Last time, on Ranma 1/2:
Ninomiya-san and Hinako are one and the same! I can honestly say everyone saw this coming.
*My God, the blinding flash of obvious truth! It burns us! IT BURNS US!*
Tsubasa actually made an appearance! How many people recognized him, three?
*Who’s Tsubasa again?*
And since when the hell was Mousse a muscle-bound titan?
*Don’t think. It only makes this harder to witness.*
Now we’re on Mount Fuji, with the entire Kasumi love triangle staying in the same cabin.
*Will they be wrestling in mud, Jell-O, or on Pay-Per-View?*
Stay tuned for this latest episode!
*I can hear people complaining about the rampant lesbianism already...*
I’m not complaining.
----
Episode 8: Training from Hell!
----
To say that Kasumi had a hard time dealing with Shampoo and Ukyo before was an understatement. The two women had been dueling over her ever since she’d come back home to Japan, and now she was stuck in a cabin with the two of them. It had only been a few hours ago that Shampoo and Cologne had found her and Ukyo in the cabin, and the Chinese Amazon was already making something for her to eat.
“Aiya,” Shampoo said, “Airen must be very hungry. Tired too.”
The smell of whatever Shampoo was cooking set Kasumi at ease for now. Ukyo was content for the moment to allow Shampoo to make them food. ‘At least she’s not hanging all over K-chan,’ Ukyo thought.
In a few short minutes, Shampoo had prepared ramen and tomato soup for the four of them. “Not very impressive,” Shampoo admitted, “but Xian Pu not have much to work with.”
Kasumi gladly slurped down on the noodles and soup, knowing that this was the only food she was going to get for a while. “Thank you for the food,” Kasumi told Shampoo, who seemed to hit cloud nine at the compliment.
“Is very good that Airen like Xian Pu’s cooking.” Shampoo smiled as she ate a mouthful of ramen. “Xian Pu make Airen many things once married.”
Ukyo frowned at the Amazon’s comment. She didn’t expect K-chan to do anything but blush, which is precisely what she did. Ukyo knew that Kasumi had never been the type of girl who could say no to a kind smile.
Kasumi held out her bowl for seconds, which Shampoo gave. Colonge finished off her own food before commenting, “Obviously, you’ve met my great-granddaughter’s other suitor, Mu Tsu. I suppose he’s trying something... different to impress her.”
“Xian Pu not remember stupid duck-boy having meat on bones,” Shampoo remarked.
“Haven’t seen many boys with that much muscle on ‘em,” Ukyo added.
“Well as it stands,” Cologne remarked, “Since Kasumi was defeated, Mu Tsu is now Xian Pu’s Airen.”
Xian Pu had already known this for some time, but was still furious at the idea. Ukyo expected to be happy at the prospect of having Kasumi all to herself, but two things tempered that reaction. First, knowing that Shampoo would now have to marry some guy she didn’t even like. Then she saw the look on Kasumi’s face. Her childhood friend appeared morose at the thought of Shampoo being married away.
“Xian Pu refuse to marry stupid duck-boy! K-K-Airen is Airen!” Shampoo threw her arms around Kasumi, accidentally ensnaring Ukyo in the process.
Cologne shook her head at her daughter’s insolence. “Our law is law, Xian Pu. I can’t look the other way just because you’re my great-granddaughter.”
Kasumi finally spoke after some thought. “So Shampoo and I aren’t engaged anymore?”
“Correct.”
“And to make sure she doesn’t marry Mousse, I’d probably have to fight him.”
“Yes.”
Kasumi took a deep breath. “I’d fight him, but Mr. Saotome spent more time with Ranma than he did with me.”
An echo reverberated throughout the cabin. Though he was nowhere near Mount Fuji, he still knew when he was being talked about. “SENSEI!”
“...Sensei trained Ranma more than me just because I wasn’t a boy.” Cologne stared at Kasumi as she continued, “So Ranma would have a better shot at beating him, but then he’d be engaged to her.”
“Why Xian Pu want boy-girl to be Airen? He cute, but Airen is sexy!” Shampoo then began to grope Kasumi to accentuate her position.
Ukyo began getting angry at Shampoo’s brazen flirting and decided to fight back, if only a little. “She’s right K-chan. After all, Ran-chan’s Ran-chan and you’re... beautiful.” She put her hand on Kasumi’s rear and didn’t move an inch.
Kasumi was just a few hairs shy of going insane from all of the attention. She was blushing so badly she could’ve sworn all of the blood in her was in her cheeks.
*Dear God, we’re starting to go into hentai territory...*
SHUT UP AND ENJOY THE ACTION!
Cologne turned around, tapping her chin in thought. “Rules are rules I’m afraid. The only way you can be reengaged to Kasumi is by her beating Mu Tsu, and it seems Kasumi has no desire to fight.”
All eyes went to the eldest Tendo, who was staring at her hands. “It’s not like Saotome-sensei will train me.” Kasumi couldn’t see it, but Cologne was smiling.
The Amazon Elder shrugged. “Well, we’ve got some free time. And you’ve got some potential.” Shampoo began to smile a little bit as she quickly figured out that Cologne was exploiting a loophole. “I’ll train you. And if you happen to defeat Mu Tsu with your new training, well, what can I do then?”
Cologne began to look through the pantry, trying to find something. “I guess she kind of wants you to win, K-chan.”
“Xian Pu think so, but not sure. Kho Lon is hard to read sometime.”
Cologne emerged from the pantry a minute later holding a bag of chestnuts. “Shall we begin?”
----
In the three weeks following Mousse’s attack, Ranma had been training hard under the ‘watchful’ eye of Happosai. In truth, this meant running from crowds of angry women with bags of unmentionables in hand. To make things more embarrassing, he often got splashed with cold water during the escape.
‘Why the hell do I have to hold her this long?’
And to add insult to injury, Happosai was requiring him to hit Hinako’s pressure points. This normally wouldn’t be a problem for Ranma, except the manner in which he had to hit the points made him appear like a pervert who was copping a feel.
As Hinako began to shrink back to her child form, Ranma let out a sigh of relief. The amount of time he’d had to hold that position had gotten progressively longer each time he’d hit the points. Today, he’d had to hit the points for the better part of two hours. At the very least, no one had ever caught him in that position.
“Why do you hafta do this?” Hinako asked as she finished reverting to a child. “I’m supposed to be that old!” She tossed a cup of coffee at him and hit him right on the head.
Sadly, the cup was filled with cold coffee.
“Oh, you’ve gotta be kidding me,” Ranma groaned as he became a she. Ranma then left the room and began heading for home. Genma had defended his old master’s ways, telling Ranma that his training would make him ‘a man among men’. Though she had to admit she’d become a little bit faster ever since Happosai had ‘taken him under his wing’.
“Whoa!” A rose flew in front of her face as he walked towards the Tendo dojo, nearly cutting her face open. “You could’ve warned me, Kodachi!”
A light-hearted laugh echoed through the air, and Kodachi dropped out of a nearby tree, black rose pedals floating about her. She laughed softly before commenting, “Ah, darling. The look on your face was just priceless.”
“You do this often?”
“It’s an old habit of mine,” Kodachi admitted. She shook her head and smiled. “It’s still pretty fun, though.”
“You still could’ve warned me,” Ranma commented. “What’re you doing here, Kodachi?”
Kodachi began walking with Ranma. “I need some help, and I thought you could ask Akane for me.”
“She’d probably hit me with her hammer,” Ranma told her. “Why can’t you ask her?”
“Let’s just say that I didn’t get along with Akane very well when we were young.”
Ranma grinned. “I guess that makes two of us. Just what do you want me to ask her?”
---
Ranma barely avoided Akane’s latest hammer assault. “Aw, come on! How was I supposed to know you didn’t like her that much?”
“She’s Kuno’s sister!” Akane was furious at Ranma’s request. “And she made everyone’s life hell before she went to the all-girls school. I’m not helping her out.”
“Helping what?” Nabiki entered the room halfway through the conversation. “What’s going on?”
Soun coughed before commenting, “Kodachi wants Akane to help her in a Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics tournament.” He took a swig of sake before commenting, “I’m not the greatest of mediators.”
“I’m not helping her,” Akane growled. “She’s almost as heartless as Nabiki!”
“And I obviously just feel so bad about that,” Nabiki intoned with an eye roll. “She got an operation, Sis. She’s not the same bitch she was before.”
“I’m not helping her,” Akane stubbornly stated. “And nothing is going to convince me otherwise.”
As if the universe decided to mess with Akane’s statement, Hinako the child ended up at the Tendo dojo for her usual visit almost immediately after said statement was made.
“It sounds like she needs help,” Hinako said after Akane told her what had happened.
“Yeah, but I don’t even like Kodachi.”
Hinako pouted at that. “Well, maybe she’s changed. People change all the time.”
Akane stared at the young girl, surprised at her point of view. ‘I’m being outvoted by a pervert, my sister, and a seven year old. The world’s gone crazy.’
---
Indeed the world was crazy, or at least it seemed that way to Kasumi and Ukyo. “You’ve gotta be crazy,” the okonomiyaki chef yelled at Cologne. “She’s getting hurt! She gets burnt everytime!”
“It’s training,” Cologne told her again as everyone present watched Kasumi try to grab a chestnut that had been roasting over a fire. “The objective is for her to be able to grab to nut without getting burnt.”
“It’s still crazy,” Ukyo complained.
“As crazy as training on the poles at Jusenkyo?” Cologne stared without any emotion at Kasumi as she said, “Whether or not her idiot teacher pressured her into it or not, things are the way they are. And it’s my responsibility that my great-granddaughter has the strongest spouse possible.” As Kasumi failed yet another attempt to not get burnt, she told her, “Go ahead and soak your hand in the snow. I can wait.”
Once Kasumi was outside, Shampoo spoke up. “You say ‘strongest spouse’.”
“I did.”
“So you no favor Stupid Duck-boy over Airen?”
Cologne briefly tried to think before saying carefully, “As the Village Elder, I cannot take sides. But as a family member, I’m for whoever can produce the strongest child.” Both Shampoo and Ukyo appeared pleased at this news.
But as Shampoo ran out the cabin to tell her Airen, Ukyo confronted Cologne once more. “So that means you want that Amazon guy to win, right?”
“You’re not familiar with our people,” Cologne said, “So I’ll say this much. Our people have ways of reproduction without men. Only in special circumstances, but if there are no worthy men who can give us strong heirs, what can you do?”
Ukyo watched Cologne leave the cabin, silently contemplating what had been said. It worried her slightly. After all, if the Amazons COULD reproduce without men, and if Cologne was training Kasumi... did that mean Cologne was actually pulling for Kasumi? She walked out of the cabin after putting on a coat and approached the two Amazons and her K-chan.
“Are you done soaking your hands?” Cologne asked. Kasumi nodded her head in affirmation. “Good. Then we can try a different training exercise.”
“This is nothing compared to Panda-san’s training,” Kasumi told herself. In her mind, she could see a panda whomping her over the head with an oversized sign that read, ‘Sensei! Sensei!’
As Cologne began to instruct her new protégé, Shampoo approached Ukyo. “You gonna try and kill me out here?” Ukyo asked. “Kasumi will stop you.”
“Is true,” Shampoo admitted. “Airen be very sad if Spatula Girl go away.”
Ukyo’s eyebrows raised as she said, “K-chan’s not gonna be very happy if you go away, either. I mean, look at her.” Both women stared at Kasumi, who was being tied to a boulder and a tree. Ukyo cringed as she watched Kasumi jam a finger against a boulder repeatedly. “She’s willing to put herself in that much pain to make you happy.”
“Is because Mu Tsu is crazy. Duck Boy always trying to please Xian Pu.” Shampoo huffed at the thought. “He probably fawn over Xian Pu everyday if we be married. Not like Airen, Airen let Xian Pu have space. Is little annoying since Airen need to consummate marriage, but it going make sexy time much worth it.”
The okonomiyaki cook stared at the Amazon and bit her lower lip. “You really like her.”
“Mmhm,” Shampoo confirmed. “Airen is very sexy, but also so so sweet. I no can believe I was going to kill her.” She looked at Ukyo before noticing, “Spatula Girl look like woman for while now. No wear stupid bandages?”
“Yeah,” Ukyo blushed, “K-chan said that she liked it when I didn’t wear them.”
“Spatula Girl look good without bandages.” Ukyo looked at Shampoo, surprised. “What? Xian Pu no allowed admiring other women? You sexy, but Airen still number one in Xian Pu’s book.”
The two women continued to watch Kasumi and Cologne. “Again,” Cologne told her, “Again!”
“How long do I have to keep doing this?” Kasumi asked as she nurtured her pointer finger.
“Until you break the boulder,” Cologne instructed. Kasumi slammed herself against the boulder finger first once more, causing no damage to anything save her finger. “Since you’re not going anywhere for a while,” she said aloud as she observed the rope binding Kasumi to the boulder and a tree, “I figured that we could use this time to have a little talk.”
Kasumi chuckled a little bit as she remembered this sort of situation from a story she had read while on the road, about a ship that was caught between a rock and a hard place. “I’m a little busy, Cologne-sensei.”
-“You have time,”- Cologne spoke in her native tongue.
“Could you find me my book? I’m not that great with Mandarin.”
-“No. From now on, you will speak Mandarin when addressing me. You need to brush up on it anyway. Understood?”-
“Yes, Cologne-sensei.”
Cologne thwacked Kasumi on the head with her staff. –“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear that.”-
-“Yes, Cologne-sensei.”- Kasumi rammed her finger into the boulder again. –“Why I do this?”-
-“This is a new training exercise, one that will compliment the Kachi Tenshin Amaguriken,”- Cologne told her. –“Any Amazon worth her salt knows the skill that I’m teaching you. The chestnuts are a more advanced technique. Do you understand?”-
-“Yes.”- Another attempt to break the boulder forced Kasumi to dip her finger into the snow. –“This bit worse than Panda-san’s training.”-
Cologne nodded as she admitted, -“It’s strange what constitutes effective training.”- Her new student made another attempt to break the boulder, and a very slight crack appeared where her finger had gone. –“Since I have you trapped here, let’s talk about my great-granddaughter.”-
Kasumi tripped over herself, hitting the boulder with her head instead of her finger and not causing any new cracks. –“We need talk about that?”-
-“We do,”- Cologne informed her. –“You see, I know your type. You will not fight unless there’s something worth fighting for.”- She motioned towards Shampoo and Ukyo, who were busy looking for more firewood. –“You’ve realized that you want something, and you want it more than anything. You’re tired of being a doormat and you’re ready to do what it takes to get that which you desire.”- She watched Kasumi ram herself into the boulder once more, the crack from before becoming slightly larger. –“May I be perfectly frank with you, Kasumi?”-
-“Hai, Cologne-sensei.”-
-“Do you know why I’m training you?”- Another attempt to break the boulder forced the crack to expand. –“It’s not because I’d prefer my great-granddaughter to have you as her wife, nor is it because she truly loves you. Though it’s an added bonus.”-
Kasumi paused from her latest attempt to complete the exercise. –“Then why?”-
Cologne stared at the boulder, then Kasumi. –“Because it is my sovereign duty to ensure that my village remain strong. And Xian Pu’s children must be just as strong. You and your friend have the potential to two of the greatest fighters this world has ever known. You just have to realize it.”-
Kasumi took a deep breath. –“You want me to marry Xian Pu?”-
-“I do,”- Cologne admitted. –“It’s my preference that you win out over Mu Tsu.”-
-“What about Ucchan? I no able turn back on her.”- Kasumi looked at her childhood friend as she was carrying logs back to the cabin.
-“That is something you must make a decision on,”- Cologne said. –“You are going to marry my great-granddaughter, so you must find your own course of action.”-
-“I no want her out of my life.”- Her latest attempt created a giant crack in the rock. –“But I no want Xian Pu unhappy.”- The crack became larger.
-“The solution is there. You just have to find it.”- Kasumi charged at the boulder, and finally broke it in half. -“Excellent.”-
-“That nothing compared to Panda-san’s thing,”- Kasumi sighed.
Cologne untied Kasumi from the tree and the remains of the boulder before commenting, -“Your goal is to break the boulders into nothing but small rocks with one blow.”-
Kasumi looked at the boulder in shock. She had only broken the rock in half. “Oh my.”
---
“C’mon, boy! I could beat you in my sleep!” Genma had begun his morning fight with his only son and was fighting around the Tendos, who were calmly eating their breakfast.
“Give it up, old man! You’re getting soft!” A hard kick to Genma’s stomach forced the father into the nearby pond, setting off his curse. Ranma could see the panda trying to give him the middle finger. The panda then surfaced and splashed Ranma with the cold pond water, triggering her (or should it be said, her) curse. “Freaking oyaji!”
(I get the last laugh), Genma-panda’s sign read as he guffawed. Ranma went to the breakfast table and started chowing down on both her and Genma’s food to get back at him. Ranma would not admit it, but she had to adjust her fighting style ever since Kasumi had been missing. She now had no one to back, while Kasumi had helped her fight all those years on the road.
As everyone walked on the path to school, Ranma found herself startlingly alone. It was an unsettling feeling that she had been forced to grow accustomed to the past few weeks. Akane would not speak to her, she didn’t trust Nabiki, and Kasumi was missing.
A great thundering began to erupt behind Ranma and Akane, like the sound of a stampede. Ranma already knew what was coming next.
Ranma put out her hands and a comically large bag of women’s unmentionables flew into his grasp. Happosai ran past him, and Ranma ran out to join him. Akane found herself being passed by a throng of angered women in various states of undress. “Pervert.”
---
Back in the cabin, Kasumi stewed over what her new sensei had told her over her bowl of soup. Shampoo was sitting right next to her on one side, Ukyo on the other. She kept switching between her soup, her two innazuke, and the bag of chestnuts sitting next to the fireplace. Cologne had gone out to meditate for a bit. “Airen okay? You no talking.”
“She’s had a rough day,” Ukyo reasoned. “She’s just tired.”
Kasumi took a sip of her soup and continued to look at the chestnuts. She knew she couldn’t stay up here forever. It took her a moment to figure out why she had been so reluctant to train on her own accord like she had with Ranma.
Cologne had been right in one respect. She’d finally found something worth fighting for. Kasumi looked at Shampoo, then Ukyo before returning to the chestnuts. But there had been another, more powerful reason.
Fear.
Kasumi had always been the nice one. She had always been considerate to everyone, not wanting to offend. Yes, her training in the arts conflicted with that, but in the end she wanted to be as considerate to other people as possible. She was afraid of being rude.
But when presented with someone who was trying to kill her, when given a situation that being nice could not get her out of, she was genuinely scared.
She thought about Shampoo and Ukyo once more. The two women adored her. Kasumi knew that she was feeling something when she looked at Shampoo, and was beginning to suspect that her platonic friendship with Ukyo could not possibly stay that way.
Everything was at risk because of her fear, because she was afraid to be selfish or impolite.
Silently, Kasumi finished her soup and got up to reach for the chestnuts. “K-chan, what’re you doing?”
Kasumi began to roast the chestnuts and waited for the fire to build up. “Airen?”
“Ow!” Kasumi had gotten burnt trying to grab one of the chestnuts. She failed once more, but did not appear discouraged. Instead, there was a focus in her eyes that neither Shampoo nor Ukyo had seen before.
Unknown to all of them, the door to the cabin had been cracked open, and someone was watching. ‘She’s beginning to learn how to be a true Amazon,’ Cologne thought with a smile.
---
*What took so long with the translation?! We were waiting four months!*
It could be worse. We could’ve been translated by 4Ki –
*DO NOT SAY THAT NAME!*
Anyway, next time on Ranma 1/2! Kasumi trains long and hard to prepare for her fight with Mousse!
*That, and to impress some babes.*
Things come to a hilt with the Ranma/Ninomiya situation! How will Akane react?
*Please say hot lesbian action...*
Creepy! Who will make their move on the battlefield of love first! All these answer and more, next time!
*Hopefully, it won’t take a third the year.*
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