“Ok Monique, are you clear about the plan?”
“Crystal, boss!”
“Booyah,” quietly chuckled Zorpox. He turned around to take stock of the Bueno Nacho employees huddled behind the cash registers. The evil megalomaniac pointed at them, which buoyed by his ruthless reputation, elicited a collective whimper. “All of you are here for one reason: to witness the destruction of Team Possible by the omnipotent, the unstoppable Zorpox the Conqueror. After I work them over like an order of nacos, I want you to run and spread the news of my impending ultimate victory. You cowardly lemmings will serve me as I rule this puny world with an iron fist!”
“Um, question?”
Zorpox narrowed his gaze at a pimple faced teen with his arm raised. “What?”
“Are you going to kill them?”
“Kill them?” Zorpox laughed. “Kill them?! Team Possible? No, those two are too valuable a resource to just k-i-l-l. I’m going to do one better though: I’ll turn them evil. With them helping my cause for world domination, nothing will be able to stand in my way!”
“Another question.”
“Yes?”
“If you’re unstoppable and omnipotent, why do you need to destroy Team Possible before taking over the world?”
“Monique?”
“On it, boss.”
Sounds of a thorough thrashing squashed any signs of bravery Bueno Nacho’s employees gathered. Judging by the way Monique twisted and contorted the boy into a pretzel, massive chiropractor bills loomed in her poor victim’s future. Basking in the cries of pain and cracks of bones, Zorpox the Conqueror waited for his greatest nemesis to arrive.
Kim Possible. The name alone made him nauseous. It was people like her—beautiful, popular, overbearing, arrogant, outgoing, successful—that turned a young, fun-loving Ron Stoppable into an embittered Zorpox. Those bullies hounded him in Camp Wannaweep, gave him wedgies, rabies, and worse. They laughed, all of them, all the counselors, campers, and even his own parents. They had no idea they’d pushed too far, not even when the camp was “mysteriously” overrun by mutant badgers, not even when Zorpox stood over the abandoned torture ground and declared himself ruler of Camp Wannaweep, not even when he turned down a promising culinary career in order to be a criminal mastermind.
Since those fateful days, he dedicated himself to revenge against the cruel world. He’d show the bullies he wouldn’t be bullied anymore; he’d make everyone kiss his boots. The kid no one even wanted to help would have everything anyone could ever dream of. Ron Stoppable might’ve been shy and weak, but Zorpox the Conqueror knew nothing of fear or failure. Kim Possible and her meddling sidekick embodied and upheld the establishment he tried to destroy, always crashing his party and telling he couldn’t steal what he needed. Stupid justice-enamored girls…
“We’ll see,” Zorpox muttered while rubbing his hands together. “Shego, there’s a glaring weakness in her. Once the sidekick falls to my newest weapon, getting Possible will be elementary.”
“In your dreams, loser!”
“What? Who said that?!”
A convenient skylight on the ceiling shattered to admit one jumping Shego onto the counters. Kim charged through the front door, drew her hairdryer/grappling hook, and shot it at a still preoccupied Monique. Being the agile thief she was, the woman broke away from her battered clerk and back flipped out of the way.
“Ha!” she spat. “Missed me, Possible!”
“Might wanna rethink that.”
The voice belonged to Shego, and in her hands lay Kim’s grappling hook. With her at one end of the room, Kim on the other, and their adversaries caught between, the two pulled the rope tight and raced across the room, catching both Zorpox and Monique in their chests and knocking them down. However, Zorpox never fought unprepared or fair. With the push of a button on his ring, all the lights in the restaurant gave a blinding flash. Since he and Monique wore sunglasses with their outfits, the sudden burst bothered them none. Kim and Shego, however, found themselves seeing stars.
Zorpox nodded at his henchwoman. “Occupy Possible while I take care of the sidekick.”
No further words passed their lips as Monique went to work by throwing the redhead into the soda fountain. Meanwhile, Zorpox leapt to his feet and sent Shego flying into the kitchen with a thunderous jump kick. He quickly followed but underestimated his opponent’s fortitude: by the time he burst through the doors, Shego had the wherewithal to grab a pan and make a very Zorpox-like indentation into the bottom.
Clutching his throbbing face, Zorpox screamed, “Damn it! Why can’t you stay down for just a second?!”
“Because I wouldn’t get to do this!”
A massive blow courtesy of a sack of onions launched the villain into a wall and collapsed him like a sack of potatoes. The hit knocked the wind out of him, but his analytical mind also realized it also distanced himself from the sidekick. While Shego was good, perhaps even on his level when his Mystical Monkey Powers kicked in at full blast, she couldn’t dodge bullets.
Or in this case, a ray gun.
Zorpox rolled onto his side, unholstered his secret weapon (“The Attitudinator!”), and fired. A beam of light bathed the dark haired girl for a solid heartbeat and a half. When Zorpox put the gun down, he started chortling.
Shego suspiciously glanced at her hands and feet. “What did you do to me?”
“You just got Attitudinated!”
Not finding the situation funny at all, her fists balled up to deliver a whooping complete, so vast, so unforgettable-
“Don’t you feel it, Shego?” Zorpox, smirk growing by the second, slowly shambled to his feet. “I stole the Attitudinator from a Go City villain named Electronique. It’s suppose to make a person’s innermost repressed feelings surface in the nastiest, most devastating way. On well-adjusted people, this little gadget is absolutely useless, good for maybe a few embarrassing laughs but nothing more. On certain individuals like yourself, however, things could get extreme.”
“I’ll show you extreme!” With that preamble, she lunged forward.
Only when Zorpox put his hand up and commanded, “Stop where you are,” Shego cringed in fear and halted dead in her tracks.
“Just what I thought.” Hands clasped behind his back, the villain circled his captive, appraising her like a jeweler. “So strong, confident, tough, rebellious, and stubborn, yet you willingly play sidekick to Kim ‘I’m So Perfect’ Possible. Didn’t take me long to notice you’ve got a submissive streak the size of a super grande naco.” Reflexively, Shego looked away, but Zorpox grabbed her chin and forced her to watch him as he talked. “You crave being given orders by someone stronger than you. You need to be someone’s bitch, yet you put up this tough act. You don’t have to act anymore, Shego, because I’m not giving you a choice.”
Her brain told her the feelings bubbling up from nowhere were artificial. Her heart fought against these troubling emotions. Her spirit refused to give in to Zorpox’s manipulation. With tears in her eyes and her body trembling in long hidden terrors from ages ago, Shego stammered, “G… Go… fu… fuck your…. yourself…”
The villain nodded to himself, impressed. “Good. You’re still fighting, but you’re losing fast. The more tired you are, the more you’ll be ready to accept what you will become: a pliable, naïve soldier who will listen to the strongest person you know, Zorpox the Conqueror!”
The raised voice buckled Shego’s knees. Against her will, she groveled on the floor like a child who’d done something very wrong. Her mind began overloading, conflicting instincts tearing at her sanity. She wanted so bad to succumb to the Attitudinator's effects, but a single, undeniable force stopped her. It wasn’t a feeling she could identify since it was buried so deep in her psyche she refused to focus on it. Whatever it was, it was strong enough to make her not completely break down. Maybe if she held on long enough, Kim would…
As if on cue, the redhead, drenched head to toe with soda but minus one Monique, shouldered her way into the kitchen. The loud noise startled Shego who gave a pathetic yelp and buried herself against Zorpox’s pant leg.
“What did you do to Shego?”
Innocently, Zorpox looked to his left, to his right, then pointed at himself. “Who? You mean me?”
“Yes you! I don’t see another campy super villain anywhere else!”
“Temper, temper, Possible. I could break your precious sidekick’s neck and she wouldn’t even try to stop me.” He grinned and patted Shego’s head. “She’d just sit here crying, and then snap, game over.”
“Shego?” asked Kim, worry and a hint of desperation in her voice. “Can you hear me? Shego? Please, say something, look at me, anything!”
“That’s right, Shego, look at her. Look at the person you used to listen to, then look at me and realize I’m the one you should have been working for all along.” Neither voice budged the girl from her place on Zorpox’s leg. The villain, none too patient, violently yanked Shego’s hair back and forced her to look at Kim. “Look at her,” he commanded. “Is this what you’ve been fighting beside? Risking your life with? Being second best to? She’s fragile and weak. She’s about to fall apart and I haven’t even thrown a punch. Go, destroy her, prove to yourself she’s nothing.”
Fear motivated her. Zorpox’s voice dripped with strength and confidence. The way he tugged on her hair, the way he made her need to do things, the way he brought her to her knees, everything about him reeked of power and safety. Power… power was good, if only to protect herself from the unknown. A powerful person could protect her because she was weak and vulnerable.
Hesitantly, Shego began to open her tear soaked eyes.
“Kill her, my pet, kill her or I’ll kill you.”
With a none too gentle push, Zorpox shoved Shego into Kim. The redhead reached out to catch her best friend, but Shego, in her confused and hazy state, mistook the gesture for an attack. A bone jarring punch to the chin lifted Kim off the ground and deposited her into the taco condiments. Awash in sour cream, cheese, and Diablo Sauce, she had no defense when Shego dashed over and continued raining down blows.
For his part, this turn of events angered Zorpox. Honestly, he only wanted the sidekick to distract Kim enough so he’d get a clear shot at her with his Attitudinator. If his observations were accurate (and they always were), Possible had an immense fear of failure and covered it up by overachieving. Why would someone fight so hard for so many people they didn’t know and wouldn’t care about? That’s all this so-called heroine was: a dirty overachiever who privately took pleasure in her attention-grabbing accolades because she never wanted a bad word said about her.
No one would question her confidence if they never had the notion to, right?
Well, that’s where the Attitudinator came in, except right now, he didn’t have an opening.
Forget that, the way those heroines positioned themselves in their struggle, he’d have a better shot at hitting his own behind. And another hit on Shego? Bad, because didn’t Electronique say a second shot would reverse the effects? Couldn’t be sure but he didn’t want to risk it. God, why did the sidekick have to be so annoying even when working for him?!
Speaking about Shego, the shaking of her head cleared her vision by flinging away the tears. Not only that, but she always thought better and faster while fighting, so it came as no surprise when her previously shattered mind slowly pulled itself back together. More of her self-control returned the more she concentrated, and she concentrated much more while beating people. Her deathly fear still remained strong as ever, but as the last of her tears dropped away, she saw—really, truly saw—who she was beating.
“Oh my God,” she gasped, “Kimmie!”
The single undeniable force which kept her sane through this ordeal materialized both physically and mentally: Kimberly Ann Possible. Ever since they were kids, Shego would do anything for Kim. Their tight friendship lasted all the usual growing pains, but when puberty came around, it became so much more to Shego. Started that one time they were talking about breasts, like when they’d develop them, how big they’d get, and if the boys would notice. For an incredibly short but lasting moment, Shego wanted to be the only one to ever see, let alone touch, Kim’s breasts. She attributed the stab of jealousy to friendly protectiveness, but then the dreams came. They were innocuous at first, just imagined sensations of soft flesh, then they grew braver, more graphic. For months straight at all odd hours of the night, underwear soaked and nipples hardened, Shego would wake up gasping for breath and shaking with forbidden pleasure. Nights bleed into days, dreams by her side and robbing her of peace. Being with Kim dominated her subconscious to frightening proportions.
Instead of risking friendship and reputation, Shego locked these fantasies into the furthest recesses of her mind. She got a job at Club Banana, joined the soccer team, worked on the yearbook, and beat away the occasional relapse by doodling in her fashion sketchbook. Only Kim loved shopping at Club Banana, was also part of the soccer team, contributed pictures to the yearbook, and more often than not posed as a model in Shego’s clothing designs.
Denial made those tumultuous moments bearable.
But now, the Attitudinator opened this pandora’s box. Repressed lust from years ago came back with a vengeance, but something else tempered it: love. Instead of wanting to kiss those red, pouty lips, Shego wanted to see them smile. She treasured their friendship, and that strong bond overcame the instinct to see Kim as nothing but a sexual object. Kim was… was… everything. She was Shego’s entire world and that trumped whatever chaos Zorpox brought.
Kim blinked when the hits stopped. “Ow,” she winced, more to fill the awkward silence than to express pain.
Shego immediately scooped Kim into a fierce hug. Tears—these out of remorse—escaped her as she whispered, “Pumpkin, I’m so sorry, I swear I’ll never do anything like this again… I don’t know what happened and… and…”
“No big,” said the redhead. “Figured you were acting funny because of Zorpox. I mean, what kind of BFF would I be if I couldn’t see that?”
“Kimmie, you know I’d never hurt you…”
Pulling away, Kim held Shego’s gaze and gave a lopsided grin. “Ditto here.”
Blushing, Shego glanced away as she finished her previous thought. “… because I love you.”
Not understanding the full emotions behind the statement, Kim replied in her most innocent way, “I love you too, Shego, always have and always will.”
Let it be known now the effects of the Attitudinator remained as strong as ever in Shego. Kim was guilty of missing the hungry infatuation; Shego was guilty of reading too much into Kim’s words. The very mention of “love” put the dark haired girl into oblivious ecstasy. Common sense and cool, collected demeanor deserted her.
Thus, without her filter from brain to body, Shego responded in the most straightforward way to an “I love you too”: with a deep, passionate French kiss worthy of an Oscar or four.
Their lips sealed together. A charge of sexual energy surged between them, coaxing them to moan and strain. Shego plunged headlong into the kiss as she literally ached to be touched. Fantasies long forgotten rush back into the forefront, but fantasy wasn’t reality. Never in her wildest dreams did she picture Kim’s breath so scorching, skin so smooth, or tongue so accepting. Then again, her wildest dreams didn’t have Kim sticky with soda while lying on a bed of lettuce, sour cream, and jack cheese.
Damn her crappy imagination.
Meanwhile, Zorpox couldn’t believe his eyes. Despite being an evil villain with rocking powers and big toys, he was still a teenaged boy. Every teenaged boy’s dream? To see two girls kissing, yet this wasn’t just any two girls or any normal kiss. This was Team Possible, two of the hottest chicks to ever kick butt for the despicable side of good. How many villain web forums had photo manipulations of these two all over each other? How many times had he envisioned either of them naked, lusty, and covered with edible goodies? Shego and Kim Possible: gay, together, and making out in front of him. God, seeing their sweaty bodies clutching each other in rapturous embrace almost made him forget shooting Possible with the Attitudinator.
Almost.
Muttering a quiet “Sweetness!”, Zorpox took aim and waited for the lovebirds to come back to earth. Besides, with the best seat in the house, it wasn’t like he wanted to interrupt them any time soon.
Ever vigilant, Kim heard her nemesis. The tiny distraction alerted her euphoric senses, and with danger spurring her on, she fought to get back control of herself. Basic questions popped out at her (Why am I so comfortable? Why does my mouth taste like spearmint? What was I doing before this fuzzy feeling came along?); the advanced questions followed close behind (Who’s kissing me? How come they kiss so well? Mmm, so cuddly and soft, I can’t go back to pandaroo, can I? Wait, is it Zorpox?! Slender fingers, strawberry shampoo, Club Banana “Essence” perfume… OH MY GOD!).
The pieces fell into place. Kim’s eyes burst open as her arms thrust out to push off the weight on top of her.
The stunned expression shattered Shego’s bliss. “Kimmie?”
The redhead brought her shivering hand up to her own swollen lips. Shock, mortification, and embarrassment colored her already flushed cheeks. Her lungs refused to inflate while her brain kept on screaming “That was Shego!” over and over again. Her voice wouldn’t work.
Zorpox shrugged. “Eh, show’s over anyway.”
Three things happened at about the same time. First, Zorpox leveled the Attitudinator at Kim and pulled the trigger. Second, Kim, in an attempt to protect herself, grabbed a loose spork and hurled it at the ray gun. Third, Shego threw herself over Kim. The split second the Attitudinator used to charge itself up turned Team Possible’s fortunes around for the better. As the great and mysterious spork left Kim’s hand, Shego got there in time to intercept Zorpox’s shot. The utensil lodged itself into the Attitudinator's barrel.
Result? KAPOW!
Hundreds of orders of Mexican food sprayed into the air. Diablo Sauce caked the ground like the aftermath of a horror movie. Tomatoes smashed into the walls to decorate the kitchen with their innards. Cheese melted. A fine mist of flour obscured vision as much a blizzard would. The Attitudinator’s explosion rocketed the villain against one of the many ovens, knocking him out cold.
Only then did GJ, headed by none other than Agent Will Du, arrive at the scene.
*****************
- To be continued...