting such unrestrained anger brought up towards her Mother. She had mulled things around in her head over and over again accented her feeling of being unwanted. Susan had gotten one of the older and more standoffish maids for her personal servant while she was still there... and that did not help any. With the woman seemingly as cold as her mother was to her, only made Susan miss Alice even more than she had been.

With everything going on at this point, sleep ended up being a luxury Susan was not getting. Every night since coming home, all she could do was pace around her room in the dead of night for hours, her mind unwilling to calm itself enough for her to sleep for more than a hour or two before she would wake and start it all over again. Nothing seemed to even help her.

Feeling so exhausted from these sleepless night she was having, the young girl tried everything, even sleeping in the nude like she had all the time she was staying at her Aunts to try and coax a little sleep to come for a change. She found that as she laid in bed, the feeling of the covers on her naked body only made her think about Alice even more.... that then caused her mind to start up all over again. Another night then went by, and still there was no sleep to come for the girl.

The air was actually starting to get rather hot one middle summer’s morning, Susan had gotten up after the night of being wide awake for the most of it. It was a gloriously bright day when she looked out her balcony door, but it did not feel like it to her. She was now mor tired than, ever.

After having her breakfast, where no one even said one word, Susan decided to go out and take a little walk around. She felt the need to be away from the overall tenseness that had came over the house. With her mother busy somewhere in the house, Ambrose still with the relatives he had gone to and her father gone off to do some business... she slipped out of the house to find some peace.

She looked back at the house for a moment as she exited , then shrugged and began to walk off. She was not worried about being back at any specific time, she had all the time in the world on her side these days. Her two tutors had already been dismissed because she was going off to that school in a little over a week. With that happening, both women’s services were not needed any longer.

Heading away from the house, she felt somewhat relived that she was away from the house, but many other things inside of her mind crowded her.

Her mind was filled with so many things, her heart tormented by two strong feelings that vied for her very soul. One was a deep down hate towards her mother... the other was a darkened cloud of sadness. The two existed in her heart, and both were not going to go away soon.

As shew walked, she mulled over everything in her mind. Susan certainly did not want to go to this school she was being sent away to, but she could not see any solid way to avoid it. Her life had became not hers. Her very topsy-turvy life she’s had since her parents deaths had just given her another very hard twist.... now what to do was her biggest question she had.

She felt like she really had to take a walk more than when she had though of it. Staying in her room all the time was beginning to effect her, causing her mood to slide into a blackened pit deep within her. She never knew such a deep and dark place could ever have existed, but she found that was in her heart... now she could not stop herself from descending into that darkened hold..

She made herself walk as fast as she could for quite awhile, not quite knowing exactly where it was she was actually going at the moment. With her mind being so preoccupied like it was, her body had simply started to move on its own, choosing a path at ransom. Putting one foot at a time in front of another ... the only thing for sure she knew, was that she was going away from the large house.

Susan walked briskly and soon found that she had already plunged deep into the heart of the wooded area that sat on the estate. As she realized where she was, it kind of shocked her just how far she had gotten in such a short time. She slowed her pace a little, as she began to notice that this placid area was now changing her desolate mood, actually uplifting her spirit more than anything had done for her in many days.

She sighed and felt something wonderful coming over her. She was feeling all of the heaviness in her mind starting to melt away and was being replaced by a sense of calmness She was intoxicated by the sweetness that hung in the summer air, its wonderfully bouquet tickling her nose and seemingly reaching to touch her spirit.

Walking on, the trees seemed to softly surround her like a comforting hug, the gentle swaying of the branches in the light winds quelled her mind enough that she started to be able to enjoy all of this a little bit more. She headed deeper into the woods, purposely not using the any sort of path she knew crisscrossed this area, wanting to be like a shadow like the trees cast on the ground.

The girl soon came upon the large pond that was on the property, siting in all of it’s crystal glory... the water’s surface looked like it had not one ripple on it, looking like fine glass Susan stopped right where she stood, and marvelled at the beauty of the sunlight that bounce off of the water.

The girl took a glance down the shoreline of the waters, finding that she was very close to the place where she had been kissed by Alice one day not long passed. She looked at the spot on the bank with a long pause, almost making a fleeting wish that she might see that Alice was sitting there waiting for her and all of this could have been all just some bad dream she was stuck in.

The grassy spot held nothing but an emptiness beside the water. The reality struck her heart, even though she knew that it was just a small wish. The grassed area told the truth of her situation, rather than seeing her daydream. Alice was never going to be there ever again... that truth once again putting and accent on things. It was as empty as her world seemed to be, a void unfilled.

She forced herself to turn her head and walk away from the spot on the bank, wanting nothing to do with the spot that held such strong memories for her... and also brought back all of the emotions she had melted away. Keeping her eyes looking straight ahead, she left that spot to the stillness.

Susan kept herself walking to stop her mind from being overrun her multitude of thoughts, still struggling to get some sort of relief for a short time. The girl choose to follow a narrow dirt and stone strewn path that was there, which seemed to follow the edge of the pond where no trees grew.

Continuing her walking, She could feel some tears welling up in her eyes, as her deep feeling of sadness started to grip her again. Wiping the drops that had started to roll down her cheeks with the sleeve of her dress, she followed the little path, never once taking a look back at to that spot on the banks of the pond... the memories stinging her.

After reaching the other side the crystal waters while listening to the pretty songs of the birds in the branches overhead, she happened to finally glance up while she came around a bend in the path. In the near distance, was sitting a small wood and stone worked house that was set a little ways back from the pond edge. The small structure was nestled in the midst of a grouping of trees, so much so that some people might have missed it all together and had passed it.

She looked at the little house, and found her mind drifting back to that one night, when Alice had told her of her life. Remembering the description of the little house the red head had told her about, made her take a longer look at the structure that she had came upon.

" I think this must be Alice’s family’s home..." She told herself, looking at the little house.

Looking at the little house for a few moments more... she was very sure that this little house had to be the red head’s home. Ever detail Alice had described the house to her while they layed in bed together came back. In looking at the small house as it stood there, it seemed to fit the picture the red head had made in her mind.

" It must be..." She said to herself.

Without even thinking it over for even a moment, Susan began to make her way over to the little structure by using a half way overgrown path that seemed to lead straight up to the door of the little house in the woods. She was not sure why she was even going over to the house in the first place, the pull that made her start in that direction, kept her moving She was a little apprehensive as she neared the place, but it did not slow her down any. She made herself just keep going, her eyes were always fixed the door in the front.

Upon reaching the house, Susan lifted the little wooden latch, and pushed the door inwards. With a small squeak, the door opened and she squinted al little to try and make out what was just beyond the doorway The bright light of the outside made it hard to see anything. With her heart pounding a little harder at the moment, took a step inside, just having this feeling of need to see where the love of her life had been born and had been raised in.

Her eyes now fully accustomed to the lower light, the room she found through the door seemed so very small, offering up little to be seen. There was a table that sat in the middle of the main room, four simply made chairs sat around it and seemed to be so silent and empty. Nothing at all was sitting on the table, and that made the silence seem almost alive. There was a stone fireplace that was built on the wall off to one side, with a large black metal pot suspended over where a fire should have been roaring away. Susan looked at it, noting the charred remains of the last fire that Alice had made, and she felt the loneliness of it

Next to the fireplace sat a tall backed rocking chair, with a knitted blanket draped over one arm. Seeing the chair made her think back to how Alice described her mother sitting there night after night in grief after the death of her father. She could almost see the woman sitting there, weeping away. Susan shook her head as her mind reeled with image of Alice’s pained face while she had told her the story. Inexplicably, she could honestly feel the sadness that this house held as she stood there.

Taking a few steps more into the room, Susan slowly started to move around to take a look around. Susan could see there was a loft area with a wooden ladder that was leading upwards to it. The ladder sat resting just past the mantle of the fireplace, looked like it had been used for a very long time. She strained her neck a little as she surveyed what she could see, and caught sight of a bed through the railing on top.

She found herself being able to imagine young Alice looking down into this little area, and watching her distraught mother sitting in her rocker beside the fire. It was a heartbreaking image she had in her mind, as she vividly remembered how Alice seemed to still feel the sadness after all of this time. She could relate to that even now, the sadness of losing her own parents still came to her from time to time.

She began to take a closer look around at the different things that were in this little house, interested in whatever was there. Her moving eyes soon came to rest on some things that were hanging up on wooden pegs, bore into the wall next to the ladder. She noted that they were articles of clothing hanging neatly there. Susan had already recognized these were some of the clothes that Alice had wore many times, clothing that she always had noticed that no other servant in the Smyth house had ever wore.

Knowing who’s clothes these were, made it clear that this little woods-hidden house definitely was Alice’s home. She looked around, and found herself feeling very much happier still. Just knowing that this was the girl’s home, made her body finally relax more and more, almost as if she was now feeling one with the young servant all over again.

She felt a calmness from a feeling like Alice was there with her, and that sense was eased her mind more than she had been since the night before the girl had been forcefully taken away from her. She looked around at the place for a moment or two, feeling the quiet that hung in the air around her. She closed her eyes and made her self not to move a single muscle, feeling afraid that this comfort feeling with being here...could very well leave as quickly as it had appeared.

She walked around the main area a little, touching many things as she passed, but never once moving any items she came across. She only wanted to savour every aspect of this house was giving her, the same feeling that she had when she had lived on her birth family’s farm. She actually had a sense of home standing there in Alice’s house, but her real sense of home felt as if it was now a whole lifetime ago.

As she finished looking around the main area, she looked upwards to the loft area. She debated with herself if she should go up and have a look around there as well. She only thought on it for a very short time, then made the decision

She went over to the ladder and began by putting one of her feet on the bottom rung, while looking up at the opening over her. Not hesitating any, she started the climb upwards, feeling as if she was excited to be seeing the girl’s bedroom. That made her move a little quicker, and was up the ladder in no time.

Susan found that the loft was just as sparsely furnished as the downstairs room had been. In taking a moment to pause, the loft seemed a little more barren once seeing it. There was not much at all.

A large feather bed sat empty at the far end of the loft, situated right under a shuttered window. She smiled at it, and looked around more. In the room also was an old light wood coloured table with a footlocker placed right beside where she climbed up. Two well used oil lamps were set on the table top, right next to where a plain brown coloured ceramic pitcher and bowl also were. The table had very little else on it, but she did not take the time right away to investigate it further.

Seeing the sparse yet simpleness of everything made Susan beam a smile. How this whole place was so neatly arranged, she could literally feel the Alice’s presence the strongest right there in the loft. She felt such an exhilaration starting to flow through her, that sense that the beautiful red headed girl actually was there with her, was overwhelmingly soothing to her sleep deprived body.

The bed had an amazing multi-coloured comforter draped over its entire length, the patchwork that it was made up with showed how exquisite it was. The artistry of how the colours and forms that it made, showed the fact that it had such a character to it. Whoever had made this wonderful comforter quilt, had obviously made it with a great amount of care and had put so much love with each and every stitch that had went into it.

The comforter and the pureness of everything in the loft, gave the brown haired girl a sense that this was once, a true home. She smiled at the thought, as it made her feel closer to Alice the longer she stood there and admired it all..

The girl made her way over to the bed, wanting to look at that comforter even closer. She touched the comforter withe just her fingertips, feeling just how soft and fluffy it was. It started to remind her again of the quilt that had been on her bed she had at the farm, the one that her mother had spent so many tireless weeks making just for her, she had watched her mother do that from start to finish.

It was a bitter sweet memory for Susan, one that made her feel so sad, but at the same time almost happily peaceful at the same time. It was a reflection of those times that came to her, and she found herself thankful just for being reminded of them in such a way. She only wished that she could tell it all to Alice.

Susan paused for awhile more, looking down at the bed. With a small sigh, she laid herself down the soft surface, wanting to experience it for just a moment. She moved her head and pushed her face into the single large pillow at the head. She was sure that Alice would have never minded her doing this, and let whole body sink even more into the beds inviting softness.

The pillow was so very soft as her face settled deep into it, enveloping her in its downy hold. The girl then found the familiar scent of Alice was still was held in the pillow filling her nose. Breathing in deeply once she had realized the sent was there, sh found that it was the most pleasant thing she had ever came across. She let herself take a second long whiff of the muskiness, causing her mind to flash an image of the girl straight into her heart. It brought back just how much she was missing the girl, that it brought a few tears for her.

" It is almost like you are right here with me, My darling Alice." She whispered into the pillow, even through the longing she was feeling... she was glad that this was making her even think of the red haired beauty.

She layed there for awhile, not wanting to move herself. She felt her own tears wetting the pillow under her face, and finding that those drops brought a littler more stronger release of Alice’s smell to her. She was sure that it was a gift for her.

After awhile longer, Susan sat up with a jerk and shook her head. She now wanted to stop herself crying anymore than she already had. She was enjoying exploring Alice’s little house, she was not wanting to feel in any way sad with it... not right now. She only wanted to hold on to the feeling of closeness he had with the girl she loved, even if it was because of her searching the small house. She wanted hold on to it forever, but she already knew that this sense of closeness would end up being fleeting.

Deciding just to make it all last for at least a little bit longer, Susan made herself just sit there on the edge of Alice’s bed, listened blissfully to the silence held by the little house beside the pond. As she listened with her eyes closed, she felt that a wonderful feeling of peace flow through herself. She opened her eyes and looked around, and almost was able to see the peace that was there.

Something then caught her eye, as if she noticed something that seemed familiar. She looked around find whatever it was, then her eyes fell on the footlocker she had passed getting into the loft, drawn there by something. She stared at the rectangular box for many long moments, trying to figure out just what had caught her... but had not seen it yet.

Susan soon came to realize that there were a few things piled neatly on top of the worn wood lid. They looked to her like they were just some more old clothes that were stacked there, yet there was something about them, something that had caught her eye. She slowly rose from the bed and made her way over to the footlocker, now way more curious to find out what these clothes were.

As she neared, she got a weird sense that she already knew exactly what these things were, even though for the life of her could not figure it out. She made herself move a little quicker across the loft floor, wanting nothing more that to quench her rising curiosity with the pile.

She looked at the stack for a second, and her mind finally came to piece together the puzzle. The girl found that these clothes stacked there were actually her clothes. Ever piece that was folded there, were the exact same ones that she had came to the estate with a few months now. It was so odd to have found them here, in the little house of Alice’s.

She flipped thought the pile with finger that trembled significantly. She was so amazed to actually be even seeing them all again, after her new mother had taken such steps to have them taken from her, when the new wardrobe was given to her..

Susan found that both of the dresses that had been made by her mother were there, along with her old under things along with her favourite bonnet she always use to wear. She lifted each article of clothing one by one, looking each one individually before she would look at another one

Everything piece of clothing looked to be so clean, also the few little rips and catches she had accumulated in the orphanage seemed to be not there any more. Ever rent she had ever made in those clothes, had been mended to the point you could have never told that they had ever been ripped. Even the coat she had ben wearing that first day was also folded there too, and it also had been meticulously mended as well. All of her clothes accumulated there, looked almost as good as when her mother had made them all for her over the years... these all had put them away for her to grow into, and had over the years at the orphanage.

Even her old and very scuffed up shoes the orphanage had gotten her were there as well, unintentionally hidden neatly behind the pile of clothes. They had been polished until the leather shone magnificently, like smaller mirrors. The soles had been replaced as well, making these shoes looked as new as when they had been given to her.

Susan could only stand there and smile at the pile of clothes, feeling so amazed with it. Alice clearly had taken such a great amount of care and attention to clean and mend ever last article like this.

" Oh, My!" She whispered to the house around her, feeling the girl’s love through her deeds.

She looked at all of her clothes over a second time, and found herself still stunned that they all of this was here along with the girl’s stuff. Not a thing was missing, even thought she had came with pretty much nothing to begin with. Just looking at the things and noticing everything, made a world of difference to her.

As the girl stood there, looking at her stuff with amazement, she noticed that even her cloth bag that she carried them all here in, was sitting just under the table off to the side. That too seemed to be in greater shape than when she had arrived here at the Smyth house. She pondered all of this, and wondered why Alice would have been keeping her things like this, and tried to figure out what it all meant.

Standing there for a few moments more, she realized something for herself... that it did not matter one bit the why she had done all of this with her things, just that Alice had did that out of pure love... that was what mattered.

She picked up her cloth bag and started to stuff all of her found belongings into it, all the while not understanding why she was actually doing it in the first place. She lovingly packed them all the way in quick fashion, then lifted the bag, feeling the comfort that came from having them all in the first place. She looked around the loft one more time, taking in the sense that Alice was there one last time.

As she turned to head back down the ladder, Susan caught sight of a little locket that was laying on the table. She knew that it was not hers, as she never owned any sort of jewellery in her life... but that little trinket sitting there on the table seemed to make her stop to just look at it more carefully.

The little thing was a little tarnished heart made out of silver hooked on to a very dainty metal chain. A flash came to her as she remembered back, Alice had been wearing this locket on that one day they had met beside the pond right after her Mother’s outburst. Thinking about it now, it seemed very strange that she remembered that now, even though she had not noticed Alice had been wearing the locket on that day. It was as she had never noticed it back then, but her mind had despite that... now that her mind was reminding her that the girl had been wearing it then, she could only look at it with a sense of great reverence.

For some odd reason she picked the locket and chain up and held it up. Examining it visually, her eyes quickly went over the little design that was etched so clearly on its shiny surface. The etching was of a sunset with a little shadow of a girl in the foreground. The figure seemed to be sitting on what appeared to be a rock, watching with a feeling of wonder as the sun set in the sky. She saw the great detail in the picture, and knew that this was made especially for someone.

She smiled as the piece of jewellery, as it instantly made her heart feel more connected to Alice. She began to think back to the time at the pond’s edge with the pretty girl sitting at her side, and reminded of the long passionate kiss she had gotten., and then thought of the nights she held her close. She could feel her heart swelling up with love all over again, and yearned to feel her love against her one more time.

She closed her hand around the locket firmly, revelling in the simple feel of it in her palm. The silver felt a little cool on her skin, making the feelings even more strong inside of her. She held the bauble close to her heart for a moment or two, as if she was drawing something from it straight into her very being. She did feel the happiness from it overwhelm her heart, and it made her feel very soothed.

Unexplainably, she found herself lovingly tucking away the little locket into a small pocket just on the inside her cloth bag. It was as if she was needing to take this little bauble with her... yet she did not really understand the reason why she was feeling that need.

With her bag’s wooden handles firmly in hand, Susan took a look around the loft one last time, then started the climb down the ladder.

She left the remainder of the house completely untouched and left the place to the silence of the woods outside. She made sure the door was closed as tightly as possible before heading down the worn path back to the edge of the pond to follow it back into the woods, taking only one last look back at it before doing so.

The handles of her bag griped tightly in her hand, Susan made a beeline through the woods and straight to the house, feeling like she had to stash all of her stuff away before being seen by her mother. She knew that having all of these things again would not go over too well, considering what had gone on in the city.