Last time, on Ranma 1/2:
Akane tries to stop Ranma from finishing off Hinako!
(And failed miserably. You trusted NABIKI without paying her?)
Ranma gets asked out on a date! Without being threatened!
(And he accepted. Of his own volition!)
And Kasumi confesses! Inadvertently, to both her fiancés!
(Could it be? A love triangle that survives?)
All this and more, on the final episode of the season!
(NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! /Darth Vader)
-----
Episode 10: Everybody Was Kung-Fu Fighting
-----
So now Nerima had clearly become a bit of a loony bin, or at least more of a loony bin than it had been. All around the town, Ryoga would occasionally barge through walls in an attempt to find Ranma (one family with bad eyesight mistook him for the Kool-Aid man).
Kodachi finally realized how batshit crazy Nerima was for what seemed to be the first time. The surgery seemed to have lifted a veil of insanity from her eyes, and now she saw it all.
While she now felt like the sane man in the asylum, she was still the happiest she had ever been. For the first time in a long time, she was out of her black leotard and in a very beautiful dress. She smiled to herself as she knocked on the door to the Tendo dojo.
A few seconds later, the door opened, and Akane stood in the doorway. There was an awkward pause before Akane asked, “What are you doing here?”
“I’m here for my date,” Kodachi replied. Akane’s eyes went wide for a moment before she qualified, “Not with you. Where is Ranma?”
“...What on earth would you want with that pervert?”
“That pervert is my date.”
Akane stared at Kodachi, remarking, “Are you crazy?”
“No. But I used to be.”
Before Akane could respond, a shouting match erupted inside the house. Ranma finally appeared, shouting in the direction she came from, “Maybe you should’a thought of that before you made that stupid contract!”
A panda ran towards Ranma wielding a wooden sign, and Ranma clotheslined the animal. The sign flew into the wall, and Ranma dodged the object with minimal effort. She was wearing a red silk Chinese shirt and some black pants, both of which appeared soaking wet. “Sorry ‘bout this,” Ranma apologized. “Oyaji and I got into a bit of a fight, and we kind went into the pond.”
“That’s quite alright,” Kodachi smiled. “Shall we?” She took Ranma by the hand and led the martial artist down the street, calm as could be.
A few minutes later, the door knocked again, and Akane answered again. “Hi, Hinako. Come right in.” Hinako and Akane silently made their way to Akane’s room, walking past her weeping father and a silent Genma-panda. Once they made it to her room, Akane locked the door behind them. “Okay. My sister didn’t exactly manage to do what I asked. How many more times does Ranma have to do the pressure point thing?”
“Not many,” Hinako admitted. “Maybe one or two more times.”
“And just sucking out battle auras isn’t going to help.”
“No. If Ranma does hits my pressure points, it won’t matter how many people I suck up.”
“I see.” Akane thought long and hard before finally admitting, “I don’t know. I just don’t know.”
Just then, a sudden noise happened at the window. Akane nearly screamed when she saw someone squatting right outside. She opened the window, and was immediately relieved. “Kasumi!”
Kasumi climbed through the window and into the room, followed by Shampoo and Cologne. “Ucchan’ll be coming through the front,” Kasumi explained.
“You haven’t been coming to class recently,” Hinako complained. “You’ve got a lot of homework to make up!”
Kasumi stared at Hinako, confused. “I don’t understand. Why is Hinako talking like Ninomiya-sensei?”
Akane promptly fell on her face.
---
“Ukyo!” Soun hugged his adoptive daughter with tears running down his face. “It’s so good to see you again!” Genma-panda nodded gruffly in agreement as Ukyo retrieved some hot water for him.
“HOT!” Genma screamed. “HOT!” Genma the man ran around fanning the steam off his chrome dome. Once he calmed down, he got right down to brass tacks. “Alright. Damage control. Soun, my son is out on a date with someone or other, yes?” Soun nodded. “And that person is not one of your daughters?” Another nod. “Alright. Time for some creative damage control.” He slapped Ukyo’s back as he asked bluntly, “Ukyo, you’re marrying Kasumi.”
Soun and Ukyo were both in shock. “Genma,” said Soun, “you must be joking.”
“We are to join the schools,” Gemna explained. “One Tendo and one of my own. Well...” Genma was struggling to explain his convoluted logic. “Kasumi is one of my students... and Ukyo is one of your daughters...”
“Adopted,” Soun and Ukyo pointed out.
“But still one of them.” Genma folded his arms as he proclaimed, “It’s decided. Ukyo, you are going to marry Kasumi.”
Ukyo would have complained, but she was honestly not objecting to the concept. She had fallen in love with her K-chan, and she knew that Kasumi was beginning to feel the same way.
---
Back in Akane’s room, Cologne stared at Hinako and sighed. “That sounds like Happosai, I’m afraid.”
Hinako had explained her story to Cologne and Kasumi, while Shampoo sought out Mousse. “It doesn’t sound like I can convince Ranma that easily,” lamented Kasumi.
“Right,” Cologne noted. “I wouldn’t say there isn’t an alternative to staying a child. But I also wouldn’t say you’ve the best of odds.”
“Then what would you say?” Hinako was waiting on baited breath.
“That you at least have a chance. It all depends on her.” Cologne pointed her stick at Akane, who looked confused. “I have a plan.”
--
Ranma stood just outside the Tendo Dojo, with Kodachi by her side. “That... that was fun,” Ranma admitted. “Though I’d rather not’ve been a girl.”
“You say it like there’s something wrong with it,” Kodachi teased. Ranma bit her tongue, and Kodachi knew then that she had hit a nerve. “What’s wrong with being a girl?”
“It’s not what I’m supposed to be!” Ranma pointed at herself as she explained, “This isn’t right! I’m supposed to be a guy! Being a chick is unmanly!”
Kodachi stared at her coldly. “So there is something wrong with being a girl?”
“For me there is! I’m supposed to be manly!” Kodachi continued to stare. “It’s just not who I am.”
“It is for now,” Kodachi told her. “That magical pond or whatever made you half girl. And based on our date, it sounds like you want to be the best martial artist. Really, I could care less if you were boy or girl.”
The part about boy or girl gave Ranma pause. She looked to the door as she admitted, “You’d be the second person to say that after Kasumi. G’night.”
-----
The following day at school, Kasumi, Shampoo, Ukyo, Akane, and Ranma were all in class together for the first time since the incident with Mousse. Hinako seemed pleased with this turn of events, and had a bit of a pep in her step throughout the whole class. “I’ve got one last thing for you all today, and that’s concerning the recent spat of violence that’s been erupting in this school.” She slowly walked through the rows of desks as she continued, “Specifically, the spat that ended up getting me hired.”
Most of the class appeared a bit nervous, though none of the usual ‘troublemakers’. “Things have by and large quieted down since I came here, though there is still quite a bit of fighting before school.” She glanced at Akane and Ranma before continuing, “Now, if you are having problems with your life... I recommend you either solve the problem peacefully or re-examine your life.”
The class didn’t fully understand why their teacher was sending such hints about laying off Akane, though those in the know understood. A few moments later, the bell rang, and class was dismissed for the day. As the class filed out of the room, Hinako noticed that Ranma was staying behind. “Is it that time already?” asked Hinako. Ranma nodded quietly as Hinako brought out her coin and prepared to go through a sort of routine that Ranma and she went through. “HAPPO FIVE-YEN SATSU!”
Ranma dodged the attack and went in for the kill, immediately beginning to hit Hinako’s pressure points. “I think today’s it,” Ranma told her. “No more aura suckin’ for you.”
However, Ranma failed to notice that someone had never left the room. He continued not to notice said someone until she pulled out a mallet out of Hammerspace and whacked him so hard with it that he went flying through the window, out the classroom, and into the distance.
Hinako stared at the window, at a loss of what to say. She was brought back to her wits when she felt a new set of hands hitting a different set of pressure points. A sense of dread pervaded her thoughts for a few moments before a familiar voice sighed, “I hope this works.”
The dread was quickly replaced by relief; it seemed that Cologne’s plan might come to fruition after all. “She’s sure this will work?”
“Only one way to find out.” Hinako blushed as she looked down and saw those hands on her pressure points. As a child, Hinako had thought of Akane as the ‘bestest of buddies’. As an adult... Hinako still liked Akane a great deal, but not in the same manner. Her heart began to beat faster, and she was forced to confront a side of herself that she had never seen. She liked it, and it scared her.
Just then, she felt her body begin to shrink. She began to squirm, knowing the sensation, knowing that she would soon return to her being a child. But just as quickly as her body began to shrink, it stopped.
Hinako looked at herself, and was shocked. She was definitely a bit smaller, but she wasn’t a child. As the hands came off of her, she turned to look at a shocked Akane. “Y-You...” Hinako went to her desk and pulled out a small mirror. As she gazed into it, she realized what had happened.
“I... look younger.”
“Correct.” The two women turned to the classroom door, and watched Cologne walk in between them. “Not a complete success, but not bad. Not bad. I’d say you’re roughly eighteen now.”
Hinako paled in shock. “But... my job!”
“You’ll probably have to find a different job,” Cologne continued. “Perhaps even enroll in the school.”
Hinako continued to panic internally before she realized two things. First, she would be aging normally now, right alongside Akane. And second, she would not be held back by her age or by her profession when it came to spending time with Akane...
---
Kasumi, Ukyo, and Shampoo made their way back home, stopping briefly to watch Ranma fly through the sky for no immediately apparent reason other than ‘he pissed off Akane’.
“Ranma seem to do that lots,” Shampoo noted.
Kasumi was about to reply when she noticed that Shampoo had taken her hand. She was about to ask why when she also realized that it felt incredibly nice to hold her hand. A few moments after noticing, Kasumi realized that Ukyo was in the process of taking her other hand.
She blushed as she reflected on her situation. During their years-long training with Genma-sensei, Ranma had nearly been married off or placed in a future engagement behind his back numerous times and barely managed to finagle his way out of them. He had only managed to finagle out of his most recent one with Akane through an extremely convoluted leap of logic that was forcing together Ukyo and herself.
Not that Ukyo was complaining about the new arrangement now. But the whole fiasco surrounding Shampoo had demonstrably lethal side-effects if left alone, especially since-
Kasumi stopped suddenly as several knives flew past her head. “Mu Tsu,” Shampoo shouted as the muscular Chinaman with coke-bottle glasses revealed himself, “What you doing?”
“Get away from her,” Mousse told Shampoo. “You’re my Airen, not hers. Besides, you’ve got your own bimbo.”
Ukyo let go of Kasumi and pointed her spatula at Mousse. “Bimbo?! At least I don’t throw myself all over K-chan whenever I please!”
Shampoo stared lividly at Ukyo, and was about to respond when she saw the spatula slowly point towards the ground. Kasumi was pushing the spatula away as she said, “You already won. Why come back?”
“You stole her heart,” Mousse stared as he took out several knives. “I want all of Shampoo.”
Kasumi cracked her neck and knuckles, warning, “You realize what will happen if I win, right?”
Mousse nodded. “Which is why I have to win.”
Kasumi sighed as she put up her fists and assumed a fighting stance. “Then make your move.”
The two fighters stared each other down as Ukyo and Shampoo backed away from the duo. “Shampoo?”
“Yes?”
“Tell the truth. Does Kasumi have a chance?”
“Ordinarily I say no. Mousse as blinded by stupid love as without glasses, so he no ever give up. But Airen fighting for love too, and Village Elder been teaching her. So it toss-up.”
Ukyo wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or worried.
Kasumi and Mousse continued to stare, each trying to read the other. A few sakura leaves blew past the two, and as the third leaf blew past, the two began.
They ran straight at each other, each trying to land the first blow on the other. Kasumi attempted the first punch, but Mousse easily ducked the strike. As he ducked, he launched his own blow into Kasumi’s midsection, and felt his fist meet flesh.
As Kasumi felt the wind get beat out of her, Mousse quickly stood back up and raised his right leg in the air. By the time Kasumi could start getting some air back in her lungs, Mousse brought his leg down on Kasumi in a near vertical kick and bellowed, “OSTRICH KICK!”
The force of the kick forced Kasumi into the ground face first an inch or two, and the ground cracked around her. Satisfied with his work, he began to walk towards Shampoo, who was staring at Kasumi in shock.
Mousse turned back around sharply, and Kasumi not only on her feet, but rushing towards him. She had a fist ready, and shouted at the top of her lungs, “KACHU TENSHIN AMAGURIKEN!”
As she finished the battle cry, Mousse realized then that he was not dealing with the same woman he had beaten so easily as a wall of fists began to rain blow upon blow upon blow upon his body. He felt himself get punched in places he thought it wasn’t possible to get punched in and then some as he silently cursed Cologne for her interfering with the pursuit of true love.
As the last hit came in on his chin, Mousse fell on his back, and positioned his hands carefully. When he was almost on the ground, he pushed up, and launched himself into the air and back into his feet.
Kasumi replied in her broken Mandarin.
----
Back at the Tendo Dojo, Ranma dried herself off next to the pond as she watched her father run around the dojo, in what appeared to be a bit of a panic. It was true that her father had been a bit of a nervous wreck ever since Happosai had come to Nerima, but this was a different sort of nervous wreck.
“Ranma,” Genma shouted, “stop being so unmanly!”
It wasn’t what he was saying that concerned Ranma, but how he said it. There was a hint of desperation in it, as if lives depended on it.
“What the hell’s your problem, oyaji?”
“Your mother, that’s the problem!” He came out holding a piece of paper in his hands. “She’s coming next week!”
Ranma looked at him, confused. “So?”
“So, that’s a major problem. I promised her to make you the manliest man in all of mandom.” He pointed at Ranma and emphasized her current form as he added, “If she sees you like this, she’s going to kill us both!” His mind was racing as he thought aloud, “I need to talk to Genma, you need a fiancé- where’s Nabiki?”
Somewhere in the dojo, Nabiki’s ears perked and her eyes were filled with yen symbols.
Ranma was still confused. “What’re ya talkin’ about?”
“I signed a contract to get you out on this trip,” Genma explained. “And if I didn’t make you the manliest thing in all of existence, your mother has the right to kill use both!”
Ranma responded by punching Genma into the nearby pond. “You idiot! How many other stupid contracts have you been signing?”
Before Genma could respond, Ranma saw a second body enter the pond with a giant splash. The second person quickly climbed out of the pond and began to catch her breath. “Afternoon, Ranma.”
“Kasumi? What’s goin’ on?”
“Oh, the usual. Life or death fight, Shampoo and Ukyo, same old same old. You?”
“Expecting Ryoga any day now, Mom’s coming here to kill us.”
“Business as usual?”
“Oh yeah.”
Mousse finally showed up, a hammer in hand. “That’s right! I have access to Hammerspace!”
Ranma looked at Kasumi for a moment, and a silent message was sent. This was Kasumi’s fight, not Ranma’s. She slowly backed away to start beating some sense into her panda-father as Kasumi and Mousse began to go at it once more.
The two exchanged blows and dodges, neither giving the other any quarter or breathing room. While Kasumi was not making much progress, she was holding her own instead of getting beat into a pulp.
Mousse stared at Kasumi as he spat out blood. “Now I’m mad,” he said aloud.
“It took you that long?” Kasumi smiled as she saw him get angrier; she was beginning to understand how Ranma felt when he fought. Her smile quickly faded as Mousse ran towards her with his fists bared. “SWAN PUNCH!”
The punch came so fast and so hard that Kasumi could have sworn that she’d been decked by a kitchen sink. As pieces of a broken porcelain swan toilet dropped to the ground, she noted that she was not far off. The surprise from the amount of force behind the punch forced her to give Mousse some time to breathe.
Once she recovered, she saw that Mousse was no longer there. Instead, she saw several eggs heading her way. Remembering that Mousse was a crafty man, Kasumi jumped back into the pond. As she began to descend into the water, the eggs exploded. As she jumped back out the pond, she noticed that Mousse was standing across the pond, standing behind a soaked umbrella. He closed the umbrella and threw the device at her, and it was only at the last possible moment that Kasumi realized the point of the umbrella had been sharpened.
She dodged in time, but her shirt took a direct hit and was sliced in half. Kasumi shook off what remained, leaving her with only a plain bra.
Ukyo and Shampoo stared and stared and stared; this was the most they had seen out of Kasumi in a long time, and they wanted it scarred into their brains.
Mousse jumped over the pond and attempted to launch another swan potty assault upon Kasumi’s skull, but Kasumi side-stepped the porcelain weaponry and asked, “What is it with you and your obsession with bird-related fights?”
“I turn into a freaking duck, remember?” He jumped into the air, high, high into the air as he shouted, “It’s time to finish this! RAKING HAWK TALONS!”
As Mousse began to descend upon Kasumi, she noticed that attached to his feet were six hooked nails, three on each foot. He was coming too fast for her to dodge, and those nails would probably ensure Mousse’s inevitable victory.
If she was going to win, it was now or never. And at the speed Mousse was going, she would only have enough time for one punch.
Kasumi held back one fist and channeled as much ki as she could into it, hoping that with one punch, she could end the fight. It would all come to timing now.
Mousse grinned wildly as he came closer, closer, he could see that a fiery aura was beginning to surround Kasumi’s right hand, but he was so close to victory that he could smell it.
“Enjoy your bird technique,” Kasumi told herself, as if it were a private joke. He launched her final attack, and the aura around her fist took the form of a falcon’s head as it and Mousse careened towards each other.
“FALCON...”
The nails were gleaming in the sunlight, and were now mere seconds from renting her flesh. Her own fist was making its way towards Mousse.
“...PUNCH!”
The fist seemed to be faster than she thought possible, going past Mousse’s left foot and breaking off the fine points of its hooked nails as it did so. The punch itself landed somewhere in Mousse’s midsection, and for the briefest of moments Mousse hung in the air, his eyes wide as he tried to comprehend what was going on.
As that long moment came to a head, the force of the Falcon Punch over-powered the momentum Mousse had built up, and Mousse began to soar through the air uncontrollably. As he picked up in speed, his glasses flew off his head, unable to adjust to the sudden change in direction. Mousse flew into the distance, and it was then, as he was just a speck in the distance, that Kasumi came to the conclusion that she had won.
“Oh my.” She stood perfectly still, content to stare at the spot where Mousse had blinked out of sight. Kasumi did not stay there long, as she was tackled to the group by an ecstatic Shampoo whose head ended up nuzzling Kasumi’s upper chest.
“Airen did it,” Shampoo kept shouting, “Airen did it! Airen is Airen again!”
Kasumi blushed as she timidly put her hand on the back of Shampoo’s head. “I guess I did.”
Ukyo watched Kasumi slowly rise to her feet, slower than usual due to her fatigue and the fact Shampoo was not letting go, and joined the two as they made their way into the dojo and up the stairs.
“Airen?”
“Yes?”
They were hovering just outside Kasumi’s room, all three of them. “I... love you.”
It was not the fact that Shampoo loved her that surprised Kasumi, but that she had said it in Japanese. Neither Kasumi nor Shampoo were fluent in the other’s native tongue, but knew enough of it to say those words.
Watching Shampoo and Kasumi enter the room was bittersweet for Ukyo; Kasumi was happy, yes, but it was happiness without her. She was about to turn away when she felt a hand hold her in place.
“She take more than one wife, remember?” As Shampoo stared at her with a knowing glance, Ukyo found herself slowly being led into the room, the door closing behind her a few moments later.
----
...That’s it? They’re not even gonna show it?
(Pansies.)
Well, it looks like we’re out looking for a job.
(At least until next season.)
If there is a next season.
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