The white ship sailed, its hull an incredible shining light against the horizon. It was ornately decorated, yet looked natural, like a white shell or rock formation cutting through the ocean. Its sails flapped in the wind, carrying the ship forward towards its next destination, wherever that might be.
On the deck, women mulled about, carrying out their duties to keep the ship on its way. They were all dressed in white, and many carried swords at their sides. Yet each one also had love in their eyes, kindness on their faces, welcoming smiles. They all made their way toward the edge of the deck, looking overboard at some distant crop of land on the horizon.
There was a voice at the corner of this vision, but the girl named Arietta curled deeper into herself and continued to dream of the white ship. A sanctuary, a place for her to escape where she could not only be safe, but where she could take control and fight back at those who had wronged her. Those who sought to take everything from her. Those who believed love was a crime.
Still, the voice was insistent, determined to rip her from her dream, “Arietta,” came the whisper, “Wake up, Ari. We can’t stay here much longer.”
She opened her eyes only because she knew that it was her love calling her, the sweet, sad voice of Selesti coming to her ears, and that Selesti needed her to respond at once.
“Selesti, I know. I know we have to part,” Arietta said sleepily, as she became aware of Selesti’s arms warmly wrapped around her. She cuddled deeper into those arms she loved and tried to ignore the painful reality that was racing towards her.
“Arietta, stop it,” Selesti said, and swiftly withdrew her embrace, leaving Arietta feeling naked and exposed. “We need to go, now. The guards are on patrol already. It’s only a matter of time before we are found. Do you want to be accused of indecency and executed?”
“I want to stop running,” Arietta said, “I’m tired of hiding in barns and sneaking in windows like I’m a thief, of having to part from you for months at a time. I’m sick of the fact that we never have time to talk, that all we have time for is quick intimacy before we part. I feel like we’re losing everything that we had. Everything that bound us together.”
“I can’t help it that the Decency Guard are cracking down on us,” Selesti said, “The Moral Reforms of the Council are what have destroyed us. Don’t blame me for it.”
“I’m sorry, Selesti,” Arietta said, “I’m not mad at you. I’m just frustrated. I keep dreaming about the white ship. I wish we could find it. I wish we could get away from here...”
“The white ship is just a myth,” Selesti said, “It’s a rumor you heard, embellished by your desire for a sanctuary. You need to forget about it. Dreams will only endanger you.”
“I don’t believe that,” Arietta said, “If it’s just a rumor, then why did the Council make it a Forbidden Topic?”
“Even a rumor can be dangerous to politicians,” Selesti said. She was dressing and tying back her long, black hair even as they were talking, “This is still a democracy, and politicians still need people to vote for them. It’s embarrassing to their Moral Reforms if a group of lesbians manages to exist outside their jurisdiction, and not get forced into line. They want us to disappear, to no longer exist, to further their theory that homosexuality is just a social construct. They don’t want people to think that we’re just being forced into exile because of their laws. They want the people to believe that we never really existed.”
Arietta sighed, “But everybody knows the truth. If we get caught, we’ll be executed behind closed doors. So why do good people continue to vote for the Moral Reforms?”
“The Council’s financial policies have been hugely successful, in part because they have the backing of other conservative nations. As long as the majority of people are prospering, they’ll ignore what they consider to be things that don’t concern them in order to continue living a comfortable life.” Selesti finished dressing, “Arietta, you must put it out of your mind. The wind will change someday, but we need to be patient and sit out this current upsurge of extreme fundamentalism.”
“How long must we wait? Until all our brothers and sisters have been put to death?” Ari was still naked, but there was a fire in her blue eyes, “I won’t just stand by and watch this happen. I’ll find the white ship myself if I have to, and join their crew to overthrow this government!”
“You don’t even know if that’s what they want,” Selesti said, shaking her head, “Ari, I must go. Linger here if you must, but I’ll be missed if I hang around much longer. I love you, Arietta. I just want to get through these dark days. Goodbye.” She hung her head low as she stepped out into the night air.
Arietta sat there still nestled in the hay, the fire in her eyes fading away now that Selesti was gone. She wrapped her arms around herself as she felt suddenly cold, naked and alone. She felt a chill in her spine, and a sudden sense of danger in the air. She realized she could hear footsteps approaching. She wanted to move, but terror had her in its grip and her legs would not move for her.
The barn doors crashed open and the moon’s cold light illuminated her naked form. There were at least ten men of the Decency Guard standing at the door, and Selesti stood with them, tears in her eyes.
“Is this the one?” one of the guards asked, and Selesti nodded, “Yes,” she managed, but her voice sounded cracked and broken.
“Selesti! How could you?” Arietta cried as the Decency Guard dragged her to her feet and threw a black sheet around her.
“I had no choice, Ari,” Selesti said, “I was found with another woman a couple of months ago. They said they’d spare me if I led them to anybody else I slept with... I’m so sorry, Ari. I’ve betrayed you not once, but twice.”
Arietta felt the betrayal tear at her heart, “I thought you were the one!” she cried, “I would have done anything for you...” Tears sprang to her eyes and she let herself collapse into a fit of sobs as she was roughly handled by the guards. She felt numb inside, as though her life had just ended even though she was still alive.
Soon, she thought, that physical life would end too. Lesbian love meant execution in Garania, with no exceptions. Would anybody miss her?
~
Arietta woke in a dark cell, after a fitful night peppered with hours of wakefulness and nightmares, staring at the dirty wall. The waking moments were the worst, as emptiness and despair seemed to eat at every part of her. Dreams were just dreams but reality was truth, and here she was, her entire life extinguished in the matter of a few moments. What she had said to Selesti was true; she would have given anything to protect her and the love they shared. Or Arietta had thought they had shared. She tried not to think about Selesti with another woman, touching her in the same way they had touched. In many ways, that betrayal hurt more. She could understand that Selesti had wanted to survive, it was in her nature to do what she must as she had always been afraid of death, always had nightmares of dying. But sleeping with another woman... the thought of it tore Arietta apart. Arietta had done everything to make sure they could be together as often as possible, even taking some insane risks out of desperation. Had Selesti really appreciated her sacrifice that little?
Her mind went around and around in circles until she was sure she had succumbed to madness. She struggled to focus on the moment, to find something to hold onto in the sea of misery she was in.
She tried to think of the white ship, but it seemed so far away now, as though Selesti’s words had taken it from her. She couldn’t dare to dream now that her fate was sealed. No white ship could save her now. She wished she hadn’t wasted her time in the city and had left to look for the ship. Perhaps she could have started an underground resistance movement. Yet she had always hung back to protect Selesti, knowing it was not just her own life she would be risking. Now she would just be another victim, another person who had just mysteriously disappeared from the daily lives of all who had touched her. Would her parents wonder where she was? Would her friends even care about her fate?
Arietta learned to count the drops of water that fell from the ceiling. The numbers were simple, and if she concentrated hard enough on counting the drops, she could push the despair from her mind for a few moments of peace where there were only numbers and drops of water. Then she would let her mind wander again, and Selesti would be back in her head, raging havoc with her thoughts and memories.
Arietta was in the middle of one of these counting sessions when she heard a hissing noise coming from the cell next to her. She stopped counting, and concentrated on listening. The hissing came again, and she realized it was a human voice coming from a small crack in the wall. She found the crack and put her ear to it, every limb aching at the movement after days of inactivity. She wondered how many days she had been lost in her madness and despair, how many hours the darkness had claimed from her last days. Perhaps this noise was madness, an illusion conjured up by a doomed mind.
“Is anybody in there?” A female whisper came through the crack. It was a soft voice, and Arietta felt comfort at the thought of another human being close by.
“Yes,” she responded, “I’m Arietta. Who are you?”
“I’m Elisha,” the woman said, “Tell me, have you heard any news from the city?”
“I haven’t heard from anybody since I’ve been here,” Arietta said, “They push meals though a hole in the door, but I haven’t much cared to eat. Why are you here?”
“I was captured during a raid. We were trying to free the people in this facility, but we were compromised by one of our own. I still can’t believe we were betrayed. I suppose the others haven’t been able to free me yet.”
“The others? What are you talking about? You mean there are people trying to help us?” Arietta pushed down the hope that rose in her gut.
“Yes,” Elisha said, “You haven’t heard of the White Ship? I’m a Sister of the White Knights. We journey around the world saving people who are being oppressed. That’s just part of our mission, though. We’re looking for the Sanctuary, a place of legend where all our brothers and sisters will be able to live together in peace.”
“I am crazy,” Arietta said, “I have lost my mind and you are in my head.”
“What are you talking about?” Elisha said, “Are you hurt?”
“You’re just a figment of my imagination!” Arietta cried, “The White Ship is just a dream, a fantasy. There are no dreams in real life, though. We’re all going to die soon.”
“You’ve gone crazy in here... What happened to you?” Elisha asked.
Arietta knew that Elisha was just something her mind had created, but still she wanted to talk, and so she talked, even though she knew she was probably raving to the wall. Did it matter if she died as a raving lunatic? There was no dignity in execution anyway. Better she have some comfort then to die in misery.
“My girlfriend betrayed me to the Decency Guard in exchange for her own life, because she was caught sleeping with another woman.” Arietta said, “I’ve been stuck in here thinking about that, waiting to die.”
“I’m sorry,” Elisha said, “I didn’t mean to pry, Arietta.”
“Do you think the White Knights will rescue you?” she asked Elisha.
“They’ll try,” Elisha said, “I hope they can rescue you too. You’re welcome to come with us if they do. You might not be suitable for the White Knights, but the ship has all kinds of jobs available. If traveling the world isn’t suitable for you, however, we can take you to a more friendly environment. It’s a big world out there, Arietta. The whole world isn’t all like this.”
“If other places are so safe, why are you looking for this Sanctuary?” Arietta asked.
“Our leader, the Lady Thea, wants to create a whole city where we can worry about our own issues, free from having to be a minority in another state. We won’t have to worry about having to push our own issues through. We’ll be able to live together and marry freely, and live in peace.”
“It sounds good,” Arietta said, “I think there are things I’d miss about ordinary life, though. I’m not sure I’d want to live away from everybody else... I’ve known some kind people in my life, and they weren’t all like us.”
“Well, it’s for you to decide,” Elisha said, “Besides, we’d have to get out of here first, and back to the ship. I’m not so sure we’ll be rescued. Trying to get in here the first time was what got me captured and others killed...”
Their conversation was interrupted as the door to Arietta’s cell let out a huge groan as it swung open. A huge guard, battle-worn and scarred roughly dragged Arietta to her feet.
“It is time,” the guard said, and Arietta only nodded. She knew there would be no trial, no chance to fight back. It was her execution it was time for, and yet she felt that she was not ready, not in the slightest. She wanted to reach the white ship, to take up a sword and fight for others, not die as a victim, here, forgotten, where nobody would remember she had ever lived or cared about the future of the human race.
Arietta’s hands were tied behind her back, and she was led out into the dungeon, where other inmates were also being taken. Elisha was in front of her, and Arietta saw her for the first time. She had long brown hair, with violet eyes. Her white uniform was battered and bloody. Arietta realized that Elisha had not been in her mind after all, unless this was all some kind of hallucination. She shook her head, but she did not wake, so she concluded it was real.
Others in the same clothing were also being led out. Some looked as though they had been beaten. There were also some civilians, including men. All were led forward, and Arietta followed, the guard right behind her.
She felt the cool air on her face as they were led outside, and savored its sweet scent, knowing that it would probably be the last time she smelled it. Home. Garania was her homeland, and even though it was now run by extremists, she still longed for the days when she had run though the streets, careless and free. Before the Moral Revolution, it had been a good place to live, a city full of kind people and open hearts. She resolved to herself to try and remember it that way, if there was any kind of afterlife.
They were in a yard, and the gallows were in front of them. Arietta felt a stab of fear in her stomach as she saw them. Hanging was an awful way to die. She tried to keep herself composed. A woman in front of her broke down and was hit by a guard, which only made her wailing worse. Arietta resolved to remain dignified until the end, to not weep or apologize for being herself, but it was hard. She tried to distance herself from it, to pretend it was all just another nightmare. It was easier that way.
As they were led up to the gallows, she saw one woman get kicked by the guards and led up first. She suppressed a gasp as she saw who it was - Selesti, although she was almost unrecognizable. She had been badly beaten. There were deep cuts and bruises on her face and arms, and her black hair was a mess. She struggled as the guards stood her on a box and wrapped a noose around her neck, spitting at the men who held her on the box. Then they let her go, and kicked the box out from under her, and she struggled, suspended in midair from the rope. Her hands went to her neck, struggling to undo the rope.
“Selesti!” Arietta screamed, losing her composure, “Selesti, no!” She dived forward, finding a strength in her that she had not known before. Even after all that Selesti had done to her, she knew that she still loved the woman with all her heart.
She kicked one of the guards and he bent over double, even as she fought with the bonds on her wrists. Guards broke free from the others to contain her, but others started to fight as well. Elisha was freed by another of the white-uniformed women, and she grabbed a sword from a downed guard. She rushed for the gallows, cutting Selesti free before turning to engage another guard. Others were freeing each other as an alarm sounded.
“Quickly, we have to get out of here!” Elisha yelled, “Grab weapons and let’s fight our way to the exit!” Arietta grabbed a sword from a dead soldier, and lost Selesti in the crowd. There was no time to talk now, she realized. If they got out of here alive, then they could work out their differences.
Guards started to spill out of every door. Arietta felt herself panic as she saw how many were rushing towards them. She lifted her sword and took a deep breath as she tossed her long, golden hair behind her shoulders. If they escaped, she could go to the white ship and join them to fight back. This was where it started. She wasn’t going to be a victim any more. She wasn’t going to hide in the shadows and let things happen to her, but control the future. To do that she needed to fight for herself, not rely on being rescued.
A guard rushed her, and she let instincts take over. She stabbed him in the stomach, and pulled her sword free to turn and engage another guard. She barely noticed the blood spilling on herself, her only goal was to survive and to get to the white ship. Even Selesti seemed to come second to that.
The guards overwhelmed the women and they pulled back. It shocked Arietta back to reality when she saw two dead White Knights sprawled over one another.
They retreated back against the wall of the yard. Elisha was fighting like a lion, blood covering her uniform, but she looked tired. Arietta fought to keep two guards off her, but she knew they were losing. She felt hope slipping away as her adrenaline rush faded, and her arms ached from the weight of the sword. Desperation kept her fighting, even as the white ship seemed further and further away. Had they come so far, fought so hard, simply to die anyway? She gripped her sword with renewed strength. If this was to be her last day, she would die with her hands untied and her sword in hand, fighting back against the regime that wanted to erase her.
As Arietta resigned to the fact they were lost, more alarms sounded and figures clad in white rushed from every entrance into the yard. Fresh and uninjured, they quickly overpowered the tired guards. Arietta let herself lean against the wall as the white knights finished off the last of the Garanian guards. Feeling exhausted and noticing the stinging of many light wounds, she slid down the wall and closed her eyes, her last thoughts filled with Selesti and Elisha.
~
She woke for a brief moment, and felt herself being carried. She looked up to see Selesti running with her in her arms, and guards following behind. They were heading to the beach, and Arietta could see a great white ship out at sea.
When she woke again, they were in a rowboat and being hoisted up to the ship, which was moving off as fast as it could. A cannonball sailed over Selesti’s head, and she shielded Arietta. Arietta curled up into her arms, feeling her heart pounding.
They reached the ship, and she was carried below deck, where a warm bed was waiting for her. She let herself rest then, but not before giving Selesti’s hand a gentle squeeze.
“Selesti, it’s real...” she started, but she fell asleep before she could speak another word.
~
“So, you would be Selesti,” Elisha said as Selesti emerged from the cabin, “Arietta told me a lot about you.”
“I suppose she did,” Selesti said, “It’s really none of your business, though.” She turned her gaze from Elisha’s hard stare.
“She was going crazy in there! How could you sell her out to save yourself?” Elisha asked.
“You don’t know anything about what happened to me!” Selesti said, “I suggest you stay out of it. Stay away from Arietta as well.” She stormed off.
Elisha shrugged and made her way to the captain’s quarters. She had already taken an intense dislike to Selesti, and a deep liking to Arietta. She wondered why somebody as caring as Arietta would be drawn to the cold, selfish Selesti.
“Captain,” she greeted her superior by her title as she bowed in her office.
“Please be seated and give your report,” the Lady Thea said. She was a middle-aged woman, with a face that showed a firm but fair nature. She was dressed in white plate armor, which had clearly seen many battles, and long, grey hair flowed down her back.
“Lady Thea, most of the White Knights were rescued, except Trisha and Sarina, who died in the fighting, and Ana, who sold us out. We were unable to bring their bodies back for burial. We also rescued ten civilians who were due to be executed. Five have already expressed interest in being relocated to San Ria, or any of the safe havens. Either way, they don’t want to stay on the ship.”
“And the other five?” Lady Thea asked, “Are any of them suitable for the White Knights?”
Three of them have expressed interest in working aboard the ship, but I don’t know if they are right to join the Knights. Then there are two others, Selesti and Arietta. They are a couple, and both fought extremely well. I would definitely recommend Arietta, as she has a good heart, but I don’t like Selesti, ma’am. Her loyalty is questionable, as she betrayed Arietta to the Decency Guard just to save herself.”
“But she is a good fighter,” Lady Thea said.
“Yes, I won’t deny that. She was instrumental in our survival in the yard. But the duty of the White Knights is to save people. If we recruit people with questionable intentions into our ranks, it could mean disaster. Corruption is what has destroyed the integrity of many governments. Do you really want to bring it to the Sanctuary?” Elisha said.
“We don’t even know where the Sanctuary is,” Lady Thea said, “Meanwhile, we lose more Knights then we obtain. At this rate, we’ll never find the Sanctuary. It was a mistake to raid the city. You convinced me that we would find a lot of good recruits because of the crackdown. But all we have are ten people, and only perhaps two of those fit to be Knights! Meanwhile, we lost two good Knights in there.”
“I had no idea that the Council was ordering the immediate execution of all suspects without trial,” Elisha said, “We should be working on overthrowing the Garanian Council, even if that means we have to wait to find the Sanctuary. These people need us!”
“We can’t wait, Elisha,” Lady Thea said, “You, of all people, know that the Moral Revolution is spreading. Soon, there will be no safe havens. We can’t afford to begin a war when we have no place to call home.”
“I just... I’m scared we’re losing our way, Thea. We’re going after the Sanctuary, but at what price? Are we going to stop fighting for others just to find our own peace?” Elisha bowed her head, “I’m sorry. I spoke out of place.”
“No, you didn’t, Elisha, and that’s why I respect you so much. You always remind me to think about the whole picture, instead of just focusing on the Sanctuary. I think for now we need to head to a quiet place and rest for a while. Set course for San Ria.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Elisha said.
~
When Arietta woke, she was alone. A part of her missed Selesti, even after all that Selesti had done to her. She hated that she was still in love with somebody who had been willing to throw her away to protect herself, but she knew she had to accept that that feeling wasn’t going to go away overnight.
She dressed in the fresh clothes that had been laid out for her; simple dark civilian wools. She was a little disappointed that the clothes were not white; she wanted so much to take the white uniform after dreaming of the ship for so long and meeting Elisha, but she knew there was probably much she had to do before she could become a White Knight. Then there was also the question of what Selesti would do. She thought about Selesti leaving to live in another kingdom, and felt a strange emotion that was sadness mingled with relief. She felt guilty for smiling as she went up on deck only to see Selesti looking overboard sadly.
“Selesti,” Arietta said, breaking into the dark-haired woman’s reverie, “We need to talk.”
“I don’t know what to say to you, Arietta,” Selesti said, “I was afraid, so afraid. I even considered giving you up altogether, but I couldn’t. Then I met Karin in the city, and she was kind to me, stronger than me, reassuring. I was weak, Arietta. I thought she could protect me. Then she was captured, and I felt weaker still. I couldn’t give up loving women, but neither could I continue seeing you without looking over my shoulder every time I did anything, knowing that the Decency Guard knew who I was because Karin had given my name to them. When they approached me and offered me a deal, I accepted it to try and lift that burden from my shoulders. I did what Karin did to me, and sold you out. Only they double-crossed me, and took me into custody as well. I know now that they must have killed Karin, too. I’m sorry, Arietta. I was selfish and tried to save myself. I’m not strong like Karin, or noble and selfless like you.”
“I know,” said Arietta, “and I don’t know how I feel about you right now. It’s hard to trust you at the moment. I need some time to process this. Will you be staying aboard the ship?”
“I don’t know,” Selesti said, “That Elisha woman was nosing into my affairs, and I doubt somebody who has done what I did will be welcomed with open arms into the White Knights. I don’t want to be a cook or cleaner aboard this ship, I’m a warrior.”
“A warrior with a fear of death,” Arietta reminded her.
“That’s why I never lose, Arietta,” Selesti said, “My will to live is my motivation to destroy my enemies.”
“You know,” Arietta said, “I always thought that you were the strong one. I’d never fought much until the other day, whereas you were a trained warrior, skilled in martial arts and armed combat. I’m having to redraw my perceptions of you.”
“I think it’s you that’s changed, Arietta,” Selesti said, “You used to be happy just being loved. Now you want to go out and fight. Will you join the White Knights?”
“Yes,” Arietta said, “If they’ll have me, I’ll join.”
“I thought so,” Selesti said, and walked away.
Arietta sighed and looked over the edge of the ship. The deep blue sea stretched around them as far as the eye could see. Out here, there was a whole new world, no Decency Guard, no hiding away her feelings, no sneaking around to meet up with Selesti. She was free at last, although it had cost her so much. She wasn’t sure if she would ever see Selesti, the woman she would have died for, in the same light again. She had been betrayed, twice. How could she love somebody who she couldn’t trust?
She let the relaxing ocean breeze wash over her and catch her hair, and closed her eyes, putting her burdens aside for a moment.
She had found the White Ship at last, yet it had been a bittersweet trade. She would throw it all away to have Selesti back, the Selesti she had loved and trusted for all these years. She was gone now, Arietta knew. There was no way they would be able to repair the damage that Selesti had caused. Perhaps Selesti was right, Arietta had changed, and she would have to change more. Without love, all that was left for her was revolution... and she silently vowed to the waves to free Garania someday.
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