Disclaimer: Still not owning Sailormoon. Really. I mean it. Would I be sitting here typing if I did? Takeuchi et al. have that honor. Now, without furder ado...
Ikimashou!
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"Love is Blue" - by MadPanda
Chapter 3 - "Blue"
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Blue.
It's all Makoto could think about at the time. Even though she was surrounded by white, the color seemed so important to her for some reason, even urgent. So she decided to look for it, heading wherever her feet would take her.
Something about this seemed all too familiar to Makoto, and yet, it was different. She knew she had had this dream before...it had always gone the same way. Surrounded by white, visions of people leaving her. First, and most painfully, her parents. They didn't want to leave her. In her dream, she felt their hugs and their kisses, but she also felt their sadness of leaving their beloved daughter behind. They said they'd be back, but they never returned. It wasn't their fault, she understood, but it wasn't fair for them to be taken away from her. It just wasn't fair.. Then it was young friends, those she tried hard to bond with, only to have them taken away from her because she fought too much. They loved her, too, but their parents didn't want their kids around "a girl like that".
"A girl like that." Makoto's words echoed in the vast whiteness. She then saw a parade of young boys, each older than the previous one. Some pointed and laughed, making rude sexual gestures. Some sneered, rubbing a bruise here or a holding a broken bone there. Others cowered as they passed, afraid to even look at her. One by one, they faded into the distance. "A girl like that" took on a whole different meaning, but it still wasn't a good one. The last boy on the line stopped and turned to Makoto. He smiled and waved to her to join him. Makoto's heart swelled to see it was her old crush. He had finally returned to her. Maybe this time it would work out. Maybe this time he would treat her better, and be more considerate to her feelings. Maybe. He walked towards her, frowned disapprovingly, and walked into the distance. She wanted to call him back, to plead with him to stay, but something stopped her. In the corner of her eye, she saw it.
Whatever it was, it was blue. No, Makoto thought, it was Blue. It was the bluest of blues, no form or shape or size, just a presence, and the presence was definitely Blue. Soon the emptiness of the white she was in was covered in Blue... She felt as if she would drown in it, and started to fear it. From somewhere in the hue, a melodic voice called to her. "Makoto, please do not fear me. I am your heart's desire. I have been, am, and always will be.."
"No." Makoto didn't even want to face it, crouching and burying her head in her knees as she cried. "No!"
"Please, Makoto," the voice gently pleaded. "I know what you desire. Not just what you want, but what you truly desire. It has always been the same, and it will always be the same. And it is the same now. Only you will not allow yourself to desire it."
"What do you know?" Makoto's fear had turned to anger. "What are you talking about? Haven't you been watching? Haven't you seen what's happened to me, all my life? You try going through all that hurt, all that pain and rejection, and see if it doesn't eat you alive!' She was openly crying. "I don't want it! I don't want to be hurt anymore!"
"It's you who haven't been watching, Makoto. Your life hasn't always been about pain and rejection. Not this life, not your past life, and not your future." The voice was calm, reassuring, almost motherly "In this life, you have made many friends; friends who care deeply for you and want only the best for you. And whether you want to admit it or not, you have already opened your heart to many of them, some more so than others."
"But that's different! Friendship is one thing. Love is another. I care deeply for my friends, but I--"
"But you -do- love them," the voice interrupted. "Your fellow senshi as well as your other friends. And don't presume I do not know how much you love the senshi - it is not just out of a duty to protect them or the Princess; you do so out of pure love for each of them, each in their own way and for their own reason. They are your family, and you love them more than you would love your own sisters.."
"But still, it's not the same." Makoto whimpered. "It's not desire or passion or even the least bit romantic. I want to be loved, but I'm...I'm afraid to love."
"I know this, Makoto. That's why you are here. It is okay to be afraid, but it is not okay to be so afraid as to give up trying to love. You will find the person who will love you with all their heart and soul. You already had once, you will soon, and you will again in the distant future..... Being a senshi, your love is eternal--destined, even. You may not remember your past life, but you had a very deep and fulfilling love at that time. That person exists in this time as well, and if you open your heart to this person, you will find the same depth of love."
"And what if that person doesn't love me now? What if he's in love with someone else? Hell, what if I don't like him?"
"So much doubt, Makoto...and with good reason." The voice paused for a moment and gave Makoto an odd giggle.
"What's so damn funny?" Makoto spat.
"What if I told you it wasn't a 'he', but a 'she'? Would you open your heart then?"
Makoto sat dumbfounded. The voice had truly come from her, for it had known something she had been wrestling with for quite awhile now. "She...Ami-chan?"
"Yes. When the time is right, and she finds her voice, she'll tell you how she feels. Do not deny her, Makoto; embrace her with all your heart and soul. Do not doubt her, for her feelings will be true. Do not rush her, and by all means, do not dissuade her. Let her be yours, and she will be yours and yours alone."
"But..." Makoto was still skeptical, but something told her to listen to this voice. "Fine. I'll give...her...a chance. But you'd better be right, or I'll hunt you down and...uh, um...oh yeah, 'heart's desire'." Makoto chuckled at herself as she understood her position. "I've almost killed you once already, haven't I?"
"True," answered the voice. "But you have hope of finding me again. On your own. Now, go...and take this with you--remember it, and you'll find me again."
"Take what?" Makoto looked around for some object, but she suddenly found herself awash in the same ecstatic feeling she had when she had come into the whiteness. "Oh, yes," she cooed, "I'll definitely take this!" The last thing she remembered was a warm, wet feeling on her lips, and Blue faded to white, and then to black.
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Makoto awoke to find herself laying on the futon. Minako was no longer there, but the window to her balcony was open. "Typical Mina-chan," she sighed. She got up to close the window, but felt groggy, as if she had a hangover. She decided the night air would be good for her after all, and put her head back on the throw pillow. Her eyes caught a small note sitting on the table. it simply read, "Open your heart. Love, Minako", and had a hand-drawn version of the symbol of Venus inside a heart. Makoto smiled and touched her lips, still feeling the warmth. "I'll try, Mina-chan. Thank you."
Out on the balcony, Sailor Venus watched her friend drift off into a peaceful sleep. "Oh, I love my job," she said with pure satisfaction. She looked out into the city lights and planned her patrol route. "I wonder if she knows how good a kisser she is?" With a giggle, she bounded off the balcony and into the night.
End of Chapter Three